//------------------------------// // You never stop talking, do you? // Story: Shut Up! // by WeirdBeard //------------------------------// Hello you fine readers, this is Erwin!  ..You know, Erwin?  Erwin from Accounting?  Nevermind, just know that I'll be your guide here into the story, nyaha.  Despite what Steve said about me before, be assured that I will be completely professional in this.  The heroes may still hear me, but I've recoded the program  for a mute option on their end.  No tomfoolery here.  "Go suck an egg, Erwin!" Hey, you're not allowed to address me at all now, this is your first warning! My apologies, there may be occasional hiccups for now. Where was I?  Oh yes, the recap.  When we last saw our 'heroes', they had been put under trial by the highly respected Writers' Inquisition. "Do you mind wiping that brown off your nose?". I'm not going to warn you again, be professional. Anywho, this intergalactic council found Steve guilty of all charges and sentenced him to life in Writers' Prison.  However, his pony acquaintances managed to convince the counselors of a different punishment.  Instead, Steve became the main, or should I say 'mane' (nyaha), character of this story.  Not only that, but he's been transformed into a pony!  What adventures lie ahead?  Well, let's find out in 'Chapter Three: You never stop talking, do you?' --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "I don't even.. what is going on?!  This is madness!" Steve yelled, still motionless on the ground. "Madness?  You silly goose, this is Equestria!" Pinkie restated, playfully poking his side.  "Now c'mon, let's go have a 'Welcome to Ponyville' party for you!  Time to get up!" "Pinkie, my whole anatomy has changed!  I've never had four legs, let alone stand on them!" he angrily replied.  Steve pushed himself up with his front legs, but remained in a sitting position. "Oh you big baby, just try it.  It's like breathing, don't think about it and put one hoof in front of the other," Twilight suggested.   Steve mimicked the unicorn in a high pitched voice, but attempted her advice anyway.  He very cautiously forced himself up with all four legs, each one shaking violently.  Steve smiled at this accomplishment, but still trembled.  "Hey!  I did it!  I'm standi-Oofph!" he proclaimed before unceremoniously falling back down. The doctor clapped his hooves very slowly and insultingly said, "Bravo, bravo.  Took ya, what, 10 minutes to do that? We're gonna be here all day, aren't we?" "Don't worry, Steve, the first time is always wobbly and crasherrific!  You'll get used to this, I know it," Pinkie consoled  her friend. Steve mumbled something incoherent about ponies and manure before he noticed something twitch on his rump. He whipped his head around and gasped in fear and realization.  It just now hit Steve that he had a tail. "What's wrong, Steve?  You look like you've seen a ghost," said Pinkie, trying to figure out what was up. Steve whispered, "I have a tail." "Beg pardon?" Twilight asked, raising an eyebrow. "I have a tail," he whispered again, even quieter. "And the last horse crosses the finish line.  What next, are you going to say the sky is blue?" Doctor Whooves sarcastically asked. "A TAIL!  Do you not understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?!  It's a glorified butt limb and OHMYGAWDIT'SMOVING, ITCANSMELLFEAR!" Steve cried out, covering his eyes.   Twilight and Whooves stared in disbelief.  Even Pinkie was thrown out of loop and could only mutter, "..whaa.."  Steve rolled his eyes and spat, "Oh yeah, sure, let's see how well you'd take a freaky change like this.  Betcha that you'd go berserk if you got thumbs." "Pony up, ya nancy, ponies are gonna think you're nuts," the doctor chastised. "Your face is nuts!" Steve childishly argued. "We're getting nowhere fast, let's at least go somewhere more comfortable," Twilight reasoned. "I still can't walk!" he replied. "Never fear, Pinkie's here!" Pinkie triumphantly shouted. She effortlessly picked Steve up and placed him on her back. To say that he was uncomfortable about this was a massive understatement. Even worse than saying that I only 'like' accounting. Hint: I love it, nyaha. ("GET ON WITH IT, ERWIN."). Right, sorry counselors. Steve awkwardly flailed about on Pinkie until he plopped back onto the ground. "No, no, and a million times no! Nopony is carrying me now or ever! I have still have my pride, dangit," he snarled. "Said the coward who's afraid of his tail. Fine then, how do you intend on moving?" Doctor Whooves asked. Steve thought for a while. His face brightened considerably when an idea came to him. "C'mon, follow me," he beckoned, crawling along in the grass. The three ponies watched him for a moment before bursting into laughter. Pinkie collapsed from giggling so much while Twilight and Whooves held each other up. "Are you serious?" questioned Twilight, taking a quick breath. "What?! Do you have a better idea?" Steve interrogated. Whooves chortled, but managed to respond, "Oh oh, I know! Let's get a wagon for him! We can pull him and it'll be like a parade, he'll look so adorable!". The trio laughed even louder while Steve glared at them. He shook his head and retorted, "Because that won't draw attention at all!" "Have you seen yourself? You look like you you've had too much cider! Everypony will notice you!" Pinkie Pie joked, still rolling on the grass. "I'll be drinking a lot more than cider once this is all over. To the library, I need answers," Steve muttered. He continued crawling as his audience tried to contain their laughter and followed him. Whether he cared anymore or not, Steve crawled into Ponyville still on his belly. It was mid-day and just about everypony and their cat and dog were out enjoying the nice weather. Or as Steve would have phrased before, 'it was hella' busy.'. Just as Pinkie Pie had predicted, Steve stuck out like Waldo on an empty page. Every mare and stallion were either whispering about, laughing at, or straight-up ignoring the newcomer. That ol' Steve just kept chugging along; chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga, toot toot! Even when the guerillas rigged the bridge with plastic explosi-("YOU'RE RAMBLING AGAIN, CEASE AND DECIST. BESIDES, NOBODY HAS SEEN THAT MOVIE BUT YOU, ERWIN."). My sincerest apologies, Steve's attitude is rather infectious, nyaha. Unfortunately for Steve, his path was suddenly blocked by a peculiar and distraught pony. The cream-colored mare bent down to inspect him, scrutinizing Steve's very existence. Steve nervously chuckled. "Uhh.. hi?" She jumped immediately back in fear and cried, "Disease pony! Run for your lives!" This herald of catastrophe galloped away, every other pony following suit. Soon the town was completely empty and devoid of any life save our four heroes. Steve remained motionless on the grass. "..disease pony? What the hay was that all about?" he asked cluelessly. "Well, I was gonna pin it as an excuse for you crawling on the ground, but I think it's because you're a full-grown pony and lack a cutie mark," Pinkie stated matter-of-factly. "What?!" Steve shouted, whipping his head around in a close 180. Sure as the nose on his face, Steve was a blank flank. "What?!" "Dangit, Pinkie, I wanted a camera ready for his reaction," Doctor Whooves joked, still chuckling from it all. Steve shook his head back and forth to his accomplices. "This doesn't make sense though! I'm a writer, writing's my talent, it should be my cutie mark!" he proclaimed. "Maybe something else is your talent," Twilight replied. "No way, I've been writing my whole life. It's the only thing I've done!" The doctor chuckled again, "Coulda fooled me, you sure suck at it." Alright, children, all together now: "SHUT UP!" ------- (A/N: http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/16804)