An Account of the Origin of the Mad Mud Army
By A Random Guy
Everyone at some point needs to let out their emotions in some way, even seemingly emotionless ponies like Maud Pie. Unfortunately, some ponies are unaware of this fact, like the two ponies that were withering in pain on the floor at Maud’s feet. Fortunately, life has a way of teaching ponies these kinds of lessons.
The aforementioned ponies were just doing their job like any other day when they learnt their lesson. They received their orders to raise the elevator they guarded to the top floor, where a stoic faced Maud was waiting for them. They never seen her before, but that wasn’t a reason to deviate from their contract of operating the elevator.
It was when they closed the wired-fence doors and lowered the elevator that they discovered that Maud had trouble dealing with pent up anger in a nondestructive manner, though she was clever about how she released it. When the elevator was deep in the tunnel it descended into, the pony guards toppled over from an overload from the pain sensors nerves in their groin areas. If it wasn’t for the obnoxious rusty screech the elevator made as it moved, any pony that was outside the elevator shaft would have heard two extremely feminine screams the precise moment Maud preformed two strategically-placed judo chops.
The elevator guards learnt their lesson for the day.
Now that the stoic geologist had a chance to vent her frustrations, she had time to admire the minerals that composed the elevator shaft. The elevator itself was made almost entirely of wire fencing, so analyzing the elements outside the walls came with almost no trouble. The big thing she noticed was that the rock that was moving past her was white, but it was the kind of white that sparkled when a light was shone on it, like a field of snow in the early winter morning. She concluded that the walls were made of salt, seeing that salt was a big export in the region she was in.
Before she could inspect the rock any further, the elevator came to a jarring halt at the bottom of the shaft, after which the doors opened to reveal a grand chasm of salt. The ceiling was supported by high pillars- made of the white mineral- that lined the walls. Rows and columns of cubbies were evenly carved into the sides of the room, each holding a lit candle that cast a dim light against all the salty surfaces. The most notable feature to Maud wasn’t the architecture or the poor lighting, which she couldn’t care less about. What did peak her interest was how all the salty surfaces were sprinkled with green twinkles, sparkling in the warm candlelight. Judging how the light reflected off the glitter, Maud could tell that the green twinkles were grains of emerald infused into the salt rock.
“Buenos noches, señora,” a guard geeted her as he leaned out from a wall outside of the elevator. “La Presidente is waiting for you…” A concern look came across the guards face as his fallen comrades caught his attention on the floor.
Maud nodded as she stepped over the fallen comrades. She ignored the guard as she walked by him, who had rushed in afterwards to assist the injured. With each step she took, her foot sunk a half of an inch deep into a loose layer of salt. As she walked into the chasm, she got a better view of the downward sloping floor, which was set at a rather extreme angle. Benches that were carved out of the stone stood in rows on either side of a central stairway. At the bottom of the slope the floor leveled off at the base of a large salt sculpture of a pony with emerald eyes. At the foot of the sculpture was a kneeling mare, a mare that was as purple as grapes and dressed in a business suit.
The mare rose from her position, turning to meet the geologist as she walked down the steps. Her lavender mane was tied back in a bun, leaving her face clear and her harsh cyan eyes to greet her cousin. “Buenos noches, Maud,” she said looking up at the approaching pony. “I hope that there were no troubles during your trip.”
“My visit to the infamous Salt Mine Cathedral would make any trip worth the trouble,” she responded in her trademark monotone voice, “If it wasn’t for the fact that I’m only here because of you, Uva.”
Uva tilted her head, putting on her best expression of fake hurt. “Now, that’s no way to talk to your cousin, is it, much less the presidente of a sovereign nation?”
Maud stopped walking as she reached the bottom of the steps. “Why should I consider you my cousin?” she asked, “You threatened my sister in order to make me come. No real cousin would even think of that.” Even with her monotonous tone, Uva could feel the venom spit out of her voice.
Despite the geologist’s words, the Presidente de Bronxico shrugged off the family tensions. “Haces que haces. Don’t think of it as a threat towards your sister. Think of it as an… an invitation to understanding a controversial topic.”
“Let’s just be clear about one thing.” Maud walked up to the president, getting as close to face as possible. She shoved a hoof against the purple mare’s suit hard enough to knock the air out of the pony, all without breaking her gaze or her eternal expression. “Do not hurt Pinkie.”
“First off, cough,” Uva gasped as she recovered from the powerful shove, “do not touch me. Segunda, do not get in my face.” She pushed the geologist back, regaining her personal space in the process. “Tercera, that means third you maldito plebeyo, I will hurt her if I have to. Do not make it so I have to.”
“You can’t hurt her if I take you down first.”
“Go ahead. Lúchame!” Uva seethed as she closed the distance between their faces. “See what happens if you defy me! I want you to watch your sister’s best friend hurt her.”
Maud’s stoic face didn’t crack her expression, nor did she crack away from the stare. “What do you mean ‘her best friend’?”
“I mean that all I have to do is give the word, and the next time you see your sister she’ll be a bloody mess and her closest amigo will be standing on top of it. Comprende?”
Maud kept her eyes locked on her cousin’s, throwing all her willpower against the purple mare’s arid glare. It took all the same willpower to hold back from socking the president in the face. The stare duel waged on, and may have waged on longer, but Maud caved in out of personal virtue, giving a reluctant nod in response.
“Bueno.” A smirk came across Uva’s face as she backed off from the standoff. “You know what you’re here for. Begin the ritual.”
“I don’t have the necessary items to do what the postcard asked me to do.”
“Por el amor de Carne, look around you!” Uva snapped as she swung her foreleg out, gesturing to the grand chasm around them. “I know you noticed what the walls are made out of: salt with emerald particulates! You got your common material and your rare material, both wrapped in a nice big package! It’s a summoner’s wet dream!”
Maud looked around at her surrounding, admiring the white stone with the green glint mixed in once again. “I can see that. But it’s all useless if I don’t have something to inscribe with.”
“Didn’t you bring a pen?”
“I tried bringing a knife, but your customs system confiscated it when I got to the city. Shame, it was one of my better ones.”
“Ah, sí, I can see how that may be a problem.” Uva tapped her chin as she looked around the chasm, trying to see if anypony forgot a sharp cutting instrument after a virgin sacrifice. “What do you need to carve into with the knife? Can’t you just draw on a piece of paper or something?”
“I need to be able to make an imprint of a sigil in the common material.”
“You’re kidding, sí?” Uva deadpanned. “You’re standing on salt for Carne’s sake. It’s not exactly the hardest material in the world. Just stomp an imprint out with your hoof. I know you have the strength.”
“It won’t be as precise or as powerful if I do that.”
“I don’t care right now. It’s just a demonstration. Stop stalling.”
Muad gave her cousin a brief glare, and then looked down as she began dragging her hoof through the loose top layer of salt, tracing a circle in the process. When she completed the circle, she began drawing designs within it. Uva watched as Maud formed her designs, observing her hoof work the salt, bouncing off from the edges of the circle, making shallow ditches and throwing the mineral around.
“That’s done,” Muad declared as she lifted her hoof from the sigil. Uva was surprised how simple the finished work was, which seemed to be only a four-point star engraved in the center of the circle. The emerald particulates gave it a jade shimmer, but nothing that could compare to a real star in the night sky.
“That’s a lovely drawing. Why isn’t it doing anything?”
“For once in your life, Uva, be at least a little patient. You haven’t given me a chance to speak the enchantment.”
“Speak it then,” Uva demanded. “I don’t have all day.”
Muad gave the president another little glare, then returned to looking back at the sigil. She cleared her throat as she prepared her incantation. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath in through her nose, and then out through her mouth, clearing her mind of any distraction. She raised a hoof over the sigil, keeping it parallel above the floor, and opened her mouth to pour out her first words of the process.
“Oh great universe,” she began, her voice booming through the chasm, her face remaining lacking in any enthusiasm of any kind. “Take these materials, this salt and the emerald within, and bring me a warrior from another time!”
Her booming voice echoed through the chamber, fading out as it bounced around the walls. When it died out, leaving the chasm in a calm hush, Maud opened her eyes and lowered her hoof. “The ritual is complete.”
“That was it?” the flabbergasted presidente asked. “Fue muy rapido.”
“I don’t know why everyone makes a big deal out of summoning. You just need to know how to ask, what to ask, and who to ask, especially who. Literally anyone can learn it.”
“That can’t be it. I don’t see my warrior from another time. You must have messed up.”
“Give it a moment. The universe usually has to sort things out first.”
And so, the cousins stood there, in a deep underground chasm cathedral, looking at the sigil etched into the floor. Maud kept her rock-hard composure, while Uva stared deep at the design, raising her expectations higher and higher as time went on. She hoped that this would work, since she didn’t want to pay damages for a floor that’s been carved up for a failed summoning. The deposit she paid to rent the place already took a bite out of her budget.
“Maud, nothing’s happening.”
“Again, have a little patience.”
“Look, if I’m going to threaten your family to make you come all this way, at least have the decency to tell me that you can’t- did the ground just move?”
The aforementioned movement caught Muad’s eye as well. The loose salt layer began to sift with an invisible wind that was breezing across the winter white floor. Eddies of the mineral began to jump up into the air, then crashed back down like tiny ocean waves. The eddies danced with the low breeze, gently whistling the tune of the universe.
Excitement took over Uva’s face. Her eyes went wide and her mouth curled up, letting out a stream of giggles that couldn’t be kept in. Her hooves stomped against the ground as she was swept up by the minuscule magic of the moment. Maud just stood there.
The candles in the wall cubbies all snuffed out in a single instance, purging the chasm into blackness. Uva’s excitement was pummeled as the invisible gust made an instant transition into an immense gale force. The four-point star etched in the floor blasted a silver light across the room brighter than the grandest star in the sky, blinding all ponies present. Uva was pushed back and covered her face with her legs to protect her eyes. Maud just stood there.
A vortex of the white mineral sprung up from the sigil, pulling in the loose salt layer from all across the ground into the center. Flying salt particulates were flung through the air, pelting anything that got in their way. The particulates stung Uva as the skidded across her flesh, forcing tiny little “Ow”s to fly out of her mouth. Maud just stood there.
The salt began to clump in the center of the vortex, forming a sphere that hovered above the four-pointed star. The light from the star illuminated the bottom half of the sphere, letting the crystal slats and the emerald particulates reflect the star’s light like a disco ball, leaving the top half of the sphere in the shadows. If Uva could see past her legs that covered her face, she would be blinded a second time by the awesomeness of the twirling sphere of salt. Maud just stood there.
The sphere began to bulge and contract on multiple planes, oscillating at an ever increasing rate. Points began to grow out of the pulsating, twirling sphere of salt, growing with each oscillation. Then, the form of a pony head began to grow from one of these points, and the shape of the rest of the pony soon came to follow. The vortex’s power began to die down and a unicorn grew out of the sphere. Uva didn’t see it, and Maud just stood there.
Soon, all the gale force wind disappeared. Invisible hands lowered the unicorn body from the air. When its hooves made contact with the ground, the candlelight flared back up, and the star sniffed out. The unicorn opened his eyes for the first time, finding himself face to face with Maud, who was just standing there.
“What happened?” the unicorn freaked, looking around the room like a swarm of bees was going to attack him. After a bit of frantic searching, he focused on Maud and began berating her with questions, in Bronxican (Which has been translated for convenience). “What happened? Where’s Star Wisp? Is she okay? Where are those cloaked ponies? The Siren! I’m going to kill her if she did anything to Star Wisp!”
“Easy there, buddy,” Maud replied. “You’re currently in a past time, occupying a body made completely of salt. I’m sure everything’s fine in your original time. Now tell me who you are.”
The unicorn’s eyes still nervously twitched around, but he managed to give a comprehensible answer. “I’m Camión Lechero, teniente of the Bronxican Imperial Army. Where’s Star Wisp?”
Maud leaned past the frantic stallion and directed her attention to her cousin. “You have your soldier. Are you happy?”
Uva lowered her legs from her face, getting a good look at the interloper in the process. “Ah, yes, he’ll do nicely.”
Camión turned around at the sound of her voice. At the sight of her, his military training kicked in, stopping his frantic jittering and reflexively forcing him to stand attention and salute. “Presidente Uva! I am honored to be in your presence.”
“Hehe, I like this unicorn already. Welcome to the past, soldier.”
“I’m in the past?” he rhetorically asked, looking around the room once again. “I remember something someone said. The Siren, when she revealed herself, she said she was coming to the past. She may be among us right now?”
Uva gave a quizzical look as she got up from the floor. “Who’s this ‘Siren’ you speak of?”
“One of the most feared warriors of the Equestrian Armed Forces, señora. She is infamous for taking down legions of soldiers just by singing. In an encounter with her, right before I ended up here, she told me that she was traveling to the past to end Bronxico and prevent the war.”
“Don’t fret over your Siren problem, soldier,” Uva smiled, “I won’t let her become a problem for us. I am glad you were able to tell me of this threat.”
“Sounds like you already have opposition before the performance has even begun,” Maud commented, almost smirking, almost.
“Don’t worry,” Uva paused to let out a chuckle, “We’ll silence her song before she can even come from behind the curtain.”