//------------------------------// // Some Exposition For Your Tease // Story: Urohringr // by Imploding Colon //------------------------------// Ebon laid a plate of lettuce onto the mess hall table before Elma. “Thank you,” said the snapping turtle with a beaked smile. She took a liberal munch of the greens, gobbled it down, and closed her eyes. “Mmmmm… it feels so good to bite into something that isn’t dried-out Alexian rations.” “Just how long were you both stuck there inside that crashed ship?” Ebon asked as he sat at the head of the table. “Oh, weeks… two months? It’s hard to say.” Elma bit onto some more lettuce and gulped it down. “We spent most of the time inside. We saw very little daylight on account of the cold.” “Pffft!” Prowse gulped onto a wad of straws and pointed with a hook in the crook of his hoof. “Mebbe ye waur braw wi' yer baltic bluid, Tankette, yer oversized hoofbaa!” As he dug more into his plate of dried grass, Props sat by the stallion’s side, leaning in and nuzzling him with a contented smile. “But Ah was warmin' mah anes wi' th' greatest ay aw split second inventions! A communications array 'at can operate at twintie percent efficiency! An' Ah hud naethin' but thee bundles ay magical filament an' a worn it energy conduit tae bit!” “Sooooooo amazingles!” Props squee’d, nuzzling her uncle harder. “Leave it to you to take a nothing situation and turn it into somethingtastic!” Rainbow Dash squinted from where she hovered across the table. “What I wanna know is how you got into a nothing situation to begin with.” Slam! Prowse’s metal hoof slapped the table. “It was those bludy pirates, Ah teel ye! At a body point, me an' mah team waur cruisin' athwart th' Frizzen Seae aw calm loch, an' 'en th' next moment--WHAM--these gantin freaks in leaither armur board uir ship, strip us ay aw th' Alexian tech, an' threaten tae seel us tae a boorichie ay strangers!” “Uhhhhh…” Eagle Eye turned to glance at the others in the room. “All I got from that were ‘pirates’ and ‘strangers.’” “Hey, Blondie.” Josho craned his neck to see the mare at Prowse’s side. “Care to translate? None of us can speak muzzle oatmealese.” “Maybe I can help in that department,” Elma Boreal said, raising a scaled hand. “Ahem, what the good Professor is trying to say in his usual eloquence is that our ship was hijacked by pirates who then tried to sell us.” “Sell you?” Rainbow blinked. “To who?” “They… uh… they didn’t say.” Elma fidgeted, her shell rattling slightly. “They weren’t exactly the friendly type.” “Which gart it aw th' easier fur me tae blaw burnin' metal intae their jobby eatin' grins!” Prowse belched. “Weeeee!” Props pumped her hoof. “Go Unky!” Elma sighed, bearing a weary smile. “Yes, the Professor did force the pirates to shove off with his… penchant for explosions. Ahem. But before we were abandoned, the best I could make out from the pirates is that they wanted to sell us to some mysterious group of wanderers who frequented the frozen wastes.” Josho glanced at Rainbow Dash. “Did… these strangers have a name?” Rainbow asked. “Well, I thought I heard something, but it didn’t make any sense,” Elma said. “Some really silly, passive name, like the ‘lucky’ or the ‘luxury.’” “The Lounge,” Eagle asked. Elma blinked at him. “Why… yes. That sounds about right.” Rainbow Dash took a deep breath. “We’ve heard of them before.” “You have?” “They don’t exactly sound like nice ponies…” Rainbow fidgeted in midair. “Assuming they are ponies.” “When you first arrived, we were kind of scared that maybe you were the Lounge, having come to excavate us from the ice!” Elma said. “Why any group of shady characters would want to get their claws, hooves, or whatever on us is beyond me.” “Ach! Ah ken exactly th' reason wa!” Prowse spat. “They're efter uir knowledge ay th' secrit lain ay opportunity!” Props gasped. “You mean Zadubadabu!” “Unnnngh…” Josho rolled his eyes and stormed out of the mess hall. “Here we go…” “Sure!” Prowse barked after the obese stallion. “Ye can caa it mince if ye want! But it's real, Ah teel ye! It's it haur in th' Frizzen Sea! It's what's causin' th' damned Strip ay Flurries! See 'at it isnae!” “Do you mean you almost found it?!” Props stammered. “If I may interject…” Elma frowned slightly. “This expedition into the arctic waters was meant to map out the edge of the Strip of Flurries in order to assist other maritime vessels in avoiding the turbulent waves to begin with! It was the Professor here who insisted on turning this into some sort of maniacal archaeological pursuit of some nonexistent temple!” “If ye didne sass me at every turn, mebbe we'd hae gart some progress by noo, Tankette!” “Say, I’ve been meaning to ask…” Props looked up with a scrunched muzzle. “Why’s she calling you Professor this whole time? I thought you gave up engineering school to work the shop at Gray Smoke!” Elma gasped, eyes wide. “You mean you’re not even a Professor?” “Sure Ah am!” Prowse grinned a bearded grin. “Professur ay kickin' th' world's crease wi' mah mental metal meddle!” “Unnnngh…” Elma gripped her head with two trembling hands. “What’s my life coming to…?” Eagle Eye gulped. “Seems like the expedition was hijacked by more than just pirates…” “Ay!” Prowse frowned at him. “We waur makin' foo progress until th' bludy pirates cam alang! So keep yer wee purple beak it ay thes, jobby jabber!” Eagle raised a hoof, lingered, fidgeted, and muttered, “I can’t tell whether or not to feel insulted or confused.” “Well I’m feeling randy,” Zaid said. Whap! “Oww!” Rainbow lowered her hoof and faced the table again. “Well, you’re welcome to stay on board where it’s safe. We’ve got a skystone ship. We should be able to outrun any pirates.” “I would hope so,” Elma said with a nod. “The only vessels that bother to streak through these clouds are the ones powered by skystone.” “Well, you’re in luck!” Props grinned wide. “Nancy Jane’s womb is powered by the stuff! And all of it super shiny and glowy!” “Ach!” Prowse smirked, munching on hay as he ruffled the mare’s golden mane. “Mmmmfff… Noo there's a bonnie lassie, takin' efter yer uncle wi' th' grease bawbag genes!” ‘Heeeeeeeeee I’m the bawbaggiest!” “There’s… just one thing.” Rainbow Dash gulped. “We’re… n-not exactly heading west on this ship.” “That’s fine,” Elma said. Rainbow blinked. “It is?” “Of course!” The turtle smiled. “I was born across the Frozen Sea. Alafreo, my home country, is just on the other side of the Strip of Flurries.” “Alafreo… huh?” “I only cross over to help merchants map the frozen wastes out here. So, if you’re heading east and you’re kind enough to bring me on board, then I’ll be happy to help in any way I can.” She shuddered slightly. “Bleachkkk… anything’s gotta be better than traveling west towards that nasty kingdom with the wars and stuff.” “Yeah…” Rainbow Dash exhaled with a calm smile. “Tell me about it.” “Jusssssssst one question…” Zaid leaned in. Elma glanced at him. “Yeah?” “Do they serve grilled cheese sandwiches in Alafreo?” Elma Boreal blinked. “What’s a grilled cheese sandwich?” Zaid’s left eyebrow twitched. He turned to look towards the other half of the mess hall. “Any chance we can take a quick detour west?” Whap! “Oww!”