//------------------------------// // Chapter 5: Motives ... // Story: An Epistolary Legal Consultation Between Princesses // by Jordan179 //------------------------------// From the Personal Journal of Princess Twilight Sparkle I have been favored by my circumstances in life. I have always known this, in the intellectual sense that -- before I came to Ponyville -- I mistook for the only important aspect of experience. I was born in comfortable circumstances to one of the older and better families of Canterlot, raised respectably in the security of love from my happily-married parents, and further sheltered by the best older brother for whom any filly might have hoped. I do not think that I experienced a single serious worry regarding my own identity, nor feared that I was unwanted. Yes, there were points in my life when I experienced alienation and rejection: this is part and parcel of being much, much more intelligent than the average Pony. But it was alienation and rejection for my superiority -- so obviously pure jealousy that I found it difficult to take it seriously. The few times that I feared that I was inherently unlovable, that something was wrong with me, I fled to the comfort of my parents and Shiny, who reassured me that I was good, that it was simply others who had difficulty accepting me. Then, of course, I got my Cutie Mark under dramatic circumstances which brought me to the attention of Princess Celestia herself as her personal student. I received the kind and caring attention of the most powerful being then alive and active on the planet, as my own teacher -- and I took this for granted, too. Then, of course, everypony claimed to want to be my friend, but I was smart enough to grasp that they only wanted to get close to power. I was in the enviable position of being able to reject false friendship. And I imagined it a curse. I took this all for granted. I was only a filly, after all. Doesn't everypony live in a nice house with a good and loving family to show her right from wrong, and to teach her to respect herself? Doesn't everypony have a special Talent, which makes her better in at least one thing than the whole world? Isn't everypony loved and valued and aware that she's special? Isn't everypony's main problem in life that she's so special that she has to shut out false friends to avoid being exploited by the ambitious and envious? Well, no. Everypony doesn't. Some ponies are just average and face the normal struggles for love and acceptance, the normal moral compromises required to function in the real world. Some ponies have to worry about finding a good place in the world, not about fighting off attacks by cosmic evils: mad gods, alien infiltrations, or timelost ancient despots. And some ponies don't even have that. Some are born inferior, in some important aspect of life, and have their inferiority drummed into them every day they're growing up, until they accept that the only place they have in life is as toys for other ponies, as pawns in their social games. But that's not the worst of it. The worst of it is how readily some other ponies will play with such toys. Because they can. No other reason required. And if a toy's heart gets broken, who cares? *** Interview Notes - Annotated Copy Kept By Princess Twilight Sparkle (continued) Interviewer: So what did you do then? Subject: Well, I figured that Charlie was just playing around, but I really wanted to get out of that hedge, cause I wanted to see the fireworks. So I said "I'm going to miss the fireworks!" so he would know I really wanted out of there. Interviewer: Why did you assume Charlie would help you? Subject: Anypony would! Wouldn't you? Derpy looked at me almost pleadingly at that, as if she were still stuck in the hedge and she wanted reassurance that I would rescue her. I nodded my head in affirmation, and she continued. Interviewer: And did he help you? Subject: Not right away. Interviewer: What did he do instead? Subject: He didn't say nothing. So I started trying to get out again. I wasn't getting nowhere, so I stopped to think, and then I could hear him breathing. Interviewer: Breathing? Subject: Yeah, heavy breathing. Like he was excited. Interviewer: Excited in what manner? Subject (embarrassed giggle): Excited. Like a stallion gets, when he wants you. You know! I knew. Not from personal experience, of course, but I'd heard ponies talk about it. As I imagined the scene it must have been incredibly creepy -- Derpy, helpless in the hedge; and Charlie, product of an alien biological and cultural evolution, a wholly-different worldline, watching her struggle and emotionally responding to her plight on only the basest and most selfish manner. Charlie, of a race that had never learned the way of Harmony. Charlie, a predator. A Pony stallion, I imagine, might have been somewhat excited under the same circmstances. The most admirable stallion I have ever known has told me that it's normal to be a little bit excited by the sight of a pretty mare's hindquarters, even out of cycle, if she makes sufficiently erotic motions. And, inadvertently, Derpy would have been doing exactly that in her struggles. For Charlie, who was far from the most admirable male being I have ever known, whose species normally always covered their genitalia, who had gone on and on and on to me about what his "body cried out for," the sight of Derpy in that posture must have been quite distracting. I am sure that he imagined that this provided him with an excuse. Howver, this did not excuse his actions. A rough, ill-mannered Pony stallion, in his situation, might well have made some crude jests at Derpy's expense. But he would never have mounted her unless he knew such to be her desire. Perhaps he might have, if he had been part of an ill-ordered army in the chaotic times before the Unification, as Luna had intimated to me. Not now, though. Not in modern Equestria. Interviewer I understand. And what happened then? Subject: I kept trying to get out. I'd wiggle a bit and then stop, to rest and to hear what Charlie was doing. Cause I didn't know why he wouldn't just get me out of there. I even said all I'd need would be to get a hoof on the ground, in case he didn't know how easy it would be to get me out of there. I didn't know what was holding him back. I mean, my butt's not very scary! (laughs). See, that's funny cause I'm not scary, so my butt's not scary either! Recorder (interrupts): You should never explain a joke! Interviewer: Pinkie ... Recorder: I'm just saying ... sorry. Interviewer: That's okay. Derpy, you were saying? Subject: So, when I rested I could hear Charlie, and he was getting very excited! Not just heavy breathing but making little moany sounds, like a stallion does when you give him a .... oh. Sorry, Princess Twilight, I don't mean to offend you. I'm pretty sure I was blushing, the more so because my reaction was inappropriate. That was setting up an emotional feedback which was making me blush even more. That's an interesting phenomenon, the way that the brain can get locked into a positive feedback loop. You have to watch out for loops like that when spellcasting. The reactions of my colleagues were interesting. Neither seemed particularly embarrassed. Applejack looked somewhere between disgusted and exasperated; whether at Charlie or Derpy was impossible for me to tell. Pinkie Pie was leaning forward in apparent fascination. I have not even the slightest clue as to what the Paradise Entity was thinking. Interviewer: None taken. You may continue. Subject: So I knew that he was getting really turned on by me, maybe even touching himself. You know. On his thingie. Cause it feels good? Why does everypony think I'm completely naive? I've studied reproductive biology. I got an 'A plus' on it, too! I judged that mentioning this wouldn't help matters, though. Interviewer:: Understood. Subject: And it kind of turned me on. Knowing that he thought I was sexy like that. So I got a bad idea. A really bad idea. Derpy fell silent, her eyes downcast, ears and tail drooping. She was very obviously ashamed of herself. I had no choice but to press her, this was getting to the heart of the whole incident. Interviewer: What was your idea? Subject: I ... I get lonely sometimes. I mean, I know a lot of ponies, and most of them like me, I think, even when they laugh at me ... you like me a little, don't you, Princess? I nodded. It was not the most professional thing to do as an interviewer, let alone interrogator, but I'm neither a professional interviewer nor interrogator. I'm a student of theoretical and practical magic, and I knew I was well out of my emotional depth in this situation. Subject: And I have some really good friends. Like Cloudy, and Carrot Top, and the Doctor -- I really wish he liked me more, though. And Princess Luna's been really kind to me. And there's my little Muffin, of course. But ... I get lonely. You know? Interviewer: I understand. And I thought I did. Derpy had obviously been sexually active before; as she had borne a child. She was obviously a very affectionate and loving mare, too. Then she said something that shocked me. Subject: It's not just that I want to bang. Well, I mean everypony wants to bang, it means you're alive, like Cloudy says. But I get enough of that at Cloudy's parties -- there's always stallions there who want that! But -- afterward, they don't really want to talk to me or hear about my day or really let on that we did it. And then I feel even more lonely than I did before. I just want my own very special somepony, that's not wrong, is it? Interviewer (somewhat disconcerted): Um ... no .... Subject: Even if I'm -- well, not very much. I want somepony who could love me and be my friend and ... I guess that's not going to happen. I thought maybe Cloudy could be like that to me, but she just wants to bang everypony else too, and I didn't want her to be like that in front of Sparkler and my Muffin, Sparkler's around the age I was when I got into trouble, and Muffin's still just a little kid, she needs to grow up right. I don't think I grew up right, cause everypony wants to get rid of me and it hurts me, and I don't want Sparkler and my Muffin to get hurt. They shouldn't be hurt, should they, Princess? Just cause I'm bad? Interviewer (almost speechless): Uh ... I had already known part of the story. Derpy had come from Cloudsdale, gone to Flight School and been seduced by somepony when she was in her teens: thus Dinky, her "Muffin," her motive for risking her life in the Everfree on a regular basis. "Sparkler" was Amethyst Sparkle, Dinky's half-sister, presumably by Derpy's seducer. At some point Amethyst had been orphaned, and Derpy had -- amazingly -- adopted her. And treated her well. "Cloudy" was Cloud Kicker, a Pegasus from Canterlot who was notable primarily for what must have been nymphomaniacal levels of bisexual promiscuity. She'd come from a very old family, made it into West Hoof, then dropped out at her graduation ceremony. She had drifted to Ponyville years before I arrived in town, joined the Weather Patrol and had risen to become Rainbow Dash's deputy. There was some sort of history between her and Dashie -- a long-ago quarrel -- whose details I had never investigated. Cloud was the center of the local Fast Set, throwing parties of rumored extreme depravity, and was said to be essentially heartless. She made friends easily, but lost them as she offended them in one manner or another. She had three real friends, though. Despite their old conflict, Rainbow Dash was one of them -- but then her great heart and shining soul were always quick to forgive any but the worst insult. Blossmforth, with whom she had become increasingly affectionate of late, to the point that I'd heard they were now lovers, was another. And Derpy Hooves was the third. Apparently, she'd also been Cloud Kicker's lover. In the sense of love actually being present between them, which was rare for Cloud Kicker. And it had failed, for the obvious reason that Cloud Kicker was faithless -- and Derpy was protective of her Muffin. I glanced at Applejack. She nodded in affirmation. Derpy was telling the truth. "I guess she's still a meanie," said Pinkie Pie. She looked dejected. "Cloud Kicker?" I asked. "Yeah," replied Pinkie. "We tried to help her ... but she didn't want to be nice." This sounded fascinating, but completely irrelevant to the issue on which our hooves were planted. "I'm sorry to hear that," I said. "However, we have to get back to the interview." Pinkie nodded, gathering herself with a visible effort. Her mane frizzed out a bit. Interviewer: So, your 'bad idea.' What did you do? Subject: I started to play along. Pretend I didn't know he was there, that he was watching me, that it was turning him on. And flirt with him. Interviwer: How did you flirt? Subject (embarrassed): Well ... I started to wiggle my rump more when I tried to get out. And, well, flick my tail a lot, you know ... and I made noises ... Interviewer: What sort of noises? Subject: Little grunts. Like in between what I'd make from just trying to get out and what I'd make if I was ... well ... And then I asked "please," but I said it like I was begging him to ... Interviewer: I get it. Grasp it. Aagh! Understand it, I mean! What happened next? Subject: Then he touched me. Interviewer: Where did he touch you? Subject: On the flank. Here. (indicating the rear portion of upper left hip, just behind and partly touching her Cutie Mark). Parenthetically, using the euphemism "flank" for the hip or rump is really annoying, especially when one is trying to indicate a specific location! Interviewer: How did he touch you? Subject: I think it was with his hoof. Um, wait, I think he calls it a 'hand.' Interviewer: No, I mean did he put his hand on you as if he were going to help you out, or as if he had some other motive? Subject (giggles): Oh yes, I see what you mean! Heh, he was like petting me. Like he wanted to bang. Interviewer: How did you react to this? Subject (giggles): Well, I was playing like I didn't know it was Charlie. So I went "Eek! What was that? A monster?" and "Please don't eat me, monster, I don't taste good!" And then he started running his hands over my Cutie Mark and my legs and I liked it, Charlie wasn't trying to hurt me or nothing. I played innocent like I didn't know what he was doing, and I asked him why he liked my butt. (giggles, leans forward conspiratorially) I know why a stallion likes your butt! And I guess 'men' are no different that way! (smiling) Applejack and I looked at each other. It was becoming increasingly unlikely that what Charlie Yu did to Derpy Hooves fell under any normal definition of the crime of rape. "She's telling the truth." Applejack confirmed. Then she leaned forward and whispered into my ear: "Do we have to run this course any further, Twi? We should leave Derpy some dignity." Though she is Honesty, my friend has always also been exceedingly Kind. In truth, she displays all the classic Virtues to such an extent that I sometimes feel inferior by comparison. However, it was important to know more. Though perhaps not in so much detail. "I'll try to speed things up," I whispered back. "You're right -- we don't need this much detail." I am very sorry that I didn't take Applejack's advice and stop. For if I had, then, I would not have learned just what Derpy meant by "everypony always wants to get rid of me." I am a scholar; I love learning, I revel in new information. Never before have I been so profoundly sorry to have gained knowledge of the world..