//------------------------------// // 21 - The calm before the wedding // Story: The Memoirs Of A Reality Jumper // by Techogre //------------------------------// I woke with a smile. The warmth of knowing I had found someone to share my life with was comforting, but it also presented me with old questions. ‘Why would she love an old man like me? Will she ever regret this, yata yata yata, I’m getting sick and tired of having my mind slip back into the old routines.’ I climbed out of bed with a little more of a spring in my step. ‘And why not feel good? I have a young, pretty girlfriend who found herself,’ I chuckled, ‘a not so young and not so pretty me.’ I sighed as I stood naked in front of the full-length mirror in my room. ‘Maybe I should work out more. I’m in good shape,’ and the cynic in my head added, ‘for a forty-year-old man.’ I scowled at that. ‘Dash is, what, in her mid-twenties? So young and vibrant.’ As I looked in the mirror, I sucked my gut in. ‘Maybe some sit-ups, too.’ I stuck my tongue out at myself, ‘You’re just too damn lucky, old man.’ I sighed, lay on my back, and started doing sit-ups. ‘I don’t want to humiliate her in public. She’s the Celestia blessed Element of Loyalty, after all. She’s basically an archangel.’ I smiled, ‘My sky blue archangel.’ I was in my shorts and tee shirt, my abdomen sore from unaccustomed work. The weather, as always, was perfect. The sky was immaculate. The morning sun was rising, its warm glow giving me a smile. I had a wonderful cup of pony coffee, and I was watching Dash’s early morning routines. It was Fall, and the weather teams were spending more time actively changing the weather, but Dash still maintained her early morning workout. I could see her in the distance doing a complex series of barrel rolls while doing an inverse loop. I smiled, once again contemplating my luck at having such a young and attractive girlfriend. I corrected myself, ‘marefriend.’ I waited until she was at the top of the loop, her fifth time doing it, then blew the loudest wolf whistle I could. Dash tumbled through the air. As she recovered, she turned and headed for the cottage at a staggering speed, straight for me. I could see a smile on her face. When she stopped the burst of air sprayed half of my coffee on my chest and almost knocked me off my feet. She had a look of amused annoyance, "I thought I told you only to do it if you mean it.” I smiled and took a sip of what remained of my coffee, "Who said I didn't.” She looked at me, a little surprised, then with an expression of genuine joy, she lightly bit her bottom lip, "Not me.” I smirked, “You’d better not. Hey, before I forget, how would you like to go to a special event with me? I was invited to a wedding, and it’s me plus a guest. I can’t think of anyone else I would rather be seen with.” She tapped her chin in an exaggerated manner, “Well, I’ll have to check my schedule. I may not be available.” She looked at me with that confident smirk, “What the hay, I’ll pencil you in. Meet you for supper?” I nodded, and then she gave a warm smile, “Now, you should stop checking out my flank and get back to that theatre paperwork.” She winked, “You can taste the rainbow later. And don't forget to change your shirt.” After a moment of us both snickering, she suddenly blasted straight up in a spiral and continued her training routine. I kept watching her for a minute, then relented to that nagging voice in the back of my head and returned to my morning routine of working out with the heavy bag, paperwork, and later, a jog to Ponyville for coffee with Applejack. I mused on that last thought, ‘I wonder when Dash and AJ are going to have their little chat. Meh, I’ll go visit AJ anyway. It’s her and Dash that need to work things out, not me. I’ll keep it light.’ Sitting at the table enjoying a second cup of coffee and buttered toast, I happily thought about my day and my future. When I noticed my cup and plate were empty, I dragged myself away from my wistful daydreams. ‘Carpe diem, Alex. Carpe that diem with both hands.’ Without changing my shirt, I slipped on a pair of sweatpants and headed outside to my heavy bag. As I warmed up, punching the air, I mused about my fighting ‘style’ before I learned how to do it properly. I would wildly slash with the blade, holding it like a really, really sharp butter knife. I could remember my teacher saying, ‘You fat oaf! Not like that!’ He would then take the knife away as if I was holding it in my open palm. He was so exasperated after my first lesson at how easily I could be disarmed he suggested I use my polymorphic knife instead of the regular one I was using to train with. ‘That knife is cheating, but it will hold on to you, so you don’t need to hold on to it, you clumsy fool.’ The last thing he said to me before it was time to leave was, ‘I am no longer ashamed to call you my student, just embarrassed.’ I laughed out loud, ‘I hope that old son of a bitch is happy. He had finally taught me how to fight in the end. Well, I’m warmed up enough now.’ I danced closer to the heavy bag, intent on hitting it. My mind was still flooded with thoughts of Dash, ‘Left. Left. Right Cross.’  “Aw! Crap!” Much to my surprise and annoyance, I realized with my first right cross that I had put the knife in combat mode rather than sparing more. My reward was a gash across the bag and sand pouring out. ‘Great. Nice job, Alex. Well, at least now I’ll have something to talk to AJ about. Anyway, Elusive can use the business. And I’ll have something to tell Dash. No point in denying her any material.’ I waited until it ran out, shook the rest of the sand out, took the empty bag down, and put it on the step. ‘Well, so much for that. May as well do paperwork.’ I spent the next five hours chipping away at that horrible, soul-crushing paperwork. The main conclusion I came up with today is I needed some building and renovation plans made, but I also needed the original plans for the new plans to be made and a plan for where to house the town council, mayor’s office, and so on. I showered just as much to clean up as to cool down. With a fresh set of clothes on, I headed to town. My first stop was Elusive’s shop. The first thing he said to me when I walked in, even before our usual greetings, was, “What the hay is that over your shoulder?” With a smirk and a mock caveman voice, “Did Alex mighty hunter catch bag?” “Laugh it up, fuzzball. Naw, I was working out this morning and was thinking of Dash instead of what I was doing. Forgot to put the knife in sparring mode. One right cross later...” I shrugged. He snickered at me, “Let me guess, the love-struck teenager wants to get his toy fixed?” “Hey, it’s important to help me keep in what little shape I have. Anyway, you’re the only one I can trust not to put hearts and flowers on it.” I made a bit of a face. “You would think I would be used to the generally accepted level of cutsie in this world by now.” Elusive rolled his eyes, “You’re not alone, and I was born here.” We both chuckled. “That’s what you get when the male-to-female ratio is not about half and half.” “Maybe. So, any word on your sister? Did you talk to her yet?” “Yes, I talked to her about me and her, and no, I didn't talk to her about you. From one love-sick teenager to another, give me a chance. Anyway, she’s still on the rebound from me, poor thing. Give it at least a few weeks for emotions to mellow out. Or, you could just come with me on my daily visit to her apple stand.” “A little busy right now with the wedding next week. Maybe after. As you said, it will give Applejack a chance to mellow and business to be a little less booming. Then, I’ll take you up on that offer.” “Oh ya, before I forget, what’s that holiday at the end of fall where the kids get dressed up, and some grown-ups too? With candy and all that stuff?” “Nightmare Night. That’s coming up in about a month, just before the running of the leaves. Why? Did you want a costume?” “Actually, I did. Maybe a ninja costume, you know, mottled dark colours, head to toe. Actually, if you sell me the cloth I can do it myself.” “Hey, I refuse to be held responsible for you stabbing yourself. Anyway, I can whip that up real quick. I know your measurements. And you know what, I’ve got lots of dark scraps that will be perfect, so it’s on the house.” I started to protest but found myself shushed, “I never thought of using mottled cloth. Everyone always wants black, and I could always spot them. It’s weird how pure black stands out. Ya, that’ll be so cool.” His eyes unfocused a little, looking at a spot about 10cm to my right, lips curled into a smile, “I have a plan.” This was the same expression he had when we first met and triggered my memories of our first encounter. “Elusive, something I have to ask. When I first met you, your voice was, if you’ll pardon the term, very effeminate. Now, you talk, and I hate to use this term, normal. So, have you been taking voice lessons or something?” He looked at me with no expression on his face for a moment, and then he laughed out loud. He continued with that effeminate voice, “Oh, my darling Alex. You must understand that those seeking the talents of the one-of-a-kind Elusive expect certain things. Male fashion designers are simply not allowed to enjoy hoofball or go out with friends for a,” he tsked, “what is that drink you ruffians consume? Ah yes, rye.” I snickered, “You realize you make Rarity sound like an ex-hoofball player construction worker, you know that, right?” I shook my head, “Well, I, for one, know that an otherwise ordinary guy can make amazing clothes. Screw the stereotypes.” Elusive sighed and continued in his normal voice, “You know that, but if I talk like this, they assume I’m just some needle jockey, and they don’t take my designs seriously. I’ve even heard that Hoity Toity talks and swears like a teamster when he's alone.” I gave him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder, “Well, pal, all I can say is, that sucks.” Sugar Cube Corners is home to the finest coffee in Ponyville. I always stopped here for the two cups I take to Applejack’s apple stand. It’s usually Mrs Cake at the front counter, but I was pleasantly surprised to see Pinkie. As soon as she saw me, her expression changed from her usual happy, manic joy to narrow-eyed suspicion. She somehow moved from behind the counter to directly in front of me with a deerstalker cap without moving between the two points. I had learned to ignore stuff like that from her. “So, Alex Roberts, if that’s your real name, you’re the new love of Dashie’s life. Is this true?” I swear her eye stretched out of its socket and almost touched mine. “I hope so.” “I see, I see.” Pinkie was now blowing on a bubble pipe she materialized from wherever she gets these things. “So, what are your plans for Miss Rainbow Dash? Is she just a fling? Do you really, really like her? Do you plan on marrying her? What about babies? How many are you planning on? And what about Applejack?” Each sentence was punctuated by her stabbing the stem of her pipe at me. I smiled at Pinkie, “Dash is lucky to have a friend like you. They both are. But, to answer your question, I plan on taking things slow and just letting things develop. And, no, Dash is not just some fling. She’s someone special, and I care for her very much.” I touched the feather around my neck, “I just hope... well, it doesn’t matter. I know she will. So, to answer the next question, I like her very much, and I can see something special developing and if it does for me, and I think Dash feels the same way, I’ll make her my wife. Assuming she’ll take me, of course. As for kids, Pinkie? Sure, why not?” “Well, your answers don’t quite match up to the story notes, but close enough.” Her face went back to that manic, happy grin. “I know you’ll be good for Dashie, and I’ll let her know you’re Pinkie Approved™ for shipping. Oh, and here are your two coffees, on me. Well, not ‘on’ me because that would upset Dashie and freak you out a little, not to mention a little gross. I mean, I’m all sweaty from working all morning, so ew. Now, what about Applejack?” She continued to grin, blinking and smiling at me, the hat and pipe gone. “Right. Applejack. We came to an understanding, and Dash and her are chatting on the subject today. They’ll work it out. And thanks for feeding my coffee addiction. Oh, are you going to Derpy’s wedding?” “I’m organizing the reception since I’m Ponyville’s number one party planner. I wanted to make sure Applejack’s cousin got the best for his wedding.” “Huh, I didn’t know they were related. Well, that’s good to know. Anyway, Pinkie, I’m glad I ran into you, and thanks again for the pony joe.” “Pony Joe? He’s in Canterlot, and anyway, he’s a person, not an object. I can’t give him away.” She paused for a beat, looked at the ceiling, and then started to giggle. “Oh, I get it now. You’re funny.” Then she turned to me, “You’re funny too.” Smiling and enjoying Pinkie’s randomness, I fixed up Applejack’s coffee just right and headed off. “Hey there, little sister. Here is your coffee. So, how’s the apple business?” Applejack chuckled that low chuckle of hers, “Thank you kindly, big brother. And the apple business is just fine.” Some of the ponies in the adjacent stalls looked at us strangely after that exchange, but we didn’t notice. “Did you have that talk with Dash?” “Shoot, not much for small talk, are ya?” “Nope. I want to make sure my sister and special friend are still friends. I was a little worried.” “Well, ain’t you sweet. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. We’ve been friends for a long time, and we know each other. We,” she thought for a moment, seemingly searching for the best word, “understand each other,” she trailed off with a sad little smile. “But, it don’t mean it doesn’t sting. Likely will for a while.” Unsure what to say, I decided to change the subject, “So, cousin Caramel is getting married, huh?” She looked confused for a moment, then smiled, “That’s right. How did you know?” I told her about the events that led to my invitation. She smirked, “Taken care of family before you even knew they was family.” “Eeeyup.”