He Who Walks The Graves
By: The Zealot
Chapter 9: It’s Not Easy Having...
I had found my way to the shadows of a guard standing right outside the throne room. It was on my way, so yeah. As I listened from my spot through the thick oak door I heard the voices of.. oh ho, the Elements of Harmony and the two princesses. Looks like it was time to make an entrance.
I quickly jumped from the guards shadow and sent him off to the æthere, along with his partner. You see, anything that’s not dead or a Voidwalker just kinda falls asleep in the æther, it’s pretty nice, actually. They would stay there for about thirty minutes, enough time for me to make my entrance, stun all those in the throne room, steal away the commander and head back to home-sweet-notreallymyhome.
I stepped to the middle of the doors, debating what to do, before suddenly an idea came to mind. Oh good ole’ Green Day. With a snap of my fingers a song started to play.
I could hear their sounds of surprise as the music started up, that only grew when the singing started and I kicked open the doors.
St. Jimmy’s coming down across the alleyway
Up on the boulevard like a zip gun on parade
Lights of a silhouet
He’s insubordinate
Coming at you on the count of 1,2 (1,2,3,4!)
I rolled right down the middle of the carpet about halfway down the room, springing to my feet just in time for the music.
My name is Jimmy and you better not wear it out
I spread my arms open, as way of greeting before jumping over to Rainbow Dash, standing next to her and putting an arm across her back
Suicide commando that your momma talked about
I jumped away and nabbed a bag of gold bits from Ms. Rarity
King of the forty thieves I’m here to represent
I tossed the bag back onto Rarity’s head, snapping my fingers and appearing with my arm around Celestia
The needle in the vein of the establishment
Appearing back in the middle of the room motioning to myself.
I’m the patron saint of the denial
I rolled over to Fluttershy and cupping her face in a hand
With an angle face and a taste for suicidal
Appearing back in the middle of the room holding a lit cigarette in one hand and a bag of dope in the other.
Cigarettes and ramen and a little bag of dope
I am the son of a bitch and Edgar Allen Poe
Raised in the city in a halo of lights
I motioned out the window, the items that were in my hands now gone
Product of war and fear the we’ve been victimized
Back in the middle of the room again, just in time with the music
I’m the patron saint of the denial
Now over to Pinkie Pie, my hand cupping her muzzle, this time
With an angle face and a taste for suicidal
I looked over to a guard that was staring at me from the door
Are you talking to me?
He ran off around the corner and I started following him out the door
I’ll give you something to cry about
I appeared back in the throne room, this time in the air
St. Jimmy!
Landing on the ground I motioned to myself again
My name is St. Jimmy, I’m a son of a gun
I was over by a window now, motioning out and towards the edge of the city
I’m the one that’s from the way outside (St. Jimmy)
I’m a teenage assassin executing some fun
In the cult of the life of Crime (St. Jimmy)
I appeared this time with my arm around Luna, pulling her close
I really hate to say it but I told you so
My revolver appeared in my hand, the barrel against her ear. This, of course, shocked the princesses, but the Elements were just kind of confused
So shut your mouth before I shoot you down ol’ boy (St. Jimmy)
I now stood in front of Twilight, also know as ‘Ms. New Alicorn’
Welcome to the club, now give me some blood
I’m the resident leader of the lost and found (St. Jimmy)
Back in the middle of the room I held a comedy mask in my left hand, and a tragedy one in my right
It’s comedy and tragedy
It’s St. Jimmy
And that’s my name… and don’t wear it out!
As the song ended I threw the masks aside, as they disappeared in black smoke. Rainbow Dash was the first to recover
“Who the hay are you!” She said, the shock and confusion evident in her voice, though she tried to put up a tough demeanor
“Didn’t you listen to the song girl? I’m The Reaper, pleasure to meet you Ms. Dash. I would stay longer but I’m afraid this isn’t quite a friendly visit, ta-ta.” I said, snapping my fingers and conjuring a flashbang, I could use magic, yes, but that would only work on about half of those present.
“Reaper wai-” was all Luna got to say before the flashbang went off and I was on my way.
[1014 A.B. 3:25pm]
*****
Getting to the war room was not easy, well, finding it wasn’t. Getting there was, simply piggyback on the shadow of a messenger sent by Celestia to tell those in the war room how things had progressed. I must admit, it’s a nice room. Very plush, lots of maps. They had this big table in the center, big wraparound couch, pretty sweet setup.
I was waiting, honestly, for someone to point out who Sunset Carol was, didn’t take too long actually.
“Commander Carol, urgent message from Princess Celestia, regarding the Sigma Operation.” The messenger said, handing a scroll to an ember colored unicorn mare, her mane was, surprise surprise, the color of a sunset. The only thing not orange-y red yellow were her eyes, which were an emerald green. Very nice, honestly.
She didn’t even reply to the guard sent as a messenger, just nodded and took the scroll in her magic. She spread it out over a table that was in front of her, looked at it intently and then stood from her position on the couch.
“Alright everypony, the meeting is adjourned. I’ll see you all at a later date, a matter has come up that requires my immediate attention, it is of utmost importance. I apologize for cutting the meeting short, and I understand we haven’t discussed all the points we were to, which is why a secondary meeting will be held within the week.” She said to all the ponies sitting at the table, holding up the scroll with Celestia’s seal on it as way of explanation. There were a few sighs but eventually everyone left the room, leaving only Ms. Sunset Carol. And, of course, me.
“I could make some cryptic remark right now, but I’m feeling lazy so, fuck it, knife.” I said, forming from the shadows in the room, a syringe in my hand filled with a thick black substance. “Nighty night, dear.” I said, plunging the syringe into her neck and injecting the substance into her bloodstream.
Sure, I could have done something big and elaborate, but really, a little bit of venom goes a long way. I picked up Carol’s body, holding her in a fireman carry. Snapping my fingers both of us disappeared in a soft puff of smoke, appearing in a little guest room down in my ‘base’ really need to come up with a name for that place, eh, I’ll do it later.
Now, you may think of me as kind of an asshole, well, I am. Thing is, I can at least be polite, which is why the room that Ms. Carol was now unconscious in was actually quite well furnished. What? If I’m going to kidnap someone, the very least I can do is give them somewhere nice to stay.
So it was that she was left lying on the bed, I removed the syringe from her neck and it promptly vanished. I had some time to kill, she wouldn't be up for quite a while, so it was that I decided to go off to Canterlot and watch the locals, see how they lived, how things had changed in my thousand year absence.
[1014 A.B. 3:46pm]
*****
I was looking out over some random park near the center of Canterlot, just looking down from my perch on the sills of windows overlooking said park. None of the ponies looked up, of course, prey never do. Many ponies there seemed to be couples, or at least, on a first date. As it seemed many were.
It makes me melancholy to see how like fools some very sensible people act in the matter of choosing wives. They perplex their judgments by a most undue attention to little niceties of personal appearance, habits, disposition, and other trifles which concern nobody but the lady herself. An unhappy gentleman, resolving to wed nothing short of perfection, keeps his heart and hand till both get so old and withered that no tolerable woman will accept them. Now this is the very height of absurdity. A kind Providence has so skilfully adapted sex to sex and the mass of individuals to each other, that, with certain obvious exceptions, any male and female may be moderately happy in the married state. The true rule is to ascertain that the match is fundamentally a good one, and then to take it for granted that all minor objections, should there be such, will vanish, if you let them alone. Only put yourself beyond hazard as to the real basis of matrimonial bliss, and it is scarcely to be imagined what miracles, in the way of recognizing smaller incongruities, connubial love will affect.
I must admit myself to never having been in any kind of relationship, nor will I ever be, seeing as where I currently am and whom my current company are. But matters such as those I spend not my time thinking upon. The only reason, truly, I was out here at all was because the venom, as had been injected by yours truly into one Sunset Carol, would not wear off for quite some time. Fear not for her life, a poisonous venom it is not. I’m sure you've played Metal Gear Solid 3 in your time, yes? Well, you remember The Fear? Yes, think of the venom used on Ms. Carol to be as like that of his crossbow bolts, it does no physical harm, only tires and paralyzes. Very useful indeed for when one, such as in times like these, has to quietly and quickly remove a person or persons from an area to transport them to another, in this case, from Canterlot to my ‘base’, which still needs a name.
I had decided to spend this time looking over the new city of Canterlot, which seems to have been built with no direction from Luna at all, and see how everything has changed. Technology has advanced, if by a little, they no longer use gas and oil lamps to light their homes and streets, instead using magical crystals in the vein of electric lights. One thing does sicken me however, and that is how Celestia has fallen back to her use of gold as a material for armor and, get this, weaponry! Outrageous indeed, my designs for the armor made from steel, so effective during the war, have been all but thrown out instead replaced by some pseudo Roman armor.
There were smaller things, of course, building materials, architecture, and of course how the economy had changed. But these things were not too big compared to lighting and armor, at least, not to me. At the very least, even if I swore to overthrow the crown, the citizens are finding use in my explanations of electric lighting, told to the Princess Sisters so many years ago.
I still had time to waste, but it could be done looking about some of the more rural towns, a place nearby my new home, Ponyville I believe it was called. The home of the Elements, certainly a place to look about and learn of, wouldn't you agree?
[1014 A.B. 4:42pm]