//------------------------------//
// Chapter 9: Escape 
// Story: Melancholy Days 
// by Zurock 
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	James stood and looked over the study in lonely silence.  He let the time pass as one politely would when unsupervised in the home of another, idly investigating the arrangement on the table, running his eyes across the shelved books, or just slowly dragging his feet along the length of the carpet.  He explored the space but also exercised the respectful caution of wanting to leave everything the way it was found.  Secretly he did this because he hoped that Princess Celestia WOULD return.
A lot had been given to him through their conversation.  In a different time, and especially a different place, he would have called it an edifying and enlightening discussion.  What person has ever had the chance to chat with an immortal (or whatever form her extended life took?)  He had only barely begun to pick her brain when a blow had been struck to his will.  Even what should have been a rare, magical opportunity somehow had gotten turned around to be about his darker elements again.  He hadn't even tried for it.  He didn't want to have tried for it.  But somehow what he had thought was a frivolous examination of the long life of a pony princess had still been able to twist and contort itself into barbs that had stung at the lost man.  What was perhaps worse though was the lack of a simple scapegoat.  With Twilight it had been easy to lay blame upon the pressure the unicorn had tried to leverage over him, but the Princess somehow had only ever intimately felt like a source of support.  This time, the wounding sensation was like he had been stabbed from the dark.
Oh, he wished so badly that she would come back and speak with him again!  About anything.  He wished that he hadn't surrendered the bag with his books to the guards upon disembarking from the train so that he could have pulled out some reading material now.  He wished that pointlessly wandering the room would actually do something to shut off his mind instead of having the sights pass by his searching eyes unseen.  It was too late.  The still solitude which followed the conversation's invocation brought it all back out.  Radios screeched a dozen transmissions he didn't want to hear from every corner of his thoughts.
The Princess wanted him to go with the ponies on this special mission of theirs?  Or, rather, she had 'invited' him to make his own choice on going, but how had it been anything but an implied request?  A subtle manipulation that came from one who has had far too many years to practice getting exactly what she wanted from others in the least demanding of ways.  No, don't think of her like that; she had spared him originally because compassion was a core value of this world.  She makes the best decisions that she can make, like anybody else.  Wait, were those HIS thoughts?  She had been the one who had told him that...
Regardless, how could the choice to go with the others be anything but a terrible idea?  If the situation was everything it appeared to be on the surface (which the Princess had essentially admitted it wasn't), he still had no ability to talk to animals like Fluttershy or even much in the way of training to deal with wild critters.  The worst he could safely and securely handle was domestic rabbits.  What use would he be?  And as for whatever secrets laid in wait out there... again, what good could he possibly do?  His now very apparent lack of function in this world stood to do way more harm than good.  He hadn't even been able to control a conversation enough to keep himself from having roused this chaos which was tearing him apart.
Equestria could have been an incredible opportunity if it were an opportunity that he had chosen.  But he hadn't.  And now he was waist deep in ponies and everywhere there were requests for him to sink deeper.  Talk with me, go to the spa more, come see Rocky, sing a song and bake cookies with me, go speak with Princess Luna, throw yourself senselessly into a crazy situation you don't know anything about and couldn't possibly do anything about.  No!  No, damn it!  No escape anywhere.  Even when he would walk down the street there was a piercing stare from every pony that passed by.  Why couldn't the ever-turning world just come to a stand still?
Time.  Time!  More time!  Let the sun rise and let the night fall but let nothing come to pass in between!  Give him the time to deal with it all!  Gone!  It's all gone!  But he hadn't disappeared with it.  Too much at once.  Far, far too much at once.  Time.  To deal with it in time...
The Princess had all the time she could ever want.  What had she said?  She survived by living through a recurring cycle of gain and loss.  Things kept being torn away but replacements kept coming in.  No.  She had said she never forgot all the sweetnesses that came with loving something.  But how was that possible without the sorrow?  The crumbled bridges, no matter how lovely they once were, became stained and pained in memoriam.  He hated these thoughts.  More time!  Things were sad right now but wounds heal in time.  Happy days and sad days both pass.  The pain would fade... somehow... even though the entire support network that had been built over his lifetime was now gone.  Wounds heal in time.
Infections spread in time.
Go to Mom; Dad's never going to help.  This dumb thing looks like it's made out of a table cloth.  Breathe, aim, breathe, squeeze, breathe.  Magic could be just another force in this universe, like gravity.  It was a really sad day when Waterblast Park closed down.  An immortal, winged, rainbow-haired pony princess?  There was hardly a more perfect evening than no homework and just snuggling up with the rabbit.  Didn't know little squirrels could be so adorable.  Some have to fight; that's the way the world works.  To actually tell the truth, it's kind of an embarrassing singing voice.  Everybody likes attention but being at the center of it can get a little overwhelming.  Pretty impressive how they can throw a dart without fingers!  Not really nervous to give the speech, no, just got to get up there and do what has to be done.  "If you're upset or sad... we can work together to make you feel better!  Everything will be alright."  "I'M FINE!!"
Shut up!
James gripped the edge of a nearby table and nearly tossed it up and over.  The heavy slap of his hand against the wood, backed by the ink bottle on the table clanking with the vibration, rebounded like the smashing of glass in a quiet room.  He rubbed his face and breathed hard before he suddenly turned and strode painfully out of the room, back into the hall.  Making no distinctions, he picked one direction at random and walked.
If the choice to go to Hamestown with the others really was his, then he chose not to go.  And there was nothing Princess Celestia could do about it if she was being honest.
Every time he came to a junction he would turn one way without looking down the other.  Sometimes he glanced into the rooms he walked by, sometimes not.  If there were stairs, he descended.  Now and again there was a posted guard whom he would breeze by but, like a stalwart soldier, none of them ever so much as flinched.  Much better than the townsponies, he felt.
Eventually he stumbled upon a large ballroom that triggered a loose familiarity.  He swiftly crossed the expansive chamber to the glass walls on the far side.  Much like with the balcony from the study, they doubled as doors to the outdoors, and he carefully opened one up and passed into the gardens.
He remembered these grounds, having had spent a good portion of his first full day in Equestria here while waiting to be brought over to Ponyville.  In the mere two weeks time of his absence, the fullness of autumn had claimed the land.  The trees, though now bearing dying leaves, were more lively and vibrant with their dazzling palette of colors.  The hedges and flower beds were still well maintained but the gardeners had put in the effort to arrange and decorate as needed to reflect the change of seasons.  The sun had lowered close enough to tickle the horizon, spreading an orange and red in the sky which matched the earth, and the whole place embodied a complete, picturesque serenity.
James slowed his pace down to a crawl, gently moving amongst the bushes, beds, stones, and statues that made up the small paradise while he tried to settle his breathing.  It was somewhat as if the physical act of fleeing had an odd calming effect.  Maybe it was the expenditure of energy, venting his feelings as exertion, or maybe it was just the change of surroundings, but things seemed more manageable.  He was still worked up but at least he felt more in line and in control.  The beating of the hammers inside his head didn't strike as mercilessly and the rush of sound and memory was more washed out and ignorable.
The many statues that dotted the gardens caught his attention as a worthy way to settle his mind and he moved towards the largest cluster of them.  They were mostly all of ponies, some in clothes, some without.  Many varied subjects in many varied poses and in many varied styles.  Even the bases of any two statues were rarely similar.  Many of the works were probably made by different sculptors, put in at different times.  It was clear these statues weren't laid out according to some gardener's grand design; they weren't fancy lawn ornaments precisely planted so as to maximize the afternoon stroll aesthetics.  They had to have been installed for another reason.  The man wondered: so many different ponies... perhaps these statues were part of Princess Celestia's memories?  At least she got to keep mementos.
He slapped himself once and refocused on looking over the statues.  One was a robed pony, staring up in the sky, full of curiosity and wonder.  There was a statue of a wise and old unicorn with a big, poofy wizard's hat that had bells hanging from it.  Another was a sitting pegasus clothed in a strange outfit with a feathered beret, holding a lyre which was quite clearly dear to the stone pony.  And then there was one that was made of three ponies; a mare which supported two more on her back in some sort of frozen acrobatic scene.  Strange, eclectic, and unique.
There was a particular statue that he stopped in front of merely because of how much it differed from the others.  A single pedestal held up two entities who faced each other, unmistakably at odds.  There was no elaborating markings or plaques on the base whatsoever, but still the figures told a story.
On the left was a unicorn stallion who was definitely one of the Royal Guard, by his armor.  Even through the stonework, his passion, intensity, and dedication could be seen as he stood ready against his opposite.  But unusually, instead of being in a position to launch an attack or defend himself from one, he had the broad side of his flank exposed to his enemy.  Flat and wide, he was left vulnerable, having only his head turned to keep his defiant stare going.  He was maximizing his profile... to protect something, maybe?
On the right was a wicked, lizard beast.  Most probably a dragon, though far more brutal and nasty looking than Spike.  The figure was composed only of some neck and the head of the monster; the stone dragon bore a good resemblance to a chess knight which was ready to leap and capture a piece.  Masterful carving had left defined scales that came to sharp points all flowing in the same direction, like a body of swords.  Thick, heavy-looking spines ran up his back like the teeth of gears.  His bladed teeth themselves were barely separated in his partially agape mouth, making a cage which held his forked tongue prisoner.  A black glow could almost be seen bubbling up in his throat, like a dark fire ready to spew and consume the noble guard.  And the sharp eyes were left mysteriously undetailed, leaving to the imagination whatever bloodshot or otherwise frightening stare the beast had.
Most unusual of all were the dragon's horns.  Horns on a dragon seemed appropriate enough, even if Spike didn't have any (not that James worked with a great sample size or extensive knowledge of dragon biology.)  The trouble with this statue was... there were three horns.  Two horns sat where would be expected, jutting out symmetrically and upwards from the top sides of his skull, with slight curves and deadly points.  But there was a third horn, with a bit of a crooked spiral, that emerged straight from his forehead, much like a unicorn.
Standing before the figures, the natural questions occurred to James.  Who were they?  Why were they opposed?  What happened to them?  When?  The stone gave no direct answers.  It only invited the observer to imagine their own.
"It's not uncommon for some of these to be left to oral history."
He was conflicted about hearing her voice but he still turned halfway to face Twilight.  She kept her distance from him, standing next to a stone bench which rested under a small tree.  In addition, she carried several books of all sizes with her, some drifting through the air in stacks and others balanced on her back.
She fumbled with her words as she continued to try and break the ice.  "Craftsponies get their works placed in the gardens under all kinds of circumstances.  Sometimes they're commissioned, sometimes the sculptors are invited for art fairs, sometimes works are donated anonymously.  If whoever made them, or requested them made, didn't feel like labeling the pieces... then the true story only lies with them."
Twilight had been passing through the castle after her trip to library when she had incidentally caught sight of him in the gardens through a window.  Taken with dilemma, she had fought with herself about going down to him.  She meant what she had said to her friends about not confronting him, and she had no plans to betray that.  But she also had a compulsion to know what exactly he had spoken to Princess Celestia about.  In that regard, her tragic and hopeless worries, and her fears about herself, were mostly suppressed.  So when she had at last decided to go down and speak with him she had kept reminding and reinforcing herself that learning about his conversation with the Princess was all about understanding his position and situation.  It was to benefit him.
Wary of her, James didn't respond immediately.  All his imagination and instinct believed she was here just to make him feel uncomfortable again.  That her stubborn and overbearing parts sought once more to gain control.  But there was enough of the Princess's goodwill and wisdom lingering in him to raise his doubts and that let him summon up his social manners.  It reminded him how, no manner how willing he was to defend himself, he didn't enjoy being a villain.  While certainly far from enthusiastic or engaged, he at least tried to be fair to her with his voice while he pointed to the statue before him and asked, "What's this one's story?"
She was immediately thankful to not have been turned away and, perking up, she answered truthfully, "I don't know.  I don't think I've ever heard it."
A dull silenced followed.  "What're the books for?" James eventually asked.
"Oh, I was in the castle library checking out every book that I thought might be useful for the task in Hamestown."  She floated the many tomes in front of herself to display them to him while enumerating, "Atlases, explorers' accounts, historical works about the area, lore and legends, geologic surveys, collections of reports and letters from the settlers, and more."  As she showed off each book, she laid them down in neat piles on the bench, hoping that she was invited enough to leave them there for awhile.
"I see," he said.  Once he got a good look at the massive group of texts taking up bench space like they were a sitting person, he remarked, "Going to be burning the midnight oil tonight?"
"Not so much, no," she responded, explaining, "The train ride out there will take awhile, so I'll have time to dig through them then.  I just played it safe and grabbed everything I could.  Better to have too much than too little."
He gave a weak shrug in agreement but offered no more.  He didn't want to directly push her away unless she provoked it but he wasn't really here to talk with her either.
Twilight endured the silence and watched him.  She wanted to be as careful as possible in approaching the topic of the Princess but, as usual, she found him difficult to read and could not discern if this was the right moment or if there ever would be a right moment.  Tiptoeing with her voice, she blurted out a nervous joke, "So... I guess you survived your encounter with the Princess, hehe."
"Yeah."  He was removed, simple, and direct.
She had hoped for something more from him.  "Aheh... hehe... that's... yeah, she's actually pretty great.  It can just be a little... harrowing... being under her scrutiny though.  I mean, she's PRINCESS CELESTIA."  The unicorn unconvincingly coughed to clear her throat and tried again, "So, I hope... it didn't go badly or anything?"
"No, we just chatted," he replied, again tersely.
"Oh."  As frustrating as the lack of information was, hearing that short report was a relief.  Only it kind of wasn't.  Just chatted?  The Princess hadn't noticed anything amiss to confront him about?  She hadn't questioned him thoroughly about everything that had gone on in the past two weeks?  Trepidatious, Twilight pressed, "About what?"
James could feel her positioning her shovel and he soured.  He wanted to believe this was indeed just another, if more indirect and underhanded, attempt by the pony to bring up things that weren't hers to bring up.  With a gentle rudeness, he tried to shut her down, "Stuff.  It was a private conversation."
"I see," she mumbled apologetically.  "I didn't mean-" to pry?  That's a laugh.  That was exactly what she was trying to do.  This was going wrong.  She felt it would be best that she respect him and stop digging now.  Only, in her mild nervousness and worry, a tiny voice within her shouted and pleaded to squeeze just a smidgen more out of him if possible and helplessly she asked, "... Did the Princess mention me at all?"
His shoulder grew colder but he acknowledged her with a minuscule nod and bare minimum shrug before he falsely turned his attention back to the statue in the hope that she would get the message.
She regretted her selfish extraction from him so much that she actually didn't worry and wonder about whatever the Princess may have said about her.  Going in, she had been determined that this was about recovering information so as to help him, but here she was helping herself after she had run into a brick wall.  Her thoughts had started out good but she had been right earlier.  This wasn't the time to be helping him, for exactly the same reasons she had given Rainbow Dash and Applejack.  She should back off and wait for a better time, when she had her friends with her.  Like Sidlesong in "Shadow of a Pony's Heart," this was going to be about coming together with the best her friends could give to overcome an obstacle.
But after what she had just done, she couldn't leave him standing here.
"There's something I'd like to say, very quickly, if that's alright," she requested.  "Nothing... nothing confrontational."
He gave no permissions but he didn't object either.  He hardly moved at all.
"I'm not going to ask how you are because I know what you'll say," she stated.  "And... I'm sorry if my behavior has been upsetting you.  I don't want to hurt anypony.  But I really am just trying my best to help.  I don't want to drive you away because... I want to be available, if you need me.  I hope you understand that," she pleaded softly.  Although she looked for signs that her words were getting through, he simply wasn't a book that she could read, especially when he shut himself off like this.  She continued, "Whatever it is that you're facing... dealing with it however it is you are... if that's... if that's what you HAVE to do, please understand... that caring and trying to help is what I have to do.  But I don't want to make things worse, either..."
What resonated with James was how lost she sounded.  The Princess's words came to his recall: she didn't always have the answers.  She was a student.  A learner.  Not one who knew so many things but one who sought out things to know.  One who usually didn't have answers but who understood a lot about questions.  One for whom not knowing was a common occurrence even if it didn't always feel good.  He almost twitched with the sympathy that wiggled inside him.  He could understand her feelings of being unguided, and confused, and without direction.
Lacking much volume, but also without any resentment or hostility, he said to her, "Well... thanks.  I appreciate it."
Twilight picked herself up with an easy smile and began gathering her books.  "I guess you'll be staying here when we head out?" she assumed.
"Yeah.  The Princess offered a room."
"Oh, good.  I mean, I thought she would," the unicorn nodded.  Carefully depositing a stack of tomes on her back and double-checking that she had the rest levitating near her, she distractedly rambled, "Well... I guess that'll give you a chance to... spend some quality... quiet time with yourself, right?  Eheh..."  He didn't seem to react to her and she shook her head vigorously to try and dislodge the senseless sentences that were coming out of her.
More assured, she told him, "We won't be gone all that long, I think.  It's probably going to take more time just to get out there than it is to have Fluttershy negotiate with some misbehaving animals."
James' eyes picked up and shot back to her, catching her presumption that everything the Princess had told her about the situation was the limits of the truth.  He pondered for a few moments over what he knew and the things the Princess had revealed to him.  Then he lowered his eyes back down and said, "Yeah.  Good luck with everything."  It wasn't his business, no more than his was hers.
"Thanks," she accepted.  "Have a good night."
"Night."
She departed, books in tow, returning to the castle.
Alone in the garden again, James suddenly found his breathing labored once more.  Again he wished for distraction, even lamenting Twilight's departure.  Though, that final comment of her's... "quality, quiet time with yourself."  He shook as the noise and pressure increased from all directions.  Placing his forearm along the dragon statue, he rested against it as he tried, struggled even, to bring the mental assault under control.  It was a challenge to even maintain a handle on his sporadic breathes.  Eventually he threw his eyes against his arm and cried quietly.
"... Oh God..."





The herd of pony friends (and ever attendant dragon) were gathered bright and early at the train station for the second day in a row.  The Canterlot station was larger and more regal than the rural Ponyville one in order to accommodate the greater flow of traffic that came through such a central city.  But between the early sun-skimmed hour and being on a more remote platform, it was again going to be a lightly populated departure.
Spike tried his very best to be a bellhop for Rarity, carrying a multitude of bags that together were more than his own size.  The tower he hauled about wobbled while he checked on the last of his gems that were sequestered away in one of her bags, as the bag he had shared with James earlier had been left behind with the man.
The ponies, meanwhile, took at good look at the train that was being prepared for their trip.  It was no elegantly designed hometown train; this gorgeous and stunning series of cars was masterful and royal in all ways.  Gold trims and designs ran the length of the silvery engine, right up to the chimney which resembled a ceremoniously decorated torch.  The whistle head was actually shaped like a tweeting bird!  The carriages were no less glamorous.  Broad, long, silver cars which bore windows and roofs that were framed with gold, jewels, and gems.  Even the couplings between the cars shimmered.  There were wide eyes and gaping mouths all around.
Applejack whistled smoothly before she exclaimed, "Well, I'll be a donkey's uncle!  We usually don't ride around in such style!"
Blitzing across the length of the train, Rainbow Dash was losing control of her excitement as she looked over the carriages and peeked into all the windows.  "Oh awesome-awesome-awesome.  These are like... VIP cars!" she gasped.  "We get individual rooms and everything!"
Twilight giggled.  She was perhaps the least outwardly animated of the ponies but only because she had known ahead of time what to expect.  On the inside, she was just as enthused as the rest of them.  "And a kitchen car, and a dining car...," she listed, to entice the others.
"Oh my!" Fluttershy let out.  She turned to a restless, bounding Pinkie Pie.  "This is so exciting!"
"Ahhh!  I know, I know!" the exuberant, pink pony screamed back while she skipped in place.  A kitchen car?  That was like... you could bake cookies... but on a moving train!  And then they'd be like normal cookies... BUT ON A MOVING TRAIN!  "Ahhhhh!"
"It's so generous of the Princess to get us aboard such high class transportation," Rarity observed, shaking while she barely retained her calm.  "I do hope it isn't going to be terribly crowded; I should very much like the chance to enjoy such a refined travel experience without distractions."
"Haha, Rarity!" Twilight called, "this is a private train!  And we're heading out to a remote corner of Equestria on the official business of Princess Celestia.  We're going to be the only passengers."
The seamstress's walls crumbled.  "Oh.  My.  Goodness.  Do you mean to say... WE'RE the only Very Important Ponies who get to ride this VIP train?"
"Sure do!" Twilight gaily responded.  "Aside from the staff I suppose."
"Ooohhh!" Rarity swooned.  Her hoof came flying up against her tilted forehead and she dreamily moaned, "I'll never be able to ride public rail again!"
Uncontrollable chatter broke out amongst them as they all excitedly talked to each other at once.  Imaginations soared with fantasies of what was assuredly the most queenly way to travel.  Any theorized experience of adored travel that one of them would suggest another would top by adding on even more wishful, marvelous luxuries.
Trying to be mindful of the big picture, Twilight had to work extra hard to keep a lid on her own lively spirit and bring her friends in line.  "Alright!  Get comfortable everypony!  Because it's going to a bit of a trip out there!" she revealed to them.  "Nearly two days, in fact!  We have an overnight stay on the train and then we should arrive in Hamestown the following night."
There were no objections or concerns from the group as they were more than thrilled to have so much time on this train.  Again the crossfire of blazing conversation erupted, having lost no ground from where it had left off.  They seized up their bags, waiting anxiously and eagerly to board.
When that hyped, magical time came so close that the air felt charged with electricity, there was an unexpected tapping noise that came from behind.  It quickly grew louder, into a stomping, before one of the station doors burst open.
"Wait!"
James came dashing across the platform to them, sweating after the long, scrambled run from the castle.  His perspiration and stern breathing masked the heavy bags under his eyes and other clear signs of poor sleep, devoid of rest.  The bag with his things dangled from a strap slung on his shoulder, the body crashing against him repeatedly as he ran.
"I'm coming too," he insisted when he caught up with them.
The others were understandably surprised but for half of them it wasn't at all an unwelcome development.  There were general smiles and hearty greetings from those.  But Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and especially Twilight gave more uncertain stares.  The unicorn recalled how just yesterday he had confirmed for her that he wouldn't be joining them.  She approached with thick skepticism, and with a cocked head and uncertain voice she questioned, "You're coming with us?  Why?"
He couldn't match eye contact with her and searched through his bag instead, ensuring that he had managed to grab everything when he had rushed out.  Walking the bizarre, uncertain line between truth and falsehood, he answered in an odd tone, "Princess Celestia asked me to.  Basically..."
"She did?"
"Yeah... more or less..."  He could only bring his eyes up in short, stolen, nervous glances.
Twilight bit her lip.  The avoidance of the raw truth could be felt, but so could the absence of overt deception.  The Princess did have a hoof in this... somehow.  In addition, the unicorn didn't exactly have an objection to his inclusion, but that came more from not knowing at all whether she should be objecting or not.  She hadn't permitted him to go into the Everfree Forest in the past but this was a decidedly less dangerous matter.  Her prediction was that there was hardly going to be much of anything for any of them to do, save Fluttershy.
As if he could read her mind, James shifted the opening in his bag down to show her the contents and said, "Look, I've got the books and everything.  If it comes down to me not being needed, which I think we both agree is likely, I'll just sit back and read.  And then it'd pretty much be no different than if I stayed here, right?"
She couldn't reply with anything but an unsure, "I guess..."
"At least... I'd be there...," he encouraged.
Another exchange of doubting looks occurred between her, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack.  The pegasus took this as another reason to stir up old suspicions and she wondered what might come from the group confronting him in the limited space of the train.
But the farm pony was the first to break.  She curled her mouth up and heaved her shoulders, taking this development simply as it was.  Moving before the man and hailing a hoof, she stated, "Well, the more the merrier, I say!  Mighty fine to have you along, Beanstalk!  Feels good to stretch your legs and go places, don't it?"