The Price of Wings

by Arcict

Chapter 04: "Gray Area"

Dusty Legend paced huffing. It wasn’t the pace that got him huffing, it was his anxiousness over his latest report. It wasn’t unusual for Dusty to begin writing his reports early in the morning, well before the sun came up, it was unusual, however, for him to include personal opinions and requests in them. This latest one had not been a pleasant one to write.

Dusty was tired of working on the portal project, he was tired of babysitting a grounded pegasus and he was tired of his father being held prisoner. Most of all he was tired of the feeling of utter futility he felt whenever he thought about the future of the project. Thus he had listed his grievances into his latest report. In the list, Dusty had tried to be as accurate and relevant as possible but he knew he couldn’t hide the truth.

The project was, in Dusty’s opinion, going nowhere. But beyond that, Dusty wanted out, this wasn’t his forte, his cutie-mark had nothing to do with any of this and Dusty wanted to go and try to rescue his father.

Dusty’s pacing wasn’t just from anxiety over what Celestia’s reaction might be, he also wanted to know what she chose, and as soon as possible. As such he had chosen to wait outside the royal dining room, a decision that soon led to tapping, then occasionally moving and finally the pacing that he found himself doing now.

- - -

In Celestia’s dining room, the atmosphere was considerably different. Celestia knew that Dusty’s patience had been getting thin of late. Knowing what Dusty wanted to do and knowing what she had charged him with Celestia had figured that it would just be a matter of time before Dusty tried to resign.

Breakfast was happening slightly faster than usual, Celestia had read Dusty’s report before breakfast and knew that delaying her response would not help anything.

“...and there is an envoy from the griffons concerning the developments in the... erm, the” Crystal Clear stumbled, she always had trouble with trying to pronounce foreign languages. “With the... um...”

Crystal Clear gave up and her horn began glowing, casting a spell on the words of the note.
“κορυφογραμμή του θερμού, ανατινάξεις βουνό ” the spell intoned.

“Hmm,” Celestia said, seated daintily among her cushions and contemplating the last toasted biscuit that lay before her. “Perhaps we shouldn't be calling it a ‘ridge’ per se’. After all, it’s not really a ridge, just a line of hills after all.”

“Well, either way,” Crystal continued, “they sent ahead a summary of their purpose.”

Crystal again cast the spell, “αρκετούς μήνες ακόμη πριν φυσά, ίσως περισσότερο από ένα χρόνο για να πάει”

“well, that clears that up at least,” Celestia said. “It’s a pity though that this day doesn't seem to be off to a good start. It’ll be months before we can arguably bring anypony else through that darn portal.”

“Pardon?” Crystal Clear asked. It may not have been her place to question the princess but it was her job to know things so she could inform the princess of news and events at regular intervals (such as breakfast, essentially her job was to be the Princess’s personal “morning news”), as such her curiosity and desire for information was naturally strong. It was also her place, as such a messenger, to act as a confidant for Celestia’s secrets whenever she heard them.

“I can’t ask anypony to come here, not during the winter.” Celestia stated plainly, “it is hard enough adapting to life here, even with the spells we put onto the portal to help them adapt; during the winter it’d just be too hard for any of them to reasonably go through with it.”

“If I may ask, what spells are you talking about?” Crystal said.

“There are many spells on the portal, most are concerned with the portal itself.” Celestia said, “keeping it stable, making sure it stays locked to a specific point in space on the other side, that sort of thing, even the green glow around it is nothing but a light spell. But mostly the spells I’m talking about are the ones that give them things that would take months or years to develop on their own, an intuitive knowledge of their new body, rewiring many of their reflexes and muscle memory so as to match their new musculature, even our language is different and needed updating.”

“And you did all that with magic?” Crystal said, “wouldn't that take a long time to develop? Or at least require a lot of work? I thought the portal had been open for less than a year, and it’s such a small project... isn’t it... I, I always thought it was.”

“You,” Celestia said cryptically, shaking her head slowly, “and everypony else.”

- - -

Dusty, still waiting outside, heard the familiar sound of hooves all but galloping down the hallway.

“Mail for Dusty Legend!” said the mail-pony that approached him, skidding to a halt mere inches from his face.

Dusty backed away a bit as the mail-pony got out a single envelope from his saddle bags.

“Er, thanks,” Dusty said, taking the envelope with his magic.

- - -

“Decades?!” Crystal Clear blurted out, “are you serious?”

“Very,” Celestia said solemnly, “this whole venture has been in the making for at least three decades, though in truth even longer. It has been in the making since long before my involvement, possibly even before my birth depending on how you look at it.”

“And none of them know?” Crystal Clear couldn’t help but ask.

“None of them know,” Celestia confirmed, “and how could they? They have believed that they are and always have been alone. To tell them now would do nothing but destroy what little surety they have, and it wouldn’t do anything to help them regain it. I have seen their world, the most advanced of them would throw away all tradition and common sense believing they can handle life without those things because of how far they have progressed; to tell them would be to destroy everything. And the other half believes in things that entirely contradict the truth, to tell them is to risk out and out war with their beliefs and way of life.”

“It’s cruel,” Crystal Clear said, “is there no other way?”

“The only way would be for them to be prepared,” Celestia said, “for fate itself to simply hand them over to us already primed and ready to hear everything but... they’re not.”

“Well, at least you’re-“ Crystal started before getting interrupted by Dusty bursting through the door. At first Celestia presumed that Dusty had dug his own proverbial grave by losing patience but the look on his face told her different.

“What happened?!” Celestia demanded, getting up quickly, the cool biscuit all but forgotten.

“He’s in the hospital.” Dusty said breathlessly, he’d practically begun hyperventilating as he read Red Giant’s letter. “And he’s turned gray again.”

- - -

There were sheep in the woods, clear and open. There was a ball and they were passing it around, children, not sheep. The ball was red but quickly turned blue when nobody was looking. The children left, also while nobody was looking. He couldn’t find the ball so he went looking for it. The ball was gone but he knew it had gone somewhere. In the back of his mind he knew that he should be looking at something else but he wanted that ball.

“It is the year 20XXXX,” A loud deep voice rang out, “the apocalypse has been thrown into world, as the evil Dr. Wibotlynic continues his mad terror of spree, mayhem and acorn squash.”

He looked up, unwilling to do so because he still wanted to look for the thing he knew he was looking for before, but he couldn’t remember what it was. Even so, despite being unable to remember it, he kept trying to find it before finally giving up, it’d turn up sooner or later, though in the back of his mind he didn’t think it would. But by now the voice was gone and so was the rest of everything, it was white and green and the world seemed spent, as though something had been used up in creating it. Dr. Wibotlynic was there, laughing at him deeply but also in a kind of crazy maniacal way as his enormous metal square prosthetic chin kept beeping rhythmically. Possibilities collapsed and probabilities ended. The fizz was going flat as entire realities fell into empty shadow and all the while the rhythmic beeping grew louder and louder.

Cobalt opened his eyes, he had been dreaming. Once again he had gotten distracted by something the dream didn’t want him to focus on and had caused the dream to collapse prematurely. This hadn’t been the first time he’d destroyed his own dreams by getting distracted, he was quite used to it. In some ways Cobalt figured that sooner or later his dreams or whatever part of his brain actually did the dream-making would catch up to the rest of him and just make the dream about the distraction instead.

“Stupid sleep” Cobalt groaned, still groggy and barely remembering a thing about the dream other than that it wasn’t very coherent, “we’re supposed to use sleep to get sheep, not the other... way... something.”

Cobalt gave up, he knew it had come out wrong but he wasn’t sure how, and now that he thought on it, he couldn’t remember what he had been talking about anyway. For a moment he thought that there was someone that left while he was thinking but he couldn’t tell for sure, he was too groggy. Idly he saw a machine that was beating rhythmically nearby, ‘the chin’ he thought, but couldn’t fully remember why he thought of a chin when he saw it, he soon forgot the whole thing.

Given that he'd thought that someone had left it was, therefore, only partially a surprise when he saw a doctor, doctor’s uniform and all, walking into the room. The doctor was a pale orange unicorn with a bright pink mane.

“So,” said the doctor, “are you awake now?”

“That depends,” Cobalt said, still a little groggy, “Are you a natural pink?”

“Ac... actually no,” the doctor said nervously. “My mane is naturally a bright red, but... well, working in a hospital doesn’t really condone having anything a bright red so...”

The doctor noticed that Cobalt didn’t seem to really care one way or another.

“Well, do try to stay awake, we don’t want you to go back to sleep just yet,” said the doctor. “I am Doctor Ethics and you are... Cobalt, correct?”

“Yeah, that’s what they call me,” Cobalt said.

“So,” Dr. Ethics continued, “about the hoof, you know how it happened? Your friend brought you in but didn’t know how it had happened, was it an accident in the house or something.”

Cobalt had to look at his hoof to see what the doctor was talking about, doing his best to ignore the doctor’s name. The hoof was bandaged, but from the looks of it, still not in a cast. It was then that the memory came back to him, he had been running hard and it had just snapped, split in twain. The memory wasn’t alone, with it came the memory of the horrible time he’d had trying to get back home, he couldn’t help but shut his eyes cringing, when thinking about it.

“Can’t remember huh?” Dr. Ethics said, “I wouldn’t worry about it, traumatic events such as these usually take their-“

“I remember how it happened.” Cobalt interrupted, “really, it was more of a ‘really bad thing’ than a traumatic event. It happened while I was running, galloping outside, for the exercise. I... I’m not going to need it amputated am I?”

Dr. Ethics simply stared at him for a moment, Cobalt wasn’t sure whether the look on the doctor’s face was one confirming his question or one of shock for asking it.

“Goodness! I should hope not,” Dr. Ethics said “we haven’t had to perform an actual amputation in... well, longer than I’ve been here. Why somepony would even think of such a thing I cannot imagine.”

“Doctor, how long have I been here?” Cobalt said, easing himself back into the bed again, it was only now he realized his wings were a bit stiff, in fact most of his body was stiff.

“You were admitted last night,” said Dr. Ethics in a marveling voice, Cobalt was talking amputation which, in Dr. Ethics’ eyes was a very extreme measure, but he was doing so in an extremely calm manner.

“So, doctor.” Cobalt said, “what am I looking at here?”

“Well, let’s see here.” Dr. Ethics said, using his magic to unravel Cobalt’s bandages. Cobalt winced a little as the change in pressure caused a little pain. For a few moments the doctor looked at the injured hoof, then a few more, then a few more, Cobalt was starting to get embarrassed, had he stepped in something?

“See anything doc?” Cobalt asked.

“I... well, it’s not bleeding or anything so that’s good news.” Dr. Ethics said.

“Okay, any bad news?” Cobalt asked. “I mean, you were looking at it for a while.”

“No no,” Dr. Ethics said hastily, “it’s nothing to worry about, I’m sure things will look better later.”

Dr. Ethics quickly re-bound Cobalt’s hoof and turned to go, Cobalt couldn’t help but get the distinct impression that he was retreating from something.

“Veracity doctor,” Cobalt said, his voice commanding; it halted the doctor in his tracks. “Now, if you don’t mind.”

“How... how do you know about that?” Dr. Ethics asked, as though Cobalt has asked Superman about kryptonite. “Most ponies are woefully ignorant about medicine, certainly about the ethics of-“

“My question first,” Cobalt said, “then yours, please.”

Dr. Ethics sighed, defeated.

“It’s not healing,” Dr. Ethics said, “at least, it doesn’t look like it is. I’m sure it just needs more time but...”

Cobalt looked back at his hoof as the doctor trailed off, only now noticing the rest of the leg that attached to said hoof.

“Doctor...” Cobalt said, only now a little bit worried and looking the rest of himself over, “why am I gray?”

“Because you are?” Dr. Ethics tried as he picked up a clipboard at the base of Cobalt’s bed, “is that not your natural color?”

“No, it isn’t.” Cobalt said, “I’m naturally an ocean dark blue.”

“So... you dyed your coat?” Dr. Ethics said, trying to understand. “I mean, I dye my mane and tail.”

“No,” Cobalt said, “I think... I think I turned gray for a reason.”

Neither said anything for a moment. After a few seconds, they heard what sounded like a heated argument outside and Dr. Ethics turned to go check on it.

“I’m a phlebotomist, by the way,” Cobalt said quickly, wanting to catch Dr. Ethics before he’d left. “At least, I was, some time ago. That’s how I learned of the ethics, Dr. Ethics. Heh.”

Dr. Ethics looked at him for a moment, his face seemingly confused. Cobalt understood, Dr. Ethics was wondering how a pegasus, with no access to telekinesis, could handle small needles with any amount of skill or sanitation.

“It’s a long story doc,” Cobalt said, “but...”

Cobalt turned from the doctor to the door, the argument had become louder and Cobalt thought he’d heard a voice he recognized. No more than a few seconds later when a pony burst through the door and Cobalt saw a face he thought he recognized.

“By Celestia’s mane,” Dusty said, exhausted and surprised as he looked Cobalt over. “You’ve really done it this time.”

Dusty lowered his head and for a few moments his horn glowed.

“Enough of that!” Dr. Ethics said, bursting into the room himself, “no foreign magics in the hospital, you can do that outside or in the lobby but don’t-“

Dr. Ethics stopped and stammered as the light from the window grew until it was nearly blinding and Princess Celestia appeared.

It took Cobalt a moment before he realized what had happened, he’d never seen Celestia teleport before.

“Be still my little ponies.” Celestia said as she turned to look Cobalt over. Finally she turned toward the doorway where Dusty and Dr. Ethics stood.

“Can we have a moment alone?” Celestia asked, it took a moment before the two ponies realized she was actually ordering them out.

“Oh, of course!” Dr. Ethics said, backing out quickly.

“You too,” Celestia said gently as Dusty hesitated, finally he too turned and left the room.

“Do you know what happened to you?” Celestia asked when they were alone, turning to face Cobalt again.

“I split my hoof, running, er galloping” Cobalt said, indicating the wounded limb, “exactly how I turned all monochrome I have no idea.”

They were both silent for a while.

“Hey, don’t sweat it, it’s nothing a bucket of paint won’t cure right?” Cobalt said, trying to joke.

Celestia paused, looking him over.

“I’m afraid it is very serious,” Celestia said finally.

The attitude of the room changed for both of them.

“How serious?” Cobalt asked, his voice all business.

“You won’t heal like this.” Celestia said delicately, “so long as you are gray, I do not think your body will recover from your injury.”

Cobalt didn’t need much time to think about this.

“Well, at least that explains what Dr. Ethics said about my hoof.” Cobalt said, “so, the question is, how to I fix that?”

Celestia hesitated, taken aback, she couldn’t help but wonder if his mind hadn’t completely snapped, he was taking the news extremely well.

“Well hurry up, out with it... please,” Cobalt said.

“You... aren’t afraid?” Celestia asked.

“Of what?” Cobalt asked, “of not healing, of being stuck in here forever, what is there to be afraid of that can’t be fixed by getting rid of being gray? If I get it fixed then it all gets better right? So what is the point of being afraid then? Just get to the point so that I can fix it.”

Celestia couldn’t help but pause again, taking in what Cobalt had just said.

“It is...” Celestia said, unsure what to say next, “it is just that most ponies would be half-panicking about now.”

“Well, congratulations, but as I’m pretty sure you’ve figured out by now... I am not most ponies.” Cobalt said. Despite the rudeness of his statement, Celestia could sense that he’d meant it as a kind of ‘in’ joke, of course she’d figured out he wasn’t most ponies, she’d known that since before he’d stepped through the portal, even more so afterward. "So come on, hit me."

*well, if he really wants me to hit him with the truth* Celestia thought.

“It could kill you,” Celestia said finally. “It was a disease a long time ago, in fact, that was why the Earth-ponies created the cutie-marks, to ward it off. Also why they made it so it appeared when they were young. The disease doesn’t affect the young, they are too resilient, typically, but as they get older... they became susceptible.”

Celestia stopped, allowing the information to sink in. Cobalt did his best to wait patiently for Celestia to continue.

“It... well, it only happens when you turn against yourself, your true nature that is.” Celestia said, “effectively, you did something to yourself. That is the tricky part really, the only way to cure turning gray is to find what you did and undo it.”

Now Cobalt paused, taking it all in.

“Any pointers on helping me to find it?” Cobalt asked finally.

“I understand,” Celestia said, “that the event in question is, emotionally speaking, incredibly painful, and since it apparently happened when you were alone, you would be the only pony that knows just what it was that happened. So, unfortunately, only you can undo it..”

Cobalt paused again, slightly disappointed, he’d been hoping for something he could work with instead of simple vagaries.

“you understand?” Cobalt asked.

“The most recent occurrences of turning gray were... under somewhat unnatural circumstances,” Celestia said. “The original circumstances, where ponies turned gray, it has been so long since it happened that the last reported incidence was hundreds of years before I was born!”

“Ah,” Cobalt said, understanding. If the last case had occurred so long ago then even princess Celestia might not know all of the details.

“I shall go, I need to speak to the doctor” Celestia said, and with that, she turned and trotted through the door which was only barely large enough to grant her clearance. Cobalt was already so engrossed trying to figure out what he needed to do that he only barely noticed that Celestia had turned briefly back to him, worried.

“Doctor, I need to talk to you,” Celestia said, briefly casting a spell on Cobalt’s room door.

“Yes princess?” said Dr. Ethics, bowing deeply to the ground.

Celestia’s horn glowed briefly, Dusty, watching from several feet away felt a little jealous that the doctor wasn’t raising any fuss about ‘foreign’ magics like he had before. A few moments later and both he and the doctor turned as the sound of approaching hoofsteps reached their ears. A black hooded stallion approached at a hurried pace. For a moment Dusty thought, given the dark hood, that it meant danger or something, then he heard the princess speak.

“Doctor, this is a trusted pony of mine, he keeps *pfft* me informed of everything he sees and hears,” Celestia said, pausing only because a small fly flew close enough to tickle her nose for a brief moment. “I want him to keep an eye on Cobalt, your patient.”

“That... is easily done your highness,” Dr. Ethics said, “we can set him up in the-“

“And I do not want Cobalt to know he is being watched,” Celestia finished.

“What?” Dr. Ethics asked, surprised.

“You will dress up my trusted pony in bandages and casts, wherever his coat shows through you will dye or paint it so that Cobalt does not see his true color, do not bother with his mane and tail, the coat is enough, and you will cover his cutie mark, he will be a room-mate for Cobalt,” Celestia said. “You will treat him as though he were a patient that needs bed rest and must not be disturbed, I do not want Cobalt to realize he is being spied upon or he may start to realize how grave his situation really is and start to lose hope.”

“Princess, I...” Dr. Ethics started.

“Doctor, it is absolutely imperative that Cobalt not lose hope,” Celestia said, her voice wavering slightly with strain and concern. “I am convinced that that is the only reason why he has not already succumbed and died. If anything happens I want to know immediately but I do not want him to know just how serious things really are.”

Dr. Ethics hesitated before finally responding.

“Yes your highness,” Dr. Ethics said.

“Dusty, see to it that Dr. Ethics is informed of Cobalt’s history and see to it that my trusted pony is well disguised and placed where he can keep an eye on Cobalt’s condition,” Celestia said.

“Yes princess,” Dusty Legend said, bowing himself and following as Dr. Ethics escorted both him and the black-cloaked pony down the hallway.

“So, did you know about this?” Celestia heard Dr. Ethics whisper to Dusty.

“No,” Dusty Legend replied, “this is the first I’ve ever heard of Celestia using spies.”

Celestia waited until they were both well out of earshot.

“What did you do to him Discord?” Celestia demanded, turning back to face the supposedly empty hallway, her voice wavering slightly as she spoke.

“Me?” The small fly said, as he grew into a small draconequus, his voice deliberately dripping with mock innocence. “Why I haven’t done a thing to him.”

Celestia glared at him, Discord didn’t need his powers to know that she didn’t believe him.

“Oh come now Celestia truly, I didn’t do anything,” Discord reiterated. “Honestly, last night it was all I could do to keep track of the poor beast; he kept startling and acting like he heard me and probably thought I was some wild creature stalking him out in the cold last night.”

“You were a wild creature stalking him out in the cold last night.” Celestia deadpanned, “those were your orders, to follow him any time he left the house.”

“And I did!” Discord protested, “boring though it was, I did exactly what you asked me to do, all winter long this has been going! Please Celestia, make it stop, he never does ANYTHING interesting!”

“You were supposed to tell me if something happened!” Celestia demanded. “You saw this happening and said nothing.”

“I would have informed you if he’d died,” Discord said.

It was all Celestia could do to not see red and set Discord on fire, on the other hoof, it was all Discord could do to not burst into laughter from Celestia’s contorted look of rage. This stalemate lasted for about one and a half seconds when Discord finally did burst into laughter... shortly before bursting into flames.

Normally, the sight of Discord aflame and limping about in the air yelping like a freshly scolded puppy would have been humorous to the princess; today though, her mood had not improved with the combustion of the floating squealing draconequus.

“You say that he actually sensed you?” Celestia asked.

“Ooh that smarts!” Discord ranted, putting out the last of the flames. “I *ach* yes! He... ah, there it is... ah, yes, he was able to do so somehow, it was all I could do to remain undetected.”

“This is ill news,” Celestia said, mostly to herself, “the spell is already breaking, it is happening much faster than I had anticipated.”

“I told you it wouldn’t last,” Discord said, relishing the opportunity to give Celestia an ‘I told you so’, “but did you listen to me, no no n-“

“Shh!” Celestia shushed at Discord as the sound of pony-hooves came clip-clopping down the hallway. Discord disappeared, returning to the form of a small fly that resumed its flight around the princess’s head.

“He appears ready, your highness,” Dusty said. Celestia noticed that behind the unicorn was a pair of nurses, Dr. Ethics, and her spy, so smothered in casts that he was covered nearly from head to tail. To complement the ensemble, the casts had been given a few quick “get well” and other hastily drawn sketches and ‘well-wishes’ that friends would typically leave and his coat had been treated so where it stuck out between the casts it appeared as a light green instead of his usual color and shade. The spy was so stuck and immobile that they were carting him along on a dolly.

“I am sorry,” Celestia said to her trusted ally, “but he cannot be allowed to know that he is being watched.”

The spy merely nodded a little and was carted away to Cobalt’s room.

“We shall tell him that he is being transferred because of a lack of room elsewhere,” Dr. Ethics said, “and because Cobalt doesn’t require any kind of intensive care the injuries of... well, we gave him the name ‘Emerald Star’ so if Emerald has any needs we’ll be able to get to him quickly.”

“Do you feel conflicted doctor?” Celestia asked. “I know that honesty is one of the ethics doctors and medical staff need to uphold.”

“As is confidentiality,” Dr. Ethics said. “And officially we have admitted er, Emerald into the hospital, as such, I am forbidden from telling any details of my patients. Except, of course, to said patient's other caretakers. Cobalt knows the binding ethical code so he shouldn't even ask.”

Celestia watched Dr. Ethics and the nurses as her spy was wheeled away into Cobalt’s room.

“And just so you know,” A tiny fly whispered in Celestia’s ear, “Something else was also watching over him that night. I have no idea what it was, when I went over to investigate it bit me, right on the nose, very rude. But I know he saw something because once it left he seemed to have a renewed spirit and managed the last leg home without any stops or pauses.”

Celestia turned to face the fly, about to ask Discord for more details, but the draconequus (as a fly or otherwise) was nowhere to be found.

- - -

Cobalt couldn’t help but be curious when they wheeled the bandaged pony into his room, on a dolly no less, some ponies must be too hurt for the wheelchair apparently. He watched as they positioned him onto the bed and suspended some of his bandaged legs with those weird medical suspension tools. The spectacle didn’t last long and soon Cobalt was left to his own thoughts, the newcomer was apparently either too tired or sedated to make conversation.

Feeling tired and a little worried, Cobalt turned to face the ceiling, his thoughts turning to what Celestia had told him. His condition could be fatal for him, but what condition, he felt fine... didn’t he?

Cobalt closed his eyes and explored what he felt. It wasn’t a new exercise, sometimes when he was young he experimented with his mental control, deliberately fooling himself into feeling like he was floating or falling, spinning or moving through space. He could never remove the sensation of being on his bed so he often (mentally) just took his bed with him. He could ‘feel’ his body, lying on the mattress with both of them spinning in any number of directions he wished, he’d even tried multiple directions a couple of times. He could imagine an object, and then send the object zooming far away, just so he could feel the sensation of leaving it and gain a great perspective of space and distance.

There wasn’t much that his exploration could tell him that he didn’t already know. Everything he felt was unsurprising to him. His feelings about being in the hospital, about the hoof, about his condition, about the past, none of it was surprising and thus he concluded, could not be the source of the condition.

Cobalt opened his eyes again, the exercise had not helped him very much.

Idly, Cobalt looked out the window at the clear blue sky. “How boring” he thought, and quickly turned away from the window and back at the ceiling. It was actually less boring, the ceiling, most people never realized how blank and flat the clear sky really was, it was a single solid color that shaded itself only slightly as it approached the horizon. The ceiling however was made up of smaller parts, little divots and dimples, every imperfection gave off a tiny shadow that gave the ceiling the visual noise that the blank and empty sky simply didn’t have.

The longer Cobalt looked at the ceiling though, the more his mind got familiar with it and he almost mentally cringed at the realization of the inevitable, the ceiling eventually became just as boring to him. As a last ditch effort for something to do he started looking more closely to try and find some small hidden detail, a little divot that looked like a moon crater, a weird stain that didn’t look like anything, something, alas, it was officially boring.

Disgusted, Cobalt turned toward the window, staring at the wall. He wanted this to be a dream, he wanted it to go away, to disappear, just let him be.

What happened? Why is it... that’s all I can think about? Why do I... He found it difficult to continue the thought.

“What happened to me?” Cobalt said to himself aloud, opening his eyes, only now discovering that he had closed them. “I used to be so curious, I’d find the idea that that’s all I could think about... interesting... is that what changed in me, I have no curiosity?”

He considered further, no, he was still curious, but... he couldn’t think much beyond it. If he was curious, then why did he just want things to go away?

He continued trying to figure out why, momentarily squinting as the sun glared at him for a moment through the window.

This was disconcerting, trying to dig deeper Cobalt checked other things he liked. One, two, three... more and more, every time he found something he liked, he found that it felt dead, they were no more motivating than the fading light coming through the window, which seemed ironic for some reason Cobalt couldn’t understand.

Everything seemed dead to him, as though they were once pleasant, but not anymore, as though...

“As though, I’ve given up on them,” Cobalt said to himself.

It was a painful thought, the idea that he’d given up on everything, also the realization that, for some reason, he had still given up on them, as though he couldn’t simply change his mind about it. He had given up, abandoned them, and for some reason, he was unable to go back.

“When did this happen?” Cobalt asked nobody in particular. For a moment, Cobalt thought he was asking the moon as it rose past his window, but no, he was talking to himself.

Cobalt didn’t need to think very long before he remembered.

“In the snow,” Cobalt said, the room dark light in the sky becoming slightly more illuminated. “It was in the snow, when I thought... when I knew I was going to die, I just wanted everything to end. I just thought that... it would be too painful, that it wasn’t worth it. I gave up, because I thought it would be too hard and I didn’t want to do it. I ran away, I tried running away from life itself... like I always do.”

He cringed, the full realization of what he'd done hitting him hard. There really was magic here, if he'd done this at home he could just pick himself up tomorrow and forget about it, but here it was different, he needed to be careful.

A bitter taste entered his mind, a taste he was familiar with, one more obstacle, one more thing to be avoided, to keep away from, one more thing to be afraid of. Unbidden, other fears and obstacles came to his mind, crushing down in a great rush, as though this small revelation had sparked an avalanche of depression and fear.

Cobalt tried to open his eyes but he couldn’t seem to escape the metaphor, it had taken a life of its own in his mind. He wanted to escape, to flee, to get out, his own fears were crushing him.

“Why did I get into this?” Cobalt asked himself, “no, no these things. I need to get away from them, to... to avoid them... like I always have.”

Cobalt quieted his mind, trying to calm down and regain his perspective.

“I’ve always run away, haven’t I?” Cobalt asked himself, the metaphor disappearing even as he did so, now that he found himself focused on something other than just the fears themselves. Idly he found himself opening his eyes again, the light pouring in from the window once more. “But... I can’t do that. I shouldn’t do that.”

Cobalt’s eyes closed as his mind was seized upon by an unseen force that took him away. He saw the snow, the ice, the pain and, in his horror, he saw the truth... he had never made it back, he wasn’t in the hospital, he had merely dreamed of it in a hypothermia induced dream; the Melon’s house and the warmth of the fireplace: just numbness, the flight to the hospital: the wind picking up and chilling him again, the princess and the light from the window: just the light of the stars; he’d dreamed it all up in his cold delirium.

“There is no choice,” Cobalt said, “I must go on.”

The horror of reality pressed even further into his mind, the cold had seeped into his lungs, his heart, his body was numb from the inside and he could barely move his legs, if hypothermia wasn't going to kill him, pneumonia certainly would. Could he possibly try to go on when he knew the inevitable outcome, how dare he make such a mockery of his life, to struggle futily, to die like a worm, couldn’t he simply end his struggle, give up and die with what little dignity he could muster, it was all he had left after all.

“That’s not me.” Cobalt said, his lips, so frozen they cracked as he spoke. “What do I care about dignity, is it more dignified to die a quitter, or to die trying?”

Again the crushing feeling came, how could he break his habit, he was a quitter, always losing and quitting when things got tough, isn’t this how quitters should end? Isn’t this how a loser should go, isn’t this what they deserved, the very fate they had brought upon themselves? How could he be so hypocritical?

“That’s not me either,” Cobalt said again, his frame shaking from exhaustion and exertion. “I get distracted, and frustrated, and yeah, sometimes I give up. But I beat Wily, I beat lots of games, I never quit on them, I finished school, it was hard and I took the long way, but I got it done. I only regret when I did quit. But if I was a quitter...I would never... I wouldn’t have made it here!”

Pain, raw pain, like needles all over, Cobalt was certain that his body was freezing and splintering into tiny needle-like shards all over. The more he tried the more it hurt.

“But...” Cobalt said, “I’m also stubborn, and if I really am here... then I have already seen what could be, and I want it!”

Cobalt pressed his mind and abandoned reality, forcing it aside and away from him, peeling himself therefrom and thrust it away, like his mental exercises so too did he now toss away reality itself.

“You’re no reality,” Cobalt said dangerously, opening his eyes at the vision before him. There in front of him, in the silhouette of a pony about his size, was the ‘reality he had just seen all else was dark, like an inverse of a black shadow in the light, it was a world surrounded by a dark shadow between them. Cobalt stared at it, now realizing that it wasn’t a reality, it was merely a vision.

“Did I create you?” Cobalt asked, “or were you conjured to torment me?”

The vision did not answer.

“I’m not giving up, here or there,” Cobalt said “Bring it, send me back, I’ll make my choice, I didn’t die then, and you’re not going to kill me now.”

The vision didn’t dissolve, but it did expand, formless and pushing, Cobalt felt fear, raw, uncomplicated, fear. But he knew it now, the vision wanted to justify itself, wanted to live, or rather, to kill. Cobalt knew that well, anger, lust, greed, they all had ways of persuasion and self-justification, by justifying a little, they could justify a lot. Even so, the fears surrounded him like a world of rocks tumbling over and over on top of him, but acting as a solid mass of stone, crushing him.

“Yes, I’m afraid.” Cobalt said, once again finding himself being crushed, not by many fears but a single super-oppressive one. “But... I accept that, I need that even, without fear, I cannot know what to avoid, but I can’t let that control me either. I must face and control my own fears and stop running away from them, or they will kill me.”

He found that part of him that had been running away, it was easy now, it was so obvious now that the answer had been revealed, the other old friend ‘depression’ stirred but Cobalt held it back easily enough, of course he wasn’t stupid, riddles are always easier to figure out once you know the answer, no need to berate himself for only now seeing how easy the answer was. No more was he being crushed in the stone, now he was in it, and as he accepted and took control of it, it cracked and crumbled to dust before him.

Threats were real, but the fear was just a shadow.

Once again Cobalt opened his eyes, feeling exhausted and very hungry as he squinted against the evening light. Cobalt blinked, feeling a little numb emotionally. Idly he checked, yes, he wanted things, things in the future, things for others, for himself, his goals and desires were no longer dead to him. They weren't exactly alight either though, like a computer turning on from having been off for a while, his 'system' apparently, needed some time to fully reboot.

Cobalt saw his roommate shift slightly, was his memory fritzed or did he actually remember seeing his roommate having done that more than once? The nurse came in momentarily and then left.

Memories of his time in the hospital thus far seemed blurred but not because he couldn’t see them, it was more like they were... compacted, contained in a zip file where it was hard to reach.

Cobalt looked out the window again, was that really evening? It was morning when...

Darkness, Cobalt remembered having seen darkness from the window sometime during his time here, when was it? Heck, what DAY was it?! A quick but light flurry of emotions swept through him, first panic at not knowing, then a combination of embarrassment and self-derision at realizing that he had just fought against his own fears and was already panicking, then a forced calm and finally a not-so-forced calm as he came to grips with the situation. Time, or the perception thereof, appeared to have slipped from him during his meditations.

“We were just about to begin serving dinner,” said a nurse, pushing a cart in front of her. The cart looked busy and Cobalt’s eager eyes scanned the entire thing. It was a silvery metal thing with many levels inside of it, each level carried several short trays with plates. The far side of the cart had several lidded cups in cup-holders. On the side of the cart was a place for dirty dishes. Cobalt did not see many vacancies for either plates, trays, or cups so they must have been fairly early in the rounds.

“And we...” the nurse said, looking Cobalt over quickly. “Well, you’re looking better.”

Cobalt looked at himself, sure enough, he wasn’t gray anymore, instead his coat was... a sapphire blue?!

“These aren’t my colors,” Cobalt said idly, “I’m supposed to be a darker blue than this.”

Cobalt couldn’t identify the stuff on his plate that the nurse (or orderly, or whatever title was given to the ponies that served dinner) served to him but he didn’t care either, nor did it last long enough for him to really taste it.

Dr. Ethics stopped in shortly afterwards, looking him over.

“Doctor,” Cobalt said, “I think I should tell you, this isn’t my color, my coat I mean, it’s supposed to be more of a navy blue, not this... neutral... plain... blue.”

“Sapphire-Blue I would say,” Dr. Ethics said, looking him over.

“You’ll be informing Celestia about this?” Cobalt asked.

“Princess Celestia,” Dr. Ethics corrected, “has already been informed.”

Cobalt looked out the window again.

“How long have I been...?” Cobalt asked, unsure how to phrase it.

“Two days,” Dr. Ethics said, “you came here yesterday morning.”

“So...” Cobalt said, “it took all night and... why?”

“I don’t know,” Dr. Ethics said, “quite frankly I have no idea what you were doing, you would spend hours just staring in the same direction and barely move at all. Honestly I was worried we were going to lose you. I was also a little worried your eyes might dry out, you barely blinked.”

“So was I,” Cobalt said, “Hey, if you’ve got some time, I think it might help to know what... happened.”

“Alright,” Dr. Ethics said calmly.

Cobalt spent the next half hour relaying what had happened since learning that he had turned gray and been determined to undo it. He wasn’t sure how much of it was of any use to the doctor or to future medicine but even so, he felt it was important to have it for the record anyway.

“Well,” Dr. Ethics said when he’d finished writing the last of Cobalt’s report, “this certainly gives us some things to think about in the future. But, how do you feel, right now I mean?”

“Right now?” Cobalt repeated at the doctor, “right now I guess I just feel a little tired and...”

Cobalt’s voice trailed off as a soft light entered from the window, within seconds the princess of the sun stood before them. Dr. Ethics bowed low, Cobalt tried to nod though it was difficult because he was still stiff and lying on his back, even his roommate tried shifting as though attempting a bow, though the casts prevented this.

“So, it is as I was told,” Celestia said, “you have banished your gray-ness.”

“I don’t understand though,” Cobalt said, “this... this blue isn’t my natural color.”

“Perhaps it is,” Celestia said mysteriously, “perhaps you have only now achieved it.”

Cobalt gave her a puzzled look.

“You are in a rather unique situation,” Celestia said, as though answering his unasked question.

Cobalt smiled a bit, she'd all but thrown his "I am not most ponies" back at him, and as a joke no less. Cobalt laid back, his body expressing the straining sensation of tiredness that he felt. It really gave light to the shift in his situation, to go from grave to gags.

“Well,” Celestia said, “Cobalt, if you don’t mind me asking, but I know that you... saw something, when you were out in the snow. Do you mind telling me what it is you saw?”

Cobalt looked at her for a moment, his face unreadable.

“Don’t bother guessing,” Celestia said, “it isn’t anypony you know.”

“So...” Cobalt said, still thinking.

“Yes,” Celestia said, “he informed me that you thought that something was following you, there was, only he wasn’t dangerous... well, he wasn’t a danger to you... mostly.”

Cobalt thought about that, catching the fact that Celestia apparently didn’t want to lie but also wanted to reassure him about whomever it was that had been following him.

“If you will allow me,” Celestia said, lowering her horn as it started to glow, “all you need do is try and recall what happened.”

Cobalt closed his eyes and tried replaying the vision in his mind, it came surprisingly easy, he could almost feel some kind of force actually helping his memory. He was able to recall all of it, the initial whiteness of everything, the voice, the sense of clutter and debris, everything. Cobalt opened his eyes again.

“Do you know what it means?” Cobalt asked.

“I have some ideas,” Celestia said, “but they aren’t important right now, what is important is that you have fixed the real problem and now you can get on with fixing the next one.”

Celestia indicated Cobalt’s hoof, still wrapped up.

“Yeah, that...” Cobalt said, feeling suddenly embarrassed, it was his own fault it had happened.

“Please keep me informed doctor,” Celestia said, turning to go, she was just about through the door when Cobalt’s voice stopped her.

“Princess,” Cobalt said, “you said that the Earth Ponies created the cutie marks. But other ponies have them. Did they get them by inheritance or...?

Cobalt left the question hang because he knew there were millions of possibilities and he didn’t want to have to spend the energy trying every one of them, leaving it open invited Celestia to simply insert her own option.

“The power they used to create the Cutie Marks,” Princess Celestia responded, “was extended to all ponies when the others joined them. It is more complicated than that but the answer to your true question is ‘yes, even though you were not related to any Earth Ponies, you can still earn a Cutie Mark’.”

Cobalt said nothing for a while, still taking in the sensation of pleasant surprise at having the princess not only answer his question but guess at the purpose thereof and answer that question as well. Celestia, seeing Cobalt’s meditation, turned to go but Cobalt stopped her (again) with another question that halted not only her gait, but her very thought process as well.

“Do you want to take your spy with you?” Cobalt asked.

Celestia stopped dead in her tracks, having been taken completely off guard by the question. After a moment’s hesitation she continued through the doorway.

“That won’t convince me, I know he’s not really a patient,” Cobalt said, “and there’s no point in keeping him here if I know.”

Celestia poked her head through the doorway a moment later.

“And just what convinces you that there is a spy at all?” Celestia asked.

“Not a bad ploy,” Cobalt commented, taking a deep breath. “You obviously either want to keep him here or keep me under watch, best way to keep his cover is to maintain innocence and feign ignorance. But... it won’t work.--‘

‘--First off, he’s bandaged way too much to be able to comfortably move around. His cutie mark is covered, either you want to keep it secret or he’s broken his hip, but anypony that broke their hip would likely be in excruciating pain if he moved unless he was on some serious drugs.--‘

‘--But again, drugs means that he’d need constant monitoring or a machine to administer them, I have seen no special monitoring and no such machine is hooked up, not even a bag of saline. On top of this, he does move around occasionally as though uncomfortable sitting still, but if he really were that badly injured, moving around would be uncomfortable and sitting still would be the comfort.”

Cobalt exhaled what little breath he had remaining and continued.

“He’s got marks on his bandages as though someone’s been drawing on it yet he doesn’t have any ‘get well’ packages, no balloons, no visitors that I’ve noticed, nothing. It’s as though they were put there to look real, but aren’t.--‘

‘--Then there’s the little blue stains around the edges of every bandage and cast he’s got. I’d guess it’s part of a dye to cover his real color, I’m guessing yellow because the stains are blue and he currently appears green.”

Cobalt paused to catch his breath again.

“And finally... he was placed in this room shortly after I arrived. Given the psychological and not physical nature of what I was trying to recover from, this seems rather... counterintuitive, having somepony so badly injured next to somepony that is going through psychological trauma can’t be helpful. Conclusion, he’s a spy who’s been watching my every move and bandaged up so badly so as to both hide his presence and to not invite me to converse with him. Not that I’ve been doing much of that anyway.”

Cobalt was silent while he tried to recover from having talked so much while breathing so little.

“Impressive,” Celestia said finally, and turned to leave.

Cobalt watched as a few minutes later a couple of nurses came in and wheeled the roommate out of the room in a dolly. Despite how impressed he felt with himself for having figured it out, he also felt the room was a little emptier now. Still, part of the reason he’d mentioned it was because in realizing that his roommate was a spy, he also realized how horribly uncomfortable it must be to be stuck like that. Cobalt felt that being stuck like that watching somebody recovering for what could be like weeks was the kind of torture he wouldn’t want inflicted upon anybody.

After all, it was hard enough for Cobalt to do it, he couldn’t imagine how much harder it would be to do it and be completely bandaged up like that.

The night passed uneventfully as did the following day, sans the occasional interruptions for meals, bathroom breaks (tediously reaching the bathroom while staying off his bad hoof), occasional examinations, and just before dinner Cobalt managed to get a new roommate; a unicorn named Cherry Glow who had somehow managed to burn her face with a miscast spell.

- - - - - - - - - -
Report: (12/14) 1375 FE (2012 back home)
To: The Equestrian Portal Project Authority, Sr. Administrator: Dusty Legend.
CC: The US Stellar Psychic Alien Macrocosms; Admin.: Brian Majors.
CC: My family, address on file.
CC: Myself, for my own records.
From: Cobalt Skies, AKA, Simon Carbuncle Baker

The hospital is boring, I mean it too. It’s nice enough, but waiting around for my hoof to heal is no fun, I’ve been here for a few days and things are progressing well. Honestly, I don’t know what to say, the other patients (what few I’ve met) complain about the food but, honestly, I don’t care, I’m hungry -> I eat.

I made a decision earlier today. I decided that Dr. Ethics should be my personal physician. Dusty doesn’t like this but I do. If I’m not in Canterlot then the doctors there can’t help me if I get into trouble again. With Dr. Ethics here I can stick around and if I get into trouble he has all my records so anything unusual he’ll already know and won’t freak out about it. It also helps to keep other ponies from getting freaked out, they can just keep me in a room on my own (even if it is a smaller one). My lack of a cutie mark still freaks some of these ponies out. I’ve gone through two roommates so far and now I’m alone. I don’t mind but I’m kinda sad about that. Sad isn’t really the word, I think maybe ‘apologetic’ is better.

Dusty made a huge fit over my decision. Apparently, because I’m not actually a citizen of Equestria there’s some fuss over whether or not I’m even allowed to have a personal physician. Whatever, Celestia stepped in eventually and settled things. I was stuck in my room so I didn’t hear what she said to him but apparently he isn’t taking it very well. Hmm, I hope he doesn’t take it out on me, actually what I hope is that things will get better for him. I think he's got some 'life problems'. I say this because face to face he's nice enough to me, but when it comes to me making decisions and stuff, he always acts like it upsets him or something.

I still think it’s funny though, for a pony to have six limbs, eh, maybe that one is also just me, maybe I spent too much time looking at weird critters and messing with strange ideas, sometimes I feel like an ant (6 legs). To whomever is reading this, did you know that when you see a big ant-fight (covers the ground) and you put your ear close enough (don’t touch them they’ll bite!) you can actually hear them clanking around? IT’S TRUE!

Celestia came by yesterday, she wanted me to re-read the book I had borrowed from Twilight’s library. I admit I actually panicked a little, I know how nuts she can get over late library books but Celestia said she’d already talked to her about it so I guess it got renewed. I hope it did or Ms. Sparkle’s going to be scary when I finally DO get around to returning it.

Dr. Ethics is excited about my hoof and believes that if it keeps making the progress it currently is then I should be able to leave the hospital soon.

They did something weird, they literally glued my hoof back together. Effectively it was like a hot-glue gun that they squeezed into the narrow crack and then put my hoof into a really tight bandage until the glue could cool and seal. It isn’t as strong as the real thing (of course) but it is strong enough that if I accidentally step on it then it shouldn’t be so hard on it. I admit I cringed when I heard the word ‘glue’ given the concept from back home of using dead horses to sell to the ‘glue factory’. No idea how horses could be used to make glue, the hooves maybe? No real way to look it up though, not only no internet but I doubt it’d be the same thing here. That’d be ironic. Either way, I cringed a bit.

They also managed to discover something else as well.

I think I’ve basically been afflicted with a kind of pseudo-grayness since I got here. My coat is lighter, I'd call it a kind of neutral blue-ish but they insist, it's 'sapphire-blue'. Apparently, with so many different colors for manes and coats and stuff, they get a little picky on exactly what color something is. Go figure, but the green stripe is still there, still green and still a stripe, still both the mane and the tail. Also, my hooves were of a consistency that you’d get with foals and younger ones, easy to grow in but unable to withstand greater deals of pressure, that’s why mine cracked.

I think this is also why I have been unable to fly for so long. I mean, it’s unlikely I could have flown right from the get-go, but in this case it wasn’t just being unfit or overweight or anything so much as they just didn’t have the magical strength to do anything. Same basic deal with my hooves, they’re stuck being weak until the thicker ‘adult’ hoof can grow in, that’ll take months.

Ah well, now I know, not only is that “half the battle” but I have been a rather firm believer that what you don’t know can and will hurt you.

- - - - - - - - - -

- - - - - - - - - -
Report: (12/20) 1375 FE (2012 back home)
To: The Equestrian Portal Project Authority, Sr. Administrator: Dusty Legend.
CC: The US Stellar Psychic Alien Macrocosms; Admin.: Brian Majors.
CC: My family, address on file.
CC: Myself, for my own records.
From: Cobalt Skies, AKA, Simon Carbuncle Baker

I feel so guilty right now.

I got a letter with three silver-lined tickets to attend a play in Canterlot. It’s called the ‘Hearth’s Warming Eve Pageant’ and apparently it is a big deal in Canterlot. Red and Orange were both very excited as we are all invited to attend. At first I was a little down, I mean, it’s just another snooty event in Canterlot right? I’ll have to try and probably manage some kind of covering for my blank flank and try to mingle amongst people that I’d rather punch in the face and run away laughing. Okay so maybe not quite that bad, but honestly, some of those guys practically defined the reason I was happy to leave Canterlot.

I feel guilty because this is their equivalent of Christmas back home, gifts and everything, and I have nothing to give really. Maybe I can pick up a gift or two in Canterlot or something. It’ll have to be cheap though, I don’t get much from the reports I write.

I also feel (a little) guilty because I realize that I might have misjudged the play at first. It might be something cool like ‘A Christmas Carol’ or something. I still remember that Speech class where we had to give a class presentation to show what we’d learned. I did a kind of parody of Scrooge’s funeral, that is, the ‘good’ Scrooge finally died and the speaker (me) was all ‘how dare you die after turning good’ and ‘we could have celebrated this day instead of mourning it!’ I made it work, fake accent and all.

- - - - - - - - - -

Princess Luna, having recently been informed, took her place upon the tower to keep watch over the ponies of Equestria that night. As she did so, Princess Celestia took a slight detour from the way to the bedroom down to Dusty Legend’s office.

“It is time,” Celestia said, “we need to bring in the rest, and soon, he isn’t safe alone, none of them are. Now that I know what caused this mess, I know that the last thing he needs is to feel that he is alone. And... I fear that our enemy will move against them when and where they are weak. If we have any hope of keeping them safe, we must keep them together.”

Dusty looked at her for a moment, unsure what to say, finally he responded.

“At once your majesty,” Dusty said, bowing low. Inwardly, he hoped this would end up nabbing him a better office.