My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic
Pony POV Series
Sweet Apple Acres . . . I wonder if the other Crusaders are here yet, and if Applebloom has finished her chores for the day yet. Mom would have a heart attack if she saw me with mud on myself. Heh, helping Applebloom just might be worth it, being dirty on purpose would be a nice new thing.
I noticed trotting next to me is a pink filly with violet and white mane and a small diamond crown on her head that matched the one on her flanks (actually, vice versa).
But . . . Diamond Tiara wouldn't be caught dead here...
'Diamond Tiara!' I tried to shout at seeing my friend! I was ready to forgive her on the spot! I wanted my best friend back! I wanted to tell her that the blank flanks weren't so bad after all! That they were FUN to hang out with, and it would be more entertaining for her to BE with them than to be AGAINST them. That I wanted her as my friend back! That I wanted her to be friends with my new friends! And that Spike and me had really connected, and that her family and Applebloom's had been friends for so long, that it would be a WASTE for the two of them not to learn to be friends too! I wanted! I wanted! I wanted!
I just kept trotting besides her, silently. Where was her dad? Diamond Tiara hated this place, she had to be dragged her by her father. Where had she been all this time?! I wanted to hug her! But I just kept trotting looking ahead with my self satisfied smirk on my face.
Why...why can't I say anything? My mouth isn't moving...
Finally my mouth allowed one of the things I was trying to say out.
"Diamond Tiara what are we doing here again?" Again? That isn't what I meant to say! what's going on?!
"Geeze dummy, I told you already, we're gonna poke fun at those blanks for making a stupid float in the parade."
The CMC were making a float or a parade? Why hadn't Applebloom told me?
"How do you know it's stupid?" Okay, I actually meant to say that...
"Because it was made by them! Duh! Are your pearl on too tight today?"
'Well, you did take my milkshake,' I heard myself think! But I didn't think that!
I admit, as part of the submissive persona my mother had tailor made for me, I had offered Diamond Tiara any treats of mine when we went to Sugarcube Corner or at home, to the point where she took them without waiting for me to offer them, and I never once complained or took offense, after all, don't rock the boat, just do as you're told. And she was my friend. Even now I'd probably share without question...share.
I try to ask Diamond Tiara where she's been, what's going on, but my mouth won't let me, and my hooves continues to trot on their own.
It's like I'm in a video game cutscene! I can see but I can't move!
We reach the barn, and I hear Applebloom and Scootaloo saying,
"Here it is! The official Cutie Mark Crusaders float for the Summer Harvest Parade!"
"As a member of the Cutie Mark Crusaders, you'd be able to ride on it with us! It'd be totally fun."
And somepony laughed sounding intimidated.
I saw Diamond Tiara grin and stuck her head inside and said, "More like funny..."
I stuck my head in and finished with her, " ...looking!"
We both laughed.
But! I didn't MEAN to do any of that! Why would I say something like that?! They're my friends!
And I see a giant pumpkin on wheels, Sweetie Belle must have been reading fairy tales again.
Wait...The looks the other CMC are giving me are NOT pleasant ones, where's Spike?
I asked them what's wrong or apologize for what I hadn't meant to say, but I hear myself say, "What is that thing, a giant orange?"
And we laugh again.
"It's a pumpkin," Bloom corrected us.
"More like a lame-kin."
I hear myself laugh. Ugh! Diamond, of all your insults, that had to be the least imaginative you've ever had. You've slipping. Why am I laughing?!
It isn't lame! I'm impressed! Why can't I say that?!
"Who's the new blank flank?" Diamond asks.
I notice another filly, I thought she was a colt when I first looked at her, and when I hear her speak, it take a bit for me to realize she's a girl. Brown, red mane, earth pony, and yeah, no cutie mark.
She looks SCARED. I don't mean just 'scared like she's at a new school' scared, I mean 'Sweet Celestia no' scared. I don't even think she meant to cover her flank with her tail, she did it like she was used to doing it.
Cousin Babs from Manehatten 'Bloom explains. Diamond is marginally impressed that she's a big city pony.
I try to greet her, to say it's nice to MEET her, but my body just stands there smirking.
"Suppose you're gonna join their little club? What's it called?" I hear my own voice say in a tone I know all too well, "The Cutie Mark Crusaders?" I say in a dumb-dumb tone spinning my eyes. Stop it! These are my friends!
Babs just stands there for a moment, looking back and forth between us and them.
"More like da Cutie Mahk Crybabies!" Babs says in a new cruel tone and chuckles. I see how she slips on the mask, a very real part of me is impressed even as I fight it, slipping on that mask so flawlessly and perfectly. Like when I slipped on the mask of the obedient subservient little filly, and it took losing my best friend to realize it'd become my real face a long time ago.
Still...her chuckle needs work...at least to me, it sounded forced. Not as confident as her mask made her seem like.
Diamond Tiara likes her attitude in spite of Babs being a blank. Then again, we both knew that them being blank flanks was never the real point. Diamond Tiara needed an outlet, and blank flanks just happened to be the most readily available one to vent her frustrations on. They weren't her, so what did it matter if their feelings were hurt? And I went along with it, I imitated her behavior and second guessed what next cruel thing she'd do. Be a good filly and do as you're told.
Babs destroys their float with just one little kick! It was an accident, I can see it on her face when it goes rolling, but she plays it up like she meant it! "Looks like somepony's pumpkin just got squashed!" I hear myself laugh with Diamond Tiara!
Stop it! This isn't funny! All my friends' hard work just got destroyed!
Then Babs uses what Diamond and me never used, flat out pure and straight physical intimidation.
...Where did this foal learn to act like this? As somepony who wore a mask most her life, I know one when I see one...mom taught me my mask, who taught her hers?
"Come on, Babs, you should hang with us! Y'know, the cool ponies, not these babies!"
Stop it! Yes, I'd love a new friend but I want the Crusaders too! They're not babies! I want to tell Babs she doesn't need to act like this but my mouth won't move!
Babs eagerly goes along. I'm not even able to turn my head and look at my friends and apologize for what just happened! I just trot along with Diamond Tiara and Babs!
But I know they're hurt, of course they're hurt. Applebloom's own cousin just hurt her! And I'm not helping! I'm not giving Babs a piece of my mind like I did Miss Twilight before (I don't know if it'd be right or not, but I know I SHOULD have done it here)! This isn't me anymore! Did I fall through a dimensional portal and end up trapped in an alternate me or something? What's happening?!
We leave the farm without even looking back, like our entire purpose was to come there just to pick up Babs before we even met her...
I feel absolutely rotten inside but my body is smiling like it's having the time of its life!
Diamond Tiara peppers Babs with questions about Manehatten, fashion, the latest trends, whose who, you name it. I don't think she even notices that most of her answers are vague or evasive. After all, high class fillies like us are head over hooves to be able to socialize with a big city girl like her. THIS isn't that bad. A few of my questions I have ACTUALLY get through, but not the ones I WANT to get through! Not 'why are we bullying the Crusaders again?' Not 'why are you scared you'd rather put on this mask than be yourself?' Just about fashion and what it's like in Manehatten!
Both our parents are delighted that we made a new friend. And Diamond's dad is even more happy that she's finally made a friend with one of the Apples instead of always making enemies.
Daddy! Something's wrong with me!...Listen to me daddy! Please! I'm not happy! I'm scared! Can't you see that?!
I notice from the calendars that this is . . . several months ahead? Did . . . did Diamond come back, then I went back to being her minion, Spike was heart broken and couldn't bear to be with the other Crusaders anymore? Did I make some kind of split personality and it's running my body instead of me? Am I the split personality whose job it is to feel guilty for what I'm doing?! Is that why I don't remember anything? Is that why I can't control my body?
Did...am I just a personality that I made to deal with Diamond being gone?
No no! Please no! That can't be right! Calm down, Silver! Keep it together!...There's...there's got to be a good explanation...I-I hope...
It's surreal, seeing Diamond Tiara smiling so much, normally she's smirking or having that . . . sigh, that cruel grin on her face.
"See Diamond Tiara? I told you, the more the merrier!" I heard myself say.
Why couldn't this part be all there is? Me, Diamond, and a new friend sitting around and smiling and talking? Why couldn't the part at the farm just...not be there? Why couldn't the Crusaders just be sitting here talking and smiling with us?!
And things become even stranger. Diamond's always been an opportunist, looking for that one moment she can take advantage of, but she almost never tries to force a situation, she saw what happened when she tries to get the school to laugh at Granny Smith's story of how both their families made Ponyville what it is today.
But Babs, she takes things further! She has us actively hunting Bloom and the others! We've never done that before! Sure, when we had the bad luck of running into them, Diamond always had a snide remark to throw their way, seeing what got a reaction. But we never began LOOKING for them to tease! She's relentless! The biggest joke is? Diamond Tiara and me never do a single thing the entire time but laugh. Babs does everything. From ambushing my friends at the movie theater to tossing them out of Sugarcube Corner. Or stealing Scootaloo's Nightmare Night costume. Diamond and me are practically just along for the ride as we laugh at her hurting Bloom and the others! And we laugh, and don't stop laughing! It's like we're suddenly BOTH Babs' cronies instead of Babs being number three to our little group!
It's Babs who comes up with all the nasty things we do to them, it Babs who plans it out and sets it in motion, and we both just smile and nod, it's all just a game after all. To us. Even as I watch Babs makes my friends cry again and again.
I want to cry...But I just keep smiling...
...The scariest part is, I can still tell it's a mask. Her laugh never gets confident like mine or Diamond's were. It's like this is how she feels she's supposed to act. What happened to her that convinced her this is what a bully is like? Were did she learn this from?
...Are we scared of her? Is that why she's calling the shots now? Because we see a bigger fish than us?...No, Diamond wouldn't stand for that...
..Actually, knowing Diamond, it makes sense. If Babs gets caught: we didn't do anything wrong. Me? I was just the little minion, I didn't care who I was a minion of...
Who am I kidding? Diamond Tiara's way way WAY too full of self-confidence to ever DREAM she'd get caught at anything! Maybe she's just building up Babs to tear her back down? Using her because she knows it'll hurt Applebloom worse? Ugh...why can't I think of a NICE reason she wants to be with Babs?!
Diamond Tiara, she used words like a blade to cut as deep as they can go, and I was her understudy. Babs, she doesn't bother with sublimity or back-hoofed compliments, she just hits them and hits them hard! And I can just hear myself laugh and say, "Good one Babs!"
STOP LAUGHING! THIS ISN'T FUNNY!...I don't want to laugh...I want to cry, why can't I cry?
And then there's the contrast, when the CMC aren't around after 'hunting hours.' And . . . I actually feel like I have control of myself again. As long as I don't try to say or do anything that implies I was feeling sorry for my friends or thought what we were doing was wrong. We play dolls (Babs is actually allowed to be Princess one time), we eat sweets, play video games, go to the movies, Babs LOVES the size of our houses, and we spend as much time giving her the grand tour of our homes as much as we spend giving her a grand tour of Ponyville. Hey, it's not Canterlot, but it's still our hometown and we're proud of it! Then there's when we brushed each other's manes, and Diamond asks Babs why she keeps her tail so short.
"I just like it dat way," She says instantly.
"Maybe you should consider growing it out more, I mean, you don't want to be mistaken for a colt or some-"
"No! I gotta, I mean, who cares what some ponies dat are too dumb to tell a filly from a colt think."
Diamond blinked and conceded Bab's point. Of course I saw Babs' mask slip for the moment, but I didn't say anything. Couldn't say anything. But I could shudder in my own mind wondering why she felt that way.
Babs BRAGS about how she's kicked 'Bloom out of her bed. I feel like my heart broke but I don't act like it...
"I bet she's sleeping at that dumb little clubhouse of theirs," Diamond Tiara says.
Oh no. No no no no! Don't please! Please stop! Don't!
Babs' gets a HUGE grin on her face that reminds me of a shark. Okay, I don't want to know where she learned that from!
We're waiting for the others when they arrive at their clubhouse that afternoon.
Applebloom is already talking about how they still have their treehouse at least . . . except they don't. I want to scream to Applebloom but the words don't even reach my throat.
Babs rubs it in that they've lost their private sanctuary that Applebloom herself restored.
"Y- y- your clubhouse?! This is our clubhouse!" Scootaloo is besides herself in rage.
"Well, it was yours, and now it's mine."
"And mine." I hear myself chirp in. I try to bite my own tongue but it doesn't work!
"And mine," And Diamond adds in.
Bloom, bless her soul, she tries to REASON with Babs, but it's no use.
All three of us do our hoove shake. And it feels, so natural to have Babs there with us. She just, slips into place with us. Just like I fit in with Diamond like a puzzle piece. "Bump, bump, sugar-lump, rump!"
Why couldn't that be all there was?!
Sweetie Belle breaks down crying. And I can't do a thing about it but listen to myself enjoy her misery. I . . . wasn't THIS horrible was I? I wasn't THIS indifferent to the pain and suffering of others? Was I really THIS completely callous on those that got hurt? Did I really get off like this on hurting someone else?!
Babs takes things way beyond anything we've ever done to my friends, but . . . but we're just standing here, laughing and nodded as she does it...Why can't I say Diamond wouldn't do this?...Because she would have. Me and Diamond...Diamond and I had buried our hearts. We didn't even know what empathy was anymore. What kind of little monster am I?
We don't want the club house, not at all, we couldn't care less about it, our parents both respect our privacy enough as it is. But the point is that Bloom and the rest of her fiends DON'T have it, it's just one more thing to rub in their face. We just hang out there for a bit, chatting about little nothing . . . Oh, and because we broke the draw bridge, when we finally have to get down or dinner time . . . it takes a surprising amount of teamwork to get down in one piece. Hey, Diamond and I knew team work perfectly well, we just used it on blank flanks who never did anything to us to make them miserable for no reason other than liking plaything that actually cried when you hurt them...
Oh Celestia...We were just like that monster...We were sadists that just saw other ponies as playthings...
Babs will be leaving for home soon (thank Celestia), but we promise to keep in touch. And she promises that in Manehatten she'd tell all about about her important and influential friends she made during her visit...given what I gathered about her, I think I meant it when I told her 'feel free to.' Yes, I'm somehow trapped in my own head. Yes, she was a big jerk to my friends...but who scared her into thinking she had to be?
Then came the day of the big parade. We saw what the CMC had done, they had rebuilt their float alright, this time as giant shiny gold colored apple. Why couldn't we just be impressed by it enough to leave them alone?!
Sweetie sells it, and stumbles over her words about using the word 'smashing and 'hit' after what Babs did to their last float.
Then I see what they're doing. I don't have a clue WHY they want Babs to steal their float, but I've hanged out with these fillies enough to KNOW reverse psychology when I see it!
For once since this horrible adventure started, Diamond and my body simply go to watch the parade. But Babs notices us noticing her not putting on her tough girl act. So she does what she does best, and pushes it over the top.
Diamond Tiara compliments her on her new trophy, and made a rude comment about mules. But they never take offense.
I'm the only one who seems to notice she just played right into their hooves. Didn't anypony else notice the mattress? And I can't say a thing about it...I don't know if I should be happy or sad about that... I've liked hanging out with Babs. I've liked having her as a friend. And I've been happy to see Diamond being happy with someone else too. But I haven't liked seeing my friends hurt...Shouldn't I be happy to see them finally get some good fortune?
At least I FINALLY get a break from watching my body enjoy their misery!...I...I don't know how much more I could take...
Then the CMC rush to Bab's float, I don't know what's changed, but they shouted something about 'trap' and 'payback' with sorry looks on their faces...What?! Trap?! Payback?! Girls...That isn't you! You never tried to get revenge on us before!...Because we never pushed you that far...we never made you cornered and hurt, just like whoever tortured Babs made her feel...So you tried to protect yourself...just like her...
Then they jump in Pinkie Pie's veggie float (of all the things I've endured, that one was the strangest, Pinkie Pie driving a VEGETABLE float?).
Yes! I get it! I'm noticing all these little tiny details that don't matter! It's either distract myself with the small stuff around me or go bucking crazy from spending Celestia knows how long trapped in myself watching my friends be put through Tartarus and my body enjoying it! I feel like somepony squeezing my heart between their hooves, I...I just want this to be over...please...just let me look at the distracting little details...please...
And Diamond and I . . . we just stand there like idiots. And the floats race clean out of Ponyville and . . . I still just stand there. Why can't I help them?
The Foal Freepress prints a story with a photo taken by Shady Daze. Didn't Featherweight decide he liked being a photographer better than a editor?
Other me doesn't piece it together, but...I don't think the float ended up in the lake on accident...Not with them talking about payback...Thank Celestia they're nice, if they wanted payback on me and Diamond, I think we would be the ones in trouble. At least they were okay...
Babs . . . she avoided us for the next few days . . .Diamond Tiara didn't understand it at all, and she didn't look too happy either. After all, she had something precious taken from her. She made some off hoofed excuse about needing to take care of family business, but she was short and curt about the whole thing. I think I was hurt a little inside the way she said it. Diamond didn't pick up on it, since it contradicted her view of reality. Still..she didn't chew us out or be mean...maybe whatever happened, she still wanted to be our friend...And I finally got a break from watching my body take that sicking joy in seeing my friends suffer! I...I don't know how much more I could have taken...
We still decided to see her off.
I think only I noticed Babs wearing the CMC cape (I had one like it in my closet). Come on come on! Say it! Say something nice! Maybe...maybe this can end well...please...
"So you're leaving huh? Great! Now we're stuck here with these lame blank flanks." Diamond said.
NO! Diamond! Why?! Why did you have to say THAT of all things?! You couldn't just say goodbye?!
My friends were hurt by her words, AJ looked ready to chew us out on the spot. Diamond is being a lot more ruthless than normal, since when does she hurt them when adults can see it? . . . Is she going to miss Babs that much?
"Hey! That's not how you talk to my friends!" Babs storms over to us before Applejack can say anything.
YES! Come on! Please! Mouth say what I want! Please, just this once?!
"F-friends?" I hear mysellf gasp out. They're my friends too!!! YES! Please! Care more about your friend than your stupid grudge!...I don't know if I meant me or Diamond.
"Yeah, you got a problem with that?" Babs said address both of us, of course, we're two sides of the same two headed dragon after all aren't we?
No, I don't have a problem with it! I'm happy about it! Dang it! Mouth, just speak! Speak before Diamond can! Maybe if she sees you still want to be Babs friend it'll shock some sense into her!
Of course I don't...I'm being the nice little minion not wanting to rock the boat...
Diamond isn't one to ever lose face, even if it means she's likely to get worse if she doesn't back down. Her self image is one of her most precious possessions. "Well, what if I do? What are you gonna do about it?"
"Tell your mothers about your bad attitudes!"
Sorry Babs. That wouldn't be as good a threat as you think it is, I don't know if my mother would care what you have to say (my dad on the other hoof...) and . . . Diamond looks like she's just been threatened to have her heart ripped out. I swear I hear it CRACK.
Babs gives us the same killer look she's been giving the CMC all this time, I feel my heart leap into my throat. We back up and . . . into the mud we go. What idiot put a pig sty right next to a train platform? How does that make sense?
Okay, NOW my mom is going to be furious.
A pig gets on Diamond's tiara by accident as she's still laying there in the mud in shock, I look up, mud on my glasses, the world was blurred. The pig dumbly looks at me, like I belonged there with the rest of the swine.
Babs and the other fillies all high hoof each other.
Okay, maybe Applejack would just stand there before, acting like we deserved it (I admit it! We did before! We WERE little monsters! Sadistic, spoiled rotten little monsters whose parents should've spanked them a long time ago!) but she knows me now! Why would she just stand there?!
...Am I really going to let this happen? Let some freaky curse or split personality take away my friends? Take over my body and make me back into the monster I stopped being? Stop me from making a perfectly good friend when she's standing right in front of me?
Babs gets ready to leave. If she leaves, I might never get the chance to be her friend, she'll remember me as a bully!
Am I really just going to stand here?
I can't take it anymore! This isn't right! This isn't me! These aren't my friends! This isn't my life! These aren't my choices! I wouldn't do this! NOT ANYMORE!!
I feel like I'm pushing my way out of being buried in the ground, but I MAKE my body move. I FORCE my mouth to move how I want it to! Diamond stares at me in shock, I don't think she knows what to think.
I've been somepony's little puppet all my life! I'm not being a puppet of my own BODY! I'm cutting the strings NOW!
I push my way back up onto the planks of the train station, and scream at the top of my lungs, "BABS I'M SORRY!!!"
Everypony's faces are the picture of shock. My words echo across Ponyville it feels like. I feel like I just broke the laws of physics...again...except this time without the improvised time machine. They look at me like I've grown two heads or something. Babs turns to look at me, her face the picture of confusion, when was the last time she ever heard a bully apologize for anything?
Then she flickered like a buggy monitor, her face frozen still, and then I heard static clawing against my ears. And it was like the entire world cracked in two before my eyes leaving a white jagged line across the sky and through the ground and through ponies who stood perfectly still like a picture torn in half.
I noticed I could finally move on my own again...what happened?
"Silver Spoon, that wasn't like you at all," Diamond Tiara said calmly, except now she was standing on the top of the platform in front of Babs and the others were frozen solid. "Silver Spoon never apologizes for anything to anyone. Silver Spoon never says she's sorry. And she certainly never apologizes to a blank flank let alone one who just got her dirty."
I got up fully on the platform. Fog began to slowly creep in. I wiped the mud from my glasses.
Diamond Tiara had a horn and wings. Her face didn't have any expression at all. She just seemed...blank. I won't say like a doll, but...
...I don't care. I've had months to think of what to say here. And now that my mouth is working again, I'm going to say it! She could have turned into Queen Tiamat for all I care! I'm not keeping my mouth shut!
"I do apologize to my friends!"
"You don't have friends Silver Spoon, all you have is those you leech off of, and those who you smile and nod to."
"Yes I do!"
"You don't MAKE friends, Silver Spoon, you're a heartless sadistic little creature that gravitated towards a BIGGER sadistic little creature. You would've have become a bully with or without us ever meeting. You're just a bad seed."
"That isn't me!"
"Silver Spoon this is the real you, don't be so stubborn," she said like I was refusing to take my cough medicine.
"This isn't the real me! I just always did what I was told! Even if . . . even if that meant helping you make other ponies miserable."
"Silly Silver Spoon, that's just an excuse you tell yourself. You're as sadistic and selfish as me, you were always destined to never be more than my shadow, that was just a delusion that you had any sort of goodness in you. You love seeing ponies squirm, you love the looks of fear, sadness and futile anger. Your heart sings for joy at others' despair...no, that would require you had a heart, which you don't. If I was gone you should have done your duty and melted away into nothingness as a bully's toadies are supposed to do."
"I WAS YOUR FRIEND! NOT YOUR TOADY!"
"You're a little heartless bully who latched onto a bigger heartless bully and that's all you can ever really be! Sooner or later you'll realize being bad feels better than being good, and you'll just bully your 'friends' again. You'll become another me, just like a two headed dragon if it lost one head is still a dragon. PONIES LIKE US CAN NEVER CHANGE! We're not allowed! It's in the rules!"
'Well my dear? Did you enjoy your little peak into the heart world?'
"I have no heart. I don't 'enjoy' anything."
'So you got nothing from it?'
"I learned. I saw. I understand."
'And what was that?'
"I am a monster."
"And that is the only thing I can be."
'I didn't quite hear you, say it again.'
"I am a monster, and it is the only thing I can be."
'Care to elaborate?'
"I am cruel. I have no heart. I am vicious. I am petty. I am sadistic. I am selfish. My friend was just an add on. I am the filth of creation, and who gives a hay? I enjoy hurting others. I despise giving praise, I despise giving kindness or mercy or being generous. I see all others as playthings. I despise hard work. There are four lights. Two plus two equals four. A is A. I was born into this world to hate and be hated. I loath the happiness of others. This is all I can possibly be, it is all I could have ever been. I was all these things before I ever met you. I was MADE to be this, there is no escaping reality: a little monster is all I ever was, and the greatest thing I could hope to grow up into, is a bigger monster."
'WONDERFUL! Wonderful! It took me millions of years to realize that one! Oh I'm so proud! You're catching up so fast!'
"Since when do you care about rules Diamond Tiara?!"
"Are you going to resort to semantics now Silver Spoon? I'm disappointed in you."
"But it's the truth, isn't it?! Name one time you've ever cared about the rules!"
"It doesn't matter if a rock cares about the rules or not, it'll stay just a rock all the same. There are four lights. Two plus two equals four. A is A. And Silver Spoon is still Silver Spoon, and Silver Spoon is a little shameless bully who only cares about her only 'friend', because they're in the same tax codex and it's convenient to their fathers."
"And why is that? Because you're my victim? I 'made' you a monster? I was never your friend, I was only using you as a minion?"
"No...Because I made myself a little monster...and you know why I did?"
"Simple, because you were born to be a monster. That is all you exist to be."
"No. Because I didn't want to leave you alone."
"Of course you didn't, you were just my posse. That's what you were made to be. My accessory that was a pony. You couldn't leave me alone if you tried."
"...I wish I could say I wasn't like that, but the truth? I was...I had no personality without you. 'Do as you're told,' I was excusing myself."
"Exactly. And without me, you have no purpose. All you would be is the pointless accessory a little girl lost behind the sofa and never wanted or bothered to look for."
"...Then why am I still here when you've been gone for months?"
"Because I'm still here obviously, you can't free yourself from me. Your entire purpose would END after you ditch me. Your entire function then would be just to say how awful a little monster I AM, and then walk away, then vanish into nothing."
"...You were an awful little monster who tortured three innocent little fillies just to make yourself feel better, and so was I!" I said pointedly. And then waited for a few minutes. "Still here."
"You didn't mean it, that's why."
"...But I did. I KNOW we were sadists. I know we were monsters. I know we were so spoiled rotten Queen Tiamat could probably smell us from here."
"Then why aren't you just walking away? If I'm such a monster, why aren't you leaving?"
"...Because I'm not a monster anymore. I'm one of the Cutie Mark Crusaders and proud of it."
"That doesn't make sense, Silver, you have a Cutie Mark."
"Yes, I do...and I don't have a clue what it actually means!"
"It means you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth. Just like mine meant I was born to be an entitled little brat."
I actually face-hoofed. No, not at her. At myself for the fact I used to believe that. "Then why did we earn them in things that had nothing to do with being spoiled rotten?"
"Stealing my mother's jewelry doesn't count as spoiled rotten? Pst."
"And me getting mine at a charity drive?"
"Simple. You were handling money. Charity drives look nice, but really? They're just a tax deduction for the one that does it. That's the only thing that big businesses see them as: tax write offs. Do you even remember what charity it was?"
I cringed...I didn't...
"Exactly. Because it didn't matter. You did it because you were told to do. You did it because your mother told you to do it. You did it because you're a toady for whoever wants you to be. That's your special talent, Silver: being a toady. Doesn't that make sense? What use is a spoon with nopony to hold it? None. It's worthless. Just like you without me."
My eyes shrunk to pinpricks.
"You're only good for being rich and a little minion. My minion, your parent's minion, the Crusader's minion. I bet if Discord returned, you'd make a wonderful minion for him. You aren't good for anything. You're WORTHLESS. You're right, you're spoiled rotten. And what does Miss Applejack do with rotten apples? Throw the worthless things away."
I felt tears well up in my eyes...no...this is...
"What have you ever done, Silver on your own? Who has ever liked you when you weren't of any use to them at all? Who would miss you if you died? I know I wouldn't. Your parents?They'd just have another foal to replace you. Fillies like you are a dime a dozen. You're a worthless, pointless, little waste of space."
"What have you ever done, Silver on your own?! Who has ever liked you when you weren't of any use to them at all?! Who'd miss you if you died?! I know I wouldn't! Your parents?They'd just have another foal to replace you! Fillies like you are a dime a dozen! You're a worthless, pointless, little waste of space! Who needs you? Not me."
...Diamond hasn't lost her touch...I felt like she'd cut me it hurt so bad. I...I remembered that day...that terrible moment when the Diamond I'd known had broken my heart.
The scariest part was...she had no emotion as she spoke. It was like this was logic to her instead of insults.
...Yes, I admit it, I feel like she was trampling my heart...but I remember why that moment changed my life, how it did. How I finally stopped being everypony's eager willing puppet and started actually being somepony with a mind of her own.
"...I...I'm not worthless...I'm not worthless!" I snapped back, not caring I was crying. "The Crusaders took me in! They didn't need to! I wasn't of use to them at all back then! I was their BULLY! That was the only Silver Spoon they'd ever known! And they STILL helped me...they still SAVED me...My Cutie Mark...I don't know what it means, but it's not 'being born with a silver spoon in my mouth' or being a minion...the heart in the handle is more important. Just because I don't remember the charity doesn't mean it didn't matter to me!"
"So what I said that day didn't hurt?"
"Of course it hurt! I've never been hurt worse in my entire life! Even what Discord did to me didn't hurt that bad!"
'Good work, my little engine of destruction, oh I'm so proud.'
Not now, papa. I'm busy.
"Oh, and let me guess, you'd never have done the same thing?"
"...No, I wouldn't have...but only because I'm not as good at it as you are. You've always had a tongue like a sword, Diamond. And you've always loved to use it...I...when you first bullied a pony, I didn't want to...I did it because you did. I admit it, my heart was never in it like yours was. Oh, I ENJOYED it! But you LOVED it."
She rolled her eyes. Not in annoyance, but like Miss Twilight did when someone said something stupid. "So you're the lesser of two evils, how original. You're absolutely right, Silver. I loved breaking hearts. When I look back at what I did? I just wish I'd been a better villain instead of just a little brat. I wish I'd broken their hearts so thoroughly they considered killing themselves. And if the powers that be had allowed it, to the point they actually did."
"Am I lying?"
"I...I don't know..."
"Well I'm not. If I had a do over, I'd tell Scootaloo if we were in a world where it was true, she'd be spectra by now. I'd tell Sweetie Belle she's so far behind every other unicorn in existence that she can't even use any magic, and is either too dumb to learn...or maybe her horn is defective. And I'd have told Applebloom her parents didn't love her enough to stick around to see her grow up, that maybe if they hadn't had her they'd still be alive. And then I'd pick and pry away at it until they couldn't take it anymore and..." Her horn sparked for a moment and...and...
NO! I'm NOT telling you what image just flashed in my head!
"And you know what? I would have made that lecture to you hurt even more than it already did. I would've ripped your heart out instead of breaking it. I wonder how your daddy would've felt coming home to find you hanging from-"
"STOP IT! THAT'S ENOUGH!"
"Did I make you mad, Silver?"
"Does the thought of me wishing I'd drove your 'friends' to suicide make you furious?"
"...Yes, it does."
"And me wishing I had to you?"
"...It makes me feel sick to my stomach...it makes me think you're a monster..."
"Then thank you, for setting ME free. I told you you'd fulfill your role perfectly. Tell me to 'have a nice life', or a bad one, or that I should die instead, tell me 'I'm done with you' tell me 'you've made this a lot easier than I thought it was going to be' say how you've cut me loose from yourself like the bad influence I am!"
Diamond's expression didn't change, but her voice seemed somewhat confused. Like someone was asking her to divide by zero and how ridiculous that was.. "What did you say?"
"No, I'm not done with you," I said, sternly. "...Because I know if you had been like that, I probably would've just reacted however you did. I didn't HAVE standards back then, your standards were mine. If it wasn't too low for you, it wasn't too low for me. How can I condemn you for something I would've done?"
"Because I'm worse than you. I'd be dancing on your friends' graves right now if I had a do over. And yours."
"Oh no, I really would."
"I know you'd dance on their graves, but you wouldn't dance on mine...and I'd never dance on yours."
She actually seemed surprised...I think. "...You would. If I died right now, you'd sing a song and celebrate."
"No, I wouldn't. I'd bawl my eyes out and plead with whatever god I could find for it not to happen."
"Are you stupid? I just finished telling you that if given the chance I'd literally destroy your friends' wills to live."
"And I just told you I would have helped you. I had no will of my own, I was your toady. I was a minion...but I changed. And if I'd have been however bad you were, then why should I think you couldn't change?"
"You just said you hated what you used to be. You said we were alike. Therefore you should hate me moron."
"You're right. I hate what you ARE, but I don't hate YOU."
"That makes no sense."
"Of course it does. Just how you still missed your mother with all your heart even though she wasn't even herself anymore!"
"...The petty, cruel, vindictive, heartless, shameless bully IS myself. You're the one who isn't herself anymore."
"If you're so petty, cruel, vindictive, heartless, and shameless, then drive me to suicide right now!"
Yes, I know exactly how that sounded...And no, I didn't think she couldn't do it. I'm an emotionally fragile filly with serious self esteem issues and she can cut like a knife with her words...but I honestly didn't think she'd do it...not to me.
She stared at me with a perplexed look. Not confused, that'd be an emotion, more like analytic. But she didn't move.
"Come on! You said you were so heartless! Do it!"
"Because there's no point to it. It'd not do me any good. It'd probably cause me more trouble than it's worth."
"...Well you know what? You're right, I'm not the pony I used to be. But I'm still Silver Spoon. I hate what you DO, I hate what I DID. I hate what I COULD have done. But...I don't hate us...I don't hate you. I just want my friend back and to keep my NEW friends!"
"You think I'd be caught dead being friends with a Blank Flank?"
"Yeah, I do. You were friends with Babs in this...whatever this was."
"...No I wasn't."
"If you weren't, then why did we show up to send her off?"
"That isn't what I would do."
"No, I think it is. Because you and I never cared about the fact they were Blank Flanks. If they'd earned their marks, then we'd have just found something else to pick on...I think I'm the one who should be complaining about this not being how I'd have acted."
"You'd have done what you were supposed to: been my toady."
I took a deep breath. "No, I wouldn't have. Not anymore...If things were like they were headed now?"
I thought back to how this...whatever it is began. "You wouldn't have been there, I'd have been going to Sweet Apple Acres to help them work on their float and so would've been Spike."
= Determination Towards Battle - Lunar Silver Star Story Complete =
"Hey Applebloom...Who's your new friend?"
"This is mah cousin Babs! She's from Manehatten!"
"Oh...Hello, Babs. I'm Applebloom's friend, Silver Spoon."
"So...are you going to join the crusaders? I see you're a bla-I mean you don't have your Cutie Mark."
"I admit it, I'd probably slip up a little, I'm so used to calling not having your Cutie Mark a blank flank, it WOULD be force of habit...and then I'd see her reaction to it. Babs wasn't like us, Diamond. Our motive was to feel better about ourselves, it was a pain reliever we'd got a addicted to...her's was terror. She was terrified of bullies. And you saw how tough she was. I'm honestly scared to think of how nasty a bully would have to be to have that effect on somepony."
"Are you okay?"
"Y-Yeah, why do you think I ain't?"
"For one, you're acting like a dog expecting somepony to hit it."
"...Is it dat obvious?"
"No, I've just got experience with reading ponies."
"So the little pony destined to be good gets sympathy and I get hate?"
"Who said you'd just get hate? I just hadn't gotten to you yet. If I had it my way?"
"...I...I guess I just feel worthless without my mark...like I don't matter."
"I know how you feel," YOU would say.
"But, why would I be there?"
"Because I know one thing about you, Diamond...you don't like to be alone. And I wouldn't leave you. Even if I had to spend every moment from the...present to that moment trying, I'd be determined to be both your friend and the Crusaders'."
"But that's impossible, you aren't supposed to have a goal of your own."
"I'm a Crusader now," I said, giving a smirk. No smugness. No cruelty. Just a friendly smile. "And Crusaders can be quite determined when we put our minds to it."
"...You think I still have a heart, Silver?"
"Yes, and if you don't, I'll get you to grow one. Now, where was I?"
"Wait, so yer a Crusader? Ya got a Cutie Mark..."
"Yes, but...I'm still learning what it means."
"...Den what about da dragon?"
"I'm knda the chaperon."
"Oh...I gotcha. I think..."
"Milkshakes on me!" I called.
"On you? But there's like seven of us..."
"Don't worry about it, my allowance will cover it."
"Yeah, one of the richest in Ponyville."
"Ya don't act like any of da rich ponies I know..."
"I probably used to...but I learned my lesson."
The seven of us would ride in the undestroyed pumpkin float, Babs proudly wearing her CMC cape.
Pinkie would still be driving her veggie float...for some reason...She's Pinkie, even I don't know why she would be.
"So you're going to start up a Manehatten branch of the Crusaders?" Applebloom would ask.
"Yeah, and tell my sis about da bullies."
Applejack would still offer her support if she needs it.
"And tell those rich snobs your friends with the Riches," you would say.
"...Yer name is Rich?"
"Diamond, we kind of used to be rich snobs," I would remind. "But she's right. Tell them the Silvers are your friends too."
"And if that doesn't work, you could always act crazy," Scootaloo would say. "That will probably freak them out."
"How 'bout doin' this?" Babs would ask and do that creepy smirk of hers again.
"...Why do you know how to do that?"
"I watch a lotta horror movies..."
"...Does yer sister know about that?" Applejack would ask.
"Don't lie to her, it's a waste of breath, trust me," I would advise.
"...Some of 'em."
"See yah later, cousin!" Applebloom would shout, hugging her. Then the Crusaders and us.
Then the three of us would get together...
"Bump! Bump! Sugar lump rump!"
"And that's how it'd go."
"You just made all of that up."
" . . . but that doesn't mean it isn't true."
"It doesn't mean it's true either."
"But it's what I want to be true," I told her, looking up at her. "I want you to be my friend. Mine and the Crusaders. I know you can be a good pony, Diamond...if I can, I know you can."
I approached her slowly.
"What are you doing?"
"Showing my friend I care," I reply, getting closer.
"You think you can hurt me?" Her horn glowed.
"Who said anything about hurting you?" I didn't stop.
"Because." She said matter of factly. "That's what that friend of the villain means when they say 'showing that they care.' That's how it's supposed to go."
"I know. I've read comic books with the others. But I'm not a comic book. I'm Silver Spoon. And you're my friend." I smiled at her, and I think of every happy time we had together, that out-numbered the times we had spent hurting my new friends.
"...It's time you woke up, Silver," she said.
Suddenly, black...I don't WANT to know came off her in waves. Gah!
Each wave...it felt like it was...trying to rip something out of me...what...what am I feeling?
I fall to my knees, looking up at her before me. She doesn't care...I'm hurting but she doesn't care...she doesn't care about anything. Nothing matters to her. She has no heart to reach. There's nothing to save...
Who am I kidding? Diamond's irredeemable...she's a monster. It's pointless to try to reach her. It's like trying to teach the darkness to be light. It's like trying to teach a leopard to change its spots...
The Diamond I knew is de-
The Diamond I know is NOT dead!
I force myself to my hooves and move forwards, staggering each time a wave of darkness...of despair...of nothingness hits me. Each one whispering in my ears it's pointless...that I should just give up on ever trying to save her. That trying is like trying to make a Manticore a vegetarian.
I won't lie...I came this close to believing that so many times I lost count...but she's my friend...the Crusaders didn't give up on me, I'm not giving up on her.
I finally stood right in front of her, using every ounce of strength I could to stand my ground.
She took a trot back and flared her wings, her horn glowed more. "Stay back."
I unsteadily got on my rear hooves, I nearly toppled forwards and backwards a few times, the waves of hopelessness trying their hardest to knock me on my flank and almost succeeding more times than I could count. I reached out my forelegs to her for a hug.
"This isn't supposed to happen, you're supposed to break or disown me."
"Sorry, Diamond, but I'm not following that script."
I don't stop. And I imagine the other Crusaders, me, and her, hugging each other, and smiling, being happy to have friends. My hooves actually touch her. I feel like I'm reaching into freezing water, but I don't recoil. I don't care if I have to thaw an entire lake, I'm going to save my friend!
"Get away!" She screamed like I was threatening to rip her heart out. She stared at me shaking and back-peddling for a moment as I didn't stop my attempted hug. It was strange. It...It looked like that little bit of fear she had for a fleeting moment was wrong to be there...or right and the rest of her was wrong. Suddenly, a ragged black cloak was wrapped around herself, and she flew away, fleeing into the mist like I was a fire and she was made of wood. And that was when the entire world turned white.
I stared up at where she'd gone. I wasn't disheartened...I think in a way, that just made me more determined.
"I meant it Diamond..." I said out loud. "Someday, I'm going to save you...I'm a Cutie Mark Crusader now, and I swear, part of my crusade will be saving you."
I found myself in my cape. When had I put it on?
"Hey! Silver!" called a voice.
I turned to see my five friends standing behind me.
"We're going to go be Cutie Mark Crusaders mecha pilots, wanna come?" Sweetie asked.
"Didn't we do that already?" I asked.
"This time we're using TRANSFORMING mecha!" Scootaloo says.
I rolled my eyes, but gave a smile. "Sure. But this time I get to control the head, okay?"
"Aww! Ah wanted the head!"
"You got it last time!"
I followed my friends on another silly adventure. I didn't know or care what we would get into this time. All that mattered was I was with my friends. And someday I'd get my other friend back.
I'm not that Silver Spoon anymore. And I never will be again. But I'm still me. And I'm still Diamond's friend. Whether she's here or not. Whether she thinks I am or not.
Where was that knocking coming from? I hope the giant robot didn't lose its arm again.
Our maid Clean Dishes/Clean Bandages called, "Silver Spoon! Time to wake up!"
I was in my bed. I breathed, I blinked, I moved, "T-thank you!" I called. I could speak on my own. I could move on my own! I checked the calendar . . . it was the day after I had gone to bed. I looked around, silver finery and stuffed animals everywhere. It was my room. I looked at myself in my large bedroom mirror. It was me. It was Silver Spoon. I ran to my closet and opened the door, happy to see the CMC cape still hanging there. I breathed the world's biggest sigh of relief.
"Thank you," I whispered to Luna, Celestia, Cadence, and any other Alicorn listening. I stroked the cape a few times, and then looked at a photo on my dresser of me and Diamond Tiara last Nightmare Night (last one we had together at least) and our giant bags of candy.
We'd actually not even realized which costumes the Crusaders were wearing until after it was over...We didn't care. We'd...we'd just been FOALS. Time to head out. I smiled,
I used to think hurting others was really neat.
I didn't need new friends, the game was such a treat.
But then I saw the price of this release, it didn't makes me best, it make me least.
I am no bad seed,
I am a friend in deed!
I Let my heart grow stale,
But some things aren't for sale!
Being a bully, I didn't care it wasn't right.
Why be a blessing, when it's so much fun to be a blight?
But why was I helped by those I was a bane?
Why show me kindness when I gave was pain?
I never cared how ponies hearts were frail.
But my own enemies gave me shelter from the gale.
Through it all they never failed,
Even when ditching me was easier they saved me from the hail.
And now it's here I'm sure you'll agree,
It's not just about being under the bigger tree,
Cause now I finally see,
That happiness shared by many friends is the key to being free!
I am no bad seed!
I am a friend indeed!
Pony POV Series
There Are No Bad Seeds