Just a quiet day at work.
Type a few words. Check the papers. Type a few words. Call my boss up. Type a few words. Hit send.
The company I worked for dealt in pharmaceutical distribution. Each day, I'd come in, send a few emails, then leave to make my rounds. My entire life consisted of emails and anti-itch creams.
It sucks, to be blunt.
But I can rest easy, knowing that when I head home there will be an equally quiet place to relax.
I live alone. I've had a series of failed relationships in the past, but none of them went far enough for me to be the least bit upset.
Basically, I'm just trying to say that my life was one of near silence and solitude.
That's why the knock at the door was so unwelcome.
Again, the day thus far had been quiet and uneventful. The most I expected out of that knock on the door was a travelling sales-pony or something.
I unlocked the door, nearly opening it before the knock came again, very quick and almost erratic.
"Yes, yes. I'm here."
There was a dramatic gasp from the other side. "Mel?"
All at once, I was afraid to open the door. I knew that voice. I knew that nickname. It meant my life was about to go to hell.
I opened the door.
There stood a pony I had bot seen in many years. Her coat was so pale a white it almost glowed, and her mane was so bright a blue it burned. She wore a ridiculous pair of sunglasses over her wild red eyes, which she took off using the blue magic of the horn that protruded from her rat's nest of hair.
"Mel, it's you!" The mare leapt at me, pinning me to the ground with a bear hug.
I sighed. "Yes, it's me, Vinyl..."
"I need you to come with me. I've got a wild idea." She stood, grabbing my hooves and yanking me upright.
"Of course you do..."
"I'm a vampire now!" She flashed me her fangs.
I groaned, falling back to the floor.
~~~~~
"Whoa! Mel! Didn't think you'd faint, you wuss!" She laughed, pulling me up again.
"No, Vinyl. This isn't happening. Unlike you, I have a life." I brushed myself off, straightened my bowtie, and tried to shoo Vinyl out of the house.
Vinyl suddenly looked disappointed. "You... you don't even want to say how much you've missed me? Dude, I missed you so much! It's been..." She stopped to count. "Uh... a lot of years."
"Yes. And I'm not interested in picking up where we left off." I continued to push her backwards towards the door.
"But Mel!" she whined dramatically. "We were best friends! I didn't come all this way with the most awesome business proposal ever for you to push me back onto the streets!"
I didn't answer, just hooked my front hooves under her armpits and lifted her front hooves off the ground.
"You asked for it!" she yelled, going limp in my forelegs.
"Don't you dare go boneless on me!" I yelled back.
Vinyl did not reply.
I dropped her on the floor, where she landed with a dull thump.
"Ow!" She rubbed the back of her head, then whined annoyingly.
I sighed. "Look, I have a job already, Vinyl."
"Really?" Vinyl looked perplexed,
I scoffed. "Yes."
"Huh." She stood up, jerking her head to make her mane return to its normal, gravity-defying state. "That what you've been doing all these years?"
"Yes."
Vinyl was silent for a moment. "What have you been doing, Vinyl?" she squeaked, putting on a horrendously offensively Bittish accent. "Oh, not much. Finally finished Grand Theft Equus IV, held a series of odd jobs, the most recent being a brief stint as a DJ: DJ P0N-3. They thought I was too loud, so most clubs won't let me play anymore. Also, it is apparently unprofessional to yell 'FAIL!' every time somepony trips, falls, or pukes on the dance floor."
"Not your best idea."
"Suck it, Mel."
I was silent.
Vinyl cleared her throat. "Th-this is the part where you say 'you suck it' and do something moderately stupid to accompany it."
"Vinyl, we are not in high school anymore," I said. "Quite frankly, I count that as a blessing," I added under my breath, going to pack up my cello.
Vinyl groaned again. "But we don't have to be in high school to act like idiots! Or, at the very least, best friends!"
"You're not presenting your case very well..." I muttered. "Where'd you get the vampire teeth?"
"Won 'em at a carnival." She grinned. The teeth fell out of her mouth. "Dammit..."
"What makes you think anypony would believe this dumb charade?" I asked, snapping the locks on my case. "Your voice is all garbled with those in, and you don't actually drink blood."
Vinyl chuckled, almost evilly. "You're interested, aren't you?"
"No. I 'm just wondering what combination of thoughts made you believe that this--" I gestured towards her "-- would actually work."
She shrugged. "You wanna get some pizza?"
I paused. "Pizza?"
"Or we could do food trucks. Those are always fun. Ooh! There's this great spot down on--"
"I haven't seen you since senior year! I can't just go with you, I have a job!"
Vinyl threw a hoof around my shoulders. "Mel, when did you get so uptight? First off, this is about the third time you've mentioned the job. Obviously, you aren't working right now, so I don't see a problem with this. Second, you were so much fun in High School! Must by dying to cut loose! Anyway, we'll discuss things over a steaming hot pizza with a side of extra crispy hay fries. You like black olives?" She pulled me away from the door and down my front porch.
"W-wait! I have to lock up!"
Vinyl scoffed, her hoof still draped around my shoulders. "Don't worry. The bogeyman isn't gonna steal your socks while we're out."
I growled deep in my throat.
"Dude, chill. It's just pizza and some catching up, " Vinyl said in an attempt to calm me down.
"Don't call me 'dude.' Ponies have had a certain respect for me since I got out of High School, and I'd really like to keep it that way."
Vinyl chuckled again. "You? The pony who threw up during a spelling bee?"
I grumbled again. "I was sick."
"You know, you say that, but we all saw you turn green."
"It was the lights."
"Wasn't the lights, Mel. You opened you mouth to spell 'Pegasi' and--"
"I remember." I muttered. "Not the sort of thing you forget."
Vinyl laughed uproariously.
"Har, har," I mocked. "How did you find me?"
Vinyl shrugged. "I looked you up. Still not married, huh? Me neither."
"Vinyl, I can't do this!" I stopped.
"Why not?" Vinyl looked confused.
"Because! I've moved on! I'm not just jumping back into High School again! I went to college, I got a job, I have a life!" I sighed. "This is too sudden. You couldn't have called first or something?"
Vinyl shrugged.
"S-stop shrugging! Tell me what you wanna say!" I looked at her. "Did you even go to college?"
"Eh... college isn't really my thing. It's sort of... stifling." She grinned, whipping off her sunglasses. "Besides. I've got a job."
"Oh yeah?"
"Well... almost. That's what I wanted to talk to you about."
"Yes. The 'most awesome business proposal ever,' " I remembered.
"Exactly! You ready to hear this?"
I sighed. "Sure..."
"Okay, okay." She jumped in front of me, stopping me in my tracks. "Wait for it... private detectives!"
What did this have to do with the vampire thing? "I'm confused."
"Lemme explain: everypony knows that vampires are psychic--"
"I've never heard that."
"Suck it, Mel. Anyway, somepony once thought I was a vampire--"
"How drunk were they? Scale of one to unconscious." I interrupted again, smirking a bit.
"Dude! The eyes, the coat! I'm super pale, and I have red eyes. That's pretty much a textbook vampire," she explained. "Anywho, you remember how clever I am! 'Cause my stupid dad had to be a cop, and all that weird training crap..."
"Skip the daddy issues. I remember."
"Right. So I figured I could pretend to be psychic by pretending to be a vampire and solve crimes!" she smiled proudly.
"Okay. How drunk were you when you thought of this?"
Vinyl groaned loudly. "Look, it's genius, and you know it."
I was beginning to smell the pizza shop. I knew I had to get out of this, and quickly. "Why don't you just be a cop?"
" 'Cause my dad always wanted me to, and I won't give him the satisfaction. Plus, I..." she muttered something under her breath.
"Excuse me?"
"I got arrested a couple years ago..." she whispered.
I laughed. "Oh! That's great! For what?"
"Reckless driving."
I opened my mouth to scold her, or possibly just berate her some more, but she interrupted me.
"Dude, it was a chopper, and it was awesome. It was also impounded..." she murmured sadly.
"I'll bet it was."
"Suck it."
"That is the third time you've said that," I reminded her.
"I keep hoping you'll finish the bit. Guess I was wrong. Bet you don't even go by 'Mel' anymore, do you?" Vinyl complained, kicking a small pebble along.
"You were the only one who called me that. Nopony nicknames a last name, Vinyl. That's just odd."
"Which is another way of saying it was clever and you loved it."
"Mm... no, not exactly."
"So ponies actually call you 'Octavia?' That's so obnoxious!" Vinyl complained loudly.
"It's perfectly normal. It's my name."
"Eh." Vinyl kicked the pebble into the street, and gave up on keeping it in front of her. "So, what do you think of the business idea? Would you wanna... you know, solve crimes and junk with me? Don't lie, Mel, I know it's your secret dream to be an old-timey private detective."
"Gumshoe," I corrected, without thinking about it.
Vinyl looked hopeful.
"Hm... I'll have to think about it... does it have a name?"
Vinyl gasped, bouncing up and down. "Dude, that's the best part! I call it... SINBAD," she said dramatically.
" 'SINBAD?' What does that mean?" I asked.
"It's an anagram thingie... wait, no... acronym! It stands for 'Supernatural Investigations 'n' Bad Ass Detectives." She laughed. "Awesome, right?
"That literally makes almost no sense. Why not 'and? I mean,' 'n'? Really?" I commented.
She sighed. "Because. If it had 'and,' it would be SIABAD, which is a stupid name. SINBAD, however... pure awesome..." she said wistfully.
"Interesting. Would we have an office?"
"A big one! With a huge front window, and everything!" She stopped me again. "Picture it: 'SINBAD: Private Detective Agency.'"
"Would we get paid?"
"Yes. Duh."
"Could I work it part-time?" I asked.
"You're actually considering this, aren't you?" Vinyl squealed.
"Maybe. But let's get one thing straight: I am not quitting my job to work with you. Oh, that's another thing: it will be with, not for." I poked her in the chest, making sure each important word was punctuated.
Vinyl held up a hoof. "Scouts honor. But you have to promise to lighten up. Also, help me find some better vampire teeth..."
"Fine," I agreed.
"Seriously?"
"Er... yeah."
Vinyl laughed triumphantly, bouncing in circles around me. "Yes! I knew I could do it! I knew I'd convince you!" She stopped in front of me, sticking out a hoof.
I bumped it.
Goodbye quiet, boring life.
Hello, Vinyl Scratch.