Chapter 13: Kickin' The Habit
"Bwahahahaha! Spike, you're some kinda player now?" I laughed as Spike walked through the front door, Sparks still wide eyed with her jaw on the floor.
"Yeah and Twilight said I never had a shot with Rarity." Spike replied as he turned to face the still aghast Twilight. "YEAAAAHHHH! IN YO FUCKIN' FAc-URP!"
"Whoa, I hope you didn't burp like that around Gem. Then again, it wouldn't have mattered anyway 'cause apparently you, my friend, just got done pounding some pu-"
"Hnnnnggg I think I'm gonna ya-URP!"
"Uh-oh." Twilight said after finally snapping out of her trance. "Vinnie, we both may find it beneficial to seek some type of structural means of protection from th-"
"Just give it to me straight, Sparks" I replied. "What are you tryin' to say?"
"HIT THE DECK!"
Without asking why, I jumped behind the sofa with Sparks and soon learned why she had told me to find cover. I couldn't see it at first but an explosion erupted from the general direction where spike was standing. There was a huge flash of green light and I suddenly noticed something ricocheting around the room with followed by large puffs of smoke coming from where I had last seen Spike. At this point, I had already out of instinct pulled out the small gun I carry with me. Almost as quickly as it began, the scene came to an abrupt end when the object that turned out to be a rolled up piece of paper finally settled on the floor and Sparks cautiously took a peek over the sofa.
"All clear, Vinnie!" Sparks said after confirming that we were now safe to leave our cover. "Shit, I've never seen anything like this! It's never been this intense when the princess sends us a letter!"
I rose to my feet to assess the damage and see how much of our cleaning had been ruined to see Spike lying face down on the floor about ten feet from the scroll that bounced around the room. Spike was blackened with soot lying there with his tongue hanging out and everything within twenty feet or so of the blast radius was slightly singed.
"What the fuck just happened?" I asked Sparks, dumbfounded.
"Oh, we never showed you?" Sparks nonchalantly replied as she levitated the scroll in her aura. "When spike sent a letter to Princess Celestia last week, he burns it with his breath. When we receive one, he coughs it up or in this case, completely blows a gasket and makes a big scene."
"So she's back from her political trip and she's gonna help me get back to my world?"
"Well, I don't know that until I rea-"
"What the hell are ya waiting on?! What does it say?!"
Sparks then proceeded to open up the scroll and read it aloud.
Dear Twilight Sparkle:
First and foremost I apologize for the delay in my response. I was extremely busy and it proved to be very difficult to convince the Saddle Arabian government to lower the cost on importing coal to Equestria. In order to make up for it, I'll have to increase taxes on small businesses and give breaks to big corporations to switch jobs out of Equestria for cheap labor. Please tell the Cakes that they may wish to consider incorporating their business. Now on the topic of your letter. I am very surprised that a human has found his way into our world as the mirror here in Canterlot was the only portal I knew that existed. I will be there tomorrow evening to explain my plan and I also wish to examine the pond that you mentioned. My sister and I should be able to assist the human in returning to his home once we determine the proper course of action.
Yours truly
Princess Celestia
"So tomorrow I get to go back to my world?" I asked very enthusiastically.
"If things go as planned, it appears that way." Sparks replied sounding somewhat sad.
"Well what's the problem then? You don't sound too sure of it."
"Oh I don't doubt the princess' ability to help, it's just...well Vinnie, during the week you spent here, you have become our friend. Not just with me and the girls but the whole town really likes having you here. It's a shame that one week is all you were here for and we're really going to miss you when you leave."
"Well I...I don't know what to say, Sparks. I mean sure, I kinda started to sorta get somewhat of a soft-spot for you guys too but...I didn't know you all felt so strongly about it."
At this point, It was getting very difficult to hold my own tears back. It was all true. These candy colored talking ponies were the only true friends I ever had. After a week in their world, I've gotten to know them so well that it felt as if I had known them my whole life. As sad as it felt to have to leave though, there was just nothing that could help the fact that I just simply didn't belong here forever.
"Vinnie, dude." Spike finally spoke up as he rose to his feet. "It really sucks that you have to leave. I'll never forget what you taught me today. After what just happened with me and Rarity, I feel like I'm on top of the world."
"And Vinnie" Twilight Sparks began. "You've taught me something that I never would have learned without you. You taught me that underneath the exterior of even the most hardened tough-guys with the darkest pasts, there is still a sensitive, caring friend to be found."
Without hesitation, I fell to my knees closer to my friends' level and spread my arms out for a group hug. A few days ago, I made a mental note to really seriously think about what I was doing but I failed to actually do so as I was distracted by the fun I had here. All the laughs we shared. The tears. The hugs. The just plain sappy moments.
It was already getting late in the day as it was and as the sun continued to set, the three of us stayed up for several more hours pouring our hearts out to each other and making plans for how we could make my last day here special. Before finally turning in for the night, we all agreed that we would have one last fun outing with the rest of the gang before I was to go through the portal back home.
The Next Day
"Okay, Vinnie" Sparks began. "The princesses are going to be here later tonight so I want you to go over to Sweet Apple Acres to meet Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash and help them transport some *ahem* 'liquefied fun' back here and we'll all have a great time."
"Heheh just like old times." I replied. "Except A lot of the stuff I was used to transporting meant hefty prison time if I was caught with it. Hey wait a sec. What about Pinkster. where's she at?"
"Oh she'll be back very soon. She's taking care of some other things that involve our festivities."
"Alrighty, sounds like a plan. See ya soon."
So there, I began my ever shortening walk to Sweet Apple Acres. Since I have been smoking a lot less, I have found it easier to walk faster without getting winded as quickly. I'm just glad I was able to get outta hear before I ran out of cigarettes. I was already leaving behind the only friends I ever had so the last thing that needed to happen was for me to fuck everything up between us before I go.
As I neared Jackie's orchard, I noticed that I hadn't seen a single pony on the way there which struck me a bit odd. I had only been here a week but I learned that on a bright, sunny day like this, the town was hopping with activity and ponies darting around like coked out squirrels.
I soon found myself approaching Jackie, Cloud Speed, Gem and the Doc with...only one barrel of cider? I was told I was gonna help them transport it so I was half expecting a pony world version of a box-truck or something but just one barrel? something seems amiss.
"Howdy, Vinnie!" Jackie greeted as I walked over. "Yer just in time tah walk over tah Twi's library with us."
"Uhh, ok." I replied, clearly showing that I was confused. "Failure of communication I take it?"
"Is something wrong Vincenzo?" Gem asked.
"Well I wouldn't say something's wrong" I answered. "It's just that I was told that we were gonna be hauling cider with help from me but you all seem to have that covered."
"Oh, well uh it's just that we uh..." Jackie stuttered as here eyes darted all over the place. "We um, spilled a bunch of it on accident and we were only able to save this one barrel."
"Yeah!" The rest agreed in unison.
They're such terrible liars. My instincts would usually leave me to believe that I was about to get whacked but knowing them, they're probably just playing some silly game with me. I decided to humor them and play along.
"Well gee that's a shame" I began. "Your sister Apple Bloom told me how much work goes into making that sweet, divine, intoxicating juice"
"Yup, that filly sure is the apple of mah eye." Jackie said. "Oh bah the way, them two fillies that her and her friends go to school with stopped bah and mentioned something about needin' more time to get some bits they said they owe 'em. Ah wonder what that was all about. Ah'm sure Apple Bloom ain't gonna have a problem with lettin' 'em cut a deal though."
Wow, now they're are extorting money from the bullies. Aren't I a great mentor?
"*Ahem* uh yeah I think she's the understanding type." I said, trying to sway the conversation from the topic of the delinquency I had contributed to. "Now let's get going ok? The more time we stand here, the less time I get to spend with everypony before I leave forever."
In almost no time at all, we were back in town and standing outside the Golden Oaks Library. This time, the girls had trouble keeping up with me. I was soon about to find out why Twilight wanted to have me distracted and why everypony in town had mysteriously disappeared. I opened the door to enter to see that the light had been turned out for some reason.
"SURPRISE!" Everypony in town yelled as the light turned back on.
It was a set up! The good kind I mean. I had just learned exactly how much I really meant to not only the six ponies I'd spent the most time with but everypony I had met. Inside the library, there was a huge cake on a table and a big banner that read "We'll miss you, Vinnie" hanging up on the wall. It was almost surreal. I had lived in my human world for nearly half of a century and never had as many nice things done for me as I have in the week I'd been here. I was overcome with such a bittersweet feeling and truly discovered that these ponies were indeed my true friends and were genuinely sad to see me leave.
I ended up having the best few hours I ever had in my entire life. I was having cake with my friends to celebrate the friendship we had developed, getting buzzed on cider and just simply acquiring wonderful memories that I could talk about with a shrink for years to come. It was late in the afternoon when Sparks raised a hoof in the air and the library fell silent.
"Vinnie, we all can't begin to tell you how much we are going to miss you." Twilight began. "And even though we may nev-*sniff* never see you again, we'll always remember you as the human who taught us all a wonderful lesson that we never would have learned without you. There is always a great friend to be found in even the most hardened people and that anypo-er anyone can change and is entitled to the second chance to do so. Princess Celestia and Princess Luna will be here soon to reopen the portal so without further ado, I want to present you with a parting gift for you to remember us by. Please hold still and don't be alarmed, Vinnie. I have this spell that I think you will find very helpful so I'll have to fire a harmless beam at you."
"*sniff* You guys are the best! Fire away, Sparks." I replied with tear soaked eyes.
I didn't even need to think for a second about it as these ponies have proven many times over that I never need to question them when it came to trust. Though I was unsure about what she was talking about, I had decided that I should just take her word for it and let her do her thing. Just like she had promised, the lavender colored aura that briefly enveloped me was completely painless and was over as soon as it began.
"So...uh what um...what'd ya do?" I asked, confused. "I don't feel any different."
"Vinnie, do you have any of those cigarette things left?" Sparks asked.
"Uh, I think I have a few left over. Why?"
"When was the last time you had one?"
"Eh, earlier this morning, like nine hours ago I guess"
"Do you have the urge to smoke another one?"
That's when it all hit me. I pulled the pack out of my pocket and opened it revealing my last three cigarettes...and I didn't want to smoke them. Twilight and friends had not only given me the gift of friendship but also the gift of a longer life. The ultimate gift. She had gone completely out of her way to examine the cigarettes and find a way to get me off of them. After about ten minutes of groveling, kissing Twilight's hooves, sobbing and group-hugging with everypony, the sound of some kinda trumpet came from outside followed by the library going completely silent again. The royal visitors and my means of going home had arrived.
End Chapter 13