//------------------------------// // Sneaking and Entering // Story: Living Like A Princess // by Armalite //------------------------------// Chapter 1: Sneaking and Entering Fuck this. No, seriously, this is it, this is my nightmare. Shadow Shell let out an annoyed sigh and replied to the stupid mare in front of him, “Yeah, listen, I don't really like you. So would you kindly stop talking to me?” The mare's face twisted into a mortified expression. “Luna's sake, Flowers, you're the one who said we should meet here to eat!” Shadow looked around at all the pompous, arrogant ponies around him in the cafe, eating annoyingly small cakes and discussing stupid pompous pony stuff. Like bits. They were probably talking about selling orphans for bits. Yeah, ponies are awful creatures. Normally Shadow would be doing everything in his power to keep up his identity, but today he was just feeling out of it. He was finding it harder and harder to motivate himself when all he did was do the same thing over and over again. “If I'd known you were so uncouth, I'd have never befriended you!” The mare spat indignantly. The changeling now known as “Flowers” shrugged his shoulders. “And normally I'd care, but I don't tonight. Don't blame yourself, though, I really should be more motivated. Look, here's-” Shadow dug into the purse he'd kindly stolen from the real Flowers, “Look, here's... ten bits. Go buy yourself, I don't know, a candy bar or something.” The mare huffed angrily and started off before turning back and sweeping the bits off the table and into her purse, glaring at Shadow while she took his money. The bell above the door gave a merry jingle, signaling the mare's exit. “Bitch.” Shadow muttered, leaning back in the seat and gazing around the upper class diner. He needed to find some love, something that was hard to do while living comfortably. Most of the ponies in Canterlot had risen to their plush status through deceit and trickery, leaving them disliked by many. And Shadow wasn't going to settle until he was living both comfortably, and well fed. He sighed again, this time in longing, and gazed out of the window next to him. He absentmindedly stared at the ponies as they passed. Slowly, his gaze was drawn up over the rooftops of the city proper. Then, he saw it. The solution to all his problems. The answer to all his seemingly impossible questions. The Castle of the Royal Sisters. He stared at it for a moment. Just one lowly maid in that place could get tons of love! His mouth watered at the thought. He could sleep in a guest room without other knowing. This is going to fucking happen. “Princess Celestia's out on a diplomatic mission to quell those brutish griffins.” Shadow then had a grand idea! Shadow turned towards the mare a table across from him, who was chatting with another. He quickly jumped up and grabbed the mare by the shoulders. “Is she gone yet!?” He hollered into her face. “N-No!” She shrieked in fear and confusion, her friend staring at Shadow with open mouth horror. Then he dropped the mare to the floor and galloped out the door, steamrolling an incoming customer into the bushes nearby. <....> The solar guard stood tall and proud, his golden armor gleaming brightly in the setting sun. His face was stoic, and his sword lay in wait within his sheath. Nothing would get past him, nothing coul- Oh sweet merciful Maker! A light yellow unicorn sauntered up the cobblestone road to the gate next to the guard, swaying her behind side to side and giving him a sultry look. “You know...” She started, eyeing him up and down and leaning in close to the quivering guard, “I just love a stallion in armor. I'm getting in there, Shadow thought, shooting a glance up at the castle. I'm getting in there, the guard thought, shooting a glance down at her flank. “How about you and I take a little stroll, and have some fun.” The guard's eyes widened as she started to saunter into the bushes by the gate. The guard nearly pranced to them, this was the first time he'd ever had sex! Once in the bushes, she proceeded to beat him unconscious with a sock full of bits. On the bright side, she didn't rob him blind... although he might be blind now. Shadow shrugged her shoulders and in a blaze of green fire, became the young, horny, and possibly blind guard. She slipped his armor off and strapped it to her body. This is really easy. This is just, Babytown Frolics. Time to go live the equestrian dream. <....> After searching for a bit and consulting the guard's superior, then beating him up and dragging him into a broom closet, Shadow finally found where Celestia was preparing to leave. Surprisingly, there were no guards in front of her quarters. Shadow halted just in front of her door. This was it. Now or never. He took a deep breath, and cracked the door open. She was rooting through a chest, her back to him, and he stared at her abnormally large ass; his mouth watering just at the thought of all the cake she must have stored somewhere. He took in every detail he could see past her, just monstrous behind. Suddenly, he saw her head rise over that absolutely gargantuan ass, and he quickly ducked back out into the hallway. He bolted down the hallway as fast as he could, grinning manically all the way. Meanwhile, Dust Mop, a quiet mare from up north, gently rolled a cleaning cart out of a room and into the hallway. Then it was slammed against the wall as a cackling guard galloped past, knocking her over. She huddled in a ball and began to weep. Shadow bolted into a random room in the hallway, and slammed the door shut. He stood against the door, panting and grinning at the absurdity of what was happening. He looked to his right and saw a young janitor looking at him cautiously. They stared at each other before Shadow suddenly transformed into Celestia with a bout of green flame. The two continued to stare at each other. “So you're a-” “Changeling, yep.” “And now you're-” “Celestia, yeah.” “What are you going to do now?” “Abso-fucking-lutely nothing. I'm going to sit around on my huge, medicine ball sized ass, and eat nothing but cake.” The janitor looked at him suspiciously. “Well... okay.” Shadow moved away from the door as he stared at the janitor in a mixture of awe and confusion. The janitor calmly stepped out into the hallway, and proceeded on his way. Shadow shut the door with a click, and devised his plan: 1. Do nothing Plan complete. Let's get this show on the road. <....> Princess Celestia exited her room slowly, her suitcase floating behind her. As she made her way down the red carpeted hall, she came upon a weeping mare in the fetal position. She gazed down at her in concern, then saw a young janitor trotting by. "Excuse me, sir?" The janitor turned around, but instead of bowing, he merely regarded her neutrally, something that was rare among her ponies. "Did you happen to see a guard run through here, possibly laughing like a crazed horse and frightening young mares into a comatose state?" The janitor thought about it for a moment, before shaking his head. "Can't say I have, ma'am. Although to be fair, Equestria's full of ponies like that." Celestia chuckled lightly, enjoying the casualness between her and the janitor. Meanwhile, the mare continued to shake and mumble at her hooves. "Indeed, it does have a few." She gazed curiously at him. He was so unlike any other ponies she'd met. Most groveled at her hooves, but this one seemed... almost apathetic. It made her hot. "What is your name?" "Shop Vac." "Well, Shop Vac..." She began, if you ever want to... hang out, or whatever it is you kids do these days, meet me here when I get back:" She reached into the satanic hell pocket that all ponies possesses, and pulled out a dainty card. She levitated it to him before giving him a small smile and starting off. She then remembered that there was a traumatized mare at her hooves, and quickly levitated her onto her back before starting off again. I'm so exited to finally talk to a pony who I can hold a conversation with without them bowing down! She let out a girlish "squee" and trotted in place, bouncing the mare on her back right off her back. Luckily, Celestia caught the mare before she hit the ground and resumed walking, albeit, with a blush. Meanwhile, Shop Vac stared at the card. It was a ticket to a fancy diner. One so fancy, that the only pony that ever ate there was Celestia. He stared at it for a moment before shrugging and slipping it into his demonic pocket. I'll think about it.