//------------------------------// // Knight of Cerebus // Story: At The Drop of A Hat // by Tchernobog //------------------------------// Applejack awoke to the sound of grumbling, the smell of fish and candles and a stinging sensation percolating from behind her right ear down the rest of her skull. As her vision fogged to life, she saw that there was an altar in front of her with several fish on silver platters and a runic circle marked by candles surrounding it. All around were odd and slightly tasteless pieces of art. Here a singing fish rendered in bronze. There a painting of Photo Finish's behind. She struggled to get up, but found herself tied to an abstract sculpture that gave off the appearance of a toddler's rendition of a pony. “An ode to love”, it was titled. “Can't believe I let you talk me into this...” came a very welcome voice from behind her. “Rainbow Dash!” Applejack said, springing to attention. “Yep, that's me. Stupid, stupid, stupid...” Dash was glowering at an especially offensive piece of tiling about seven hooves away. Applejack sighed. “What'a we gotten ourselves into this time?” “A crazy pony wants to use you to resurrect an ancient pony goddess of spiders because you wear her hat." Applejack raised an eyebrow. "Yes, really. I don't claim to get it either. “ “...Kay. So what's gotten you huffing more'n dragon in a pepper plant?” Applejack asked, a smirk wide on her face. “She's just mad because I played her for a sucker.” The voice came from behind the pair, both of whom struggled against their bonds to see their antagonist. The ninja stepped from behind the statue to lean against one of the four pillars supporting the room. Applejack noticed Dash struggling against her bonds and smirked. She could only imagine Dash's thoughts on the ninja. Even in a scheme as ridiculous as using Applejack's hat to summon a demon goddess, her pride still got bruised every time somepony exploited her loyalty. Rainbow Dash was a pony of principle. Applejack's kind of pony. For a brief moment, she wasn't trapped in a moronic cultist's basement about to hear yet another lecture about the glorious rebirth of civilization as ponies knew it. She was thinking about Dash giving her a cocky smirk, the two of them racing, arm wrestling and apple bucking the days away. Except now, Dash wouldn't just throw snickers and smirks her way. She'd get smiles, and hugs, and maybe a kiss or two if she was quick. She wouldn't just have a rival and a playmate. She'd be...loved. She thought about telling her family, about what it would mean for her chores. She thought about how her falling in love might change her friendship with the others. She wondered about what the farm would look like with two mares kicking apples and running things alongside Big Mac. She wondered how a Wonderbolt could date a farm pony and still tour the world. She could have mused on Rainbow Dash and what dating her would mean for ages, but she was distracted by the ninja clearing her throat impatiently. Applejack sighed. “I'm guessin' this is the part where you lecture us 'bout how great you are and how stupid we are and how your plan's unstoppable, am I right?” As she said this, she edged a hoof around Dash's, giving Dash a supportive smile. “Correct!” Applejack and Dash turned to see none other than DeMule prancing vaingloriously towards them. He wrapped a hoof around the ninja beside him, a fiendish grin on his face. “My dear colleague here did a fine job of foiling your silly little theft attempt.” He gave her a nuzzle, which the ninja briefly reciprocated, the two of them suddenly returning to staring at the tied ponies with cocky smirks shortly after. “Yer crazy if'n ya think that you can just summon a spider god without Princess Celestia stoppin' you, Demule!” “Fools!” Demule boomed, relishing every minute of his villain speech. “I've already distracted her with a romantic dinner at the cake palace!” “Then, er...Twilight will find the other girls and stop you!” DeMule let out another giggle. “And who do you think Her Majesty's accompaniment was?” Dash and Applejack sighed. “Figures.” Dash said. “So how is this one gonna go? So far we've heard ‘use the power of love to conquer a kingdom that runs on friendship and love’, ‘make the world hotter in a world where another pony can turn off the sun.’ and ‘be nice to Fluttershy and hope she's nice back.’ as world conquering schemes. I don't think yours will be much dumber.” DeMule got a mad look in his eyes. “That's where you're wrong!...Er...Which is to say...Fools! I shall prove my brilliance to you with this!” He reached behind a painting of Princess Luna sleeping through the vanquishing of Tirek to grab a large red button, then jammed his hoof down upon it. There was a rattle of machinery and the heavy sound of stone grinding on stone, and a large wooden contraption appeared in front of the bewildered pair. The mechanical whirl was matched by a maniacal laugh from DeMule, which grew more and more unhinged as he went. Runes were etched all across it, their meaning more than lost upon Applejack. Long arms came from a wooden column reaching for the sky, each arm holding a set of pegs jutting upwards from their branches. Upon one arm rested a bright red fez with a yellow pompon, and on another a top hat. There were baseball caps, beanies, ten gallon hats, fedoras, beer caps, coonskins and trilbies draped all along its protrusions. At its top sat an empty pedestal, more runes carved along it and gold running along its trim. Applejack and Dash blinked. “...A hat rack?”