//------------------------------// // Vexed Villein Verbalises // Story: Vee for Vendetta // by Melon Hunter //------------------------------// Vee for Vendetta By Melon Hunter Chapter 5: Vexed Villein Verbalises Veggie took a great huff of air, energised by the sounds of the babbling crowd on the other side of the curtain. “Nothing quite like a whole town come to hear your speech to get the blood pumping, is there, Quango?” she asked. “Of course,” he said. “And I’m sure once they hear what exactly you’re enacting, it’s going to get pumping even more. Running away from an angry mob tends to do that,” he added dryly. “If you two keep bickering, we ain’t gonna have a speech at all! Ah thought we agreed Ah’d go on first to drum up some support?” Applejack asked. “On account of mah barn?” “Indeed! And—” Veggie stopped speaking with a pointed sigh as somepony coughed politely behind her. “What about us?” Cloudchaser asked. Flitter, who was stood next to her, nodded vehemently. “Like, do we have a part too?” Vee rubbed her forehead with a hoof. “Look, I appreciate you being the inaugural members of the Sugar Watch, but right now I just need you to act professional.” “Yes, ma’am!” The twin pegasi each hovered in the air and flicked a forehoof to their head in a salute, cheerful expressions replaced by stony-eyed stares. "Don't worry! We've been trained by Rainbow Professionalism Dash herself!" Flitter barked. "Wasn't it 'Rainbow Professionalism Danger Dash'?" Cloudchaser muttered. "How the hay should I know? That mare goes through middle names like I go through loaves of bread." Applejack stamped her hoof. "Simmer down, the pair of yah." “Thank you.” Veggie turned back to Applejack. “Now’s your time to shine, then. Try for ‘innocent victim’ with a sprinkling of ‘righteous anger’. I want anypony involved with Sweet Tooth to feel… guilty… Guilty enough to defect to our cause.” She narrowed her eyes and began to rub her hooves together. “Especially Pinkie Pie.” “Heh, no need for that. Ah already went and had a little chat with her yesterday,” Applejack said. “From all the duckin’ and weavin’ she did, Ah’m pretty sure she’s already regrettin’ bein’ involved with this Sweet Tooth.” She rubbed her chin in thought. “Oh? You drove her to a confession already?” Veggie said, eyes sparkling. Applejack scratched the back of her neck, looking away from Veggie. “Uh… not really. As much as a part of me wanted to wring her neck for what happened, she is both a friend and part of the family. If Ah was in her place, Ah’d probably be runnin’ scared too, if mah job was on the line. Not to mention she ain’t the most subtle of ponies at the best of times.” She cleared her throat. “More fool me for gettin’ all soft when Ah had her on the ropes, Ah suppose.” “So she’s still at large?” Veggie asked. “Ah was hopin’ she’d be a decent enough pony to own up to it, so Ah left her to stew in her own juices. Maybe today’ll convince her to come clean?” Veggie nodded. “I hope so. Well done on taking the initiative, Applejack. Perhaps I would have plumped for direct confrontation, but I’m sure—as you say—your better judgement was merely clouded by some misplaced affection for her.” She drew herself up to her full height and smiled. “We’ll make a civil servant utterly unmoved by afflictions of emotion out of you yet!” Applejack grinned uncertainly and took a step back. “Well, Ah’ll try mah best. Ah’m sure folks will start seein’ sense soon enough.” She swiftly walked through the curtains, the sound of hooves stomping in a polite greeting filtering through the hanging fabric. Sitting down, Veggie took a look at her own notes for a few minutes. She’d pored over the law book, ensuring every last little loophole was stamped out. Not that there was anything to complain about really. A masked mare going around blowing up barns? It was madness not to respond! She rubbed her chin as she looked at the very bottom of the page, where she had written ‘Fears’. Princess Luna had taught her some important lessons, true, but how did one face up to fear of failing? She’d compromised on a proper solution and simply written ‘don’t’ next to it. And as for gaining the trust of Pinkie Pie, well… there was always hypnosis, she supposed. Her ears perked up as the crowd laughed outside. "What's going on? Is she doing stand-up comedy or something?" Veggie asked. "Actually, I believe Applejack is recounting the events of the other night and just reached the bit where you're staggering around the field while temporarily deaf," Quango replied. He suddenly grinned. "Oh, look! She's even mimicking those 'marp' noises you made trying to get rid of your tinnitus!" Veggie growled. "Get on the stage, all of you!" She quickly cantered out from the curtain, shoving Applejack away from the microphone and standing up behind the podium herself. The farmer merely shrugged and smiled, before standing to the side. Quango mirrored her position on the other side of Vee, and the twin pegasi hovered above. A great cheer went up from the crowd as Veggie appeared, and for a moment she basked in the adulation, before noticing the laughs and jibes mixed in with it. "Hey, Veggie! Can you hear us?" "'Do that 'marp' noise again!" "I guess your campaign's really getting some bang for its buck!" Veggie said nothing, an indignant scowl adorning her features. As the giggling amongst the audience continued, she picked up the microphone and sent a blast of high-pitched noise into it from her horn. The gathered ponies clutched hooves to ears and let out cries of pain and irritation. Once they were subdued, Vee ended the audial assault and returned the device to its stand. “Ha ha ha ha ha! Tinnitus! Isn’t it just hilarious?!” she snapped. There was a telling silence. “That’s what I thought. Anyway… Thank you for your time," she said primly. "I believe Applejack has filled you in on the finer details of the situation"—she glared at AJ, causing her to cross her forelegs and stare upwards innocently—"so I'll get right down to why we're here. Fillies and gentlecolts, I present to you... the Sugar Watch!" She threw a forehoof up to indicate her comrades. A few of the ponies in the audience exchanged confused glances and muttered to one another. Carrot Top piped up, “What’s that?” “I’m glad you asked!” Veggie exclaimed. She began to pace back and forth on the stage. “As I’m sure you’re aware, there is an extremely dangerous dissident roaming the town, likely supported by a faction of ponies who want nothing more than to undermine this necessary initiative!” Her horn flashed, unfurling a large banner emblazoned with her maize cutie mark on either side of the stage. “Now, I am here to help, but I am only one pony. And one pony can’t protect every building from being blown up by this masked madmare, nor can she guard against the ever-encroaching tide of sweet temptations! Therefore, by the, ahem, emergency powers granted to me by Mayor Mare, I’m giving you all a chance to help me to help you to help yourselves.” She cleared her throat. “With considerable oversight from me, of course.” “S’right! We’re gonna clean Ponyville up!” Cloudchaser cried. Some of the ponies in the crowd grinned and nodded. “And no more barns gettin’ blown up!” Applejack added. “We’re gonna tell ‘em we’re stronger than that!” “Yeah!” the crowd cried. Veggie began to grin broadly as her subordinates whipped up a storm of approval. “Excellent! Now, it’s early days yet, but I firmly believe that a little bit of nudge psychology will do wonders.” She shrugged and raised her hooves. “Maybe somepony eating a cake, when they could be snacking on a nice apple? Perhaps a schoolfilly’s rotting her teeth with sweets, or your granny takes three lumps of sugar in her tea when she could take two? Whatever it is, don’t stay silent! Help them to help themselves!” “Help them to help themselves!” the crowd echoed. She recoiled slightly at her mantra being repeated, before shaking with glee. “An apple a day; keep the sugar away!” “An apple a day; keep the sugar away!” Vee nibbled at her forehoof, wondering what to try next. “I’m an individual, and so is everypony else!” She looked down in confusion as she noticed her voice was no longer amplified, before spotting Quango holding the loose wire. “Veggie, you’re a civil servant, not a cult leader!” he hissed. “Stick to the script!” “Sorry! Got carried away!” she whispered back. He rolled his eyes and plugged the microphone back in. “Uh… anyway. That much is everypony’s duty. However, if you really want to be on the forefront of this campaign, I’d suggest you join the Sugar Watch! You will be my vigilant ears and eyes, always observing, always listening, ready to spring into action at a moment’s notice!” Veggie looked down at the smiling faces in front of her and shivered slightly. Her eyelid twitched. “Ponyville will only be safe from the purveyors of sweetness when the panopticon is complete! We can never rest in our war against sugar! Constant vigilance is required! You—Owww!” She ceased her diatribe and flinched as she felt a sharp pain on her foreleg. Quango gave her an apologetic look. “Just wrap it up, okay?” he said quietly. She nodded mechanically. “But never fear; as the Sugar Watch will forever be… watching, I guess.” Vee frowned and scratched her head. “I swear I had something for this,” she muttered. “Sign-up sheets are at the front!” Flitter announced. “You’ll get a badge, and training, and a really cute uniform! Maybe you’ll even get to have a rooftop battle with the masked dissident!” The ponies in the crowd began nodding and chattering to one another, and many started walking forward to sign their names on the supplied parchment.   Veggie sank down beneath the podium and let out a squeal of delight, eyes closed and forehooves raised up to her mouth. “Ohmigosh ohmigosh!” she exclaimed. “I can’t believe how well that went! I thought they might all object or not want to join or Sweet Tooth would turn up or something!” “Well, yah catch more flies with honey than vinegar, sug—uh, Veggie,” Applejack said. “These folks really appreciate some co-operation. Reckon you’re on to a real winner here.” She frowned a little. “Just a shame the uniforms look so unfriendly. Clothes in black never look approachable…” “It’s all I had to work with!” Veggie said. She gathered the other four ponies into a group hug. “Oh, but I can’t believe how well this is all going! Thank you so much for standing beside me; I thought I was doomed for sure. No wonder I had to face up to that fear.” Cloudchaser raised an eyebrow. “‘Fear’? What fear?” “Uh…” Veggie bit her lip, remembering the nightmare—well, daymare, strictly speaking—that has struck her. Probably shouldn’t tell them Princess Luna had to rescue me from my own mind, she thought. “Just a little nervousness about public speaking!” Another shiver of happiness travelled through her. The other ponies separated themselves from Veggie’s hug, dusting themselves off. “How about I take on the speech from here, Veggie?” Quango asked gently. “You, um, look like you need a rest.” She shook her head, his words only half-heard as a catatonic veil descended across her senses. What was this feeling?! How had she not felt it before? All these ponies listening to her, agreeing with her… she had power over them! She was the sole helmsmare for their destiny, and contrary to all expectations, they were consenting to her direction! This was perfect! In her delirium of joy, she barely noticed Cloudchaser and Flitter picking her up and moving her to the side as Quango took the podium in her place. Then, momentarily, she saw a pair of bright blue eyes in the audience. Pinkie stared at her, her head moving back slowly as she regarded Veggie. Vee tried smiling, which only caused Pinkie’s head to go back further until her neck was at an angle enough to give any chiropractor conniptions, gaze somehow still on her. Pinkie suddenly dashed away into the distance, eliciting a giggle from Veggie. Run as far as you like, Pinkie. I’ve won these ponies over, and sooner or later I’ll have you too. An odd noise came from a secluded alleyway just by Sugarcube Corner. To anypony listening, it would have sounded like someone was losing a fight with a angry wardrobe experiencing moderate gastrointestinal distress. Pinkie wished it were that simple. “Ohhh….” she moaned. “Why did I Pinkie Promise the hat? I could have done anything!” Her body quivered as another huge internal rumble shook her. “I’m so sorry, stomach! Please forgive me!” She tore another strip from the wide brim of the Mare Do Well hat, rolled it up and chewed it a little, before swallowing noisily. “But I did promise I’d eat my hat if Veggie Vee did anything crazy.” Pinkie clutched her belly, before steeling herself and devouring the remainder of the headware. “And what she’s doing is crazy. So is she! And everypony’s listening to her!” Looking around to check if anyone had noticed her apologising to her own digestive system, Pinkie gulped down a couple of Bon Bon’s voice-altering cough drops and donned the other pieces of the Sweet Tooth costume, making sure to cover up every part of her coat and her distinctive poofy mane. She checked her reflection with the surface of a water trough and nodded. It felt strange to have the distinctive weight of the hat in her stomach rather than on her head, but that was nopony’s fault but her own. She let out a brief sigh as a different stab came to her stomach. She had been convinced that Applejack had been successfully misdirected yesterday, but after a sleepless night replaying the conversation over and over again in her head, she couldn’t help but think AJ knew more than she was letting on. And she had seemed really hurt about the barn when giving her speech earlier… Pinkie was convinced she was doing the right thing resisting Veggie Vee, but not if that meant lying to her friends too! Or was that just a weakness holding her back? Wincing a little, Pinkie climbed up a gutter pipe on the wall of one of the houses and began running along the thatched roofs of the various buildings between her and the town centre. Nearly everypony had gathered in the square to listen to Veggie’s speech, letting Pinkie run and even try out some amateur parkour without worrying about being seen prematurely. Although that also meant that nearly everypony was being told that they needed to shut down Sugarcube Corner and ban candy! What was she doing practising her wallrunnning skills now?! With an extra burst of speed, she dashed off and skidded to a halt just before the edge of the roof of a house overlooking the square. Pinkie hunkered down to remain unseen and surveyed the space. Cloudchaser and Flitter were in front of the stage, dealing with a lengthy queue of ponies who were registering their interest in the Sugar Watch. The actually-secretly-quite-nice pony—Quango, of course—was currently on the podium, giving some finer details on what Ponyville could expect. As for Veggie Vee… For some reason, she was parading around and around at the back of the stage, scribbling something on a piece of paper and dictating her thoughts. Applejack sat in the centre of Veggie’s orbit, eyes uneasily following the unicorn. What had happened to her? What worried her more were the ponies gradually filtering away from the square. She had to stop this from happening! Pinkie leapt up, standing tall on the rooftop. She said nothing, instead only letting her cape flap in the wind. A few ponies turned to look at her and gasped. A wave travelled across the crowd as more heads looked up at her, until it finally hit the stage, silencing Quango and immobilising Veggie. “Citizens of Ponyville!” Pinkie began, her voice now the dulcet, cultured tones of Sweet Tooth. “I have returned!” She cut out as Veggie glared at her balefully. If looks could kill, Vee’s would have violated multiple international treaties on weapons of mass destruction. Even Pinkie’s normal cheeriness shrivelled to nothing in the death ray of disapproval. Veggie stomped forward slowly, never breaking her stare. She shoved Quango to one side, stood up against the podium and gripped its sides tightly with her forehooves. “You,” she spat. “What are you here for? Come to blow up another barn? Because too bad: we’re in the middle of town, there’s no barns here!” “What?! No, that was an accident!” Pinkie exclaimed. Some of the crowd shook their heads at her. “It was! Have any of you tried setting up a fireworks display before? Those things are hard!” She raised her hooves in a pacifying gesture, before cupping them around her mouth. “I’m really sorry about that, Applejack! I’ll make it up to you, somehow!” The other mare simply raised an eyebrow at her, before giving a curt nod. Better than nothing, Pinkie supposed. “That’s really”—Veggie held Quango at arm’s length as he desperately tried to grab her and pull her away—“the best you can do?” She narrowed her eyes at her. “Well, ‘Sweet Tooth’, what are you here for, hmmm?” Pinkie cleared her throat. “It’s quite simple! Look around, ponies. What do you think the Sugar Watch is for? Just some lovely, polite suggestions?”  She paused for a moment as the crowd conferred. “Be honest: if somepony came up to you and told you you shouldn’t be eating that cake, or you had too many sugar lumps in your tea, what would you do?” “You would thank them for their kind attention and refrain from that behaviour in future!” Veggie screeched. “Wasn’t talking to you!” Pinkie sang. Some of the ponies in the crowd had raised their hooves. “Yes! You sir!” The stallion Pinkie had pointed out took a step back as everypony looked at him. “Uh, well… thank them, but do it really passive-aggressively?” “That… that’s a start,” Pinkie admitted. “Anypony else?” “Ignore them!” one mare cried. “Yes!” “Tell ‘em to mind their own business!” another shouted. “Exactly!” Pinkie’s eyebrows went up as Veggie let out a furious snort. “What are you doing?!” she yelled. Vee shook her head. “You lot were repeating everything I said not five minutes ago! And now you’re all supporting her instead?” Pinkie decided to interject. “I don’t think—” “I HAVE THE MICROPHONE NOW!” The crowd dropped into silence as Hurricane Veggie hit. “No wonder every villain worth an evil laugh ends up taking this town over; it seems you support the last person who opened their mouth!” She began pacing back and forth on the stage. “And in any case, you’re siding with a mare who’s cowardly enough to hide behind a mask and blow up a barn”—Pinkie tried to raise her hoof—“and no, I don’t care if it was an accident! What have I done? I’ve come here to try and uplift your unhealthy little town with my expertise—not to mention at the taxpayer’s expense—and I haven’t so much as touched any of your buildings. Don’t you want my help?” There was a moment of silence as the crowd shifted around uneasily. Some of them looked back and forth between Veggie and the costumed Pinkie, as though watching a particularly foul-tempered tennis match. “Nopony wants ‘help’ if that means you telling them what to do all the time,” Pinkie said. “I heard you! You’re going to make everypony watch one another and get all judge-y whenever they eat something sweet! Is that really a better place?” She swept her forehoof in front of her and began tutting loudly. “Hear that? That’s the sound of the future if Veggie gets her way: everypony disapproving! You wanna end up feeling ashamed every time you eat a slice of birthday cake? Or one of Sugarcube Corner’s famous cupcakes?” Everypony started shaking their head. “There won’t be a Sugarcube Corner if you keep this up,” Veggie growled. “Hear that? She wants us all shut down!” Pinkie cried triumphantly. “That’s the most beautiful thing about this town; you want to eat nothing but frosting, have a week-long hallucinatory episode from the sugar, then nearly be declared clinically dead, you can!” she said. “...not that I’ve ever done that, or anything,” she hastily added. “This was, this is, and this always will be the town of eat-what-you-please! Now who’s up for an onslaught of doughnuts?” There were whoops of approval from the audience. “Enough.” Veggie’s voice wasn’t especially loud, but the icy menace in that word was enough to strike all who heard it into silence. She hopped up onto the podium itself, perching on its slanted surface. “I’ve tried being nice, I really have. But I can’t pretend that I don’t know better than this any longer.” She stared down at the crowd once more. “I put my own neck on the line for this job! I gave you a chance to help yourselves, and instead you’re going to follow some idiot in a superhero costume to your own doom! Obviously, the softly-softly approach isn’t going to work.” She grinned evilly at Pinkie. “So! Starting tomorrow, I am going to be rolling out some new rules in this town, and they will be mandatory.” She shivered again as the ponies in front of her gasped and looked fearful. “And as for your beloved masked hero…” She shot her head back to look at Cloudchaser and Flitter, who had started hugging one another in mute terror. They trembled as Vee’s awful gaze fell upon them. “Sugar Watch, go.” “Y-yes, ma’am!” they whimpered. Uh oh, Pinkie thought. She took a step back, making the thatch rustle. “I’d… better get going. Bye!” she shouted. She began running as the twin pegasi on stage took off and began flying towards her, both with thunderous looks on their faces. As when Rainbow had pursued her last time she was wearing this costume, Pinkie hopped across the thatched roofs of the town. She didn’t have any destination in particular; right now she was more concerned about shaking off the two frighteningly fast pegasi chasing her. “C’mon, Sweet Tooth, we just wanna talk!” Cloudchaser shouted, flying on one side of her. “Yeah! And see who’s behind that mask!” Flitter said. The sisters flew on either side of Pinkie, keeping her path in check. She tried to respond by jumping up onto higher parts of buildings, trying to frustrate one or the other pegasus long enough to change her direction. But, it was to no avail. With two ponies working in tandem, it was far harder to evade them both while keeping them out of hoof’s reach. Pinkie’s eyes went wide as she realised they were driving her towards Sugarcube Corner; closer to safety, sure, but also closer to a street too wide for her to safely jump across. They were going to drive her down into the crowd and pick her off at their leisure! There was only one thing for it: do the completely unexpected. “Flitter! Catch me!” she cried, leaping to her left. “Wait, wha—oof!” Flitter dropped out of the sky as Pinkie jumped into her and wrapped her forelegs around her. The two ponies dropped like a stone and impacted with the road below. “Thanks!” Wasting no time, Pinkie zoomed off down the street. With any luck, she could run far enough to lose the Sugar Watch temporarily, ditch the costume, and get out of there. That plan, however, didn’t account for having a Wonderbolt candidate on her tail. Cloudchaser put on an extra burst of speed, barely missing Pinkie as the costumed mare ducked underneath her. She carried on going, somersaulting gracefully and hovering at the narrow end of the street, blocking Pinkie’s exit. “Come at me, sis!” Cloud shouted triumphantly. Her brow furrowed. “No, seriously, Flitter, get your lazy flank over here now!” Pinkie skidded to a halt and turned to see Flitter zooming at her with a vengeance. She began to pick up speed, hooves out in front of her and dishevelled pink bow fluttering in the wind. Her fury-filled eyes locked onto Sweet Tooth as she reached terminal velocity. Just before the two impacted, Pinkie ducked. Flitter carried on right overhead, squealing in fear as she lost control. Pinkie watched as, seemingly in slow-motion, Cloudchaser had the wind knocked out of her by her sister slamming into her stomach. The two pegasi coalesced into one yelling mass, flung across the street by Flitter’s momentum. She winced as they struck the wall of the building on the far side of the street with a crunch. “Thanks for the great chase, girls! Keep it up!” Pinkie said as she passed them. Cloudchaser, trapped under her groaning sister, glared up at her. “You haven’t heard the last of this, Sweet Tooth,” she growled. “I’ll make sure of it.” Not wanting to stay out in the open any longer, Pinkie swiftly ran down a set of alleyways that would lead her to the secluded rear entrance of Sugarcube Corner. She pulled off each item of her costume, before wrapping them into a bundle and putting them in a discarded paper bag. Once disrobed, she walked up to the back door and pushed it open. Mrs. Cake smiled at her in greeting as she entered. “Good day, dearie?” she asked. “Getting better!” Pinkie said. Quango scurried through the streets of Ponyville, feeling the weight of every pair of eyes looking upon him. He wished he were back in Canterlot, at his desk, far away from the limelight that was currently shrivelling him up. Unlike Veggie, he had found that public attention did not suit him. She thrived in it. Well, thrived, then went slightly crazy, then back to thriving again. “Why, Quango? Why did you not just shred that dossier? Why did you not just throw it in the incinerator and run away?” he muttered to himself. “And why, oh why, did you agree to work with Veggie Vee, of all ponies?” He’d been following the trail that Sweet Tooth and the Sugar Watch had left in their high-speed chase, various eyewitnesses sending him the way of Sugarcube Corner. Quango’s eyes widened as he saw the huge queue snaking out of the bakery and heard the commotion coming from within. He edged up to the front door, trying to gain access. “Excuse me! Coming through!” “Hey! No cutting in the line!” somepony shouted. “You want your last cupcake before that madmare bans it all, you gotta wait like the rest of us!” “‘Madmare’?” Quango asked. “Oh…” Veggie had been rather too animated during her second confrontation with Sweet Tooth, it would seem. “Well, I’m Veggie Vee’s second-in-command, so—” He cut off as everypony around him backed away as though he had the Cutie Pox. “Thank you.” He walked into Sugarcube Corner, the ambient chatter now dulled to a suspicious murmur in his presence. Quango noticed ponies with piles of confectionery and baked goods, either in bags or on plates. Despite their indulgence, none of them seemed particularly pleased about it. However, his main attention was now on the two agitated pegasi hovering in front of the counter, harassing the store’s owner. “C’mon, give her up!” Cloudchaser snapped. “Yeah! We know you must know something about her, and we’re not gonna let Sweet Tooth get away that easily!” Flitter piped up. The portly mare behind the counter frowned and backed away a little. “I’m sorry, my dears, I don’t know what you mean. I’ve already told you: all I heard was that tremendous crash you had! There’s nothing else I can say,” she said. Quango trotted over to the squabbling trio. “Ladies,” he said, putting on the smoothest tone he dared. “Is there a problem?” Cloudchaser looked down at him. “Oh! Hey, Quango. Yeah, we were just trying to get some information out of Mrs. Cake. We chased Sweet Tooth to just around the corner from here, but she shook us off. I bet you anything this place has something to do with her! I mean, Sugarcube Corner, right?” “Right…” he said trepidously. Flitter scowled at Mrs. Cake. “Uh huh. But, she’s being really difficult! Won’t tell us anything!” Quango sighed and looked at Mrs. Cake. “Is this true?” “I’m afraid I’ve told them all I know. I found the poor dears in a big heap just across the street,” she said. “That’s all I saw of the chase. I made sure they weren’t too badly hurt and that they were alright. I even made them a cup of tea, but they seemed so keen to get on with their jobs.” He looked up on the counter and saw the aforementioned cups of tea. Somehow, that managed to offend him more than anything else. Who turned down a conciliatory cuppa?! “Girls, for the love of Celestia! This mare was kind enough to bring you in after you hurt yourselves, and you repay her by interrogating her and holding up the queue?” Quango cried. “But—” “No ifs or buts, young mare! I want you to apologise to Mrs. Cake.” Flitter and Cloudchaser both landed and shuffled about a little, red-faced, before mumbling “Sorry” at the floor. “Quite alright, my dears,” Cup Cake said. “Like, now what?” Flitter asked petulantly. Quango snorted. “And now, you’re going to take that tea, go over there, and you’re going to drink it. And then, after you’re done, you’re going to say ‘thank you’ for the hospitality, and then you’re going to leave, quietly. Understood?” Cloudchaser stamped her hoof. “You’re not the boss of us!” “Actually, I’m Veggie’s right-hoof pony. So, in her absence, I am your boss. Now scoot!” he said. The sisters rolled their eyes and sighed heavily, before taking their tea and retreating to a table in the far corner. “Well, well, well,” Mrs. Cake said admiringly. “Aren’t you the firm but fair stallion! You know, you’d make a fantastic father; your marefriend must be very lucky to have you.” Quango laughed nervously, hoping against hope that Mrs. Cake hadn’t misjudged his connection to Veggie. “I’m afraid she’s not in my life yet, whoever she is!” he said. Before Cup Cake could answer, there was a patter of hooves, and Pinkie’s head stuck up from behind the counter. “You called?” she said. “No…?” Mrs. Cake said. “No!” Quango exclaimed, wings shooting outward in shock. He turned red as a radish. “Really? Darn. I must’ve been a little early!” Pinkie said, consulting a watch on her wrist. “I thought you were about to call me to the counter to deal with the rush! Your voice always gets a little different when we’re really busy, Mrs. Cake.” She tapped her chin with a hoof. “Well, that and I can see the queue from my bedroom window! Also, hey, Quango!” Quango cleared his throat. “H-hello again, Pinkie. You wouldn’t mind if I spoke to Mrs. Cake for a while, would you?” Pinkie shook her head and smiled, before hopping up to the counter to deal with the deluge of customers. Mrs. Cake walked around the counter and stood next to Quango. “Now, how can I help you?” she asked. “What exactly is going on here?” he asked. “This doesn’t exactly look like a normal day for you, and nopony looks especially happy with their purchases.” “Ah… I think that may be down to what happened at the square today, dearie,” she said. “Not that I mean to criticise you, but I believe that your superior may have, um, panicked some of the ponies who heard her.” She frowned. “We haven’t had the best of histories with people turning up and imposing their own rules on the town, you see.” A mare sitting nearby overheard their conversation and sat up. “Hey! Everything was just fine until that stupid Sweet Tooth turned up and made Veggie Vee go crazy! If she just left well enough alone, we wouldn’t be in this mess,” she said. Mrs. Cake nodded, and her eyes flicked toward Pinkie momentarily. “Yes, that as well. I think everypony is trying to get one last hit of sugar in before whatever tomorrow brings. Personally, I can’t say I particularly enjoy seeing ponies binge on our products. I’d rather them enjoy them as treats.” Quango rubbed his forehead and clenched his eyes shut. “I’m sure Ms. Vee just said a few things she didn’t mean to in the heat of the moment.” He looked up into the unbelieving eyes of Mrs. Cake. “Alright, Public Relations 101…” he muttered to himself. “C’mon, Quango, there must be something you can do to make them believe you.” His head jerked up as a sudden epiphany hit him. Quango looked over to the counter, where Pinkie was serving the last of the queued customers. He walked over to her and poked his head over the counter. “Pinkie, give me… give me whatever you recommend.” He heard a few gasps as he made his announcement. “Regardless of the situation here, I don’t think anypony should have to forego sugar altogether.” “Okie dokie lokie! Hope you enjoy it!” Pinkie placed a flat piece of confectionery on a plate and slid it to him. It was a swirl of pastry, covered in white icing and crowned with half a glace cherry, and it smelled like heaven to Quango. No wonder this place had such a loyal clientele! As he raised the baked good to his lips, there was another chorus of gasps throughput the bakery as a yellow glow surrounded his food. “Put the bun down, Quango,” said Veggie, her voice dangerously quiet. She walked through the front door toward him, ponies cowering away from her as she passed. “I told you I didn’t want you going native on me, didn’t I?” “V-Veggie.” He put the bun back on the plate and smiled uneasily. “I… thought you were sticking around in the Town Hall?” She snorted and rolled her eyes. “Well, I would have done, had I not lost most of my subordinates hunting down that accursed Sweet Tooth! And now I find you all just deciding to relax in the headquarters of the sugar eaters! Buns? Cups of tea?” Cloudchaser and Flitter both looked up guiltily. “What do you think you’re doing, taking bribes?” “I’m just trying to be a little more moderate—” “You’re being an enabler!” Veggie swept her foreleg across the bakery, customers ducking beneath her pointing hoof. “Look at them all! They don’t even understand what they’re consuming; do you think eating one bun and calling it ‘in moderation’ is going to make a lick of difference to them?” She looked at one table, where a brown stallion was sat, almost completely hidden behind the mountain of muffins. He shook as Vee approached him with a pitying expression on her face. “Sir, you do realise this does not constitute a balanced meal, don’t you?” He nodded mechanically. “Please don’t hurt me,” he mumbled. “I wasn’t—what?” Veggie shook her head and looked around the bakery. “What is going on here? Everypony seemed overjoyed about my proposition this morning, and now you’re all acting like I’m Nightmare Moon or something!” “Th-that was before Sweet Tooth turned up,” the stallion whispered. “There’s going to be rules. And nopony knows what those rules are.” “Oh.” Veggie scratched her head. “Yes, everything did go a little hazy after that terrorist arrived… Well, fear not, citizen! I shall ensure that all policies are carefully calibrated to the long-term health and wellbeing of this community, provided that everypony co-operates, just as I promised this morning!” She stood tall and puffed her chest out as a wave of utter apathy hit her. “Ahem?” Quango tugged on her tail and pulled her to one side. “Veggie, I think they’re all a bit disillusioned after you went from ‘friendship and co-operation’ to yelling about mandatory rules in the space of a few minutes,” he murmured. “Well, what did they expect?” Veggie hissed. “Of course we can’t just leave these ponies to their own devices! They can’t be trusted to sort themselves out, they need the government! The rules were always going to be there, I just had to change my tack after they all began nodding along to Ms. Rot-Your-Teeth.” “Nevertheless…” Quango’s mind went into overdrive as he tried to think of a way of making his proposition palatable to her. “I think you may not come across as friendly any more, Veggie. If you’re going to look like you understand again, you need an… acceptable face to your campaign.” He rubbed the back of his neck as she stared at him. “Say, somepony who does deal in sugary products, and yet feels that a bit of restraint on the whole unhealthy eating thing wouldn’t go amiss?” He put on a frozen grin, eyes flicking toward Mrs. Cake, hoping against hope that Vee would take the hint. Veggie nodded slowly, before her eyes widened. “Of course! This is how I gain her trust!” she muttered. “I’m sorry, wha—” Quango gasped as Veggie walked over to Pinkie, completely ignoring Mrs. Cake. “Wait!” “I need to do this, Quango,” she muttered, turning back towards him. “I can’t divulge why, but it needs to be the pink one.” Veggie carried on walking. Her expression was a look of pure artificial sweetness. That is to say, almost like the real thing, but with enough difference to make one suspicious, leaving a weird aftertaste, and probably some laxative effects if used too often. Pinkie gasped as Veggie reached the counter. “Veggie Vee! Since when did you want one of Sugarcube Corner’s famous Carrot and Coriander Cupcakes?” “I didn’t. What are you talking about?” Veggie’s head recoiled as Pinkie grabbed a cupcake with a swirl of orange frosting and green sprinkles and held it up in front of her. Her horn flared, pushing the cake to one side. “I was here to ask for your... help,” she said slowly. “Oh?” “Yes! I think I need a friendly face for my campaign, and it needs to be somepony who understands sugar,” Veggie explained. “You’re the only pony who’s not either allied to me or scared stiff of me. You’ve been smiling all the way throughout, and frankly I find that rather disturbing. But… I think you’ll suit me.” She scratched the back of her neck. “For some reason I can’t explain, everypony else seems to trust and follow you. And, you’re not Sweet Tooth, so that’s a big bonus too. If I could use that charm to help with stopping these sugar binges, I’d be very… um, grateful. What do you s—ugh!” Her speech cut off as Pinkie jumped over the counter and hugged her tightly, giggling. “Great! I knew you’d see sense in the end!” she exclaimed. As Veggie looked at her quizzically, Pinkie swiftly added, “Uh, that is, talking to somepony like me! I’d love to help you with your rule-making; trust me, there’s nopony better who’ll know how to make it right! I can even make it fun!” Veggie nodded, an uncertain grin on her face. “That’s… marvellous. If you’d like to come with me to my headquarters, I’d—” “First, you’ve gotta show you’re serious!” Pinkie sang. She picked up the cake and held it in front of Veggie. “C’mon, have a cupcake! It’s all in moderation, right?” “Um…” She looked aside to Quango, who simply shrugged his shoulders. Well, every civil servant had to make sacrifices now and then... She levitated the baked good toward her, nervously looking at Pinkie all the while, before taking a small bite and chewing. The tension in the air could have been cut with a spoon as Veggie swallowed, tears forming in her eyes. “It’s… delicious,” she said quietly, eliciting a wave of relieved sighs around the bakery. “Now, can we get going?” Pinkie shook her head, and Vee’s face fell. “The whole cupcake, huh?” She crammed the rest of the confection in, masticating as quickly as possible. “Okay, now we can go!” Pinkie exclaimed, watching with a smile on her face as Veggie struggled to swallow the doughy treat. “Great. A trusting bond, hooray,” Veggie croaked. She clutched at her stomach with a pained expression, before weakly uttering, “Just a second. I need to use the little filly’s room.” She sprinted past Quango to the customer toilet. “Aww! Did she not like it?” Pinkie said sadly, looking past him. “I’m sure it’s fine, Pinkie. She tends to forget that she’s a living, breathing pony when she’s in the swing of things,” Quango said. He frowned as he saw a cream earth pony at the back of the room glaring at them. The mare shook her head, making her pink-and-blue mane bounce, before getting up and swiftly trotting out of the bakery. His ruminating on what had agitated her was cut short as the sounds of somepony being violently ill came from the bathroom. There was an awkward silence, before he piped up, “Or it could be a stomach bug, I guess.” Pinkie nodded sympathetically. “Don’t worry, Quango!” she said. “Now that I’m on your side, Veggie Vee and her plans for Ponyville are going to be unrecognisable from before.” She grinned widely. “I guarantee it!”