//------------------------------// // Chapter 4 // Story: Princess Luna and The Elements of Harmony // by Trickquestion //------------------------------// THE TALE OF SIR FLUTTERSHY Each knight having gone their separate ways, Sir Fluttershy rode north into the Everfree Forest, accompanied by her favorite minstrels. The group of musicians was directed by Lyra, levitating and playing her namesake instrument while singing along. "Bravely bold Sir Fluttershy rode forth from Canterlot. She was not afraid to die, oh brave Sir Fluttershy." "...eep." Fluttershy squealed very quietly, frightened by the mention of death. "She was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways, brave brave brave brave brave Sir Fluttershy!" The song continued, Lyra oblivious to her lord's growing terror. "She was not at all afraid to be mashed into a pulp..." "eek." "Or to have her eyes gouged out..." "...oh" "And her her elbows broken!" "Oh my!" "To have her kneecaps split..." "Oh dear..." "And her body burned away!" Fluttershy was barely trotting at this point, just inching forward as fast as one can while hididng behind their mane in fear. "And all her limbs hacked and mangled brave Sir Fluttershy!" "Uhm, Lyra?" "Her head smashed in and her heart cut out, her liver removed and her bowels unplugged, and her nostrils raped and her bottom burnt off and her cliterous!" Lyra continued to sing, growing louder and more enthusiastic with each line. "Uhm, Lyra? I think that's well... Well that's enough music for now. If that's okay with you." Sir Fluttershy finally managed to speak up. "Things are starting to get a bit spooky..." She muttered as the arguing Pie elders trotted past them, arguing about freedom preserving archo-commune syndicates and mud. The air slowly grew thicker with fog and the chattering of forest dwellers louder until one voice cut the air. "WATCH WHERE YOU WALK LITTLE PONY!" Yelled a hulking figure Fluttershy had just bumped into, too consumed by terror to notice it. "IS IRON WILL GONNA HAVE TO LAY A ROCKING DOWN ON YOU?" "Oh, I'm sorry Mister Minatour, I didn't mean to..." "Apologizing instead of criticizing, the mark of a true doormat!" Iron Will declared. "What's your name, little pony?" "She is brave Sir Fluttershy, brave Sir Fluttershy..." Lyra broke in. Don't negotiate when you can escalate! ran through the Minatour's mind as he replied "She don't look very brave to me! Looks like a regular doormat to me!" He yelled back as Fluttershy sunk further to the ground, cowed by the opposing personalities. "What's a wimpy pony like you want out here anyway?" Lyra was compelled to defend her Lord's honor, the only way she knew how. With song! "To fight, and..!" "HA! This yellow puffball, fight? Just turn back now before you get the smack down laid on you!" Iron Will retorted. "Sir Fluttershy isn't afraid of you!" Lyra spoke back, no longer in song. "She'll knock your lights out!" "Oh yeah? Well Iron Will is accepting all challengers, and..." He looked down and noticed Fluttershy had long since left in fear. "She's buggered off!" Lyra exclaimed, before Iron Will caught her attention. A creepy look similar to the look Celestia got when she hadn't had sexual intercourse in a while came over the musician's face. "Are those.... HANDS?" THE TALE OF SIR SPIKE The rain beat down and lightning split the sky as Sir Spike trudged on through the storm, having marched aimlessly in search of the Elements. A castle was drawing nearer, and Spike hoped he'd be able to stay the night. Suddenly, a light flashed above the castle: A sparkling trio of diamonds. Sir Spike's eyes went wide as he recognized the symbol of the Element of Generosity! He redoubled his pace, and after a loud bout of banging on the door, was admitted into the castle and out of the storm. He was greeted by the most beautiful mare he had ever seen. "Welcome to Castle Anthrax, noble sir knight." Greeted a stunning white unicorn with a well groomed purple mane. "Castle Anthrax?" Sir Spike couldn't help but ask. "It's not a very fabulous name, I know..." The unicorn admitted with a bit of shame. "But we are nice ponies, and shall attened to your every need!" "Are you the keepers of the Elements of Harmony?" Spike asked, struggling to remain focused on his goal. "The what?" His hostess asked. Spike blinked a few times, drinking in her beauty. "...You know what, I can't even remember now." "Oh, you poor, weary thing. Come along now, we'll give you a room, Sir..." The unicorn stumbled when she realized she hadn't taken his name. "Sir Spike, the pure." "I am known as Rarity, just Rarity." The unicorn replied while leading Sir Spike down the halls. "Please, come this way." As Spike was lead up to his room, Rarity filled him in on the oh so dull life of the mares of Castle Anthrax. Bathing, dressing, undressing, crafting exciting underwear. They just weren't used to having noble knights around. As Spike settled down on his soft, warm, and very, very large bed, Rarity asked him a question. "What has guided you to Castle Anthrax, noble, handsome knight?" Spike wracked his brain, trying to remember the purpose that existed before he fell into his lusty haze. Then it hit him. "Oh yes, I'm searching for the Elements of Harmony. I thought I saw the one of Genorosity hanging over this castle." Rarity suddenly became aghast. "Oh, you've really done it now, you naughty, naughty girl. Oh, of all the things that could happen this is the worst. Possible. THING!" "What's the matter?" Spike asked in concern, pulling himself to a sitting position. "My sister, Sweetie Belle, must have lit the castle's beacon, despite the fact I keep telling her not to. The beacon is, as I have just remembered, shaped like the Element of Genorosity." Rarity explained, clearly upset. "Oh, this simply won't do! Sir Spike, I must ask you, will you spank my sister?" Spike was silent for a moment, a glob of drool escaping his mouth. "...What?" He asked. "You must take my rebellious sister, sit her onto a bed, and give her a good spanking!" Rarity declared. "AND THEN SPANK ME!" She exclaimed suddenly. "And me!" "Spank me as well!" "I've been so bad!" "Yes, Sir Spike will give us all a good spanking!" Rarity declared. After a few moments, she added on, "Then comes the oral sex." Spike's brain had exploded. He sat there for a moment, expecting some completely unexpected and unexplained thing to show up and steal him away from the paradise he had found. Yet after a moment of waiting, the only thing that had changed was that the room was now full of mares, eager for their turn with Sir Spike. "We'd better get started, hadn't we ladies?" THE TALE OF SIR RAINBOW DASH "But sis, ah don't wanna marry Diamond Tiara! She's a bitch!" Exclaimed a rather distraught Applebloom in the tallest tower of a castle to her sister, Applejack. "Now Applebloom, you best be glad I'm gonna forgive that there spicy language. Now, ah agree, Diamond Tiara is a cunt that needs a punt, but 'er family 'as wide tracks ah fertile land, an' our family needs as much land as we can git!" Applejack walked over to the window and gazed over her land wistfully. "Everypony said that Granny Smith's case of syphilis had driven her mad when she built a castle on that swamp, but we showed 'em! That castle was still standing when those FlimFlam Brothers won it from us in that parrot reviving contest! But we showed 'em by building a new castle in a different swamp. Which then fell down. So we built ah new one, which happened tah burn down. So we built ah new one, which was knocked down by sea ponies who then set it ablaze. Then yer big brother said, and ah quote, "fuck this shit", got yer granny some newfangled life insurance and left fer that there city." Applejack looked to her sister. "Do yeh see now why yah gotta marry Diamond Tiara?" Applebloom is just as confused as you are, reader. "Alrighty then! I'll go finish the preparations, while you stay here!" As Applejack trotted to the door, she addressed the two guards. "You two make sure Applebloom stays put till I come an get 'er." The two guards, a thin pony and a fat pony names Snails and Snips respectively, nodded affirmatively. "Right. We'll keep 'em here until someone comes and gets 'em." "Not anyone, just me." Applejack replied with a sigh. "Right, let everypony but you into the room." "Nah, keep everypony but me OUT!" "Right. Okay Snips, let's get Applebloom out of here then. Only Miss Applejack is allowed inside this room." "Ah horseapples, leave Applebloom here, and only let me in tah see her!" "Oh, we were talking about Applebloom? I though you meant Snips!" Snails exclaimed suddenly. "Didn't make much sense, guarding a guard." Applejack facehoofed. "Okay, that's all sorted out, ah gotta prepare the wedding." And with that, Applejack departed. Applebloom became downcast, dismayed at the prospect of marrying a bitch. Suddenly, she had an idea. Keeping one eye on her witless guards, Applebloom scratched a message onto a scroll, tied it to an arrow, then shot the arrow out the window. Meanwhile, in a nearby forest, Sir Rainbow Dash and her squire Scootaloo trotted through a dense forest, the orange pegasus struggling to keep up with her mentor. Suddenly, the sound of an arrow flying split the air. "Scootaloo, my sword!" Cried out Rainbow Dash, thinking they were under attack. "Here you are, sire." Scootaloo gasped, the wind having been knocked out of her by the large arrow buried into her stomach. Never the less, Scootaloo had faithfully readied her lord's blade. "Scootaloo!" Rainbow exclaimed, rushing to her fallen comrade. She suddenly saw the note tied to the arrow. "My sister has imprisoned me in the highest tower of Swamp Castle and is marrying me against my will!? Please, please help me? A damsal in distress! Scootaloo, you shall not have died in vain!" "Actually, I'm not dead, my Lord." Scootaloo spoke up. Now Rainbow was torn. She was hoping initially that Scootaloo was dead so she could abandon her, but this was a problem. "Oh. Then you will not have been mortally wounded in vain." "Actually, I think I'm well enough to follow you. Shall we depart?" Rainbow Dash was silent for a moment, then chucked Scootaloo into a quick flowing river nearby, took to the air, and charged at Swamp Castle. After killing two guards at the castle gates, Rainbow Dash proceeded to charge through the castle, stabbing and slicing guards, wedding guests, and even killed the bride! Finally, the knight burst into the tower room, killed Snips and Snails, and stopped her killing spree when Applebloom rushed up and hugged her. "Oh thank y'all so much for saving me! Ah though for sure I'd hav tah marry that bitch Diamond Tiara! Now let's get out ah here!" Applebloom cried in joy while making a rope out of bedsheets to climb out the window. Rainbow Dash was visibly disappointed. "You're a filly..." "Ah'm ready tah go! Are yah ready, brave knight?" "Applebloom, what in tarnation is going' on in here? Half our wedding guests are dead!" Applejack demanded to know as she barged in. "Hellooooo there." Rainbow Dash exclaimed in a low tone. "Ah'm ready, brave knight!" Applebloom called as she descended the makeshift rope. "Wait, yer a knight?" Applejack asked, suddenly interested. "The most awesome knight you'll ever meet." Rainbow Dash replied seductively. "Wanna see my broadsword?" "Ah'm ready!" Applebloom called out one more time before Applejack went over and cut the rope, sending a small child plummeting to her death. Then things became far too explicit for a fanfiction of this rating.