My Little Doctor Whooves: Discord

by comicfan616


The Master of Not Making Sense

Everyone froze as they heard that voice, especially since it sounded so familiar. They slowly turned their heads toward the TARDIS. As they suspected, but much to their chagrin, they saw Discord himself, perusing the box from almost every angle. Luckily, it looked as though he hadn’t seen them.

“Fascinating,” he said to himself. “Truly fascinating. There is simply no reason for this box to even be here.” He put his talon to his chin. “Not even me.”

Meanwhile, the ponies all backed away, hoping Discord was still unaware of their presence. “On the plus side,” the Doctor whispered as they entered the “foliage,” “I think he likes her. Told you the TARDIS went with the scenery.”

“Is now really the best time?” Applejack whispered back.

Discord continued with his musings. “I’d definitely remember something like this. But I couldn’t have possibly come up with this in a million years.” He paused. “Perhaps there’s something delightful inside.”

The ponies stopped as soon as he said that. They wanted to run out and try to stop him, but they also didn’t want him to know they were there. Discord snapped his paw and a small light shone in the lock. As soon as it subsided, he grabbed the doorknob and pulled.

But it didn’t open. Then he tried pushing it. But it still didn’t budge. Discord started to lose his patience and shook the door, threatening to rip it off its hinges. But nothing ever happened.

“Gotta hand it to her,” the Doctor said, mostly to himself. “She’s a tough old gal.”

“Why do you keep talkin’ like it’s an actual female?” Applejack asked, still whispering.

“That’s how sailors talk about their ships,” Twilight answered, “with a feminine pronoun. I would think the same applies for spaceships.”

“Actually, in the case of the TARDIS,” the Doctor interjected, “it’s a bit more literal than that.” The three ponies looked at him with confused stares before Discord finally gave up.

“A box that doesn’t open even for me. This just doesn’t make any sense. I like it!” He smiled. “But I still want to see what’s inside. You sir! You wouldn’t happen to have a spare key I could borrow, would you?”

The ponies flinched. No one said anything. “Come on, then, I haven’t got all day.” More silence followed. “Would this help? I’m looking for a pony in a blue suit!” Everyone still kept quiet, though the tension was growing with each word Discord spoke. “Oh, why do they always want to do this the hard way?” He snapped.

Suddenly, the ponies found themselves in front of Discord, feeling a little nauseated, not from the sight of him, but from the unexpected teleportation; even Twilight, who had cast teleportation spells several times in the past, felt slight discomfort from the unfamiliar magic she was forced through.

“Yes, chaos teleportation is rather stomach-churning for the unexperienced,” Discord said unsympathetically. “I remember my first time; I was hovering over the toilet for hours. But this wouldn’t have been necessary if you had just come out when I asked you to.”

No one said anything. Instead, anyone who recovered from the sudden teleportation looked up at him with equal parts fear and disdain. “But that’s all in the past now,” Discord continued. “Here’s how I see this whole scenario. This box is here, and I’m pretty sure I had nothing to do with it. Additionally, there are four ponies in the immediate area. So the most likely assumption is that you and this box are connected somehow and therefore know how to get into it. Perhaps you would be so kind as to sate my curiosity.” He finished with what could only be described as “trying to pull off a look of innocence,” complete with big eyes with large eyelashes.

“And if I say no?” the Doctor said, breaking the group’s silence.

Discord smirked. “Then evidently, you don’t know who I am. But that’s impossible. After all, you went out of your way just to see me, am I right?”

The Doctor was confused for a second before speaking again. “What are you—?”

“Memory games, my good stallion. I’ve been trying to read your memories since I noticed you. I have to admit that you, sir,” he said to the Doctor, “are very hard to pin down. So much incoherency, you’d give my chaotic mind a run for its money.” The top of his head flipped open and spat out a few coins.

“But these three,” he turned back to the girls, “they seem very focused on me. At the very least, they know what I’m capable of. Except some of these images don’t make a whole lot of sense. Normally, I’d be happy with that, but I’m talking about all these events involving me that I don’t remember. I mean, I know I haven’t made any soapy roads lately. And this ‘Ponyville’ as ‘the chaos capital of the world,’ why, I don’t think I’ve even heard of such a place.” The three mares’ eyes widened as they realized what he was getting at.

Discord turned back to the TARDIS and ran his paw over it. “Strange box. Unreadable stallion. Three ponies with memories I don’t have. There can only be so many explanations.” He smiled again. “But I can only think of one.

“Time travel.”

No one said anything; they were too shocked to try. Finally, Twilight spoke. “W-well, that would be… impossible. I-I mean, nopony has… ever been able t-to travel through time suc-successfully.”

“Yes, yes, yes,” Discord waved, obviously not buying Twilight's flimsy excuse, “it doesn’t make a lick of sense. But I’m the master of not making sense, so I think I know what I’m talking about.” (“Mah head hurts,” Applejack moaned.) He turned back to the TARDIS and slid one of his talon fingers across the wooden surface, followed by putting it in his mouth as if tasting it. “I would have to say, oh, over a thousand years, 1500 being the closest estimate, give or take a century.”

He turned back to the ponies and smiled. “And based on these memories of me I keep seeing, I think we can all assume one thing.” He waited, but got no response. “I think I’ll be around for a very long time.” He chuckled to himself and whispered, “And those silly princess ponies think I can be so easily defeated.”

“Shows what you know, buster!” Rainbow suddenly shouted. Unable to handle just sitting still any longer, she launched herself at Discord. However, she bounced off his body like it was made of rubber. She landed not too gracefully in front of the others; Applejack went to inspect the damage.

“But that brings the question of why you’re here in the first place,” Discord said, as though nothing had happened. “Although, judging by your friend’s attitude, I think I can guess. I’ll admit, I’ve had a few… dissenters, let’s call them. It seems very few ponies can appreciate the intricate beauty of chaos.

“So let’s put the pieces together.” He snapped his fingers, conjuring a bowl and three slips of paper. “A: You’re all from the future, meaning you came to your past for a reason. Two: You obviously don’t like me all that much, if the rainbow one is any indication. And tres: If your memories are correct, then I’ll still be around for millennia to come.” As he listed each statement, the slips of paper floated into the bowl. “Mix it all up and…” He snapped again, and a whisk appeared, mixing the contents of the bowl. Soon, everything disappeared, leaving only a full sheet of paper behind. Discord grabbed the paper and adjusted a pair of reading glasses (that weren’t there before).

He cleared his throat and read off the paper, “You’re here to find a way to stop my reign before it goes any further.”

For a while, no one spoke. It was clear Discord had both the right and wrong idea, but they figured it was for the best to not give away the specifics of his inaccuracies. Twilight knew that the less he knew of his future, their present, the easier their task would be.

Finally, the Doctor spoke. “So what do you plan on doing with us, then?”

“Oh, nothing horrible, I can assure you,” Discord answered. “I don’t believe in causing ponies harm where I can help it. After all, how can one enjoy the world I bring if I attacked everypony who so much as turned their noses up at me?”

“Din’t you say somethin’ about nopony ‘appreciatin’’ your chaos?” Applejack countered.

“Just give it a few years, they’ll grow to like it,” Discord dismissed. “And even if I wanted to put a more… permanent solution to stopping you, you’re all time travelers. I don’t really know what would happen if any lasting harm came upon you, so I won’t even risk it.

“That being said, I certainly can’t let you just have your way with me. Don’t get me wrong; if two alicorns can’t even touch me, I’ve got nothing to fear from you. But doing nothing is even more dangerous than waiting for someone to try to dethrone me every other day. At the very least, I could… dissuade you from your little quest.”

By now, Rainbow was finally able to stand up. “Dissuade how?” she asked. Discord smirked and snapped his fingers.

The ground started shaking. The forest floor broke apart, revealing a white, smooth platform under the ponies’ hooves. It was flat along the bottom, but the edges were raised. The platform continued to rise above the ground, taking the ponies with it.

“What is this?” Twilight asked. The Doctor tapped his hoof on the surface, producing a “ding” sound.

“Just a hunch,” he said, “but I’m going to say ceramic.”

Eventually, the platform stopped almost a couple of meters off the ground. Suddenly, it began spinning, slowly at first, but building up speed quickly. They could hear Discord’s voice below them. “I do so enjoy the old spinning plate trick!”

It didn’t take long for someone to act; Rainbow lifted herself off the plate and flew along the outer edge, moving opposite to the direction it was spinning. She began to pick up speed until she was little more than a rainbow blur encircling the others. Soon, the plate slowed down to a point where it started feeling a little wobbly. Unable to take the weight without the momentum, the whole plate toppled over causing the three ponies to tumble onto the ground.

Getting up was a little shaky, due to the spinning and resulting dizziness. Twilight did something with her magic, encasing them in a lavender field that dissipated quickly. Everyone on the ground felt stable.

“What was—?” the Doctor started.

“Reorientation spell,” Twilight quickly answered. “Really helps for first-time teleporters.”

Before the Doctor could reply, something shot past him. It looked like a rubber dodge ball. “I suggest a tactical retreat, ladies.”

“Ferget tactics, jus’ run!” Applejack nearly shouted. Everyone ran away from the barrage of dodge balls.

“Never did have much of a throwing arm,” Discord said offhandedly as he prepared another wave of balls.

The ponies kept running, not looking back for a long time. Eventually, the dodge balls stopped coming. But the ponies continued to run. After a few moments, Applejack shouted, “Ya think he’s gone?”

Rainbow spun around so that she was flying backwards. She saw Discord gliding through the air towards them. “How about I not answer that question?”

“Well, what’s he doing now?” the Doctor asked.

“Don’t know, don’t care!” Rainbow said as she turned back around. Everyone just kept moving.

Suddenly, a bright flash of light hit the ground in front of them. They barely even saw the ribbons sprouting like a weed in time. They swerved out of the way, not wanting to find out what happened if they got too close, but Discord kept lobbing more blasts of chaos at them. Each blast, when it hit the ground, created another oddity the ponies had to avoid: a geyser of grape juice, a giant glove, a ruler, among others.

“Everypony! Scatter!” Twilight yelled out. The group separated, leaving a large amount of space between them. The blasts kept coming, but they didn’t have to worry about them as much, since the shots landed in the empty spaces.

“This is ridiculous,” Discord said to himself. “I’m throwing everything at them but the kitchen sink.” He waited a moment before saying, “Ah, why not?” He prepared another orb of light and threw it at the ponies. The orb flew far over the ponies’ heads, though almost hitting Rainbow, and landed just barely in front of Twilight. Luckily, Twilight had already been preparing a teleportation spell and jumped just as the light landed, reappearing behind it not more than a second later. The light, when it landed, turned into a sink.

Rainbow saw this and immediately cried out, “Hey guys! I got an idea!” She landed near the sink and the other ponies came up next to her; even Twilight backtracked when she heard Rainbow’s voice.

“Twilight,” Rainbow said hastily, “think you can tilt the nozzle up?” Twilight looked confused for a brief second, but Discord was approaching fast, so she just activated her magic. The aura surrounded the nozzle on the sink, but it didn’t move. The Doctor pulled out his sonic screwdriver and held it at the sink; the nozzle bent up almost immediately.

“Rainbow, what are ya think—?!” Applejack started.

But Rainbow interrupted, “Just turn it on when he gets close.” Applejack turned and saw Discord flying towards them. All objections were lost and Applejack put her hoof on one of the spigots. They waited until Discord, his hands carrying more chaos orbs, was almost on top of them. Rainbow turned on the faucet from her side, followed by Applejack when she realized what the plan was.

A yellow liquid burst out of the nozzle and sprayed Discord right in the face, stopping him and throwing him backward; he was blown rather far due to his airborne position.

“Um,” Applejack asked, “what the hay is this stuff?”

The Doctor dipped his hoof in the stream and put it to his mouth. After tasting the liquid, he said, “I’d say juice from citrus limon, some hydrogen hyrdoxide, and a hint of sucrose.”

“What’s all that mean?”

“Lemonade,” he simply said. “Discord is not going to be happy when he gets out of that.” Indeed, Discord was having a bit of trouble stopping the lemonade from assaulting him.

“Come on,” Twilight said. “This won’t hold him long.” Everyone silently agreed and resumed running.


Discord lied on the ground sputtering at the lemonade being forced into his face for what he felt was a long time. After he finally got over his initial surprise, he weakly held out his paw and snapped. The spray diverted itself and arced away from him. After catching his breath, he stood up and looked for the ponies, but they were nowhere to be found.

“I’ll give ‘em this,” he said to himself: “they’re good.” He thought for a moment. Those ponies had been near the bulge. He realized what this meant and flew off where he hoped they had run off to.