Real Equestrian Heroes

by skyace


Timey Wimey, Spacey Wacey

The Doctor had been known by many names by many people. He had lived over nine hundred years and used many different faces. He was The Oncoming Storm, The Destroyer of Worlds, and The Madman with a Blue Box. He was the last surviving Time Lord from the planet Gallifrey in the Constellation of Kasterborous. And he was sick and tired of being told he had the wrong number.

“Hallo? Hallo, yes, I’m trying to get in contact with a General Clayton Abernathy?”

“My apologies sir, but there is no military personnel by that name within my data banks.”

“What do you mean there’s no person by that name!? How in the name of Gallifrey’s red plains do you misplace an entire… hold on a minute. What did you say your name was again?”

“I am designated JARVIS, sir.”

“Jarvis, are you by any chance a robot?”

“I am an artificial intelligence, yes sir.”

“Ah, well never mind then, say hello to ol’ Tony-boy for me won’t you? There’s a good robot, A.I., thingie then.”

“Might I ask who is calling?”

”Heh, Who indeed, just tell the dear boy The Doctor called, he’ll know the one.”

”As you wish sir.”

Disconnecting the call, The Doctor took a moment to indulge in a rather creative bout of swearing in a mixture of Gallefreyin, English, and a lesser known dialect of Martian. Stumping his way across the TARDIS to the open door, he stared out into the void of space. Suspended between his TARDIS and the planet Equis below, the portal that the Cobra Helicarrier had ripped between universes seemed to shimmer with cascading rainbow colors. The Doctor gave a quiet snort. “Hmph! What is it with this universe and Rainbows?”

Turning his back on the pulsating anomaly, The Doctor returned to the TARDIS’ control column and began flicking random levers. In the time since he had dispatched Derpy to warn the ponies below, he had managed to stop the rip from growing larger. Only problem was that it wasn’t going away. There was still a massive tear in the fabric of the universe that if left unattended for even a moment, could destroy both this universe and the one that the intruders had come from originally. He frowned for just a moment at the scanner in front of him, and then abruptly turned back to the phone in an attempt to contact the world on the other side of the portal.

“Hallo, Doctor speaking. Would it be possible to connect me with someone in charge of the GI Joes?”

Problem with that plan, that same portal was apparently opening up a few other universes as well, and causing all manner of interference with his communication attempts.

“Sorry, did you say your name is Alfred Pennyworth?”

“No, no, there’s no need to put me in touch with the Justice Club, or League or whatever they’re calling themselves these days. Wrong number don’tcha know, dealing with a bit of a situation, nothing too serious. Yeah, take care of yourself old boy, and tell your friend in the black pajamas to take a day off every once in a while, yeah? Cheerio!”

“Hallo! General Hawk, name ring a bell?”

”EXTERMINATE!!!”

“WOOPS!! Wrong number, very, very, wrong number, bloody hell where is that fellow?”

Ten minutes later…

“General Abernathy speaking.”

“General! Fantastic, you would not believe the trouble I’ve been through trying to get in touch with you.”

“…Who is this? How did you get this number?”

“Oh, didn’t I say? Hallo, it’s me, The Doctor.”

“Not THE Doctor, by any chance?”

“One and the same my good sir.”

There was a noise on the other end of the line that sounded suspiciously like pills rattling in a plastic container.

“Oi! My last visit wasn’t that bad!”

“Doctor, the last time you visited, you dragged some of my best operatives on a harebrained mission through time and space.”[/I
]

“… Okay, so it was a bit hectic but really all the best adventures are, am I right?”

“Just get to the point Doctor.”

“Right, right, of course. Straight to the point as usual, typical military man. Makes me glad I don’t work for UNIT anymore and I’m rambling again.”

“Doctor…”

“Right, sorry. Anyways, have you by chance misplaced anything recently?”

“Misplaced?”

“Yes misplaced. Lost. Can’t find. Gone AWOL.”

“What do you know? Are Snake Eyes, Scarlett and the rest of their team with you?”

“Oh! So you’re missing some of your people too? Then that must mean…”

“Doctor! Are they with you?”

“Right, sorry, no. Well, at least not at the moment.”

“Well where are they?! Doctor, do you know something?”

“Best brace yourself General. You are not going to believe what I have to tell you…”