//------------------------------// // A Diagnosis // Story: My Guardian Angel // by RandomHamster33 //------------------------------// I sit at my desk, doing homework. I'm now twelve. A year ago, my father enrolled me and my sisters in school for the first time. I have to say, I really like it! The work isn't always easy, but I try and manage to get A's. I especially like art. At the beginning of the school year, we had to draw pictures of our families. The teacher thought mine was so good that she displayed it in front of the class. She had me tell who all the ponies were. The only part I got slightly worried about was when she asked about Surprise. My guardian angel was hopping over me, chasing a butterfly, while I was laying in the ground, nibbling on a rainbow lollipop. I said she was a friend that didn't go to school here. They believed me. Right now, I'm working on math. I think I'm good at it. We're working on adding and subtracting fractions. I don't like subtracting that much, but oh well. I'm stuck on this one problem. Seventy over ninety-four minus fifty-two over four hundred seventy. Sigh. I slowly finish my math and check to see what time it is. Nearly ten. I should probably get to bed, but instead I spin my chair around and see the drawings on the walls, covering much of the space. "Whatcha thinking 'bout?" a voice asks from behind me. I blink and look up and over. Surprise is hovering above my desk, arms crossed and rump in the air as she floats. Obviously, she's grown with me. Although she's still smaller, as she's a pegasus, we're the same age. "Oh, nothing. I was just getting to bed," I say to her, smiling. "Okay. . . " Her ears drop slightly. I give her a worried glance, one ear falling. "What's wrong? Are you okay?" She looks at me. "I don't know. ." She then gives me a mischievous smirk. "I was just thinking we should play a game." She flitters around my head. I grin. "Oh, I think I can arrange that." I then pounce on her tail, dragging her down to the floor with a light thump. She lets out a squeak as I pin her delicate wings down so she won't get away. "I don't think so!" she growls playfully, sticking her flanks up to knock me off balance. I tip slightly, but that's enough for her smaller body to squeeze out from under me. She does a quick go around of the room and tackles me from behind. I stumble forward and twist, landing on my shoulder. I lean forward and bite her soft white ear, eliciting a small squeak from her. "That's cheating, Pinkie!" she squeals, shaking her head to dislodge me. I keep my light grip. "Nuh-uh, there's no cheating in this game!" I respond, voice muffled by the ear in my mouth. "Oh yeah? Well, two can play at that game!" Her wings tip down near my stomach. I see what she's going to do and my eyes go wide. The feathers of her wings start wiggling, delicately touching my tummy. I giggle. She grins and goes faster. I let out a full laugh and release her ear, letting her go. She backs off. "You're evil, you know that?" I tease, giving her a mock glare from the other side of the room. "Yes, I do know. It's my specialty. It's why I'm here. All my life, I've been told: "Make Pinkie Pie lose in games of wrestle!"" she replies cheekily. "Lose? I haven't lost!" "Then come and get me~" She skips around, an inch off the floor, shaking her rump. "You're so on!" We go head on and lock our flailing hooves together. We fall over, twisting in each other's grip. I manage to pin her down again and keep her there. "I win! I'm the earth pony, so I have an advantage!" "Okay, well, I give you that. I am smaller than you, if you haven't noticed." She sticks her tongue out at me. From behind us, the door opens. My mother walks in and frowns, seeing me laying on the floor. "Pinkie Pie? What're you doing?" she asks. "I'm wrestling with Surprise," I say, eyes wide and innocent. The white filly under me waves a hoof. Cloudy Quartz frowns deeper. "Now, Pinkie, you've had this imaginary friend for four years now. Isn't it time to move on?" "Move on? Surprise is real. You may not be able to see her, but she's here. I've told you guys that." I step off the angel and she rolls into a sitting position, hair frizzier than normal. My mother shakes her head, leaving. "I guess it's past your bedtime. I better go. Bye, Pinkie Pie," Surprise says. I look away from the door, and to no surprise, the other filly isn't there anymore. She never lets me see her leave. Today is Saturday. I'm downstairs eating breakfast when my mother and father enter the room, worried looks on their faces. I think little of it and continue eating. They seat themselves at the table and watch me. I stop, looking up from my bowl of cereal. The spoon stops a few inches from my mouth. "Yes?" I ask. Igneous is the first to speak. He puts his hooves on the table. "Pinkie Pie, we've noticed that you still haven't gotten over that imaginary friend." "She's not imaginary, I said. I've said that so many times. Just because you can't see her, doesn't mean she isn't real." I glare at them. "Pinkie, dear, she isn't real. You're nearly thirteen now, and I think you should give up this friend and have some real ones," Cloudy says gently, putting a hoof on my shoulder. I push it off, standing up in my chair. "Surprise is real, I tell you! Now leave me alone!" I shout, slamming my hooves on the table angrily. I jump off the chair and stomp towards the door. My dad stops me with a hoof. "Pinkie, since you haven't stopped with an imaginary friend, we've booked you a visit with a psychiatrist," he says to me somberly. I take a step back, shocked. "A-a psychiatrist? You mean the kind of pony that does stuff to foals with problems?" "The kind of pony that helps other ponies when they have problems with their heads, sweetie," Cloudy says softly, running a hoof under my chin and into my mane. My mouth is open, tears forming in my eyes. "You-- you think there's something wrong with my head?" "I don't know, Pinkie. We just don't know." I'm currently sitting in a room of some office. There's a chair and a desk for the doctor, and a couch for the patients, which is where I'm at. I'm sitting up. I want to know exactly who this pony is right when the walk in the door. After a few more minutes, the door swings open quietly. A young grey mare walks in. She has a white lab coat on. Her mane is blue and short. A pair of wings are folded up at her sides. She sits down in the chair, smiling at me. "Hi, you must be Pinkie Pie. I'm Doctor Skies." She sticks out her hoof and I shake it. "Now, Pinkie, why don't you tell me a little about yourself?" "Well, I'm twelve, and I like parties!" I cheer. "I got my cutie mark from having a party." I point at the balloons on my flank. "Oh, cool! So, what is your special talent?" "Making ponies smile! I don't want to do anything in this world except make others happy!" I grin. She jots something down in a notebook that I just noticed she had in her hoof. I try to look, but she sets it down in her lap before I can. "So, Pinkie Pie, tell me about this imaginary friend." She leans forward, steepling her hooves, elbows on her knees. "Well. . ." I shift uncomfortably. "Her name is Surprise. She's a pegasus. She's my guardian angel." "Like me?" She opens her wings. I nod and she folds the appendages back. "Can I draw what she looks like to you?" "Of course! Here you go. Take all the time you need." She flips the notebook to a different page and sets it down in front of me, sliding the pencil with it and a box of crayons she pulls from her coat pocket. I take the pencil in my mouth and begin drawing. After a few minutes, I show her the image. "Wow; that's-- that's very detailed," Doctor Skies observes. She nods and takes the drawing back. "How long have you been seeing Surprise, exactly?" "Four years. Ever since I was eight," I reply. She looks surprised. She quickly writes in the notebook and looks towards me again. "Pinkie Pie, would you mind telling Surprise to come here?" "I can't really. She just comes and goes, mostly. Usually when I'm alone." "I see." More words are scribbled in the notebook. "Okay, Pinkie, we're going to do an exercise. . ." "I'm afraid Pinkie Pie has schizophrenia disorder." I freeze in my spot. The world slows down, going in slow motion. My parents hug each other, my mother crying. My mouth hangs open slightly. As soon as I hear those words from Doctor Skies' mouth, my heart skips a beat. I don't believe it! I don't! How can I have schizophrenia? I'm not delusional! I can tell what's real and what's not! "If it goes any longer, you could be seeing more than just hallucinations. I'm prescribing loxapine and chlorpromazine three times a day." Medication? I don't need any medicine! I'm perfectly fine! "You're lucky she hasn't become worse. Tell me: has she ever had difficulty expressing emotion?" "Yes, when she was younger. She never smiled or talked. I mean, we didn't really either, until she got her cutie mark. After that, well. . "That's when she starting seeing her imaginary friend." My mother's words cut through my heart like daggers. "I see. So this has been going since early childhood?" "Yes." I don't cry. Why should I? They're not right, after all. I don't have any mental disorder. If they don't believe me, then fine. "Alright. Here's the prescription." Doctor Skies hoofs over the piece of paper. Igneous takes it and looks at it, forlorn. "Don't I get any say in this?" I ask, fed up with them acting like I wasn't here. "Sweetie. . ." Cloudy starts, putting her hooves on my shoulders, "mental disorders aren't something you can really control. If you need this medication, then you're going to take it to help yourself." "But I'm not crazy!" I slap her hooves away angrily, closing my eyes and looking away. "I'm not! I'm not. . crazy!" "Of course you're not, Pinkie Pie. Don't listen to them," Surprise says, suddenly behind me. I look up and grin, eyes sparkling. "Hi, Surprise! I'm so glad you're here! They're trying to say I'm crazy!" I laugh. I then point backwards at the assembled ponies. "Pinkie, you're far from crazy. I'm real. I'm your guardian angel. Would I lie to you?" "No. You would never." I shake my head to emphasize my words. "Then tell them that!" I glance back and see the adults looking at me, startled. "I don't have schizophrenia. Surprise is real, and I know so. She said she was real. She would never lie to me," I state firmly. Doctor Skies blinks, mouth open. She then turns to my parents. "Anyway, treating schizophrenic disorders doesn't happen with just medicine. Treatment it is a lifelong process. She'll need to come in five times a week." My mother nods. "Of course." I sit there with my mouth open, startled. They don't even care! They don't care that I know for a fact I'm not crazy! I growl, lip curling in a snarl. "Fine, fine! Just ignore me then! Don't listen to me! I don't care! It's your fault, your fault!" I scream loudly, stomping my hooves. "Just lock me in some crazy house! Leave me there to rot! Who cares about Pinkie Pie?" I feel myself getting angrier and angrier. "Pinkie, calm down," Doctor Skies says. "No! I. . . I don't want to." I suddenly sit down. I don't know what's wrong with me all of a sudden. I was feeling just fine. But now. . I don't know, something just isn't right. I let my ears drop limply on my head. "It's going to get worse. Why don't we start tomorrow? After school, from three to five sound good?" Doctor Skies asks. "That sounds good," Cloudy says, nodding. "That's that then." She smiles, perking up. "You'll just need to go get the medication." "Now, Pinkie Pie, you're never going to get better if you don't answer my questions." I look up, glaring. It's my third visit this week and I've barely said a word, I'm so angry. I shouldn't be here. I'm not a crazy pony. Doctor Skies rubs her temples, sighing. She looks at me and frowns. "Pinkie. If you're going to get over this then we need to talk." "No," I say simply. "And why not? Don't you want to overcome this? Live a normal life?" "I am normal. I don't have schizophrenia. I've said that already." I cross my arms. "You can't argue with science, Pinkie." "Yes you can." Doctor Skies' eyebrow twitches. She takes a deep breath and holds it in, then releases it slowly. "Listen. I'm not going to make you talk to me. If you want to remain silent, then fine. But you're never going to get past your schizophrenia if you don't." "If I had it, maybe I would worry." "That's the thing, Pinkie. You don't know you have it. You never knew. You just thought you were normal, a normal little filly with an imaginary friend and a cutie mark for making ponies smile. But that's not it. You've been hallucinating. The way you got your cutie mark? There was no giant rainbow explosion. Your mane didn't become curly from it. You simply changed your style. You received your cutie mark from making your family smile by throwing them a party. Your life has been changed because of this, Pinkie. You need to accept that." She pats my hoof gently. I look at her, eyebrow raised. What she said did make some sense. What if. . . what if my whole life has been a lie? What if all this time I've been hallucinating? But then. . . what about the rainbow explosion? How could've I imagined that? Could I have thought up something that beautiful? I'd never seen a rainbow before. . . at least I didn't think I had. Oh no. I'm doubting my memories. I do have schizophrenia. I gasp, ears falling behind my head. "I. . I have it. I'm a crazy pony." Doctor Skies shakes her head. "You're not crazy. It's not something you can control. It's not you. It's your head that's messed up. But that's doesn't mean you can't have a complete normal life." "Then. . half of my life has been a lie." I sit there blankly. "No. You just thought it was real." "I don't even remember if it's real or not anymore. A few months ago, I was so sure. Now. . . I don't even know myself anymore."