//------------------------------// // Chapter 1 // Story: Behind a Sunny Face // by Tayman //------------------------------// Behind a Sunny Face "Spike, wake up!" It was barely the crack of down, the library illuminated by the dull orange glow of the rising sun. She gave Spike a couple nudges with her muzzle. "Come on! You need to learn to get up earlier so you can attack the day and get things done quicker!" "Twilight! It's barely the crack of dawn! Leave me alone, I have my entire life to get up early and be productive." Spike tugged his light blue blanket tightly around his body and turned away from Twilight's nudging. She sighed, and was about to open her mouth to lecture Spike, before he suddenly rolled over onto his back, cheeks puffing out, before a familiar jet of green flames erupted from his mouth, briefly filling the room with the acrid stench of smoke, and a letter scroll materialized with a small POP sound. Twilight immediately grabbed the scroll with her magic. "A letter from the princess this early? Oh no! Did something horrible happen? Am I in trouble? Have I slacked off in my studies?" She panicked aloud, causing Spike to scoff and roll his eyes. "I'm sure everything is fine, just read it!" "You're right. Sorry." She took a couple deep breaths to gather her thoughts, opened the letter, and began to read aloud: My faithful student Twilight Sparkle: I request your presence in my private study as soon as possible. There is something I wish to speak with you about. Please come alone. -Princess Celestia The letter hung open, the magical hum droning on as Twilight pondered, beginning to sweat lightly, her breathing becoming more shallow and rapid.. She had never received such a letter before, nor had the princess ever spoken to her in such vague language. She was almost always clear with her. Twilight frantically ran through her head, trying to think of something, anything that could warrant such a letter out of the blue like this: Equestria crises, Ponyville problems, perhaps something she had written in an earlier letter that had rubbed the princess the wrong way, but nothing came to mind. "Helloooo? Twilight?" Spike waved up at Twilight, who was just standing there, gazing at the letter. "Are you okay? I'm sure everything is fine. She's the ruler of Equestria, what kind of problems could she have?" "I have no idea..." Twilight muttered to herself. "If it was an Equestria problem, she would have told me directly. It's not like her letter could fall into the wrong hands. This has to be something else. Something she only wants me to know. I just have no idea what it could be." She sighed, but at the same time her heart was racing. "I'm leaving right away though, Spike. I should be able to catch the 7 AM train. You're lucky this time. You can sleep in as long as you want. Just PLEASE try to be a LITTLE responsible while I'm gone?" She said, before trotting out the door. "Yep! Sure thing!" Spike said, before hopping back in his basket as soon as the door had shut and immediately began to snore loudly. Meanwhile, a short distance away at the station Twilight had already purchased a ticket and was sitting on sitting on one of the passenger cars, waiting for the train to depart. Luckily not many ponies took the train this early, so she had both seats to herself. She sat next to the window, staring out as the doors shut, and the luscious rolling Ponyville hills started to pass by, illuminated by the glow of the rising sun. Twilight smiled to herself. Spike could sleep in, but Celestia had to get up and do this every single day... For over a thousand years... It was odd. Twilight Had never thought about it before, but Celestia had tremendous responsibility. Yet, she always was so jovial and approachable. She felt like she could talk with the princess about anything. But had she really taken advantage of this comfort? Thinking back, Twilight could not recall one personal conversation they had shared before. She knew Celestia purely as a a mentor, but not in depth as a pony. Twilight felt her body shift back as the train began its ascent up the mountainside towards Canterlot, and her shallow panting resumed, heart pounding in her ears. She didn't know the princess, and she had no idea what she was going to tell her. She couldn't comprehend just how important it might be. She tried not to think about it for the last leg of the trip, but nothing could distract her from the thought. It was just too silent in the car, nothing but the rattling of the train. As the trip reached its final minutes, she was nearly sweating. Alright Twilight, get ahold of yourself... she thought to herself. Be rational. Everything is going to be fine. You've known Celestia for almost ten years. Nothing is wrong. She took a deep breath as the train pulled into the station, eyes widening at the gorgeous, sparkling grand city of Canterlot that was spread out before her, the numerous spires glistening in the sun, illuminating the lush green hills and golden brick path that led straight to the castle in the heart of the city. She marveled at the sight, taking a couple deep breaths, before managing a smile as she stepped out of the train, trotting down into Canterlot. It was later in the morning, and there were a fair amount of ponies in the street. As she passed the various boutiques and cafes lined up on either side of her, she tried not to pay attention to to the Canterlot elite ponies who were giving her snobbish looks, presumably for not wearing formal attire. She blushed a bit, trying to keep her head down as she approached the castle, which shone so brightly she had to squint. The walls were pure white, and numerous towers extended into the sky. There were no gates, only two royal pegasi guards in front of the door, standing perfectly still with wings folded against their golden armor. They were staring straight ahead, and only looked down at Twilight when she was about a foot in front of them.. "Ah, hello Miss Sparkle! Long time no see. How's Ponyville treating you?" one asked with a smile. "Oh, it's going great! I'm learning a lot, and I've met a lot of great ponies." Twilight beamed. "But I'm afraid I can't stay and chat. The princess said she wanted to see me as soon as possible." "Of course. She's waiting for you inside" the two guards stepped aside, and Twilight walked through the large heavy wooden doors, which the guards promptly shut behind her. "Hello, Twilight Sparkle! That was fast, I sent that letter not two hours ago!" Princess Celestia was standing directly in front of Twilight, not ten feet from the door She beamed down at Twilight, who had stopped abruptly as soon as she entered. "Princess Celestia!" Twilight exclaimed, and began to lean forward to bow quickly in front of her, but she suddenly found herself completely restricted, her body surrounded by the warm yellow glow of Celestia's magic. "Please, Twilight. Do not bow." she said flatly. Twilight looked up at her, not sure what to say, but as soon as Celestia let go, she immediately resumed her upright position. Twilight noticed that there was something a bit off about the Princess's smile. It seemed forced, not the genuine, warm face she was used to seeing. "Oh...my apologies, then." Twilight said, her stomach knotting up tightly inside her. Something was wrong. Something out of the ordinary. Not an Equestria disaster, or anything of that sort...something else. And once again, she couldn't imagine what it could be; at that moment, she wished she knew the princess more personally. "Walk with me. I want to show you something. " Celestia stated as she turned left into one of the many corridors that branched out from the throne room. Their hooves echoed loudly as they walked on the hard, polished marble floor. The hall was fairly narrow, room for only perhaps five ponies walking side by side at once. Sunlight sparkled in through through ceiling high windows that lined the left side of the hall, the right side lined with doors. Twilight could look out over one of the branching streets of Canterlot far down below. The solar princess paid no attention, however, and kept looking straight ahead, no sign of emotion on her face. "I've run the Canterlot University for over a thousand years now, Twilight. Although you are one of the best students I've ever had, you are not the first, nor will you be the last." She said as they turned right into Celestia's study. Twilight never ceased to be surprised at how small this room was, just a couple modestly sized bookshelves on one wall, a desk with parchment and other supplies on the opposite wall, and a fireplace straight ahead. Celestia stood on the center of the carpet and gazed up at the sun crest that was painted on the wall above. She raised her horn, and from it shot a brilliant beam of pure white light directly into the crest. Twilight had to squint and shield her eyes as the symbol shone almost as brightly as the real thing. Suddenly, the entire back wall rumbled and descended into the ground; Celestia's light was replaced by genuine sunshine as this new room was revealed. Twilight's jaw was dropped in awe as she followed the princess inside. Could this be some sort of hidden library? No, there wasn't a book to be found in here, although Twilight had to look in every direction to verify this. While the study was rather small and cozy, this hexagonal room was at least twice as wide and stretched all the way to the ceiling, where light streamed in from a large window, illuminating dozens of tiny alcoves...or was it hundreds? Twilight could not count them all; they stretched as high as the window, each one containing a small photo frame. They were all caked in dust, which disappeared with a simple wave of Celestia's horn, leaving the pictures sparkling in the light Some displayed a single pony, others groups of friends, and others still with ponies standing with the princess. All were beaming widely in the photos. Except for Celestia, who only had a kind and gentle smile.. A recess ahead contained a photo of Twilight and her friends. She walked forward, gazing at the frame. They were all posed there together, the widest smiles on their faces, eyes displaying pure joy. Everything was perfect; in the picture's universe, friendship and happiness lasted forever. "These are all the friends you've ever had." Twilight breathed. "They all seem so happy." But that couldn't have lasted forever. She stood there, head hung down in deep thought. It wasn't something she had thought about before. To her, death was a foreign concept, a chore to be put off until the last minute. She was still fairly young, just over twenty, and with luck she would live at least ten times that long. She still had countless days of fun to spend with her friends. At their age, it felt like they would live forever and never have to embrace death's snatching grip. But one day...we'll just be memories in this room. Twilight dropped down, lying on the soft sun carpet spread out across the center of the room. Her head drooped down, horn touching the ground. "All these pictures and memories...do they make you happy?" She asked. Celestia sighed, and shook her head. "Not fully, Twilight. They are bittersweet. They bring a smile to my face, but not a joyous grin. Memories are fickle things. Part of the joy in creating them is the anticipation of new ones with the same ponies. While they are still alive, there's no reason to lament past experiences, because you can look forward to future ones. Look at you. Hopefully you and your friends spend at least a hundred more years together. While you are united, your memories will be shared and reveled in, collected and flipped through like a photo album. But when friends pass away..." Celestia sighed. "I can only attempt to bask in those memories, but at the same time I know I will never share joy with those friends again. And with more ponies gone than are here now by my side...it can be hard to enjoy any old memory. They all blend together, creating a damp canopy of sadness that only allows the faintest light though. There's no such thing as a purely happy memory of a lost pony. It will always be tainted with a longing that shall never be fulfilled." Twilight stared blankly down at the rug below. Celestia's words echoed in her head, but at her age, she could not comprehend them. She did not know a single pony who had died. The Princess had known thousands. At least. "I used to take seven students under my wing here at the University. Every five years they would go off on their own to advance their studies, and seven new unicorns would come in. They all received my full care and attention, and became good friends for life." The Princess stated. "But now, I'm the only one studying under you directly. And I've been here for over ten years. There are other instructors, but I'm the only one with you." Twilight spoke slowly. Celestia nodded. "I think you can figure out why I made such a change." She said grimly. "The years...they tick by. It only gets worse with age. Tell me: how old do you think I am?" "I..." Twilight was at a loss for words. It seemed like it should be such basic knowledge for her, but she had no idea. She knew it had to be at least a thousand, but exactly how much more, she couldn't be sure. She had never thought to ask before. The Princess smiled. "I'll be turning two thousand thirty two years old in a couple months." "Two thousand thirty two." Twilight whispered. A hundred times older than I am. "Princess...are you..." she gulped, the word a tight bulge in her mouth. "Immortal?" It was strange. The purple unicorn had never given too much thought about Celestia's age, even though it was an extremely large number. She was so kind, so caring, so beautiful, that her age didn't seem to matter. But Twilight was beginning to see that there was something darker behind those bright, loving eyes. Another heavy sigh left Celestia as she laid down next to her faithful student. "I'm almost positive. Unicorns live longer the more powerful their magic is, and mine is more concentrated than every unicorn in history put together. I've haven't aged in centuries." Twilight looked up, glancing around at the picture frames once again. There were ponies of all shape, blue ponies, red ponies, black ponies, purple ponies, of every conceivable style. But Celestia...she towered over them, her horn sharp as a needle, three times as long as any other unicorn horn. Her coat was snow white, wings majestic and sparkling, each one as big as one of her pupils. The vibrant sun crest on her flank glowing prominently in each picture. Over how long were these pictures taken? At least a thousand years. Probably longer. Camera magic was one of the first to be developed; a two day old photo looks the same as a two hundred year old one. "I can't-I won't even begin to imagine what it's like. I mean, it feels like the next two hundred years are going to last forever...but to be two thousand? With years ticking by like seconds? And...outliving everypony you meet..." "Twilight...you'll outlive a lot of ponies you meet too." Celestia said grimly. "You're a powerful unicorn, the most powerful one I have ever seen in terms of raw power. You may live to be three hundred, four hundred years old." Four Hundred years old? Imagine seeing my friends age. Applejack, no longer able to run Sweet Apple Acres, her true life's passion. Pinkie Pie, not able to hop everywhere she goes, or talk nearly as much. Sapped of her infinite energy. Rainbow Dash, barely having the strength to flap from place to place, let alone bolt through the clouds. Rarity, no longer looking fabulous in an old, decaying body. She'll last longer than the others, but her magic is nowhere close to mine. Fluttershy, not able to keep up with her animal friends that she adores so much. And I will have to watch it all, while my body barely changes a hundred years afterwards. Not to mention most of the other ponies I'll meet over the next century...if they aren't unicorns...they'll most likely pass before me. Twilight glanced up at her mentor. Her demeanor was so calm, so regal. It seemed that nothing in Equestria could ever disturb her. And Celestia has to go through this with every single pony she'll ever meet? She dropped her head down, burying it between her legs, and began to sob quietly. A heavy weight pressed down on her chest, her mind fogged over with the thickest, darkest clouds the pegasi could ever create. She lost all control of her grip on reality; all that existed was a future where all her friends were gone, leaving Twilight alone in an unfamiliar, dark world. "Oh, Twilight...I'm so sorry...I just wanted to help you understand. I need somepony to understand. Somepony normal." Celestia choked out, sniffing a couple times before she bent down to nuzzle her snout against Twilight's flank, extending a wing and wrapping it around her body. "Please...will you share some memories with me? I promise, I will make it better. I can tell you how to handle it. If I can be happy, so can you." Twilight pulled her head out from her front legs, her face heavy and soaked from tears, and stared up at her mentor. Her words cut through the clouds fogging her mind, her calm smile bursting through like a ray of sunshine. At that moment, she knew everything would be fine. "Of course, Princess. I know you're only trying to help me. I'll have to deal with this someday too." "Thank you, Twilight." She stood up and bowed to her pupil. "These memories are too much to endure alone sometimes." As Celestia lifted her head, she brought her horn up and placed it directly onto Twilight's. The room disappeared, and for a moment the two were standing in pure darkness, before light exploded from a single point. When it faded, Twilight was standing in a hospital room. An elderly unicorn was lying in a bed, her coat a pastel shade of purple, mane nearly completely white. Her breathing was shallow and rapid. Over her stood Princess Celestia, her mane not billowing out behind her, but barely fluttering about, like a flag in light wind. She was smiling brightly down at the old unicorn, but tears were shimmering down her face. "Dazzle...you were such a wonderful student. You were so full of life and passion...it only seems like yesterday that you were sitting beside me at the induction ceremony, eager to begin your studies. You had your whole life in front of you." She almost lost control at that moment, a couple muffled sobs escaping. "Your magic...it was a wonderful thing. You brought joy to so many lives, and you were always there by my side. You always knew how to make me feel like a pony instead of a princess. I could talk with you...laugh with you...but now..." Celestia choked, dropping her head, letting her tears splash on the tile below. "Where did the time go?" She whispered. "Celestia...please don't, Don't make me cry, I don't have the strength for it..." Dazzle said quietly, turning her head and smiling up at her old teacher. "I'm just so glad...I could make you happy" she panted. "...I was so blessed to have you as a mentor and a friend. You taught me so much, not only magic, but so much else. To smile...to laugh...to make the most of every opportunity that came my way and to never give up. I don't have a single regret from the last 250 years." She closed her eyes. "Don't worry...you'll always have our memories...and you'll always have more students to make you smile." And with that, her body went still. "Oh...Dazzle..." Celestia cried out, beginning to weep uncontrollably, her sobs echoing in Twilight's ears. I'll have plenty of wonderful students...but none of them will be like you. And none of them will be able to remain at side for all of eternity... Twilight tried to tune out the awful sobs, but Celestia's thoughts rang loudly in her mind, and for an instant the young unicorn felt everything the Princess was feeling, a singularity of sorrow that reduced her to tears as well. She felt Celestia's loss as her own, a hopeless, desolate feeling. Another bright light flashed, washing away the hospital room, immediately replaced by another, the scene exactly the same except for the pony in the bed. Celestia was again sobbing as she proclaimed her pride in her student, the words always similar but just as sincere. Flash. Flash. Flash. Twilight lost student, after student, after student, the crushing sorrow piling up like thick layers of mud, pressing harder and harder down on her psyche. Flash. Now Twilight was standing in the Canterlot cemetery over a freshly dug grave; Celestia was levitating a limp and lifeless pony over a coffin-" STOP! OH CELESTIA, MAKE IT STOP! Twilight cried out, crumbling into a ball and burying her face into her flank as she wept. There was nothing else; only sadness, flooding into her mind from a broken dam. No other thought could enter her head; nothing from the present that might break through the bleak sensation. "Twilight...I'm so sorry to put you through all that..." They were back in Celestia's memory room, the purple unicorn still curled up and quivering the carpet. No smile graced the Princess's face, nor any tears. Twilight poked her head out of her ball, before slowly getting up on all fours, still sniffing and sobbing lightly. "How...how can you ever smile? How can you live?" Celestia didn't respond right away. She took a couple steps around the perimeter of the room, occasionally stopping to stare at a photo...and then another...and another...gazing deep into her friends' eyes and joyous smile. She drooped her head, a couple silent tears splashing down onto the marble below. "Even after the bleakest tragedies, survivors move on. The mind won't let anypony live in lament for an extended period of time. They find a way, no matter how much they have lost, no matter how much their lives have been altered. Every death is a tragedy, one I have endured thousands of times. One never becomes numb to absolute loss. I recover quickly and move on, but during those final moments of watching a friend slip away, desperately clinging to the final grains of sand in the hourglass...it's been as sad for the thousandth pony as the first, for they are all different. No matter how long I live, I will never meet two of the same pony. And that makes it even more difficult to bear. I weep, I file my memories away in this room to honor lost friends, then I push them away. The past is a sea of broken memories and unfulfilled wishes, an ocean of pure sorrow. Only dip your hooves, and never swim in it for too long." "Live in the present, you mean?" Twilight whispered. "Yes, exactly!" Celestia nodded vigorously. "But only when the present is kind to you. Time will flow faster and faster as you age. You must savor the blissful moments; Do not let thoughts of future sorrow creep up on you. Let your joy be pure. And when times are hard, always remember that it will be over as soon as you know it. There are always happy times on the horizon." She smiled. "Even after all the hardship I've endured, I still manage to laugh and smile. You are never truly lost as long as you have those skills. A moment of pure joy can cut through the cloudiest skies." The purple unicorn couldn't help but stand there in awe. She is so wise...so mature. She knows more about life than I ever will, more than I could ever hope to learn. She's right. Afterall, nothing has changed, really. I'm still young. I still have the most wonderful friends in Equestria, and we have decades, perhaps a century of time to spend together. She's right. Don't worry about the future. Revel in the present. I haven't faced loss yet; there's no reason to think about it any earlier than I have to. "Oh Princess...thank you so much." Twilight sighed happily, a smile tugging at her lips. She used a quick spell to dry her wet and blotchy face, before it burst into a wide beam. "I was almost lost...but you've helped me learn so much about life." A warm smile shone back down at the unicorn. "Of course. I could never let my student go through so much sadness without pulling her out of it. But Twilight Sparkle...there is more I want to share with you. I promise, none of it will be as bad as what you just went through. It's just...that isn't the only thing that weighs me down from time to time." She sighed. "Will you stay here with me a bit? Share my memories? Just...let me show you what it's like to be me. I need somepony else to understand. I should know everything about her. There are so many books on Celestia, but I always considered math and science and magic to be more important than the history of my mentor But there's so much more to her than I ever could've imagined. She simply nodded. "Of course, Princess." Twilight closed her eyes, and felt another horn upon her own once more.