//------------------------------// // Fleeting Happiness // Story: You can't build Love // by Gray Compass //------------------------------// You can't build Love Time — always amazing me. I still remember the day when I accidentally bumped against that article. I can assure you, much has changed since I contacted Mr. Nagai, and at the same time I would be lying. Lies and truths are a matter of perspective, I believe. Eight years has passed since it, and I'm still here, running over the same old ground, the same problems, the same fears. What firstly seemed to be a hope — a new light to my life, if you can say that — slowly faded to nothing but (again) disappointments. That's what happens when you build too many expectations. Unlike growing human parts in laboratory, creating a fully functional new creature is... Practically impossible. As doctor Nagai and his crew explained to me. In addition of being considered a crime against genetic ethics and nature, the chances of success on a venture like this come close to zero. 'Why not a virtual reality device?' They asked me, pointing out all the advantages, costs. It was indeed, an option. But stubborn as I was, maybe dumb, I wanted the real thing. The flesh and bones, and skin, and cells, and hair thing. I wanted the genuine, not a digital replica. At times I felt I was forcing those brilliant scientists to create a Frankenstein monster. But most of the times I encouraged them with the 'making history' slogan. I couldn't know for sure what would come out of that laboratory. When I pushed the start button I knew about the risks, I knew about the chances, and above all else; I knew the sacrifices I would have to do. But nothing mattered to me, because I was doing it for someone that I loved, I was doing this for her. For good or bad, I was blindfolded. It took some time to convince Nagai's crew; as professional scientists they prized ethics and law above everything. Unfortunately for me, neither of these two principles fit on what I was asking for. For my own luck, this is a highly corruptible world, a deconstructing palace of flesh, where almost everyone can be persuaded to do anything for the right amount of gold. Maybe it's true what they say: Every man has its price. I provided them the best equipment that money could afford and the best laboratory a scientist would ever need. There was an entire facility dedicated to that project. They needed horses; I gave them horses. They needed humans; I gave them humans. They wanted more money; I filled their pockets with it. I just wanted a single Fleur de Lis, not mattering how many lives I had to spend, or how many unsuccessful attempts we made during all these years. The success would be my share of this world, it would be the payment I deserved for all the thorns I've been dragged through God owed me Fleur. For years they researched, studied, planned, developed, attempted. And nothing. Artificial cells, genome altering, fusing species, cyborgs; everything. Inside the underground bunker that we called 'Development Laboratory' I saw scenes that will never leave my mind. The worst of all was to put an end on the failed specimens. Now I looked at the mirror with a different expression. Once I wondered what good would come of that boy. Today I look at my face on the mirror and think about what will become of my soul in the end. I have never been a religious man, but when I rest my head over the pillows at night and think about all the lives I may have ended for my own egoistical objective, I can't help but wonder what God must be thinking about me. 09/21/2032 I woke up. My back and shoulders ached as I made my way to the bathroom, a bottle of painkillers over the counter. I take two, and swallow them dry. I'm not the healthy and full of life teenager I used to be. Opening the sink, I washed my face with gelid morning water. I've been avoiding mirrors, but I can't avoid all of them. Staring at my reflection, I touch the skin on my cheeks. I'm pale, my eyes have gotten lighter somehow, like those of a hare. My hair has strands of auburn color, the cold weather makes my lips crack and bleed. I wasn't like this. It was a side effect of the drugs, the doctors said. My outside appearance still masked what I really am. I'm way more broken inside. Each day I have more hinges, more rusting pieces, remnants of heart. One could say I look like an average mid-thirties man, but when they look closer, they know something is not right. My body feels heavy, as if I had stored one hundred years inside my chest. I know, that's not true, but the fact that my life has been a maelstrom of feelings and events since I was born, does not relieve this sentiment. I have grown, married, divorced, got depressed, felt happiness and sorrow, fought against my relatives envy, fought against my own thoughts, saw my own father and brother being buried together. I passed through every imaginable situation, and here I am, preparing myself for another day. This isn't another usual morning; after years of unsuccessful attempts, and the aforementioned horrendous scenes I've witnessed, I'm preparing myself for another trial. But this is a special one, because regardless of the results — it's the last I will ever try. It has been five months since Dr. Nagai started working with this new specimen, I have never seen it before; not because I couldn't, but because my hopes about it were coming close to nothing. I just don't wanted to waste the last droplets of my sanity away. I got my car keys and left; It was not a long travel to the bunker, which is located inside a private property. Usually I like to listen some music while driving but nothing came to my mind today; not quite in the mood for noises, even if the 'noise' is a Mozart symphony. A couple of hours later I was parking my car beside an old barn. It doesn't make sense as seen from this point of view. It was a white barn, in the middle of what was once a farm. But in fact, this place is not what it seems. Two men dressed in white robes greet me when I approach, they lead me inside the barn and the peculiarities continue here; behind the double wooden gates there are no hay or old stables. The barn is an immaculate metallic room, from the floor to the ceiling. An glassy acrylic wall divided the rectangular interior in two parts; the entrance hall, and the sterile room. A smaller passage connected both parts; it was a narrow chamber, with pressurized air and a handful of security procedures to be followed. They wanted to make sure no hazardous contaminants would ever come in, or out. The bunker was hermetically sealed from the world outside. That old barn was built during the second world war over the entrance of a bomb shelter, and that's the place we used as a base for the construction of this facility. From the original bunker, nothing remained, except the underground shape. I was heading to a huge reinforced door, which when opened, leaded to an equally huge stairway and elevator. This whole thing was not built in vain; after taking the elevator to the lower floor, we reached our destination: The main entrance. Down here it all looked and smelled like a hospital. I disliked that feeling with all my guts, but there we had all we needed, and no one knew we existed. In theory. "Lord Albert, such a long time isn't it?" A scientist complimented me, a hint of friendly sarcasm in his voice. I look around, Dr. Nagai is nowhere to be seen, but I presume that's because he's busy with the preparations. "Hello Mr...?" I paused. "Oh my apologies sir, I'm Doctor James, from the genetic research sector" He said, asking me to follow him. I agreed, and we went into one of the many corridors. I never enjoyed this place, maybe it was the strong ether scent in the air, or the coldness — it was always cold, to preserve the quality of the air — the walls were all white or gray, depending on the floor. There was not a single dust speck on the floor. "Dr. Nagai is awaiting for you in the hatching chambers" I don't think I have ever visited that area of the complex before. 'Hatching chambers' sounded oddly disgusting. The scientist stopped in front of a wide opaque glass door, and moved to the side as I approached. "Aren't you coming?" I asked "Oh... no, I don't have the permission to do so." He pointed to a small name tag hanging from his neck 'Level 4' written under his credentials. I wondered how many levels they had. "Very well then, thank you James." I shook his hand. I placed my eyes on the scanner level; a quick confirmation flash later and the doors went open, revealing another corridor, not as long as the other though. As I walked into the desert hallway, I could hear the automated doors closing behind me with a whiffing sound. Unlike the rest of the complex, this corridor had a dim bluish lighting, I was aware it was due to the ultra violet germicidal properties, but that light made me feel slightly depressed. It was gloomy, strange, and it was all reflected on those polished white tiles, increasing even more the effect. I observed everything; several doors by my side leading to many rooms, peculiar glass chambers filled with a translucent fluid — strange forms wriggling inside — long pipes bubbling with unknown substances, the disturbing silence only being eventually broken by the air conditioning system hum. On the last door, a small plate signed the 'Hatching Lab', but before I could reach the handle, the door opened, revealing a third aged doctor, almost bald except for a few chunks of white hair, glasses firmly placed on his face. "Lord Albert, we were awaiting for you!" He smiled, jokingly bowing, his insightful eyes looked into my soul. "Your soul finds no rest, I see." He noted. I greeted him with a sad smile in my lips, I needed no mirror to see that. He entered the room, and I followed. The place was dark, only one or two very dim lamps lighting up just enough for us to discern a couple of objects. "You know Mr. Albert, when you invited me to join your project, I really thought it was madness; a lost cause. I have to admit, In all my years as a researcher I've never received such a peculiar proposal." He paced around a large cylindrical chamber, covered with a metallic mantle. I pulled a chair and sat down, observing as the old man checked his monitors and equipment. "However, I also have to admit that I never expected to receive a sponsorship like yours." The doctor paused. "Above everything, after nearly a decade, I wasn't expecting to achieve success." He added, to my surprise. I stood up abruptly. "A-achieve... W-what?" I struggled with the words. He smiled, placing a hand over my shoulder. "Mr. Albert, as a professional I don't usually meddle on my contractors personal purposes — however — I believe that in your exceptional case, it is impossible for me to not become curious." I stared at him, still too shocked to react. "You don't have to answer me if you don't wan't to. But what makes you — a successful magnate — spend billions and billions in a research related to these creatures?" With a slow pace, he got closer to the chamber. "I- It's n-not... All of them. I was j-just-" "She's very special for you isn't it?" He removed his glasses, placing them on his gown pocket. "Yes. She is." I felt those words leaving my lips like a feather. A last breath. "Well then Mr. Albert, this way I believe you would like to give me some help removing this mantle." He said. "Just be careful." Shakily I came closer to him, in front of us was this large cylinder about my size, slightly wider; I got one of the mantle extremities while Doctor Nagai held the other. Together, we removed the locks and released the tick cloth on the ground. Something warm rolled down my cheeks. I was allowed to cry. And were heavy tears. All those years, all the deceptions I had, all my fears, they were suddenly gone — I never in my life felt such happiness. I placed my hands gingerly on the translucent surface. Not even the mist in my eyes could blurry that sight. There, inside the cylinder, floating between wires and bubbles slept my dear one. She wasn't completely finished yet, but I could see her, she was there, closer than I ever imagined to me. I hugged Doctor Nagai tightly, I couldn't remember hugging anyone that tightly in years, this old man here, he was the one who made my life complete. "T-thank you... Thank you so much. " When I left the complex that day, I was a completely different person, because I knew that the next time I returned, I would find more than disappointments. No, there wouldn't be more disappointments. I would find Fleur de Lis.