A Ghost And A Roach

by Delta 727


Chapter 2: Warm Welcome

"Get yourself together, you idiot!" Ghost kicked Roach's assault rifle a few inches closer to him, who was sitting on the ground, brushing dirt from his uniform. "Almost like you've been drinking again! Can't even see a bloody root around your feet!"

"Can it, Riley," Roach said. He leaned down and picked up his assault rifle, pulled the magazine to clear any dirt or debris in side it, and cocked it back in as he stood up, brushing himself off. Ghost gave him a light shove on the shoulder.

"You know I hate it when you use my real name," he said, "But I'll let it slide this time. Anything on the comms?"

Roach clicked on the radio on his shoulder, and spoke into it.

"Mayday, mayday, this is-" He was cut off when Ghost slapped him in the back of the head. "Hey- Ow! What was that for!?"

"We aren't on a bloody sinking ship," Ghost replied. "We're stranded in God-knows-where."

Roach rubbed the back of his head. "Alright, alright. Lemme try this again" He clicked on the radio again, paused, then screamed at the top of his lungs. "OH, PLEASE, SOMEBODY HELP US-"

Ghost snatched away the radio, and clicked it on. "Overlord, this is Ghost of the T.F. 141. Requesting an air lift at our location." He clicked off the radio, waited, and was greeted with nothing but static. He clicked it back on. "Overlord, this is Ghost. Our escort, Thunder Two-One has disappeared. Requesting evac at our location." He clicked it off again. Still nothing. "Overlord!" When the static continued, he grunted in frustration and threw the radio back to Roach. He was taken by surprise, fumbling it as it hit him, then dropped it. He quickly dropped to his knees, grabbing up the radio. He brushed away the dirt, and fastened it back to his shoulder.

"Well, ain't that wonderful?" Roach asked sarcastically. "We're stranded without comms and full ammo, and we're supposedly dead." He turned around, holding his arms out to his sides. "Alright, guys," he laughed. "Very funny! Now where's the hidden cameras?" He held up his rifle. "Maybe this isn't even a real gun!" He fired a couple of shots off into the air, and birds scattered from the trees in every direction. "Nope, it's real. Maybe THIS isn't even a real grenade-"

"Alright, alright!" Ghost stopped him before he could do anything more dangerous than he already had. "Trust me, this rubs me the wrong way too, but you don't know what's out here! You feel comfortable fighting a bear, Sergeant?"

"Well, I'm armed to the teeth, and I imagine I'm much angrier than a mama-bear guarding her cubs. I could really care less what shows up, 'Lieutenant'."

"Uh huh." Ghost crossed his arms. "And is that before or after she tears your leg off?"

Roach winded up a retort, but he was cut off by a growling from the bushes. Both of them immediately aimed their rifles toward a shady area in a dense part of the forest, with nothing but leaves, grass, and tree bark.

Except the tree bark was moving.

And it was moving right toward the soldiers.

"What do you think?" Ghost asked. "Friendly?"

"I dunno," Roach replied. "You think a moving tree is our friend?"

Once again, they were interrupted by movement in the bush, as the "tree" sprang out from the bushes. But instead of a tree, it was bark and branches that walked on four nimble legs tipped with sharp claws, and a trunk-like body headed by a long muzzle filled with sharpened daggers of wood.

Ghost kept his weapon aimed at it, but Roach immediately lowered his to rant.

"Alright, so it's a tree that looks like a dog. We're definitely not in Kansas anymore." The "dog" growled, taking a single step forward, then let out a long howl.

"That ain't a dog, you wanker," Ghost said. "That's a wolf." He paused, then lowered his weapon a few inches, a hint of humorous disappointment in his voice. "Made of timber."

Long, awkward silence.

"Ghost?"

"Yeah?"

"Shoot me."

---

"National security, she said!"

Twilight and Rainbow Dash were headed for Applejack's farm when Twilight finally snapped. Rainbow Dash was still brushing glass out of her mane from Twilight's window, and Twilight was in a furious state of anxiety.

"National security means that this could be just as bad as the Changeling invasion or- or as bad as Discord escaping again!" Her mane was ruffled with worry, and she couldn't stop sweating. "Or maybe it's worse than BOTH of those!"

"Take it easy, egghead," Rainbow Dash said, finishing her mane grooming. "I'd bet all my bits that Spike and Pinkie made this up to scare you."

"B-but they wouldn't make up a National security threat! Not only is that legally wrong, but it's also not funny! There's no way they'd make up something like this. And the letter was definitely in Princess Celestia's penmanship. This is a real threat to Equestria, Rainbow! And we need to get the other elements so we can figure this out!"

Rainbow Dash yawned into her hoof. "Yeah, yeah, whatever, egghead. I'm telling ya, the other girls are just gonna tell you the same thing."

"Two random creatures appear on the edge of the Everfree, and you think it's nothing!? Somepony could've been trying to summon something to attack Equestria! You don't know if they succeeded or not! It's our duty as the elements to-"

Twilight was cut off by the sound of a couple of loud cracking noises in the distance, very near to Twilight and Rainbow Dash. Twilight tensed up, but Rainbow Dash just raised an eyebrow.

"There!" Twilight said. "You hear that!? That can only be those creatures Celestia was talking about!"

"Or, and I know this sounds crazy," Rainbow began, "It could've been a tree falling. Maybe two. Now before you go off on your 'improbability' rant, you might wanna-" She was cut off by the sound of a loud howl. "See? Just some Timber wolves. No biggie. Now let's go."

"Wait," Twilight said, stopping her with one hoof. "I think we should check it out.

"What!?" Rainbow Dash got right in Twilight's face. "Are you crazy!? I'm not going after an angry pack of Timber wolves!"

"Oh, come on, Rainbow," Twilight replied, gently pushing her away. "What's the matter? Can't handle a few Timber wolves?"

Rainbow Dash looked absolutely offended. "Whoa, whoa, whoa there, egghead. You think I can't take on a few Timber wolves?"

"I said no such thing," Twilight said. "I'm just saying that it's a little surprising that the big bad Rainbow Dash 'doesn't want any trouble'. I dunno about you, but that just sounds weird to me."

"Now just hold on a second," Rainbow said. "Last time I checked, you've gotten into a LOT more trouble in the past year than I have in my entire life. Now I can go on all day about that, but I don't have that kind of time. All I'm saying is that we shouldn't get mixed up in any more trouble, that's all." Twilight gave her a doubtful look, and Rainbow Dash sighed. "Fine, we'll check it out. But we're keeping our distance." Rainbow Dash headed off in the direction of the howl, ducking into the brush. Twilight smiled as she went, then frowned when she wasn't looking. With a heavy sigh, she followed the element of Loyalty into the bush.

That's when the fighting started.

---

"Ghost!?" Roach called behind him. "This isn't working!" He clicked the clip from his rifle, loading in another.

"And the bloody sky's blue!" Ghost yelled back. "Tell me something I don't-" He was cut off as he was tackled to the ground, his rifle knocked from his hands.. One of the wooden wolves had pinned him to the ground, and he was barely holding back its gnashing teeth from his throat.

"Ghost!" Roach yelled, turning his rifle toward the beast that was attacking his partner. But before he could fire, he was knocked aside by another of the beasts, his rifle slipping from his fingers. He landed hard on his side, rolling over to see one of the wolves only feet from him, saliva dripping from its muzzle. After staring at it for a moment, he realized the saliva was actually sap, only further increasing the irony of the situation. He rolled his eyes. "Oh, that is just-"

The wolf charged, leaping for him with its claws outstretched, Ghost rolled just in time as the wolf landed right where his head was before. He pulled his pistol from its holster, and got up on one knee to fire. But once again, he was cut off as the wolf pounced him again, knocking him to the ground. The pistol landed only inches from him, just as the wolf landed right on top of him, aiming for his throat. He felt something sharp sink into his right shoulder, and he let out a loud yell of pain. He kept wrestling with the wolf, grabbing it by the throat, but the wolf didn't even gag. He didn't even have time to curse before there was a hail of splinters. The wolf yelped, spiraling away, a bullet hole where its "eye" had once been. Roach's hand immediately went to his shoulder, and when he pulled it away, it was soaked with blood. He instinctively returned his hand to his shoulder, looking up to see Ghost a few meters away with a smoking pistol in his hand. He was bruised and scratched, but seemingly unharmed.

Ghost quickly closed the few meter gap, kicking Roach's assault rifle across the dirt to its owner. Roach grabbed it up, and pointed it at the immediate threat in front of him.

Three more wolves that were stalking towards them, bristling (or splintering) with anger. Roach didn't turn his gaze when he spoke.

"You take left, I take right, then we both get center?"

"On your go,"

But the lead wolf had already begun to charge.

Only to be blasted away by a large, purple... Blast?

The wolf was knocked away into the brush, and the other two whimpered before running the opposite direction back into the forest.

The two soldiers lowered their guns a few inches, baffled by what had just unfolded in front of them. There was a rustling from the bush to their right, and their guns immediately turned in that direction. And they were shocked by what stepped out.

"Uh, Roach?" Ghost asked. "You seein' what I'm seein'?"

"Yeah," Roach replied. "And I'm not sure what I'm more confused about. The fact that these two just served up a piping hot plate of death ray, or the fact that they're a couple of colorful ponies."