//------------------------------// // An Evening With Some Crazy Mares // Story: The Misadventures of Osaka Jones // by RabidTonberry //------------------------------// Scootaloo closed the door to the Sugarcube Corner bathroom and trotted down the hallway back into the dining area. She stopped and looked around the now deserted restaurant. “Where did Osaka go?” She thought to herself. The sound of hooves on hardwood brought her attention towards the counter, where she saw Mr. Cake descending the staircase that leads to their home upstairs. “Hey, Mr. Cake do you know where Osaka went?” asked Scootaloo. Mr. Cake glanced around his store then shook his head. “Sorry Scootaloo, I had to head upstairs and help the missuses with the twins real quick. Maybe he went outside for some air.” Scootaloo nodded her head. “Alright thank you Mr. Cake.” She said as she turned away and ran out the door. She skidded to a halt just outside Sugarcube Corner, and glanced around looking for any trace of Osaka, she found none. She sat down on her haunches, defeated. “Did…did he just leave me here? He wouldn’t do that to me…would he...NO! He wouldn’t do that! I know I probably made him uncomfortable earlier…but I know he wouldn’t just abandon me in the middle of Ponyville…something’s not right.” Scootaloo sat up and ran towards the Ponyville Library with a determined look upon her face. “Did anypony see you?” “I don’t think so.” “You don’t think so, or you know so?” “I don’t know okay! He was heavy and I was more concentrated on not getting pinned down under his weight while I carried him here. I still don’t see why you couldn’t have done it. It would have been easy for you with your magic.” “Because he wouldn’t have trusted me, I wouldn’t have been able to get close enough to knock him out.” “And he trusted me? We met in passing at the party Pinkie threw for him last week. He didn’t trust me, he was just being friendly. You could of easily have done this yourself.” “Shhh Bon, I think he’s awake.” I groaned and opened my eyes and saw a blurry looking Bon Bon in front of me. I blinked my eyes a few more times until she came into focus. She gave me a sweet little smile. “I’m sorry Osaka. I really didn’t want to do this, but she kind of talked me into this…again.” she said. She then looked off to my side and I turned my head. I saw a mint green unicorn with a greenish light mane, almost the same color of her coat but yet not, with white streaked through it. She had a gleeful expression plastered onto her face, it made me feel extremely uneasy. I turned and looked back at Bon Bon. “Who’s that?” I asked. “Oh that would be my marefriend Lyra.” “I see…why is she staring at me like that?” “Oh, umm…well she has been out of town for the past week, and well. When she asked if she missed anything, I happened to mention you and your condition. She’s always been interested in mythological creatures, the occult, and whatnot. So when she heard about your condition she kind of got over zealous, and convinced me to help her kidnap you…” She answered awkwardly glancing between me, the floor, and Lyra. “Kidnapped?” I looked down and saw that I was strapped into a wooden chair. I looked around and deduced that I was inside someponies living room, the couch and nearby coffee table kind of gave that away. I looked back at Bon Bon “So you kidnapped me to do what exactly?” “Well to ask you questions about Humans of course!” Lyra piped up levitating a quill and some papers over to her, with her magic. “If you just wanted to ask me some questions, you know you could have just asked.” “Yea…but when you have been in a relationship for as long as we have. Sometimes it’s good to find new exciting things to do together, to keep the romance alive,” said Lyra as she flipped through the stack of paper in her magic. “It’s up to you, save this relationship…no pressure.” whispered Bon Bon into my ear. “Wait, what?” “Alright let’s get started! Alright first off you said you were a human right?” I rolled my eyes, “Yea that’s right. Up until my arrival I was a human. Do you know what a Human is?” “Kind of, I’ve come across the term only once in my mythology research, and all it was a brief description of their appearance. Bipedal hairless apelike creatures, is that correct?” “Eh, more or less, I mean there’s more to it than that but that pretty much sums it up. Now I have a question for you. Do you think I’m crazy and just suffering from near death induced trauma, or ‘Amnesia’ like everypony else is saying?” “I haven’t ruled it out, but I like to keep all possibilities open before I make my final judgment. Now I have heard that you think you have come from some other world, is that correct?” “Yup” “Can you please describe this world to me?” “Eh, kind of like yours but more technology advance, less sentient creatures, also a lot more alcohol variety, and oh yea we didn’t have any god king like rulers. Well real god kings anyway, there are a few world leaders who think they are but they’re not.” I absent mindlessly muttered out. Lyra’s gleeful expression turned to that of annoyance. “You know, you don’t really seem that eager to answer my questions.” “Well you did kidnap me, and I was in the middle of watching Scootaloo when you abducted me by the way.” “Shit, Rainbow is going to be pissed when she finds out.” said Bon Bon worryingly. “Also are these the only types of questions you wanted to ask me? I mean if you just wanted to know about my world and my people. I've already answered those questions for several Doctors and Twilight herself she even took notes on everything I said, although she just thinks I have an over active imagination, but I’m sure she’ll let you burrow them for your research.” “Dammit Lyra, I told you the exact same thing yesterday!” Bon Bon facehoofed. Lyra blushed and began to look awkwardly back and forth between us. “Well yea I know, but then we wouldn’t have been able to plan our romantic kidnapping plan Bon.” She stuttered out. Bon Bon gave Lyra a soft smile and put a comforting hoof onto Lyra’s shoulder. “Lyra I know you’re trying, but.” Her gaze turned into a harsh one and her smile left her face, but her voice was still a soft gentle sound. “If it wasn’t romantic the first time, it’s not going to be romantic the second time.” “I…uh…just thought…it would be different this time…I’m sorry.” She looked down upon the ground, defeated. “Oh Lyra,” with one of her hooves she lifted up Lyra’s face so she was looking into Bob Bon’s eyes. “What am I going to do with you?” Bon Bon than gave Lyra a deep kiss. “You know this is all very sweet…and strangely arousing, but could you, you know. Untie me?” Bon Bon broke the kiss leaving a blissful looking Lyra behind, “Why of course Osaka, I’m sure…” The sound of a door opening and closing interrupted her. A white unicorn with a two toned blue mane entered the room. “Hi Bon Bon, hi Lyra, hi Osaka.” She said as she walked by us and into another part of the house. Lyra, Bon Bon, and I each exchanged looks with each other. I heard another door open and the rattle of glass against glass, a quick pop, then a door closing. After a few seconds of silence the sound of hoof steps approaching resonated in the house. The white unicorn with the two toned blue mane came back into view with a bottle of cider ahold in her magical grasp, she gave Lyra and Bon Bon both disapproving glances with her deep red eyes. “Lyra, Bon Bon, why is Osaka Jones currently tied up in Octy’s and I’s house?” she finally asked. “Hey Vinyl, I’ve been kidnapped, or I guess the correct term would be stallionnapped…I think.” “Hey OJ, but no I think it’s still called kidnapping no matter the age.” “Are you sure Vinyl? I think it is Stallionnapped, I mean Osaka isn’t really a kid,” said Lyra. “Only at heart Lyra only at heart, also technically wouldn’t it be foalnapped instead of kidnapped? I mean were not young goats.” “Eh foalnapped doesn’t really roll off the tongue that well, and I’m telling you guys it’s still called kidnapping no matter what the victim’s age is. Also Stallionnapped sounds like the title of a trashy porno novel ugh.” Vinyl shuddered “Ohh yea I dirty, filthy unicorn mare kidnaps an unassuming pegasus stallion and has her naughty way with him.” Lyra said as she started to breathe heavily, lost in her own perverted mind. “Totally going to steal that by the way,” I chimed in. “Really Osaka, that’s so…perverted and filthy…also kind of hot,” Vinyl muttered. “Hey that’s my lively hood; you know when I actually get around to writing. Also Vinyl you’re a lesbian DJ. It’s kind of odd for you to be so against perversion.” I waggled my eyebrows at her. “Hey just because I’m a DJ and a lesbian doesn’t mean I’m completely okay with porn and stuff.” Vinyl blushed. “Fair enough” “And just before he gets his release, she denies it to him. Oh she denies him. He starts to beg and moan, but his prayers go unanswered, and she loves it.” Lyra drooled unto the floor. “AHEM” Bon Bon cleared her throat loudly drawing all of our attention to her. “I think we all have gotten a little sidetracked here. Now don’t worry Vinyl, we were just about to let Mr. Jones here go. Lyra got a little over eager when he heard about his condition, and you know how very convincing she can be at times. But thanks to Osaka here she saw the error of her ways…so to speak.” “Aww, do we really have to let him go now?” Lyra asked as she grinned devilish at me, which Bon Bon whisked away with a quick smack to the back of Lyra’s head. “Yes Lyra you and Bon Bon have to let him go. I still can’t believe you guys did this after your whole debacle with kidnapping Rainbow Dash last year.” “Wait, you guys kidnapped Rainbow?” “Yea, about a year ago Rainbow Dash got infected with this brain parasite thingy and it made her think that this other worldly creature was stuck in her head. Lyra here went a little crazy like normally, and abducted her to do ‘research’. I still don’t know why they always use my house for stuff like this. There’s nothing like coming back home with your marefriend/roommate and finding a tied up Rainbow Dash in your living room.” “Huh, she never mentioned that before.” “She’s probably embarrassed by it,” said Vinyl. “I don’t see why. It’s not like I did anything bad to her.” “Lyra, when we got home, you had Rainbow’s umm ‘Rainbow’ on full display and Bon Bon was trying to get you to realize why your idea of stimulating the other worldly creature with Rainbows body, would be considered a bad idea by any sane pony. Of course that would be the moment that Princess Twilight and the rest of the Elements of Harmony busted into the house all looking quite pissed off… ” “So how’s the whole untying me going? Because you know fully exposed stallion here and once again this is all strangely arousing. Surprisingly it’s not that hard to suppress a boner as a pony, but I do have my limits.” I interrupted. Vinyl’s face turned a deep shade of red that almost matched her eyes and started to mutter underneath her breath. Lyra just stared at me with a perverted glint in her eyes. Bon Bon sighed and walked her way over to me. “Hold on Osaka, I’ll get you out of there in a sec.” A loud crash and the sound of breaking wood resonated throughout the house. Hoof steps menacingly clacked on the floor. Lyra and Bon Bon started to visibly sweat as Princess Twilight Sparkle came into view. Twilight looked around the room and her gaze lingered on Vinyl. “Did you have anything to do with this?” she asked with an arched brow. “Nope, don’t look at me Princess. I just got home from having dinner and walking Octavia to the train station when I discovered this.” exclaimed Vinyl. Twilight nodded her head and turned her gaze back to Lyra and Bon Bon. “You two are coming with me so we can have a little talk. Then I believe that Rainbow Dash would also like to have a word with you.” They both gulped as Twilight enveloped them in her magic and teleported Lyra, Bon Bon, and herself away. “Wow talk about Deja vu.” said Vinyl. “How did she know I was here?” “Silly OJ, Lyra and Bon Bon are always the first suspects when stuff like this happens and they always use Vinyl’s and Octavia’s house as there hideout, so it’s really a no brainer.” said Pinkie Pie as she pulled on the ropes that were still wrapped around me. Vinyl and I just stared at each other for a good solid minute until I spoke, “Hey Pinkie?” “Hmm?” she inquired as she finally got the ropes untied, allowing me to finally move. “How do you always just pop up out of nowhere with nopony ever seeing you?” “Oh, that’s because I worship an Elder Pony God called Surprise. She granted me the power to spontaneously transport to anywhere I want without being seen, because of my devotion to her.” She replied with a smile. I just stared at her. “I really don’t know if you’re kidding or not.” She continued to smile and then she just bounced out of the house in her usually happy go lucky way, leaving Vinyl and I with stunned looks on our faces. “That mare scares me at times.” I said. “You and me both dude.” Vinyl said. She then proceeded to slam back the bottle of cider she had neglected for so long in her magic aura. “Hey you want to hit the bar?” she asked after she finished. “I thought you would never ask.” I answered then I paused. “What about your broken front door?” “Oh I’m sure Twilight will send Spike over here soon to fix it, I mean that’s what she did last time. Now come on, I’m payin.” “Oh you’re a mare after my own heart Vinyl. Makes me wish you weren’t a lesbian.” I teased. “I know right.” She winked, and with that we left her house and into the night. It was late into the night, and Princess Twilight Sparkle was beginning to entertain the thought of calling it a night and hitting the bed. But the sound of the library door opening and closing negated that thought. “Hey Twilight I’m finally back from fixing Vinyl’s door. You still up?” called out the little dragon. “I’m in the kitchen Spike.” “So how did your lecture to Bon Bon and Lyra go?” Spike asked as he walked into the kitchen with a small backpack trailing on the floor behind him. “The usual, Bon Bon apologized profusely and Lyra just sat there lost in her own little world. I don’t think she heard a single word I said. I still don’t see what Bon Bon sees in her or how she puts up with her antics.” Twilight grumbled. “Eh, who knows.” Spike shrugged. “Oh yea, I almost forgot. A letter from Princess Luna came for you while I was out.” Spike reached into his bag and pulled out a sealed scroll. Twilight picked it up with her magic, and Spike began to walk away. “Well I’m going to go ahead and head to bed, also next time can you try and not bust down Vinyl’s door? I’m getting tired of fixing it.” Twilight paid him no attention as she unsealed the scroll and read. Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle, As per your request I have been monitoring the dreams of the individual Osaka Jones, in the hopes that his dreams may hold the key into figuring out which parts of his memories are real and which are brought on by his condition, or amnesia as you are calling it. I am saddened to say that I have failed you. Even though I have visited him every night for the past week I was unable to find anything out. For you see, he does not dream. -Princess Luna