Chapter 33: Rift.
“I never thought we’d actually be leaving...” I mumble to myself as I stare out into the black water of the Mississippi. I’m at the very front of our little boat counting down the hours on our night time dash to the portal town. Once we go through that portal, the shit is really going to hit the fan. But hey, right now I’ll just enjoy the ride.
I smile with content, shaking my wind whipped mane as Jack navigates our craft up the smooth river that runs through America’s heartland. The wet air is cool, comforting, and fills me with nostalgia. Damn, it’s really been a long time since I last went boating. Sure, back in high school Jack and I used to go every summer. But then college came and we were always just busy with things. There was always something else going on, and always something else that we had to do. Like most of the populace, we tended to just forget about the simple pleasures of life. You know, the simple things that we always just put off for later. Well, whatever, I guess we won’t be doing them anymore seeing as how we are on the way to leaving this entire world behind. It almost makes me wonder what other pleasures we had been putting off, not knowing that we’ll never again have the chance to do them again.
I smile to myself, we had some good times on this river, that’s for sure. Back in high school Jack and I would be laughing and blaring the radio as we boated. We’d talk about girls we thought were hot, and shared our dreams and plans for the future. Then we’d take turns waterskiing, laying on the deck, or just chilling drinking some cokes. Heh, that one time Jack even tried water skiing while drinking a coke. Needless to say, that didn’t end well. We never did find that bottle either...
I laugh into the damp, night air. Ah, those were the days. We were so young back then, but yet, it feels like it was only yesterday. I glance down at my pony hooves and sigh. I love being Dash, I really do. But I also loved being a human, I had a fun life, a promising life full of great friends and journeys. Having to pick between two separate lives is a decision no one should have to make. But the fact that the six of us are skimming towards the Equestria portal at fifty miles an hour tells me we all already made that choice.
A gentle voice from behind me cuts across the sound of the motor. “Dash? Darling, do you want a blanket?”
I glance behind me and see Rarity trotting up from midship. She is wrapped in a thin blanket and is carrying another one beside her in her magic. I smile at her gesture. “Thanks, Rarity, but I’m good. Pegasi are naturally pretty resistance to the cold. You know, flying at high altitudes and controlling the snow clouds and such.”
She trots up closer and sits at my side, resting her head on my shoulder. “Blankets aren’t just for heat you know, it’s also for comfort.”
“Heh, this is true. Thanks, Rarity.” I lean into her, glad she was here. A few minutes go by and we pass a small town on the left riverbank. The lights of the houses illuminate the night sky. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” I take a deep breath. “Pity we have to leave it all behind.”
A moment passes and Rarity nods. “Yes, yes it is. You know, my parents used to take me on their small yacht, we’d sail from Vancouver to Seattle.” She sighs. “The lights of Seattle’s harbor on the night sky as you sail in... it’s the most wonderful scene you could ever imagine.”
I bite my lip. “Do you wish you were back there? Do you wish none of this ever happened and you were still at home with your family?”
Rarity hums softly. “Mmm, let’s not trouble ourselves with fantasies, Dash. This is the hand we were dealt, we have to make the best of it. And besides, say what you want about how much we all lost, but at least we had one hell of a time getting here.”
“You can say that again,” I chuckle.
Rarity goes on, “I mean, sure, I could have enjoyed my life just fine if none of this ever happened. Growing old working as just another human for some art studio.” She shrugs. “I’m sure I would have a fine life if I stayed as Tom. But...”
“But if you stayed as Tom you would never have experienced learning magic, running from the police, and spearheading an exodus into another world. ”
Rarity nods in agreement. “Mmhmm, and let’s not forget... the chance to battle a malevolent, chaotic demigod in order to get revenge on him for destroying our utopian kingdom.”
I nod slowly. “Oh... I was going to say, let’s not forget ‘feeling what it's like to run around as a cute little pony’. But your answer was good, too.”
She playfully shoves me. “I was getting to that!”
“Hey, girls.” Applejack calls forward from the captain’s seat. “Go wake the others, we’re on the last mile.”
“Aww, party’s over.” I smile as we stand up and I stretch my wings, then turn back to AJ. “Do you know where to dock this thing?”
Jack shrugs. “This is a one way trip. I was thinking just beaching it on the sand on the shore. The river runs right past the school, I can set us down just a few hundred yards away from the place.”
“Sounds good. Get us in there, Captain.”
“So that’s the school, huh?” I glance over at Twilight as we trot up the river banks and towards the gloomy looking building.
She nods slowly. “This must be the place. Large complex with boarded up windows.”
“And not to mention tacky horseshoe logos all over the place,” Rarity adds.
“Great, now we just have to—.”
“Car! Get down!” I yell as I dive into the overgrown bushes with everyone else.
Pinkie sighs as we wait for the car to pass us. “You know, I don’t know about you girls, but I for one am looking forward to a time where we don’t have to hide in bushes every time we hear someone coming.”
I poke my head out of the brush and watch the car turn the corner. “Yeah, sorry about that, Pinkie. Hopefully it won’t be much longer, we just don’t want to draw any attention until everyone’s ready to go through the portal. We can’t afford getting caught now.”
Jack bites her tongue. “That’s assuming the portal is even here.”
“It is, Applejack. It has to be.” Twilight looks up at the night sky. “And the moon just hit its zenith. According to the legend, the portal just activated and will close in 72 hours.”
I glance down at the smartphone strapped to my foreleg and note the time. “Right, let’s not waste any time. Where’s the statue?”
Twilight nods. “It’s around the front of the building so—.”
“Shhhh! Quiet!” I turn around and swivel my ears towards the river.
A few seconds of dead silence pass, then Flutters speaks softly, “What is it?”
I crease my forehead. “It’s...nothing. I just thought I heard something on the river.”
Twilight clears her throat and gets back to her plan, “As I was saying. The statue should be out front, let's get around the corner of this building.”
We walk in silence and my eyes scan our surroundings. There are fake horseshoes and pictures of horses hanging all over this damn place. And for some reason, every house across the street has a custom horse shaped mailbox. “Uh, Twilight, this place creeps me the hell out.”
Rarity nods, “Yeah, I’m getting that vibe too. There’s definitely something in the air.”
Twilight trots alongside us. “The portal is open now, this is when the town experiences the most disturbances. I think everyone here can feel that, only the humans don’t know what it is.”
I smack my lips. “Man, that’s strong. I can practically taste it.”
Pinkie looks back at us, blushing “It wasn’t me this time! I swear!”
Rarity looks at her and blinks a few times. “Honestly, Pinkie... fart jokes? At a time like this?”
Jack chuckles. “Better now than in the middle of a battle with Discord I suppose.”
Fluttershy sighs and tries to get us off the subject. “So... Twilight, is this the front of the school?”
“Mmhmm!” Twilight looks around. “Looks like my predictions were correct. Now the statue should be right out in front of the main gate on our left. It has a white base and is made of marble I think.”
“Mmmm, Coach, we have a problem then.” Pinkie interrupts, waving a hoof at the front gate. “We have no statue.”
“Wait, what?” All of us turn to look at the front gate, realizing Pinkie was fully accurate in her statement. We trot forward, out of our cover, and move to the front gate where the statue clearly should have been.
“It’s supposed to be here!” I look back at the front of the school to make sure we’re at the right place, and yes, the front of the former school is unmistakable. And speaking of unmistakable, so is this giant depression in the earth that clearly used to hold a statue. “It’s as if someone picked up the statue and ran off with it.”
“It’s... gone?” Twilight sinks back on her haunches.
Pinkie scoffs, “Oh come on! Who steals a statue!? Honestly now.”
Twilight begins to panic, “No, no it’s supposed to be here! The disturbances, the town, the portal... The statue has to be here! It can’t be missing! It... it just has to be here! It’s our only way back!”
“And it’s been moved inside the field house due to repeated attempts at vandalism.” Applejacks says calmly.
Twilight’s panic attack freezes. “Wait, what? How do you know?”
“Darling, I’m guessing it says that on the plaque that she’s reading.” Rarity gestures over to a bronze plaque that AJ is inspecting at the base of where the statue clearly used to stand.
Jack nods. “It was moved indoors in 1993, I imagine that’s the field house over there.” She points a hoof at a large, blocky building across the road with the school’s name lettered across the top.
Twilight wipes the sweat off her brow. “Well, hehe, that was an unnecessary scare then. Though I suppose it’s good to hear they had to move it due to vandalism. That fits in with the theory that people are drawn to this location.”
I agree, “Yeah, and I suppose we should be thankful it’s been moved. This place is terribly exposed.” I grimace as I look around. An entire residential street has a clear view of us right now, moving our portal shenanigans inside an abandoned building sounds like a wonderful idea right about now.
Twilight calms her breathing down. “Yeah, you’re right. Fortune has smiled upon us, an outdoor portal would have been impossible to secure.”
I start trotting towards the building. “Great so let' get...” I trail off as I see something out of the corner of my eye dive into a small bush.
“Dash? Let’s get what?” Jack pokes me in the side.
I bite my tongue. “It’s nothing, nothing at all. Just thought I saw someone following us.” Even though I told them to stay home, I mumble silently.
It doesn’t take us long to enter the abandoned field house and find the statue, it’s right in the main atrium of the massive building. The six of us stand before it, not really sure how to make the first move.
“So... we just walk through the base, right?” Jack asks quietly.
I gulp. “That’s the plan all right...” I don’t want to admit it, but I am in no hurry to go through that thing. For all we know these may be our last moments alive.
Twilight steps forward and walks around the statue. “Dash, are you going to call the farm and tell them to come down here now?”
I look down at the smartphone on my foreleg and frown. “Well... we should test the portal first, right? Just make sure it works?”
Twilight looks up at the massive statue and I can hear her gulp loudly. “Y-yeah. Sure, I’ll just put a hoof through...”
“Careful, Twi.” We all watch with bated breath as Twilight steps closer and closer, then raises a foreleg and brings it towards the statue’s base. Closer, closer....
*PLINK*, Twilight’s hoof hits rock solid marble. She takes a step back in confusion. “Uh... maybe this is the wrong side?”
“Aww, bummer.” Pinkie whines as Twilight tries, and fails to find a portal entrance on any side of the statue.
We all start to exchange nervous glances with each other and Fluttershy speaks up. “Umm... maybe it’s not open yet? Is the time right? Or maybe the date is wrong?”
“The date is correct! So is the time!” Twilight snaps, clearly under stress. “It’s supposed to be open! We can feel the aura in the town! It has to be open! Come on, where are you portal!”
Jack rubs her chin. “Maybe it’s because the statue was moved? Maybe the portal-thingy didn’t get moved with the statue, and it’s still linked to grass outside?”
Twilight buries her face in her hooves. “That’s a good idea AJ, but no, that’s not how this portal works.”
I raise an eyebrow. “And you’re an expert of the inner workings of intergalactic portals now, missy?”
She runs her hooves through her mane and takes a deep breath. “Yeah, about that. I’ve been thinking about it for the past week or so, Dash. I’m pretty sure this isn’t a cosmic portal, and I’m pretty sure Equestria is not across the galaxy, it’s right here. It’s like an alternate version of Earth, a parallel universe of sorts.”
The five of us shared a confused look and turn back to Twilight. “Come again?”
She waves a hoof at us. “It’s the only thing that makes sense. If magic exists there and the sun and moon aren't controlled by gravity, well then Equestria isn’t anywhere in our universe. The only logical explanation is it’s some sort of alternate reality, that’s right here. It’s Earth, just not our Earth.” She takes a deep breath. “Like I said a few days ago, coincidences usually mean something is going on behind the scenes. We’ve had a lot of coincidences these past few weeks, but the biggest one is the fact Equestria Girls takes place in the same world where Discord exiled us too. That’s a really odd coincidence, don’t you think? Why send us to the only world that also has a handy mirror that links it with Equestria?”
Fluttershy looks down. “Because... he didn’t have a choice?”
I narrow my eyes. “Wait, you're saying Discord knows there is a portal that leads back to Equestria? He knows we can use this mirror to go home? We’d be walking into a death trap!”
Twilight raises a hoof. “Calm down, and no, I don’t think he knows about this mirror. What we know is that our two worlds are linked, they exist like two sides of one piece of paper. The creatures on one side can’t see the other, but on rare occasion powerful magic pushes through to the other side. I think it’s quite possible that Discord’s curse just flipped us to the other side of that ‘paper’, but he probably has no ideas what’s over here. He just shoved us here, knowing that we’d be isolated away from his new kingdom. But if we’re lucky...” Twilight gazes back at the statue. “...there are other holes in the paper, and this portal is the main one. ”
“But it’s not open!” I wave my forehooves in the air. “Your science lecture is fantastic Twilight. Really, five stars out of five, would come again... but come on, how does any of that matter if the portal is sealed!”
Twilight makes her way closer to the statue. “That’s the thing, you can’t just seal something like that. The portal is built into the very fabric of our universes, it’s probably older than the planet. The portal is still here... I think it’s just not active because someone blocked one of the exits. You know? Like if someone painted a light bulb black and turned it on; it would still turn on and work like normal, but from the outside it looks like it's off!”
AJ pokes me in the side. “Dash, um, is Twilight going crazy, or is that just me?”
I look over and see Twilight place her forehooves on the marble statue. She starts to charge her horn and begins hitting the marble with her hoof. “Come on! Open! Open you stupid thing! Unblock yourself, I know you can do it! Work with me, statue! Come on!”
I bite my tongue and nod at AJ, then step forward towards the clearly deranged Twilight. “Look, you tried, we all tried, but it’s not open Twilight. I’m sorry.”
She continues slamming her hoof into the marble base, and begins firing off random spells at it as well. “OPEN UP! I KNOW YOU’RE HERE PORTAL. JUST OPEN UP!”
I duck as random bursts of purple magic begin to fly off of her horn. “Twilight! Stop, random magic isn’t just going to open—.”
I’m knocked off my hooves as a cyan colored blast comes off the statue base and disorients me. “Gah! Is everyone okay?!” I scramble back up and blink to clear my eyes, half expecting Discord himself to have just burst from the statue.
“Wait, is that....” Fluttershy trails off.
I squint at the cyan colored image floating in front of us. It not Discord at all, in fact, it’s not even real. It looks like a hologram of--
“Sunset Shimmer?” Twilight takes a step forward and waves her hoof through the hologram of the yellow and red pony. The image of Sunset shimmers as Twilight’s hoof moves through it. “What is this, some kind of recording? I triggered it?”
Pinkie trots up to the hologram of Sunset and clops her hooves excitedly. “Oh I saw a movie about these. ‘Help me Sunset Shimmer. You’re our only hope’!”
Sunset pays it no attention to her, or any of us, and starts talking while looking no where in particular: “Hello? Twilight? I can only assume you’re the one that gets this message. If you are hearing this, then the rumors are true and you and your allies were exiled to Earth. That would be truly terrible, terrible news, and I’m sorry I wasn’t there to help defend you and Celestia when Discord attacked. I should have been there, together maybe we could have...” The hologram stops to swallow a lump in her throat. “No, there’s no time to regret such things. Look, Twilight, I came back to Equestria as soon as I felt something was wrong, but as you know, this portal only opens every 30 moons. By the time I made it to Equestria, it was far too late. Discord appears to have taken complete control over much of the land.”
She pauses and looks over her shoulder at something. “I... I don’t have much time. Discord will be able to sense my magic, and he’ll realize I just mysteriously arrived out of nowhere. He will come to investigate. And that’s, well, that’s why I’m leaving this message.” She pauses and licks her lips nervously. “Look, Twilight, if you’re hearing this message that’s terrible because it means he got to you... but it also means we have a chance. Discord doesn’t know about the portal linking our worlds, its magic is even older than he is, and it’s been kept a secret for countless millennia. I think he sent you all over there thinking it’s a one way ticket, but this mirror should be able to bring you all back.”
I roll my eyes at the hologram. “No shit, Sherlock. We figured that out a while ago. Could have used your advice a few weeks ago though.”
Jack nudges me in the ribs to shut me up, and we focus back on the recording of Sunset as she talks again. “The only problem is, Discord is going to wonder where I came from. I’d run back through the portal to hide on Earth, but it’s too late, he knows I was here at this location. If I run away, he’ll find the portal and it will fall under his control. I’m, well, I’m not going to run and let that happen. I’ll go out and let him capture me here in Equestria. He’ll probably torture me to get the answer about where I came from too... But the portal has to remain a secret. It’s your only way back. No matter what the cost, I can’t let him find this mirror. And there’s only one thing I can do to prevent him from finding it...”
Twilight’s eyes light up and she nods to the recording. “Destroy it.”
Not a moment later, the recording of Sunset mimics her. “I have to destroy the mirror. Don’t worry though, the portal shouldn’t be harmed, it will just be blocked for now since this exit is broken. You will be able to fix it from your end easily enough when the time comes. Just place your horn to the stone statue, and focus your mind on another large mirror in Equestria. It doesn’t matter what mirror, any mirror in Equestria will work if it’s big enough. Just make sure you have a clear image of it in your head, then touch your horn to this stone. Your magic should be able guide the portal to that new mirror, and the portal will snap to it and reestablish the physical link between our worlds. It will be a magnet snapping onto a steel plate, all you have to do it guide it close.”
Sunset gives a nod to no one in particular. “Hopefully you get this soon and arrive before Discord consolidates his power. There are plenty of ponies still trying to put up a fight, your arrival would really change the tides. Just remember, when you arrive, you must—.” A sudden crash is heard behind Sunset and she winces at the noise. “Shit! His minions are upstairs, I don’t have any time left. I have to break this end! I pray that you get this message somehow Twilight. We’re all counting on you!” The image of Sunset shows her horn light up and a snapping crash is heard. A half second later the deafening crash gets cut off abruptly, and the cyan aura, her image, and the entire hologram vanishes in half of a blink.
The six of us stand there for a few seconds, and I clear my throat. “Well... that was nice of her.”
“Not really.” Twilight says plainly. “We’re screwed.”
Meanwhile, Rarity scoffs loudly at Twilight. “Now, come on Twilight, pay your respects to her! She literally just gave her life in order to give us this chance! Discord probably did terrible things to her because she chose to hide this gem for us to find. Now, we all know our encounter with Discord won’t be easy, but come on now. Be grateful for what we were just given.”
AJ pats Twilight on the back. “Yeah! And besides, we know how to fix the portal now!”
Twilight raises her eyebrows sarcastically. “Do we though?”
“Why yes, we uh...” AJ stammers, “You know, the ‘think of another mirror’ and touch the horn thing that Sunset just told us.”
Twilight points a hoof at the statue. “Yes, right, go on then. Focus clearly on another mirror in Equestria. You know, all those mirrors in Equestria that we still have a memory of...”
I facehoof. “Oh... shit. We don’t know what any other mirrors look like. Sunset never realized we got our memories wiped.”
Fluttershy paws a hoof at the ground. “She also didn’t seem to realize it would take us twenty five years to get here, not that it really matters I guess.”
Twilight paces. “This can’t be happening, the final piece of the puzzle is right here, but none of us have the knowledge to use it. The only mirrors I can think of are the ones from the cartoon, but those were just artist renditions, we need a definitive memory of a real mirror! But we don’t have any memories...”
“Twilight. Stop.” I hold up a hoof, smiling as I think back to the group that was following us outside. “We’re fine, fate has actually smiled upon us for once.”
I smirk. “We’ve been followed this entire time.” I turn around to face the dark entrance of the building, then clear my throat before yelling, “SWEETIE BELLE! SCOOTALOO!”
My voice echos off the walls, and a few seconds later we hear the quiet pitter patter of tiny hooves of the CMC emerge from their hiding place. Applebloom sheepishly lowers her ears. “Aww, were we really that obvious?”
I roll my eyes. “Even if I didn’t hear you guys behind us on the way here, I half assumed you would have been here anyway. I mean, the CMC not following us and getting into trouble? Come on now.”
Sweetie laughs nervously. “So, you’re not mad?”
I wave a hoof. “A little, but forget about it. You might be our only key to getting back. You told me before that you somehow have memories from your old life in Equestria, you don’t by chance remember any mirrors in Ponyville, do you?”
Twilight steps forward. “Wait, she has memories of Equestria? What? What didn’t anyone tell me!? That’s amazing!”
Applejack licks her lips nervously. “Look, Twilight, it’s complicated. Can we not get into this right now? The portal timer is counting down.”
“Right, right, sorry I just was... wow.” Twilight shakes her head. “Fine, Applejack is right, now is not the time to discuss it. Let’s focus one thing at a time here. Can you clearly remember any mirrors?”
Sweetie Belle nods slowly and looks at Rarity. “My sister had lots of them in Carousel Boutique. The best bet is probably the one deep in the basement.” Sweetie pauses to nod to herself. “There was a deep cellar of sorts where Rarity kept old dresses. On the wall, at the very bottom, there was a giant, dusty ol’ mirror.”
We all exchange glances with each other, and Applebloom speaks up, “Do you think that’ll work?”
All eyes fall on Twilight, and she shrugs. “Hey, don’t ask me. For once you all know just as much as I do here. We all heard the same message from Sunset.”
Sweetie takes a few steps closer to the statue. “So, should I just try it then?”
Twilight nods. “Sure, it’s worth a shot at any rate.”
Sweetie Belle nods, then looks up at the massive statue of the horse. She shakes her head slowly. “I always hated that movie...” A moment later she closes her eyes and rests a hoof the marble base.
“Focus Sweetie Belle!” The CMC begin to yell words of encouragement. “You can do it!”
Twilight hushes them, “Girls, quiet! Let her think.”
The room quickly gets deathly quiet, and we all watch with baited breath. Sweetie’s horn begins to glow green, and she slowly brings it to the stone. After what feels like an eternity, her horn touches the statue base.
Sweetie face scrunches with concentration, and I silently pray, “Come on, filly.” Not a moment later, I begin to feel the hairs on my neck get prickly as the room fills with static.
“Nnngyah, almost... got.... it...” Sweetie’s voice waivers.
I take a step back as I feels unnatural waves of energy radiate off the statue. Then suddenly, it happens. There’s a hazy flash and a sudden snapping, popping noise that radiates outward knocking Sweetie Belle off her hooves and sending her flying away from the statue base.
“Sweetie Belle!” The CMC all run over to her. “Are you okay?”
Lying on her back, she coughs softly, then raises a hoof triumphantly. “Got it... portal’s open.”
All eyes move to the statue, which from this distance looks exactly the way it always did. None of us dare to move, and Twilight bites her hoof. “Is it true? Is it really open? I’m scared to test—.”
“Dibs!” Pinkie bounces happily towards it.
“Pinkie, wait!” half of us cry in unison. Pinkie bounces right up to the statue, stopping just inches away from the marble base. She looks at it for a few seconds and tilts her head. We all hold our breath as Pinkie raises a hoof...
“Boop!” Pinkie boops the marble, but her hoof passes right through the stone, causing it to shimmer like water.
Jack takes off her hat. “Sweet Celestia... it worked.”
I gulp nervously. “We did it guys, we found a way home.”
“That’s great, but, um...” Fluttershy gulps. “Please tell me I’m not the only one scared out of my mind right now.”
“You’re definitely not alone Flutters.” Jack nods slowly. “We all know what’s waiting for us on the other side of that portal, and it’s time to face it.”
Rarity narrows her eyes. “I can’t help but feel like we are all woefully unprepared to fight anyone, let alone a demigod of chaos. Do we even have a single plan to fight this guy?”
“We won’t be alone.” I turn to the smartphone strapped to my leg. “Time to call up the cavalry, we’ll have an army backing us up in there once I call the farm.”
“Wait.” Twilight takes a step forward. “I want to test it first. Just a quick in and out of the portal to make sure this isn’t an instant death trap.” She steps closer to the portal.
“Is that really a good idea Twilight?” Fluttershy bites her hoof. “Sunset said Discord felt her magic presence when she arrived. You might tip off Discord if you suddenly arrive, and then suddenly disappear. Don’t we need, you know, the element of surprise and stuff?”
Applejack waggles a hoof at her. “Fluttershy has a point, you can’t go through the portal until it’s time to attack, Twilight.”
“Well we gotta test it once before we send a thousand ponies through,” Twilight sighs.
I step forward “I volunteer! I’ll go. Just in and out, I’ll be back in like, eleven seconds flat.”
Scootaloo whines. “What? Eleven seconds flat? Come on Dash!”
I bite my tongue. “Hehe, quiet Scoots, this is serious.” I glance back at Twilight. “I don’t have a horn, so I shouldn’t give off a magical signature or whatever Discord senses. I think it’s worth the risk to test the portal, right?”
Twilight scratches her neck with a hoof. “Yeah, I don’t like it, but we need to test it. Goodluck in there, and come back as fast as you can.”
“Got it, sister.” I take off my smartphone and pass it to her, then step closer to the portal. I test it cautiously with one hoof. “Hey, um, doesn’t this portal change creatures into ponies when they go through to Equestria? Won’t that get really screwed up if a pony enters it from this side?”
Twilight shrugs. “I have no idea. I don’t think it will do anything to be honest, you’re already a pony, it can’t change you into something you already are.”
“Right...” I gulp as I nervously look into the shimmering portal.
“Scared, Dash?” Applejack smirks.
“N-no, just waiting a few s-seconds that’s all.” My wavering voice failing me.
“Come on, in and out, quick quick!” Pinkie claps her hooves. “You can do it, Dashie!”
I gulp and nod. “Fine, here we go, on three. One...”
“Be safe in there!”
“...Three!” I jump forward, wondering if it will be the last thing I do alive.
“Good luck iiiiiiinnn::::::~~~----.....”Twilight’s voice becomes distorted and it stretches out behind me as I pass through the portal. I cry out as I feel the portal grab my body and compress and spin me around and around violently. I immediately lose all sense of up and down, and I feel myself get squeezed though an opening that feels ten sizes too small for me. In the middle of it all, my vision goes black.
I blink into the dark, dusty room. I’m alive? Was I unconscious? I cough and get up on my hooves, mentally checking to make sure everything was still in place on my body. I glance back at the dirty mirror I came out of, and see my normal reflection of Rainbow Dash looking back at me. Good, the portal didn’t change me at all, which I guess makes sense. I snake my head to focus on my current mission, and I quickly look around the dusty room I landed in.
I’m definitely in some sort of basement or cellar, and it’s nearly pitch black in here. Man, it looks like no one’s been through this room in decades. I’m extremely tempted to go climb those stairs and look out a window... but no, I need to get back to Earth right now. Every second here might be giving away this position. I take a deep breath, happily savoring my first real taste of Equestrian air after being away for so long. It tastes... like an old basement. I wrinkle my nose in disappointment. Right, time’s up, let’s get back to Earth. I clamber towards the mirror and trot through the portal once more.
“Urgh...” I feel the cold ground below me. “Remind me to give this portal a bad review on Google Maps, it’s like getting punched in the gut every time you use it.” I shake the hair out of my eyes and blink to clear my vision.
“Holy crap, you’re...” Twilight comes up to me, her eyes as wide as dinner plates.
I raise an eyebrow “What’s the problem? I’m back. What, did expect me to not return or something?” I sit up, shivering. Damn, it got really cold in this place.
Rarity trots towards me. “Dash, darling, you’re um... human.”
“Wat.” I glance down through my long brown hair and look at my hands, momentarily forgetting I’m supposed to have hooves. “Oh... fuck. I should have seen this coming.”
Twilight raises eye eyebrows. “Looks like the portal just makes your body fit your destination.”
I rub my forearms with my hands to warm up, realizing I’m also naked. That makes sense, but I guess it’s a minor detail the movie neglected to show happen to Twilight. “Well, at least I’m colored like a normal human and not skinned blue like that stupid movie.”
“So, this is good news, right?” Fluttershy looks around at the others, unsure of herself.
I stand up and stretch, brushing my long hair out of my eyes and trying to get used to being bipedal again. “Sure thing, Fluttershy. This is great news, it means when this is over we’ll have the option to come back to Earth as humans.”
Jack trots to the front of the pony crowd to get a look at me. “Thank god for that, I’ve been dreaming of the chance to turn back into a guy and—.” Jack freezes as she gets a view of my body. “Wait a second are you... Really? Really!? Arrgh! Come on, couldn't it just turn us back into our original bodies? Would that have been too much to ask for!?”
Twilight points a hoof at me while talking to Jack. “You’re looking the true human version of Rainbow Dash. What did you expect Rainbow Dash to look like?" Twilight gives me a soft smile, “Sorry, Dash, I'm afraid your original human body is gone for good. But don't worry, you look really good in this one. Lots of people would kill to have a body like that.”
“What do you mean?” I tilt my head. “What's changed from my original human self? Do I still have wings or something?” I spin in place, trying to figure out what was different from my old body. I feel normal though, I mean, I’m a caucasian human of normal size.
“I wish I had a camera right now, this is priceless.” Scootaloo and the CMC start to giggle.
“Come on, tell me, what is it? What’s changed?” I throw up my arms in desperation... feeling a strange bounce on my chest as I do so.
Twilight blushes and looks at the ground. “You’re uh... Well, Dash, you're still female.”
“Wha...?” I look down at my naked chest and see two large, perky mounds. I was so used to my gender as a pony that it took me a moment to remember that as a human I wasn't normally female.
“Hehe.” Pinkie snorts. “Nice boobs.”
I blush and cross my legs and cover my chest with my arms. "Ah, jeez! Rarity, pass me a blanket!”
“If you insist.” Rarity says softly, but magics over a large blanket for me to cover myself in. “You know, we've seen you naked as a pony these past few weeks. I hardly see the need to cover yourself just because you're human now.”
“This is different, Rarity!” I struggle to tie the blanket around me so it covers my chest. “It just feels creepy to be carrying around these things out in the open.”
“Oh please, we're all girls here. Maybe you're just insecure in their size?” Pinkie starts to grin wide. “I bet my set would be bigger than yours if I go through the portal and come back out.”
I find myself blushing. “Pinkie!”
Sweetie Belle snickers. “Well, technically, if the fanon was correct then hers would be bigger, and Applejack would have the biggest of them all. Or maybe that is Fluttershy?”
I bury my face in my hands. “This discussion isn’t happening right now.”
AJ groans. “Yeah, so I’m just gonna say right now that I’m never going to come back through that portal if it means I end up as a blonde with a big rack.”
Rarity giggles slightly, then nods. “That’s quite understandable AJ, breasts up on the chest look so tacky, I don’t know whose idea it was to put them there on humans.” She waves a hoof at my perky mounds. “Look at how silly those look on her!”
I groan, “Can we just hurry up and get this suicide mission over with?” I had been totally fine with my female pony body. But an actual girl’s body... gah. This is just creepy.
Twilight smirks. “It’s going to take quite a few hours for the backup to arrive, better get comfy with that body of yours, woman.”
I groan, “Urgh, Discord, just kill me now... please.”