Ivory Scroll looked at her paperwork and simply sighed. She could feel the weight of the work crushing on her, like that other clerk that had started to go insane. Nothing for it but for another list.
"All work and no play makes Ivory Scroll a dull mare. All work and no play makes Ivory Scroll a dull mare. All work and no play makes-"
Whang.
Time Turner looked at the slumbering body of Ivory Scroll, and spat out the frying pan.
"Right, let's get some of this done. Sweet dreams, Ivory."
Ponyville citizens were greeted with another long list of things that they were specifically forbidden to do. Ivory Scroll slumped down at the base of the wall she'd hammered it into, slumbering with the most peaceful expression on her face. After making sure that she was back in her house safely, Twilight Sparkle looked around.
"Okay, I read the last two lists. Anypony else want to make a try of it?" Everypony mumbled vague dissent. Spike raised his claw.
"I can do it!" Twilight smiled and levitated him onto her back so that he could get a better view of the list.
101: Please don't complain about the spontaneus combustion of Twilight affecting your business. She tries to keep it under control.
Spike raised an eyebrow.
"What on Equestria's that about, Twilight?" She blushed and avoided eye contact.
102: Crystal ponies are not actually made of crystal, Rarity and Spike.
103: Rainbow Dash makes a valid point. From now on, ponies are only allowed to buy a maximum of 5 apple ciders during cider season, unless you're willing to pay double.
Pinkie Pie collapsed.
"But... my cider needs... FIVE IS NOT ENOUGH!" Applejack looked on with an amused eye.
"Well, maybe this year other ponies'll get some, Pinkie." Pinkie's mane deflated and darkened.
"But I'm not Generosity! Aw..."
104: That said, Pinkie, you win. You may have your 'Pie Party' on the date that you set up.
"Yay!" Her mane poofed back up to be even frizzier than ever. Spike and Twilight mutually shrugged and continued reading.
105: Spike is no longer allowed to compete in bake sales. Your Sapphire and Vanilla cake was inedible by pony standards.
"Aw man!" Spike grumbled, pouting moodily.
106: Discord, don't try to help the Cutie Mark Crusaders get their Cutie Marks with any more of the following things: rubber chickens, mining explosives, opera, fossils in the shape of a helix or dome, or houses.
"You're no fun, Ivory. No fun at all." Discord moped in mid-air.
107: Discord, when you're complaining, don't make your entire sheet just say UP UP9 ANARCHY B9 PRAISE HELIX GUYS WE NEED TO MILK WHITNEY, etc. The fact that you are writing in crayon makes it even harder to read.
108: To Solaire of Astora: Please stop stealing lightbulbs and claiming them as your 'Suns.'
109: Stop writing your complaint forms in the following substances: crayon, mud, blood, pus, lemon juice, crushed ants and paint. Discord is exempt from this rule, as he would do so anyway.
"You are such a party pooper, Ivory." Discord clacked his eagle talon idly.
110: Please stop complaining about the lack of Internet, humans. We don't have your super-advanced technology that can send messages across the globe faster than Rainbow Dash can boast.
111: As Mr and Mrs Cake have explained to new ponies thousands of times, Sugarcube Corner is not actually either made of gingerbread or sugarcubes. Please stop complaining about chipping a tooth on the building.
112: Planeswalkers are not to be bothered at all. They are incredibly powerful.
113: Stop sending me requests to have the post of 'Ponyville Official Pimp' even made. Why would you want this?
114: If a human asks you to play Dwarf Fortress or Dark Souls you say no.
115: Don't complain that you can't take superpowers from the Power Ponies comics.
116: Similarly, don't abandon your house just to live in the comic 24/7. You have a family.
117: Humans are to stop taking pornographic comics to the enchanter who makes them to try and get sexual relief that way. Your god made you with hands for a reason.
118: Next time, Time Turner, when your identical twin Doctor Whooves comes to visit, warn ponies. The stallion is a repeated sex offender in a blue box.
Time Turner winced at that, discreetly checking his diary to find when his brother was next coming to visit.
119: I don't care if you have a good reason, you DON'T use dynamite to clean your toilet of stubborn stains.
120: The Cutie Mark Crusaders are to never be allowed within 12 feet of toilet cleaning products. Let's just leave it at that.
121: Humans are to stop trying to get members of the Elements of Harmony sexually or romantically interested with other members of the Elements or other ponies. These attempts always end badly.
122: Given the recent influx of humans coming here dressed up and then spontaneously going, for want of a better word, 'evil,' Elements of Harmony are reminded to fire Elements first, ask questions later.
123: Manticores are not pets, Fluttershy.
124: Neither are changelings.
125: Neither is a sentient tree. Fluttershy, where did you even FIND a sentient tree?
126: Cake is not a suitable building material. I had to shoot Mr and Mrs Cake down from making their bakery out of gingerbread because customers would have eaten the whole thing within days. Plus, cake has a tendency to go off.
127: 'But my fanfic had it' is no excuse. Just because your protagonist who looked suspiciously similar to you found a magical katana made of the seventh Element of Harmony, Awesomeness, doesn't mean that you will find it.
128: Stop saying, 'Shrek is love. Shrek is life.' It's getting creepy.
129: Stop requesting a tannery, creepy ponies. It'll stink to high heaven.
130: From here on out, if you make your request sheet into a paper airplane and then throw it at my head because you're bored, it goes straight to the furnace.
131: The same goes for tearing it up and sticking it to your eyelids and tongue.
132: I will, however, make an exception for origami cranes, provided that they're done by hoof.
133: Discord, the first time you did 'The Harlem Shake,' it was funny. The second, third, and fiftieth times were not. Plus, it's getting... predictable.
"OH YOU-" Discord was reduced to sucking his thumb and rocking back and forth in the air like a baby being told that he has to make the airplane go into his own mouth. Fluttershy tried to comfort him as Spike continued.
134: DJ P0N-3 dropping an actual bass was funny the first time, not the one after that.
135: To the Apple family: Your marketing decisions for cider look like they were made by a cat.
Applejack shiftily fed a small cat with a smug grin on its face.
136: Discord, cheese is not an acceptable paper to write complaints on.
137: To the ponies who keep sending me requests to 'come in like a wrecking ball:' not interested, and I'm too old for that.
138: Disco is officially dead. Stop complaining that the local discotheque is shut down.
139: Doctor Ironhooves' mane is NOT a muffin.
140: Twilight's coronation was a surprise to us all. Please stop sending me requests to buy a pole and firewood to burn her, humans. She earned the right to call herself Princess.
141: How many times do I have to say this, MY NAME IS IVORY SCROLL, NOT MAYOR MARE.
142: Stop sending me a whole book of complaints. I don't have the time or patience to burrow through your epic novel.
143: Please stop giving me advice on how to retain my youth. I know that I need to stop being so stressed out.
144: In retrospect, this one was obvious: Stop complaining about Spike's terrible moonlight serenades of Rarity. If you feel that it's too much, try to stop the practically invulnerable dragon who can teleport you to Celestia.
"I resent that." Spike rubbed his chin. Although... maybe he should actually practice his songs. Or learn how to play the guitar.
145: Spike, stop complaining about the lack of lavabaths at the spa. Not everybody has scales that make them almost impervious to all forms of damage.
"Oh come on! I have to go like twelve miles for a decent lava bath!" Spike stared into other ponies' eyes. "What? It's perfectly- okay, okay, I'll keep reading."
146: The proper response to evil invading dark lords scheming to take over the world is to scream in terror, not offer them tea and a biscuit. Sure, it confuses the hell out of them, but sometimes it just annoys them. Just look at that Jason fellow.
147: ATTENTION ALL: Fluffle Puff is to be given the Derpy, Discord and Pinkie Pie policy: They're weird, uncontrollable forces of nature, but they mean well.
"Pbttfh."
Spike looked at the huge mass of pink fur.
"Uh, sure. Whatever."
148: Don't complain when you feed your mogwais after midnight. In fact, tell us so that we can deal with them.
149: When Celestia appears, the proper response is to be polite, or bow. It is NOT an excuse to run amock.
150: Finally, PLEASE give me at least a day to get my head in order. I need sleep.
Spike finished reading.
"Huh. Guess we should probably stop sending her requests and stuff." The other ponies had the good grace to look ashamed.
After a glorious two days of doing nothing, Ivory Scroll felt as if she could tackle any amount of paperwork. Looking at the mountain of requests and complaints that greeted her, she smiled and got to work, only the faintest twitch in her eye giving any indication of her mental strain.