//------------------------------//
// Hackers and Glitches 
// Story: Patch Day 
// by unknown2 
//------------------------------//

	Well that Moon battle was… strange. And it cost me about 10,000 credits. Oh well, nothing a good match in a T-34 can’t fix!
What?
Oh great, ANOTHER map that the developers forgot to put into their patch notes? And what kind of a name is “Ponyville?” Let me guess, we’re going to see more of those horse things that got too much money put into them? But I better not see any more of those winged unicorn things. At tier 5… that’s a one shot kill every 5 seconds! 
An evenly balanced team? With my tier as the top one? Why can’t MM make one of those every time? 
Well, this is… surreal.	
Floating, upside down houses? Pink clouds raining some brown liquid? One of those horses running vertically? It’s like the guy in charge of map design took some hallucinogens and made a map based on what he saw. And then it got accidently put into the patch! Yeah, that’s the likeliest explanation. I’m sure this will be fixed… eventually.
I think I’ll stick to our KV-1 and go to the right flank.
Odbal(KV-1) was destroyed by veraks(Birch Gun)
veraks(Birch Gun) was destroyed by odbal(KV-1)
DAFUQ JUST HAPPENED?!
Seriously, were did that Birch Gun come out of? Wait, what if an arty fired an arty? :)

***

Meanwhile…
Ok, this looks like a nice spot.
…Were those ballerina buffalo?
What is that thing next to my arty? It’s like some Frankenstein thing made out of animal body parts and…
Did it just eat my arty? And why does it remind me of a cannon all of a sudden… and…
I’m flying?! Great, I am so dead when I hit the ground. This is BS! I came here to kill tanks, not get shot out of weird things! I quit!
At least I killed a KV-1.

***

Oh yeah, this was a glitch! I remember seeing videos about tanks that got launched into the air randomly due to some bug! But wasn’t it fixed? Apparently not.
Still, this is bad. We just lost our only tier 5 heavy.
Oh well, at least I have an M4 Sherman and a pair of Hetzers to help me out on this flank.
Wait… Hetzers. And they have the derp guns! Well, maybe this won’t be so bad after all!
Is that a road with bubble up ahead? Oh well, still not as strange as floating houses.
Why is my tank going at 5 km/hour on this road? And why is it sinking? What, is the road made of soap?
Appears to be one of those suicidal “scouts” heading toward us. A tier 4 Chinese rip-off? A few hits from my gun should take care of this.
Hmm, no damage. At least I destroyed the track. Second shot.
Gryphane(M5A1) was destroyed by primah21(Hetzer)
Looks like one of the Hetzers beat me to it.
Well, now that I got out of the soap road and the others are still stuck, I should advance. Nothing wrong with that idea whatsoever.
"Hey, why are my tracks made of cookies?"
Wut?
Some enemy tanks up ahead! Let’s see, an M7, and…
Oh, please no. An AT-2. My gun can’t pen that… THING. Even if I aim for the cupola. Well, time to take cover behind this diamond shaped boulder. Why not?
Looks like the Hetzers have got out of the trap and want to try to damage it. WHY WOULD YOU USE AP AGAINST AN AT2? OF COURSE IT WOULD JUST BOUNCE OFF! At least the other one is smart enough to use HE. Although 40 damage doesn’t make much of a difference.
Hmm, the AT2 is chipping away at one of the hetzers.  Might as well take a shot while he is distracted. Of course it bounced off. Was I expecting anything else.
Looks like the Hetzer is going to make it to cover behind me in one of those craters below a floating house with about 60 health left!
Laeya(Hetzer) was destroyed by SturmPanzr(M7)
Or not. Hey, why am I not focusing on the M7?
There, getting hit by the Sherman and me is sending him back to cover.
And now that the AT-2 is focusing on me, I should get back to cover.
What’s that weird creature next to my tank?
Hey, get off my tank! Why are you waving that sword around? Where did that hat come from?
Whatever. It’s just a dumb visual effect and…
Why is my tank going out of cover? Why aren’t my controls responding? At least the AT-2 is distracted by the other Hetzer and Sherman. Wait, don’t charge at the AT-2 in a T-34! Its suicide!
Uh oh, looks like he noticed it. Well, looks like another game lost. Is my tank still not responding to the controls? 
Apparently so.
Well, it looks like I’m about to ram it. It’s actually surprising that the tank got this close with 100 health left. Why did it stop just in front of the AT-2? There goes another 80 health.
…What is that thing doing with its sword?
	TehRustay(AT-2) was destroyed by Discord(Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony)
What?
Ow crap, the M7 is about to finish me off…
A RICOCHET! YES! THANK YOU RNG!
Now when I return the favor, he’s not so lucky.
Oh hey, that thing just disappeared.
"TehRustah(AT-2): Hacker! I'm reporting!"
Yeah, whatever.
Also, is it me, or is the enemy’s T1 Heavy driving up vertically near the middle of the map? Some sort of bug?
Oh well, free damage for everyone!
Let’s see, so that’s 11>10 in our favor. We could actually win this!
By the way, why is there a giant rainbow beam right in the center of the map?
It’s now splitting off and descending on the rest of the map. Meh, who cares?
Why is my tank suddenly all grey? And how come the kill feed is now listing a bunch of names?
What, is the battle over already?
…
…
A DRAW? HOW IS THAT A DRAW? WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT BOTH SIDES HAD ALL THEIR TANKS DESTROYED? THIS IS BS!
I’m going to go rant on the forums about glitches and stupid gimmicks!

Wait, that sequence when my tank charged forward and the animal jigsaw puzzle was waving  sword around reminds me of something…