//------------------------------// // Chapter 4 // Story: Mail Order Orphan // by kudzuhaiku //------------------------------// It was pleasant outside, the shadows from the Everfree lengthening in the afternoon light. The foal seemed to be enjoying herself, laying in the grass and watching clouds. She was smiling, a terrifying sight, her tiny maw full of needle-like teeth. Fluttershy was content. There has been another little fanny burp, blue flames and all, and Fluttershy had done her best to praise the foal and encourage her to do it outside. The black scorch mark in the grass nearby being the only real damage. The foal seemed to understand that her emissions were dangerous, Fluttershy could only imagine what might have happened in the orphanage. The foal was genuinely terrified of her own flaming blasts, and Fluttershy’s encouragement had done wonders. Potty goes in the “pee pot” and “fanny burps” go outside. The foal had seemed to get some sense of understanding of this, staring up at Fluttershy wide eyed, ears forward, an attentive look on her face. “HIYA!” Said a voice directly behind her. Fluttershy nearly swallowed her own tongue as she sucked in her breath sharply. “P-P-Pin-Pinkie Pie you shouldn’t scare ponies like that…” Fluttershy stammered. “When I heard I came. I couldn’t help it! I couldn’t wait for the others. I’m sorry!” She paused and drew in a long breath. “What is she?” Pinkie snorted for punctuation. “Have a pacifier!” She held out a pacifier with her hoof. The foal looked at the pacifier, sat up, leaned in, and sniffed it. Her ears fell back against her head, ruffling her feathers. Her nose crinkled slightly. Her lips parted, and her forked tongue darted out, licking the pacifier once, then twice. And then her tongue coiled around the pacifier, snatching it away, where it disappeared into her mouth. There was a faint crunching sound. “You ate the pacifier!” Pinkie exclaimed. “She ate the pacifier! Is that safe?” A look of concern shadowed Pinkie’s face. Her muzzle scrunched. “She was eating spoons earlier.” Fluttershy commented casually, as if this was something she said every day. “And apple butter.” She paused… “Oh, and when I brought her outside, she ate a mossy rock.” Pinkie began to bounce in place. “Have another pacifier!” She held out her hoof, another pacifier held out, brought out seemingly from nowhere. The foal’s tongue shot out, snatched the offered pacifier, and made it disappear. “That’s adorable!” Pinkie exclaimed in a loud voice. Unable to contain her excitement, Pinkie snatched up the foal in her forelegs and began to bounce and dance around on her hind hooves. “You’re adorable!” Pinkie blurted out, dancing around, and making the foal giggle. “Don’t shake her too much,” Fluttershy warned. “She’s a little gassy.” “Gassy is OK!” Pinkie said enthusiastically. “Nothing wrong with a little fart!” Fluttershy scowled, and was unsure of what to do next, warn or scold. “Fart!” The foal said. Fluttershy’s scowl intensified. “Pinkie, when she passes gas, flames shoot out of her backside. Dragonfire.” Fluttershy took a deep breath, anticipating Pinkie’s reaction. “SHE FARTS FIRE?!” Pinkie became still, standing on her hind hooves, holding the foal. “It felt like I did that once after I drank the rainbow juice in the weather factory.” Pinkie set the foal down in the grass. “Fart!” The foal announced. Fluttershy shook her wings in frustration. She was not fond of four letter f-words. The foal began to rub her tummy and her face scrunched into a scowl. “Always happens after she eats.” Fluttershy said. “Here we go again. Come on little one, it is OK. We are outside. You can let it out. Come on.” Pinkie Pie backed away, her Pinkie sense tingling in alarming new ways. “Fart.” Pinkie said encouragingly. The foal opened her eyes slightly. “Fart?” She asked. Pinkie pointed her fore hoof at her backside and blew a raspberry. “Fart!” She giggle-snorted. The foal learned over slightly and strained. There was a cute little grunt, followed by a gurgle from deep within her belly. “Fart?” She asked again, pointing at her tummy. “Yes!” answered Pinkie. Fluttershy nodded. “Now be mommy’s good girl and let it go while we are outside, where it is safe.” She paused for a moment, reflecting on her own words. Mommy’s good girl. There was a sound like a tearing tapestry, followed by sound like a tuba being sneezed through by a manticore. Flames erupted and scorched the grass. The foal wiggled away from the burning patch. “Fart!” She said proudly. “Good girl!” Fluttershy cheered, as Pinkie stood in total silence, her mouth hanging open, one eye wide, the other eye narrowed. One ear drooped. “That… Was… AWESOME!” That snapped Pinkie out of her shocked silence. “Hiya Dashie!” Rainbow Dash stood where she landed, nodding her head. “I had heard you had a special delivery ‘Shy.” “Hello Rainbow.” “So why didn’t you tell me about this ahead of time?” Fluttershy said nothing. “She eats pacifiers!” Pinkie exclaimed. “And spoons!” “What is she?” Rainbow Dash asked. “Oh,” said Fluttershy. “I checked the box that said “other” and the agency brought her to me.” “But what is she?” Rainbow Dash asked again. “Does it matter?” Pinkie shrugged. “She’s cute!” “I just want to know what she is so I know what to call her!” Rainbow Dash protested. “How else am I going to be able to brag about her to other ponies?” “She’s a foal.” Fluttershy said in a soft but firm voice. “My foal.” She added. “What she is called isn’t important. What is important is what she is.” “Well, what is she?” Rainbow Dash said impatiently. “Fart!” The foal announced suddenly. Rainbow Dash chuckled while Pinkie snorted. Fluttershy scowled. “She is what she is Dashie. I think that is all that matters really. But she needs a name!” Pinkie looked down at the foal and then flopped down into the grass. “Hi!” “Hi hi!” The foal returned. “I remember when the Cake twins were this age. They were soooo cute.” Pinkie pulled the foal into a hug as she rolled over on to her side. “But they didn’t eat pacifiers.” She cuddled the foal in her forelegs, hugging her close. Fluttershy laid down on the grass beside her. “Rocket is a good name.” Rainbow Dash suggested. Her suggestion was met with two sour stares from both of her friends. “No, really!” Rainbow Dash protested. “Just think about what will happen if she does that while flying! It’d be awesome!” Fluttershy just shook her head, her ears drooping. “Awful.” She muttered. “Just awful.” “They grow up so quickly,” Pinkie interjected. “Seems like they become yearlings in the blink of an eye, and then they are off and running. Buhbye!” “Buh-buh-bub-bye.” The foal repeated. It wiggled free from Pinkie’s grasp and waddled over to Fluttershy. “Hi hi!” “Oh my… I don’t know what to say.” Rarity stood on the path, a short distance away. “Looks like Discord.” She raised her head high and gazed upon the foal. “Applejack isn’t going to make it. Neither is Twilight. Applejack can’t get out of bed, poor dear. After giving me the message, Twilight went back to comfort Applejack. Applejack is as big as a giant pumpkin!” “Poor Applejack,” Pinkie sniffed. “She’s been miserable. She can barely lift a hoof to help out and she hates that.” Rarity held up a basket with her magic. “I brought a little something for this occasion, to make up for the foal shower that somehow I had missed. I’m guessing the invitations were never sent out?” A faint smile spread over Rarity’s lips. “Hi hi!” The foal said. “Fart!” It added. “Bub-bub.” It finished. Rarity gasped. “Pinkie Pie! This must be your doing.” Pinkie covered her face with her hooves. “How uncouth! How could you say such a thing! Poor Fluttershy must be mortified every time that word is uttered.” “But the foal farts fire!” Pinkie blurted out in her own defense. “Yeah!” Rainbow Dash added. “She shoots dragonfire out of her balloon knot.” She added with a chuckle. “Bawoon hot?” The foal repeated. Rarity shook her head as Fluttershy scowled. “You both are horrible.” Rarity said in wounded tones. “Anyway, I brought tarts and a selection of candies from Bon Bon’s shop.” Rarity said as she set the basket down. “Tarts farts!” The foal rhymed. “Fart tarts?” She inquired. “Sweetie Belle had the same fascination with that word after she heard it from father. Drove mother crazy.” Rarity pursed her lips thoughtfully. “One day she fed Sweetie Belle a lunch of pureed brussels sprouts and broccoli. She then left her with my father to foalsit while we went out to the department store to do some shopping. When we came home, every window in the house was open, and father was quite frazzled. Mother taught me that a mare corrects through gentle and subtle means.” Rarity sighed. “Father called her “Squeaky Belle” for the longest time, which drove mother crazy. Father insists that my mother’s special lunch is what caused Sweetie Belle to have a green tint to her magic.” Rainbow Dash was on her back, clutching her stomach, and laughing. “You would laugh at that Rainbow Dash. You probably still ask Scootaloo to pull your hoof.” Rarity chided. “Of course I do. And she’s asked me to do the same. Now I call her “Squirt” for very different reasons.” Rainbow Dash collapsed into a fit of guffaws, and Pinkie began to giggle. “There will be no hoof pulling Rainbow Dash!” Fluttershy insisted. “Not around my foal.” “Hoofy!” The foal exclaimed. She waddled away from her mother at a brisk pace. Fluttershy raised her head. “Going somewhere?” She asked. The foal stood some distance away. She raised her tail and cocked out one hind leg. A look of concentration appeared on her face. “Good girl!” Fluttershy said. “Going over there where it is safe. It’s OK, let it out.” There was a strange squelching noise deep within the foal’s insides. Her wings fluttered slightly, and she struggled to balance on three legs. “Ow!” She uttered. She shook her raised leg. Rarity stood back watching, a look of horror on her face. The foal strained, and was finally rewarded with a nearly silent blast, its presence made known by the cloud of blue and purple flames. “Ooh!” The foal said as she scampered away from her own backdraft. “There has to be a more lady-like way of doing that!” Rarity exclaimed.