o----[ Chapter 12: Love Sick ]-----------------------o
"Again I'm really sorry for returning this so late." The neighborhood dentist humbly apologized for the third time.
"It's no problem at all." I smiled reassuringly as I leafed through the overdue cards. "We regularly get late returns," I smiled smugly as I found the correct one, titled The Robot and the Princess. The name Colgate was signed legibly in blue ink next to a due date of two weeks ago. I removed it from the metal spiral that held the cards together, then put the rest back into their drawer.
"Two weeks isn't too bad. Believe me." I stamped the return date on the card then slid it into its proper place in the newly returned book. "Rainbow Dash regularly checks out books for months at a time. Usually me or Spike have to find the time to go get them back. Just try to be a little more punctual next time you check out a book." I shut the book. The cover showed a shiny, metallic pony with soulless red eyes and a castle in the background. The words the Robot and the Princess were written in calligraphic script along the top of the page. I briefly wondered which princess.
"That'll be a late fee of one-and-a-half bits, Miss Colgate."
"Of course." She smiled softly, showing off a thin strip of white teeth. She took a small pouch of bits from her mane and counted out three half-bit coins. "I really don't understand how I forgot about this. Normally I'm so good with time. It's my special talent after all."
"Oh?" I slid the half-bits into a drawer of the desk where they clinked against several others. Late fees weren't exactly a lucrative business model, so having a register wouldn't be economic.
Colgate nodded, her indigo and teal mane bobbing. She angled her flank into view, giving me a nice look at a familiar hourglass cutie mark. "I'm really good at keeping time. I never need a clock." How did she have the same cutie mark as the Doctor? Well, I wasn't quite sure if they were the same; I had only seen the doctor a hooffull of times. Maybe she was also a time lord? She certainly didn't seem at all like him.
I shook my head a bit to stop myself from staring. "I've got to admit I'm a bit jealous. My cutie mark just means I'm good at reading, and that doesn't mean a lot when you live with Twilight." I forced a bit of a smile.
"It's kind of a curse really." She laughed lightly. "I can never say that time got away from me. Plus, I always feel a compulsive need to correct clocks whenever I see them." Her eyes flitted up to the clock.
"Anyway," Her eyes came back down to mine, that pearly white smile spread easily across her features. "I should probably get back to the clinic. I am on my lunch break right now, and I have two more appointments today before closing." She momentarily turned. "You should come in some time. When was your last dental appointment?"
"Uh..." My mind immediately drew a blank. I swallowed once, trying to form a coherent thought. "A while ago." I immediately knew that it was the wrong answer.
"How long is a while?" Her blue eyes narrowed on me with the coldness of a dentist confronting a patient who never brushed.
I really didn't want to go to a dentist for the same reason I didn't want to go to a doctor; I wasn't quite confidant with the way I've changed my fanged teeth I had as a changeling into the herbivorous teeth of a pony. How often did ponies go to the dentist? Yearly? I was pretty sure it was yearly. "Five months ago." I muttered.
"Great!" Colgate brightened. "You're due for a check-up. Come by some time and we'll set up an appointment. Remember," She smiled as she opened the door to the library, "happy teeth lead to a happy life!" The door closed behind her.
I sighed.
Today was actually supposed to be a day off for me. Lyra and Bon Bon had invited me to join them for a picnic in the park, something that I didn't feel comfortable refusing despite knowing that I'd likely end up feeling like a third wheel. I was actually quite thankful when Twilight told me something had come up at the hospital.
Other than that, the last few days had seen the Golden Oaks Library getting back into the routine Twilight's show had thrown us out of. Descending back into normality after the past two stressful weeks felt darn near cathartic. Other ponies could have their action-packed, danger filled lives. This was probably the closest I've come to having a normal life, and I dreaded the day when one slip-up...
But today was Wednesday, and soon I wouldn't have to worry about always saying the right things. In a little less than six hours I'd be at Quills and Sofas in the company of my own species. I could say anything with no fear of being attacked or cursed at. I could finally take a break from holding up the sky.
Twilight's hoof steps drew my eyes to the stairs. "No Spike, I'm telling you." Her voice carried down to the ground floor. "I asked for Mariandra's Book of Notable Medical Advancements, not Mariandra's Book of Notable Culinary Achievements."
"Oh really," Spike's sarcastic voice followed Twilight closely, "then what are these words on the cover right here?"
"That's the wrong book." The sound of Twilight's hoof stamping reached my ears.
"This is the only book in the library with an author by the name of Mariandra."
"Obviously not if there's also a book by the title of Mariandra's Book of Notable Medical Achievements! I studied that book for over a year under Princess Celestia. I think I'd know whether or not-"
"Stop yelling in the library!" I shouted, jerking open the drawer full of check out cards, taking out the booklet and irritatedly leafing through them until I found what I was looking for.
Spike and Twilight descended into view, the latter wearing a purple saddlebag with her cutie mark as a clasp. Neither of them looked happy.
"Mariandra's Book of Notable Medical Achievements," I read from the card, "Currently on loan by 'Roseluck.'" I placed the joined cards back into the drawer. "Seriously, we have cards and a ledger for this exact reason."
Twilight gave an exasperated grunt. "I guess we could go without it. I just needed it for reference. Hopefully the hospital has a copy somewhere."
"So you're off?" I asked.
"We'd better. We're already five minutes behind schedule." Twilight threw an irritated glance at Spike.
"It's not my fault that somepony actually checked out one of those boring books." Spike harumphed, crossing his arms.
"Either way, we have a long day ahead of us." Twilight turned back to me. "Hopefully everything will be all right and we'll be back by closing."
While Twilight didn't actually have a doctorate or any practical experience in medicine, her sheer knowledge in the field was impressive enough to warrant regularly calling her into the hospital as a consultant on odd cases.
"Before I forget, though, I have a few hypotheses about your horn I'd like to go over."
"I'm not letting you touch it again." I narrowed my eyes at her. Twilight had asked several times after that first time backstage, and there was no way that I was going to risk this life just to satisfy her scientific curiosity.
Twilight looked a bit disappointed, but forged ahead nonetheless. "The first is that because your horn lacks a focus, your magic extends from the base to create an unstable artificial focus, and the instability causes this surrogate horn to sway unpredictably, giving it the illusion of being on fire." She beamed at me. "I'll admit the scientific backing on this tenuous at best, but imagine what this would mean!"
"You're not touching it." I reiterated.
"I wasn't going to ask..." She pouted, then cleared her throat. "The second is that you have a natural connection to fire, which, while quite rare, isn't quite unheard of in ponies. Spitfire, the captain of the wonderbolts, has a natural connection to fire and has been known to catch fire occasionally during practice sessions. The smoke they use in their shows was inspired by the smoke trail she leaves when it happens."
"I actually understood that one!" Spike said in moderate surprise.
"So did I!" I grinned pleasantly.
"The third is emotion based and a bit lengthy to get into without further testing which-"
"Won't happen." I finished for her.
"Yeah." Twilight disappointedly frowned. She looked up at the clock, her eyes bugging out. "Spike, we're already six minutes behind schedule!" Spike was suddenly enveloped in magic and forcefully placed on Twilight's back as she galloped from the library. half a second later, her head popped back through the door. "Oh, and sorry about making you miss that thing with Lyra."
"It's alright." I responded even though she was already gone. Through the window, I could see her sprinting off down the road, a purple dragon gripping her mane for dear life.
A small smile on my face, I picked up the Robot and the Princess. I cantered over to its proper shelf, momentarily scanning the authors before inserting it in its alphabetical place.
I spun around, walking along the shelves until the colorful spines became a blur. Row after row after row of literature. I smiled as that familiar feeling of being small came over me.
I slowed my pace as I walked by the non-fiction section. There were so many things about this world that I had yet to know; I couldn't comprehend ever moving on to fiction. Several books jumped out to me: a biography of a unicorn noble during the war between Equestria and one of the greater Griffin holds, an expedition log of the Crystal Mountains, a book on diamond dog society and culture.
Then my eye was drawn to a book on weather phenomena. I pulled it down, my interest piqued. Despite having lived most of my life in the air, surprisingly little of it was spent in the sky. I couldn't remember if I had ever even touched a cloud. My back itched, longing to sprout wings. Did I even remember how to fly? It was disturbing to contemplate losing a skill that used to be so dear to who I was.
I realized that as long as I lived with Twilight, I'd never fly again. Even worse, I was trapped as a fragile unicorn that couldn't even use magic. And for what? I had lost the fight that I'd given myself a horn for, and it had been no help at all afterwards. I should've just taken some time to learn how to fly as a pegasus. If I left Ponyville then I could... I recoiled from the thought, horrified that I'd even think of such a thing.
No, I'm happy the way I am. I glanced at my plain indigo back, finding it hard to imagine feathered wings pinned there. It is a shame though. I had to admit.
My good mood soured, I stretched my hoof up and slid the weather book off the shelf, gripping it in my teeth as I returned to the desk to drown out my sorrows.
.-~*~-.
Much of the next few hours was spent absorbed in that book. Several ponies came in, checking out and returning books. Halfway through my fourth week in ponyville, I was recognizing the ponies who walked through the door carrying books they had checked out weeks prior. I was introducing myself less, and ponies I didn't know were saying my name in greeting. It worked wonders for pulling me out of the self-imposed slump my winglessness had given me. I wasn't just staying in Ponyville anymore. I was becoming a resident.
Then, as the minute hand was making it's final round toward five-o'clock, a minty mare walked in, a brown paper bag in her mouth. She immediately made a beeline for the desk. I watched, mildly amused as she dropped the bag before me.
"I know you don't eat," Lyra said, waving a hoof through the air like she was swatting a persistent bug, "But it felt weird coming from a picnic without bringing you something."
"Did you walk all the way through town like that?" I asked, suppressing a grin. There was a reason ponies wore saddlebags. Walking around with things in their mouths all the time looked ridiculous.
"The things I do for the mares in my life." Lyra returned the grin, a glint in her eye. "You know, I don't blame you for cancelling on me and Bonny, but we really need to talk."
"What about?" I asked, suddenly concerned.
"Hmm? Oh, nothing. I meant more in broad general sense. Bon Bon kind of pointed out how weird it was that you're my best friend and we hardly even know each other."
I poked the paper bag cautiously. "We know plenty about each other." My stomach protested, so I left the bag where it lay.
"What's my favorite color?" Lyra asked.
I shrugged my shoulders. "Green?" She was green. logical conclusion.
Lyra shook her head. "Nope, it's Bon Bon colored."
"That's not fair." I frowned. "Bon Bon is three colors at least."
"The best three colors." Lyra nodded sagely. She opened the paper bag with her hooves and took out a sandwich, crushing and discarding the remaining bag with magic. "I'm not talking about all that personal stuff that you don't want to talk about; I'm talking about all the little things." She took a bite out of the sandwich, continuing to talk with her mouthful. "Like, what's your favorite book?" She mumbled between lettuce and daisies, gesturing to the one I currently had splayed open before me.
"Didn't you just come from a picnic?" I ignored her question, trying not to focus on the disgusting process of putting something solid in ones mouth before chewing and swallowing.
She swallowed. "That was, like, twenty minutes ago. At least."
"Mmhmm..." I've been subject to starvation more than once before, so when I found a source of love, it was sometimes hard to hold myself back... even after I was already full. But at least I never talked with my mouth full.
Lyra's mouth was once again in just that state. "So what’s your favorite book?"
I frowned. "I don't believe in comparing an entire medium’s worth of information based on preference." I answered. I closed the book on weather phenomena and tapped the cover: a picture of a poofy, white cloud; a bright, yellow sun; and a dark raincloud spouting lightning arranged in a triangle. "It's like trying to decide what type of weather is your favorite when they all ultimately have nothing to do with each other."
Lyra nodded, swallowed, and then, in her infinite wisdom, said. "Mine's this anthropology book called the Human Conundrum."
Oh Lyra.
I snatched the sandwich out of her hooves as she moved to take another bite. "Didn't you bring this for me?"
"Yeah, but..." Lyra pouted, "you don't eat anything..."
I stared at the sandwich, daring myself to take a bite. I felt the bile climbing up my throat at the thought. I offered it back to Lyra, the miniscule amount of pride I possessed bruised severely.
"Yay!" Lyra bounced up and down as she reclaimed her lost prize. "So," She started with her mouth full once again, "How'd you get your cutie mark."
"I just read a lot of books." It was a story I'd reiterated many times in previous towns. The story became drier and less complicated each iteration.
"I can believe that." Lyra forcefully shoved the last of the sandwich into her mouth then swallowed with a satisfied sigh. The look of horror on my face was enough even for her to take notice. "What?"
"Solid food." I muttered, trying to regain control of my disturbed facial features.
"You can't tell me that you've never eaten something solid before."
"Not like that." I shook my head, finally freeing my face of abject horror.
"You have got to be the strangest pony I've ever met." Lyra rolled her eyes.
"That's only because you can't meet yourself." I retorted.
"Touche." Lyra smiled goofily. There was a moment of pause before she gave me a conspiratorial look. "So, is Twilight around?"
"She's at the hospital with Spike."
"At the hospital!?" Lyra exclaimed with surprise.
"She’s just there as a consultant.” I clarified. “They’re trying to work out what that sickness is that’s been going around.”
"Oh, good. That means I can totally imply things." She grinned, raising her eyebrows suggestively.
Unsurprisingly, I quickly became annoyed as her look persisted. "What?"
"Oh, I think you know what I'm implying."
"No, I don't, and you're being incredibly creepy right now."
"Oh c'mon!" She moved around the desk just to elbow me in the ribs. "I saw how you were looking at Twilight on Sunday."
I scooted over as Lyra insisted on invading my personal space. "I don't know what you're talking about."
Lyra pursed her lips. "You really don't have to hide it. I think it's awesome!"
"I’m not hiding anything." I responded dumbly.
"I know you're not that thick." Lyra sighed. "I'm talking about how you have a crush on Twilight."
"I have a..." My eyes flicked around as I processed what she said, a grin growing across my face. "You think I have a crush on Twilight." A laugh kindled in the bottom of my throat, growing quickly as it travel upward until it burst wholeheartedly from my mouth in loud, sputtering guffaws. "Oh, c'mon," I choked out, putting a hoof on her shoulder as laughter wracked my body. The thought of me of all ponies changelings having a crush on Twilight? "You can't be serious!"
"I'm dead serious!" Lyra insisted incredulously.
"Please," I held up a hoof, tears budding in the corners of my eyes, "I can't HA I can't breath! PAHHAHAHAHA!"
"Midnight!" Lyra stamped a hoof, pouting. "This isn't a joke!"
"Okay, heheheh, okay, okay." I tried to calm down, latent laughs jolting through my body. "How could you possibly think that I have a crush on Twilight?"
"Oh c'mon," Lyra insisted, "it's totally obvious! Two studious unicorns living together in a library. You're practically the whole reason she even got up on stage! Buck, you two even look good together!"
"I wasn't... No we don't!" I refuted.
"You totally have it bad for her." Lyra grinned, having regained the upper hand. "It's so romantic!" She wrapped her forelegs around me, practically hanging off of me. "A traveling unicorn, well earth pony at the time I guess (the buck was up with that anyway?), is taken in by a librarian and the two fall for each other! It's like a fairy tail. There's even a dragon in it!"
My face was entirely red at that point, and I no longer felt like laughing. “You’re exaggerating.” I replied, trying to peel myself away from her.
“You know it’s true.” Lyra snuggled even harder against me. “All that time you spend together, all the things you do for her. C’mon, you pitted yourself against Trixie in a fight you knew you couldn’t win, just for her. That’s love if I ever saw it.”
"That's not possible!" I interjected.
"Hmm?" Lyra gave me a little grace in her constricting hug to look at me quizzically. "What, you don't like mares?"
"I don't like anypony!" I insisted.
"That's not true; you like Twilight, silly!" Lyra snuggled back up against me, cheek pressing up against mine. "Don't worry, me and Bonny know just what to do. We'll set up a romantic date with flowers and everything and you two'll-"
"No!" I pushed away from her, finally breaking free from her soul crushing hug. I was a changeling. Changelings don't get crushes. "You’ve got everything wrong!"
Lyra had an irrefutable response. "Nuh-huh! Look, I know it's scary now, but-"
"I’m not scared!" I interrupted. "Twilight's just my friend! I can’t have feelings like that!" I was nearly in full-on panic mode: my shoulders heaving, eyes wide, fire rushing through my veins. This was the first time I’d been like this when my life didn’t depend on the next few seconds.
Lyra’s ears lowered, taken aback my outburst. "Okay." Her husky voice contrasted with the meek tone.
My nostrils flared. "Okay? That's it?"
"If you say so." Lyra shrugged. "I really don't want to have another fight."
I swallowed, feeling my breathing slowly calm."We weren't fighting."
"I know." Lyra nodded agreeably. "Just... You know you can trust me, right Midnight?"
I sat down again, close to her. Closer than I really felt comfortable with. "Yeah. I know." It was a lie, even if it didn’t feel like lying.
"You can talk to me about anything. I know how scary it can be having a crush.” She smiled knowingly. “Buck, I've done so many stupid things for love. Bon Bon doesn't like to admit it, but she's done stupid things too. Love is powerful, y'know?"
Love. How could a changeling understand something like that. Love made smart ponies do stupid things. Love destroyed ponies who pursued it. Ponies felt love and were worse for it. I would not feel love.
"Just, talk to me if you need something." Lyra put her hoof on my shoulder.
I nodded, putting on a smile. "Course I will. You're my best friend." Best friends didn’t do this to other best friends. I couldn’t blame her though. She was just a pony. She didn’t know Changelings couldn’t feel such things.
"Anyway, I'll take that as my cue to leave." She got up, dusting herself off. "Gotta go finish up today’s cuddle quota with Bon Bon. See ya later, Midnight."
"Bye." I responded as Lyra left, leaving only trace amounts of minty love hanging in the air.
I just sat there behind the checkout desk, unable to bring myself to reopen the book on weather phenomena. I felt exhausted, drained. As if I had taken all that adrenalin to fight tooth and nail for my life.
The clock chimed out the fifth hour. Closing time. One hour until I met with Saf and Davenport and All-Smith. Still, I didn't move, unable to find any of that good mood that I had continually worked to achieve earlier in the day. And I had been worried about a dental appointment.
Twilight still hadn’t returned. I should’ve felt worried, wondering what it meant, but I was only thankful that I wouldn’t have to face her after all these thoughts had been put into my head.
Me in love with Twilight? That can't happen. Lyra was kidding. It’s impossible.
I stood up, trotting over to the section of non-fiction dedicated to reference books and scientific studies. Twilight kept it well stocked. Incredibly well stocked. The section was so tightly packed that one of the shelves had managed to stand firm when Trixie turned the library upside-down. There had to be something in here about love.
Soon I’d skimmed through texts on magic theory, psychology, physiology, anatomy, and philosophy with hardly more than off-hoof mentions of love like it was something even the most brainless of ponies should inherently understand. Each book lay in whatever state I had left it on the table in the center of the library.
I still had plenty of shelves to go through, but I could feel dread clawing its way up my throat. I read each spine mechanically. I had scanned so many, but I had to keep searching. I had to occupy my brain.
What if I did have a crush on Twilight?
What would Twilight think?
Was something wrong with me?
That maelstrom was tearing away in my head. I didn’t like how every thought of Twilight caused my cheeks to get hot. It wasn't possible for me to have a crush on her. I had to keep searching. There had to be something here.
All that was halted, however, when I heard the front door swing open, making me cringe with the realization that I had never actually put up the CLOSED sign.
"I'm sorry. We're closed." I turned around to face the pony changeling that had just walked in, my mouth running dry. "Miss All-Smith. I wasn't expecting you." I wasn’t sure if I would’ve prefered Twilight.
She briefly glanced around before turning her cold stare on me. “You didn’t attend last week’s meeting.”
“I was…” Twilight needed my help preparing for the show. “Busy.” I finished lamely. It always came back to her.
"You will be attending this week’s." She said frigidly. Though she was no larger than me, she seemed so much taller. Her voice carried that quality that the drone in me was hardwired to flinch from.
I bit my lip, my ears pressing against my skull. "I thought attendance was optional."
"That's what Sapphire and Davenport will tell you.” Her eyes narrowed on me. “I, however, require your attendance because your existence in this town threatens my existence.” She paused for a moment as that sunk in. "However, since I can't make you leave, I will see you every week at the meeting."
"Yes ma'am." I squeaked.
"Good. Let's get going." She turned her black tail on me and exited the library without another look backwards.
Twilight wouldn't be too happy to come home to the stacks of reference books littering the table, but there was little I could do with All-Smith already leaving me behind. I quickly moved to the door, closing and locking it behind me. Surely a unicorn as powerful as Twilight could unlock her own door.
Shielding my eyes from the setting sun, I set off pursuing the receding form of All-Smith. Ponies who took notice of her hastily removed themselves from her path. I fell into step behind her, conscious of how ponies were overtly ignoring us.
"So..." I started, my mouth dry. I wasn't sure what I wanted to say, but the silence of traveling in this dead space where nopony else dared to tread was stifling. "What do you do?" I angled my head to see a bit more of her profile as I followed in her tracks.
She didn't look at me, focusing only ahead. When she spoke, it was in a tone only slightly more dismissive than her regularly flat speaking voice. "I work with metal. It’s what a blacksmith does."
“I didn’t know you were a blacksmith.” I mumbled. We were almost at Quills and Sofas, but between here and there was a small crowd gathering at a restaurant’s outdoor seating. Not interested in adding irrational fear to the list of reasons why today sucked, I walked a bit further to the side to avoid all possible contact.
That, however, was not part of the universe's design. Something felt... wrong as we walked by, and when All-Smith stopped, I could tell she could feel it, too. The air was rich with the mied love of the crowd, but something seemed missing as I looked them over (from a safe distance), like some part of my vision was filled in with something that didn't belong. My ears pricked at distressing whispers of sickness and colorlessness.
My brow furrowed in confusion. Something was missing, but I just couldn't tell what. There was some sort of dead zone, not entirely unlike the wide berth ponies gave All-Smith, but I couldn't tell why.
Then there was a shout of anguish as a light purple joined the scene. It was a shout so filled with pain and fright and meaning, I had no trouble discerning it as a name near and dear to her heart.
"Cloud Chaser!"
The pegasus was held back when she tried to dart into that empty place where nopony wanted to go. My artificial fur stood on end as I looked over the scene, but for the life of me I couldn't tell why. Many of the tables had half eaten meals still on top of them, as if everyone there had left in a hurry. I blinked, aggravated. There was something there something in the corner of my...
It popped out suddenly, like it only just appeared. Another pegasus was slumped against a table with two plates of untouched food atop it. She was completely colorless from head to tail as if somepony had literally sucked all the color and life from her; the only evidence of life was the painfully slow rise and fall of her barrel.
"What's going on?" Voices were surrounding me as the crowd grew, but I hardly noticed.
"Another pony got sick. The nurses are on their way"
"Who was it this time?"
"Flitter's sister."
The purple pegasus was still desperately fighting the crowd, crying out that name over and over. Her love poured from her like a rainstorm, splashing uselessly against a colorless slab, a colorless slab that had no love to respond with.
And I had been worried about a dental appointment.