This day was The Suck. Why you ask? Well, if you haven’t been paying attention, then I guess I’ll just- What’s that? You have? Well then, I’ll just pick up where I left off.
After I figured out that I couldn’t remove the head piece on the ugly P.O.S. I got put in, I asked Twilight to see if she could figure out a way to wrench it off. That went about as well as I thought it might. It was magically locked in place and she couldn’t get it to budge. We both agreed that it was not going to come off. Of course, for some reason, after I told her that the head piece wasn’t attached to it originally and that I put it on afterwards, she felt the need to lecture me on it. It wasn’t one of those condescending type of lectures but more like she was trying to give me better options to what I did.
The lecture kind of droned on for me after a short time and I defaulted into my normal response. That response being that I became totally apathetic to the conversation. That isn’t to say that I didn’t listen. If you don’t listen, it becomes yelling pretty quickly. This response is more or less just not really being interested so you try and lose focus on it. My sister Kara picks up on it pretty quickly and calls me out on it every time. Of course, she thinks I just don’t care, and though that’s different from not being interested, I just don’t have a way to tell her that which doesn’t sound bad.
We pretty much walked to the train station doing that the whole time. That was when things got out of hand. As soon as we arrived, the attendant called out to us from the platform. Apparently, the train had been waiting for the two of us. Knowing that it was Princess Twilight that they were waiting for, the train didn’t dare leave without her. That’s not to say that the attendant wasn’t concerned about how late the train was in departing. In a move I sure didn’t expect, he used his magic to send us inside the train car. Almost immediately, the train started off towards what I assumed was Fillydelphia.
Luckily, since it was the car for the princess we got a private car for just the two of us. It did feel kind of silly for just us two to have the whole car to ourselves. Then again, looking like I did made me grateful after all. I wasn't exactly going to be a welcome sight to anyone else on the train if I had to share the cabin looking as I did.
Unfortunately, since I wasn’t really Twilight’s friend but more like an acquaintance, we spent most of the trip in relative silence. Really, we just had nothing to talk about. She was a girl, a pony, an accomplished student, a princess, and had many, many friends. The only thing we had in common was being socially awkward and that just isn’t something you bring up. Especially since I think she’s gotten over that for the most part.
However, near the end of the train ride there I commented on how much longer it seemed to take to get there as opposed to Canterlot. She then told me that Fillydelphia was actually farther away from Ponyville than Canterlot was. She then decided to give me a geography lesson. While it was a bit interesting, it was pretty much one-sided. It went on for some time before we heard the announcement that we were arriving in Fillydelphia. When we arrived, we both waited a bit for the other passengers to disembark. After that was finished, Twilight teleported me outside of the car before she walked out herself.
And waiting on the platform there was Rarity. Now, one might say that finding Rarity immediately after getting there was a good thing. That’s what I thought too. That was until I heard her talk about just how bad I looked in that outfit from almost the moment we saw each other. Then it didn’t feel too great. At least it didn’t last long thanks to Twilight giving her an explanation of what was happening. With that out of the way, we went to get on the train again.
That was quickly stopped by the attendant there. Apparently, our tickets for the way there were covered, but not for the way back. This was a problem since Twilight didn’t have any money with her and I didn’t have any money period. Rarity, being the generous pony that she is, got tickets for the both of us. Yes, even I had to have a ticket this time. The ponies in this place weren’t so forgiving about my size predicament. Not very friendly considering it’s based on the ‘city of brotherly love’. Then again, maybe they just didn’t appreciate what I was wearing.
When that was finished, we went to get back on the train and noticed that it was packed. As utterly ridiculous as this was, I just wanted to get away from the whole situation. Therefore, I told them that I was fine with sitting on the caboose again. And just like that I was stuck on a train again for several more hours with nothing to do. I was about as happy as you would expect me to be. That's not even mentioning how I looked yet again.
As I sat there watching the scenery go by, I just contemplated what Discord might do next. I mean, yes, I knew I probably couldn’t stop it. Yet, I still wanted to be prepared for what he might throw at me on this tour of stupid. In the end, I just found myself going in circles. I might be able to figure out a move or two, but he could easily change things up however he wanted since he wasn’t bound to logical trains of thought like many of us are.
Was I making this all overly complicated? I bet I was. Discord had already planned this day to get himself as many laughs as possible. The train ride to and from Fillydelphia had already taken most of the day away. While I personally would have thought seeing us running around that place for hours without finding her only to realize later that she had already left would be a great deal more funny, maybe Discord found this more funny than that. Maybe she finished faster or slower than he thought? That was possible.
A loud whistle brought an end to those thoughts. I shifted a bit before realizing that I wouldn’t be able to see anything anyway, even if I didn’t have on this suit. Being unable to do anything, I just waited for the train to come to a stop. It didn’t take but a few minutes until then. Once it had stopped, I hopped off of the back and took a look to make sure I was where I needed to be.
Thankfully, it was indeed Ponyville. Unless the attendant from Ponyville had gone somewhere else, which was doubtful. Seeing that I was in the correct place, I strode up to the platform to wait for Rarity and Twilight. It didn’t take long before the two of them emerged from the train car. Both of them shared a perturbed look on their face. I waited until they spotted me and trotted over to me before I spoke up.
“Did the train ride not agree with you?” I deadpanned even though I knew they couldn’t see my face.
“I can’t believe how much they just threw themselves at Twilight! They had not an ounce of decorum at all!”
“While it was a bit tiring, I didn’t really mind.”
“A whole bunch of questions about being a princess I bet. I doubt they’ve ever met one in person before.”
“In person?” Rarity asked.
“Sorry. I mean face to face. I guess you wouldn’t know that human idiom.”
“That’s what I gathered,” Twilight replied, “and yes, they all had a lot of questions that they wanted to ask. I didn’t mind answering them, but after a while it got rather tedious. Especially when they started asking some of the same questions repeatedly.”
“You certainly had more patience than I would have shown,” said Rarity, “and a few of those questions were highly inappropriate.”
My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. I really wasn’t sure just what they would consider inappropriate, but I honestly didn’t think would be worth asking about… Well, maybe later if I think about it.
“Well, let’s go ahead and get out of here then. Unless you have a reason you want to stick around here for.”
“I do have a reason to stick around here,” Rarity replied. “I have to pick up my bags and luggage.”
Thanks to the getup I was wearing, I was able to do a proper facehoof. Despite the fact that I should have expected it, I had totally forgotten that she has lots of things that she travels with. Even a quick trip to help with a fashion emergency didn’t seem to change that fact. So, the three of us waited for her items to come off of the baggage car. It didn’t take almost any time at all considering that we were the last group to board the train. I ended up taking the bags with the large handles since those were the only ones I was able to carry; about six in all. They weren’t too heavy, but they also weren’t very light. Rarity and Twilight split up the remaining bags and the three of us set off for Carousel Boutique.
“So I’m going to come out and ask you about just what was it that had you take off for Fillydelphia?” I asked. “I don’t really mind. I’m just curious.”
“Oh that? I had an order for some costumes to go in an art display for the city museum.”
I know she kept talking after that, but I got hung up on that first part. That whole sentence made no sense to me. Costumes for an art display in a museum? The fuck does that happen? I have no idea how that fits together. I just fell back on my usual answer; magic bullshit. I don’t really know how it could fit into this situation, but it will just have to suffice.
I must have gone on longer than I thought with that thought because it felt like no time at all before we arrived at Rarity’s place. The jingle of the bell above the door signaled to the vacant building that we had arrived. Though I didn’t really know that it was vacant. It came into question because of the fact that it was still brightly lit inside. The rows upon rows of clothing sat on their racks and the mannequins were still decked out in display lighting. It was thoroughly confusing for a few moments until I heard a few voices.
“-think it’ll work?”
“We won’t really know til we try. C’mon Scootaloo, let’s go and see!”
I then spotted the CMC heading down the stairs. That would explain why the place was open now as opposed to earlier. They must’ve gotten back from school while we were all gone. As soon as they spotted me, they all let out a little ‘eep’ and stopped in their tracks.
“What the heck is he doing?” asked Scootaloo.
“I’ve been a prank victim,” I replied drolly. “I don’t think you should stick around since it’s still in progress.”
“Was it Pinkie Pie or Rainbow Dash?” asked Scootaloo again.
“Worse. It was Discord.”
They all let out a gasp. Then they all started looking around nervously.
“Well,” Applebloom started, “ah think we still have some crusadin’ tah do. We don’t want tah miss our opportunity to get our cutie marks. Let’s go.”
And with a chorus of nods, the three of them zipped passed the three of us and out through the front door.
“Well, I better go retrieve your new outfits. I believe they are still upstairs.”
I watched as she trotted up the stairs that the CMC just came down and waited for her to return. Again an uncomfortable silence unfolded between myself and Twilight. At least this time I tried to make something work.
“Sorry. I’m not really the best conversationalist,” I said trying to break the tension.
“I know. Neither am I sometimes.”
“Yeah, well at least you’re the ‘Princess of Friendship’,” I said with air quotes, “or at least that’s what people are saying back home on Earth.”
“That isn’t what Celestia has told me. She said that I’m still supposed to learn about my responsibilities and not to worry about my title.”
“Smart lady. Though she does have plenty of wisdom to draw upon.”
“Indeed she does. Someday I hope to be just as wise as she is.”
“I’m pretty sure there’s a cap somewhere so I’m sure you could manage it one day. Still, it will never be you who thinks it, but those around you who will let you know when that time comes.”
Damn, that was actually a pretty good line on the fly! Way to go me!
She seemed to absorb those words as Rarity came back down the stairs. She was levitating two bags together and was also doing the same with one of the outfits separately.
“I have your order ready right here. Now while I don’t particularly like some aspects of it, I find myself less concerned with them after seeing what Discord would dress you up in. Here you are darling.”
“Thank you Rarity,” I said as she levitated the outfit towards me. “I kind of wonder how I’ll be able to get into it though.”
That was when a horrible realization struck me. Discord had told me that he would loan me this outfit until I received my new one from Rarity. At that moment, I was receiving my new outfit from Rarity which meant that the role my current coverings were holding was coming to an end. I may have realized that, but I didn’t have enough time to turn thought into action.
As soon as her outfit for me touched my outstretched arm, the outfit I was wearing vanished in a flash. I was instantly back to what I was wearing this morning. Well no, if what I was feeling was correct then he had decided to be a complete ass about it and made my underwear disappear too. I didn’t dare look down to confirm it visually. Instead, I just reacted by grabbing the clothing hanging from my arm and used it to cover my manhood.
That seemed to snap Rarity from whatever she was thinking and instantly there was a shriek and a ton of towels coming from nowhere to pile on top of me. It ended up burying me up to my neck by the time it was done. It was only then that I focused on them again and noticed that their faces were as red as ripened tomatoes. Rarity was covering her eyes while Twilight seemed to be bluescreening from the whole event.
I, however, had a much different thought that I decided to voice.
“I am going to get Discord back for this. I swear it!”