Tonight was the Gala.
Let it be known, that even thought Doctor ruins ever party he goes to, I do not. Half of the parties I go to end up with something attacking, the other half I wanted to die of boredom.
My dress (imagine this is all black) is slimming, which is great. I loved it, in that I might actually use it again. I wonder how dresses made for ponies transfer to humans?
My sister was less excited about her dress. She likes wearing revealing clothing, and a fancy dress for a fancy ball isn’t her idea of a good time. It was gray, like her hair, with purple bits here and there. (imagine it like it is, but everything purple is gray and the and the translucent part is purple)
The Grand Galloping Gala was in a few hours. Killjoy and I went to Rarity’s Boutique yesterday just to be sure the dresses were nice. I have experience when it comes to dresses not fitting before the event.
Lilac still loved her dress, although it was explained to her that the Gala was past her bedtime. She was upset, but I told her that I had found her a foalsitter that could watch her for the night, until we got back. A mare named Amethyst Star, who had some kind of family connection to Dinky and Derpy. I wasn’t sure what yet, but I know it’s there.
I had originally wanted to bring Lilac to the Gala, but thought better of it. Her field trip to Canterlot was in one week. That meant one week until Discord showed up. I had seen those episodes hundreds of times. Discord actually seemed like a nice enough guy. He didn’t hurt anyone, from what I saw. It was all actually kinda funny.
He was like...he was like Loki. A kid who just wanted somebody to be their friend. I’ve known a lot of people who had reality bending powers, some I’ve seen on TV. All of them had the name Freak somewhere in their title. Did Discord just want someone to laugh at his jokes?
Ya know, it’s kinda like Luna. No one likes his stuff, so he lashed out. I looked at a lot of theorems. People think Discord was the last of his kind.
“Yo, you want a minute alone with your mac ‘n cheese?” Killjoy asked.
“My what?” I asked.
Killjoy and Lilac giggled.
“Sis, you were zoned out big time.” Killjoy laughed. “You were this close to falling into your food. I wanted to run up and get the camera so I could take a picture.”
“But I said...dat it was mean, and she should not be mean.” Lilac explained.
I shook my head, looking down to see my plate of macaroni and cheese. It felt lukewarm.
“Killjoy.” I grumbled. “You are such a killjoy. Oomf.”
Killjoy had thrown a spoonful of macaroni at my head. It wasn’t very fun.
“Jokes on you. Now you have to clean up me clean my hair.” I stated.
“Just use your magic, Razzle Dazzle.” Killjoy laughed.
Lilac laughed too.
“Lilac, honey, you have to stay here.” I said an hour later.
“But Mom!” Lilac whined. “I wanna go!”
“You’ll have more fun with Dinky than you will with me. Trust me.” I admitted. “These parties are boring, and slow, and full of grown-ups.”
“But you’re going!”
“So I can mess with Sparkle of Twilight.” I explained. I leaned in closer, my voice in a whisper. “Who knows. You might get another friend out of it.”
Lilac started to smile. She ran off towards Dinky’s room.
I trotted over towards Amethyst. “Thanks for watching her tonight.”
The purple unicorn waved a hoof. “It’s no problem. Dinky could always use a good chance at making some friends. Plus, she says you’re a great story teller.”
“That’s the general census.” I agreed I shuffled my hoof on the floor. “Umm, sorry if you get asked this a lot, or if it’s too personal, but, just how exactly are you related to Miss Hooves?”
Amethyst nodded, a kind of accepting look on her face. “She’s my adoptive mother.”
“Oh! Okay.” I nodded. “Sorry. It’s just...I’ve heard some...weird rumors. I just wanted to be sure. I really hate those kinds of rumors.”
“Really? You seem like a type of pony who loves rumors.” Amethyst countered.
I grinned. “I like when I proof a rumor to be something more than just a rumor. Every lie comes from a stem of truth, as they say.” I started towards the door. “I should be here later to pick Lilac up. I plan to pay your standard hourly rate. If she’s asleep, then it’s totally okay.”
Amethyst nodded. “I’ll see you later, Miss Stardust.”
“You’re watching my daughter.” I said with ease. Why did I keep doing that? “Please, call me Razz.”
Killjoy laughed, applying mascara to her eyelashes. She gave me a questioning look. “You sure you don’t want any?”
“I’m good.” I chuckled, using my hair do spell to perfect my hair. “I prefer a natural look.”
“I prefer being inhuman.” Killjoy laughed. “So.” She began in a stereotypical teenager tone. “I told Cherise to just let Sibby be, but she was still mad that Cherise stole her man Tony.”
I laughed. “Oh no she didn’t.”
“Oh yes she didn’t.” Killjoy said in her teenager voice. “Tony was gettin’ his junk all up in Sibby’s business.” She leaned towards me. I was laughing. “I heard from Cindy, who heard from her cousin Sammy, who heard from his neighbor Bobby-”
“I cave! Hahaha! I cave!” I laughed, smacking her hoof. “Haha! Just stop talking like that! Haha! I can’t take it anymore!”
Killjoy laughed with me. It was good to know I have a friend like her. “Oh please, Razz. You were about to join in.” She bragged.
“No.” I failed to keep from smiling. “You dirty
“You’re telling me Sparkle is from here?” Killjoy asked
“Yep.”
“I totally found a new reason to hate her.”
“You don’t hate her, you hate Canterlot.”
“That’s her new name! From this point on, I’m calling her Canterlot.” Killjoy decided.
I rolled my eyes, looking over the large expanse of city.
The sun had set an hour ago, so a bunch of street lamps were on. It made the town seem just a little more alive. It probably looked way better during the day. I could make out various shops I had seen on the wedding episode.
“Okay. So, how are we breaking into the party this time?” Killjoy asked.
I nodded, reaching back towards my saddlebag. “The best way to break in. Right through the front door.”
Killjoy chuckled. “Alright Einstein. Seriously, how are we-”
“We are Ladies of the House of Stardust. I received an invitation to the Gala, and a plus one.” I boasted, bringing out the slip of paper. “See.”
Killjoy took the paper in her hooves. She smirked. “You stole Psychic Paper?”
“Stole isn’t the right word.” I said, taking the paper back. “I replicated it. Totally different thing.”
“Copying is stealing.”
“Hello pot, I’m kettle.” I joked.
“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?” Killjoy asked, sounding angry. Not rage, more like annoyance.
“It means that when I brought you Home, you stole gasoline, lighters, and a video camera. You then decided to light a house on fire.” I said, starting to grin at the memory of her calling and asking for my assistance.
Killjoy pouted. “Great Storyline! You’re like everything bad in the universe put together. The worrying heart of a mom, the soul of a lawyer, and the brain of a genie.”
“Ha! Like lawyers have souls.” I joked. My sister laughed with me.
It took only a few minutes to get to the Royal Palace. It did look pretty fantastic, but when you’re as old as I am castles and palaces lose their flair.
Killjoy and I walked right up to the front gate. There was a guard, a gray stallion in golden armor. I showed the guard my psychic paper. He nodded, letting my sister and I through.
Then, from behind us, we heard music start to play.
Killjoy rolled her eyes. “They keep bursting into song.”
“Because they’re cartoons.” I told her. “Girly cartoons. Those ones have lots of songs.” I put the psychic paper away. “I’m actually a little surprised the paper worked.”
“Why?” Killjoy asked.
“Because ponies have a completely different mindset than most humans, and the paper doesn’t work on major level psychics. The chemical make-up of the ponies mind, especially unicorns, is high levels of telepathy and telepathy based magic, so the guard should have seen through it.” I tapped my chin. “Maybe he was a pegasus? I wasn’t able to get a good enough look.”
Then, I noticed my sister was pretending to sleep. I smacked her arm. “Ouch!”
“You ask me questions, and then you fall asleep.” I said, annoyed.
“Well, Doctor Reid,” She mocked. I blushed. “Maybe if you stopped giving boring speeches I would listen more.”
“Maybe if you grew a brain in that empty head you would know what I’m talking about.”
“Egghead.” Killjoy mocked.
“Airhead.” I mocked back.
The Gala was one of those parties where I wanted to die of boredom.
“This party blows.” Killjoy groaned beside me.
“Shut up, KJ.” I rolled my eyes. “There are ponies around.”
“Cause we’re in a line!” She groaned.
We were in the line of ponies wanting to see Celestia. We had been in it since the song ended, since I had a feeling the line would be comically long. We had ten ponies ahead of us.
“To mess with Twilight.” I explained for what felt like the billionth time.
Killjoy grumbled, folding her hooves together. “Still stupid.”
I rolled my eyes. “KJ, come on. You think I like being in a line anymore than you do?”
“You love lines.”
“You’re just projecting your feelings of rage onto a less threatening target.” I said.
“Damn you and your damn Profiler friends.” Darcy grumbled.
I snickered, looking up. “Here we go.” I said, realizing we had moved to the front of the line.
The ponies in front of us moved away. I trotted right up to Celestia, and bowed.
“Hello Tia.” I said, shaking Princess Celestia hoof.
Princess Celestia shook back. “Hello Raspberry. When did you get an invitation?”
I held up the psychic paper, showing her the ticket. She nodded. “Well, I hope you have a wonderful evening.” I nodded, scooting over to the pony beside her.
Twilight gave me a deadpan look. “You have got to be kidding me.”
“Nope.” I popped my ‘p’. “How’s the Gala?”
“It’s great.” Twilight said, with a strained smile.
“Yeah. I’m actually surprised I was able to get in.” I admitted. “But, it is really great to see you, Sparkle of Twilight.”
With that, I walked away, waiting for Killjoy.
The blood red pegasus just gave the two head nods. “Zup Celestia.” She turned to Twilight. “Zup Canterlot.”
I facehoofed, but still waited patiently for her to come over.
“There. You had some fun with your friend. Can we do stuff now?” Killjoy groaned like a child.
“You set up the cameras.” I told her, giving her a small hoofbag filled with tiny cameras I may or may not have stolen from OSS. “I need to check on something for next week.”
“So, what’s with Frankenstein?”
I scoffed. “This is Discord, Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony.”
Killjoy hummed. “I thought that’s what I was.” I laughed, turning to her. She wasn’t holding that bag anymore, I assume she threw it away. She wasn’t touching the ground, instead opting to hover at least six inches.
“No, you’re just fucked in your head.” I joked, looking over the statue again. “Keep your voice down, too. There’s a really good chance that he can hear what is being said.”
“Oh?” Killjoy said, in a playful tone.
I glared at my sister. “KJ, I ain’t kidding.”
She flew up into Discord’s face.
“Too much chaos around his statue and he’ll break out.”
“I’m not gonna do anything chaotic.” She groaned.
“If he breaks out, you’ll have ruined the Plan.”
Killjoy stopped in her mid air tracks. She groaned as she floated back to the ground. “I hate you.”
“Your hate gives me power.” I droned, walking off in a random direction.
“Hey! That’s my line!”
“Is not ya greedy little bottom feeder!” I laughed.
Killjoy and I trotted around the garden in silence for the next ten minutes. Then, her dress almost getting caught on a branch.
“I swear, sis, why did I have to wear a dress? I would’ve been happy with a nice, sexy jacket!”
I laughed at Killjoy, she was always like that sometimes. “Maybe, KJ, if you weren’t so much of a buzzkill you would be wearing a jacket, plus you look girlier in a dress.” I taunted.
My sister glared her purple eyes. “You’re making the buzzkill/killjoy joke again. Great Storyline, Razz, if you weren’t my ride home I would so ditch you.”
“Ha! If I left you alone for two seconds you would try and do it with every unmarried stallion in there!” I joked.
The red pegasus rolled her eyes, brushing her braided mane back. “Pah-lease, I could easily get the married ones.”
“Are you saying the Killjoy Stardust is gonna be the Next Slut of Canterlot?”
She faked gasped. “I’ll be the Top of the Town!”
“Except for some nights when you’re the bottom.” I laughed.
“At least I’ll get some.” Killjoy mocked.
“When I do get somepony, they’ll stay with me for more than a day, or should I say night?” Moving some mane from my eyes, I skipped ahead of Killjoy.
My sister floated above me, lightly punching my shoulder. “You’re such a prude Razz, maybe you should be named Killjoy.”
I lifted my nose up in sophistication. “My, my, dear sister, are you saying I’m not the Life of the Party? You’re certainly the Death of It.”
KJ laughed. “Am not!”
“Are too!” I yelled.
“Am not!”
“Are too!”
“D-2!”
“Are- hehehe, funny.”
“I know, and, Am not!”
“Are too!”
“Am not!”
Before I could yell back, I felt something wash over me. It felt cold at first, but it slowly got warmer. When it reached a nice warmth, it shifted to Antarctica Cold.
“Well, Killjoy, I would hate to have your name. It’s as cursed as your face.” I mocked.
Killjoy growled. “Me cursed? You clearly haven’t looked at your life lately. Tell me, when was the last time you went out and and some fun? Oh, right, it was thirty days ago.”
I gasped. “You bitch! I hope you get a new kind of STD!”
“I will gladly give it to you!” She shot back.
“Oh, now you’re an incestial slut. Such a proud way of caring on our family name!”
“Go ta hell!”
“I’ll spit on you from the Pearly Gates and laugh as you burn!” I yelled.
“Well, your such a weird freak!” Killjoy nearly screamed.
“*gasp*!” I gasped. “Well…you’re one too! You’re eyes are purple! Who has purple eyes!”
“Ya know you’ve always been a pain in the ass Raspberry! I wish you had never come to ‘Child’s Play’ in the first place!” Killjoy yelled.
“I wish that too! At least then I wouldn’t have a purple eyed freak for a twin sister!”
Killjoy growled, from her perch in the sky she came down on me but before I felt an impact a white and blue blur came over and knocked my sister down.
When it was still, I saw Shining Armor standing over Killjoy and keeping her from attacking me. KJ looked feral.
“Thanks sir,” I said.
“No problem Miss.”
“Now I can do this.” I lifted up a hoof and prepared to punch my sister when a force held me back.
Turning to see what it was I saw a pleasant blue glow around my left hoof. A pink figure was in the corner of my eye.
“What are you doing? Can’t you see the witch and I are settling our disputes?” I growled.
“Let me at her! Let me at her!” Killjoy growled.
“Cady, what happened?” Shining Armor asked, trying to hold down the red slut.
“I don’t know! They shouldn’t be like this.” A female voice said.
I tried moving against the force, slowly realizing I still had movement in my hindlegs. Swiftly, I lifted it and up and tried connecting it with Darcy’s face. It was wrapped in blue magic soon after.
“I just don’t know how this could’ve happened.” The female voice said.
“Maybe you did the spell wrong?” Shining Armor asked as Killjoy tried slamming her head into his face.
“You saw me perform it, I did it right!” Cadence said.
I stopped struggling, my eyes going wide. “What did you say?”
Shining looked at me. “My fillyfriend cast a spell on you and your sister. It wasn’t supposed to do this.”
“Was it a love spell?” I asked.
“Yes. How did you know?” Cadence asked from behind me.
Looking down at my sister, I saw her slowly stop.
“You figure it out too?”
“Uh-huh.” Killjoy said.
Shining looked between KJ and myself. “What?”
“You wanna tell him? Or should I?” KJ asked.
“I’ll do it. I’m better at this sort of thing.”
“Talking?”
“Rational thought.” I quipped.
“They’re still fighting.” Shining said.
“No, we’re bickering. There’s a difference. We just talk all the time like that.” I explained. “I hate her, and she hates me. What a wonderful animosities.” I sang.
Shining incredulously at me and back to Killjoy.
“Umm…can you let me go now?” I asked the pink alicorn.
“Oh, yes of course.” The magic on me released, and I fell to the ground.
“Hehehehehe.” Killjoy laughed. “Just a little higher and you’d be a Raspberry Pancake.”
“At least when I fall, I fall with style.” I shot back.
Killjoy smiled, her purple eyes looking up at Shining. She quickly moved her head forward and back, hitting Shining right in the snout.
“Gah!” Shining said.
The shock have my younger sister a chance to escape from his grasp, flying right above me with a mocking smile on her face. I held back a groan. She had just hit Captain Shining Armor, future Prince of the Crys in the face,
“So, you weren’t arguing earlier?” Cadence asked.
“No way. Razz may be stuck-up.”
“And KJ may be a slut.”
“And Razz may have the physical speed of a snail crossbred with a turtle.”
“And KJ might have the mental capabilities of a hot air balloon.”
“But we still love each other.” Both of us said at the same time.
Shining stared some more, Cadence finally came into view. Her eyes were wide. She was gorgeous in her dress.
I looked up at KJ, noticing a tear in her dress. “Rarity is gonna kill you for wrecking the dress.”
“With my streak it would’ve happened eventually.” The red pegasus commented.
The two of us laughed. I lightly punched my sister’s shoulder and looked over towards the other two ponies. “Sorry, we forgot to introduce ourselves. I’m Raspberry Stardust. The brain dead pegasus over here is Killjoy, my twin sister.”
My sister waved a hoof. “Hey.”
Shining Armor gave us both odd looks. “Umm… my name is Captain Shining Armor.”
“And I’m his filly friend, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza.” The pink alicorn greeted.
“Imma call you Mia. It’s much easier to pronounce.” Killjoy said.
Cadence looked surprised for a moment, then smiled gracefully. “Whatever you think, Killjoy.”
“Please, call me KJ. Calling me Killjoy gives my old sister ammunition.” Killjoy said.
“It’s older sister Killjoy.” I corrected.
“Not in your case.” The thirty-four year old laughed.
“Didn’t I hear Raspberry say she was your twin sister?” Shining Armor asked.
Before KJ could speak, I gripped her muzzle in my amber magic. “Yes. She just likes laughing at me. KJ, we need to get back inside for The Cake.” Her purple eyes widened. I glanced back to the couple. “We should really do this again sometimes. Maybe in two or so weeks. Bye!”
“Good-bye Raspberry, goodbye Killjoy.” Shining Armor said.
“Good night Raspberry. Good night Killjoy.” Cadence said.
Killjoy mumbled something. Probably something about how it was gonna be a good night. With the goodbyes said I walked back inside the Castle to watch for when the fun would start.
“You set up the cameras, right?” I asked.
Killjoy nodded, looking over at the stage where Pinkie was. “In every spot you told me to.”
I folded my hooves together. “Excellent.”
“STAGE DIVE!” Pinkie shouted.
Rarity and Prince Blueblood screamed.
I bit my lip, trying to stop myself from laughing as I saw Rarity get covered in cake. My horn lit up, activating the camera Killjoy had placed at the perfect spot to get a shot of Rarity covered in the cake Applejack had brought in.
“This is, like, better than Christmas.” Killjoy laughed from beside me.
Rarity snapped towards Blueblood, her body covered in cake. Her face turned pink with rage for a split second. “You, sir, are the most un-charming prince I have ever met! In fact, the only thing royal about you is that you are a royal pain!”
Prince Blueblood shook, hiding in a corner like his life depended on it. “Ewww...! Uh, stay back! I just had myself groomed!” He pleaded.
Rarity mock pouted. “Afraid to get dirty?!”
I took another photo just as Rarity shook the cake off of her and onto Prince Blueblood. The unicorn prince whimpered. He crashed into the golden alicorn statue, making it teeter and totter.
It was starting to fall towards the ground, but a rainbow colored breeze shot past us to catch. I took a picture just before it started getting to be too much weight for Rainbow Dash to handle.
“Why do palaces always have those same stupid columns?” Killjoy commented as I took another picture. “It’s a stupid idea. Those things are only gonna crash into each other and collapse.”
“Comedic effect.” I commented, making sure to get a picture of Twilight’s face when she walked into the destruction. “And...here it comes.”
“Well... it can’t get any worse.” Twilight said. I was only able to hear because everypony was stunned into silence.
“She said the words.” Killjoy facehoofed.
The ground started to rumble. I focused my magic on the camera that would get the picture of crazy Fluttershy. A door opened wide, letting a bunch of garden animals run into the dance hall. A yellow pegasus with a matted mane, ruffled dress and crazed turquoise eyes trotted in.
Fluttershy spoke in a voice that made me crack a smile. “You’re... going to LOVE ME!” She screamed.
The animals began to stampede, much to the dismay of the nobles.
I took some more pictures. Killjoy just laughed at the faces of everypony, including Twilight Sparkle. The last photo I took was of Celestia smiling down at Twilight in a way I knew only a mentor could.
I held up a glass, watching the Mane 6 retreat. “Best night ever.”
Killjoy lifted her glass to mine, making a glass clink. “Oh, hell yeah.”
“Wanna go get some donuts?” I asked.
“I could eat.” Killjoy said. “The food here can’t even feed an ant colony.”
“I told you to go to Applejack’s stand if you wanted food.” I said.
Killjoy groaned. “No way! That stuff is healthy! I want some barbeque chips.”
I laughed. “How about some donuts?”
“Deal!” The red pegasus agreed.
???
The air was cold, nipping at my coat. I hate the cold. Why does anybody think the cold is great? Fucking sucks. I rubbed my hooves together, trying to keep warm. This fur is thick, but not that thick.
Off in the distance, I could see her. She was standing full in her glory. A black dress clung to her body, showing off her lovely curves. Her two toned mane was in it’s usual state, yet seemed to shine under the moonlight.
Those eyes. Those eyes that were like two drops of sunshine. I missed those eyes.
Beside her was that witch. The one stained with blood. The one who tries to wear Morgan’s face. Morgan has a far prettier face than that she-devil does.
Oh, Morgan, do not worry my darling. I shall get to you again. I swear, I will not let you slip through my fingers.
