//------------------------------//
// Chapter 6: Still Running 
// Story: The Butler 
// by Immortan Joe 
//------------------------------//

	I ran down the hall continuously laughing like a lunatic that has popped one too many prescription pills. Despite nearly dying back there, I couldn’t help but feel a strange sense of enjoyment. A thrilling feel to be specific similar to how most people feel at the highest point on a roller coaster that is about to go over the edge. The way my heart pumped adrenaline throughout my veins as I ran. I was actually enjoying myself, just the face of the guards flashing before my eyes alone forced a chuckle out of me. 

But before I could wallow in myself enjoyment, I rounded the last corner and mistakenly stumbled upon the second squad of guards I heard earlier before. The guards froze in their spots as so did I, but before they could react though I flashed them my wallet. “Ah! No ya don’t!” I slipped back into Nicholson's Joker, my once fake smile becoming an almost real and sinister look. Strangely I actually felt as if I really was some type of mad maniac with a weapon that could possibly kill us all... I think, I think I might be enjoying this a little too much.

Going along with the act I played before, I was once again able to fool the guard ponies. Forcing them to allow me passage and I was able to quickly slip passed them before the group of soldiers I fooled earlier could arrive. 

So I swiftly made my way through corridor, after corridor, after seemingly endless corridor. Until finally, I reached the stairs that led back into Celestia’s tower, and the guards weren’t too far behind either. I began my journey up the spiral staircase, going up by twos I nearly stumbled over almost every other step because of my reckless speed. 

My stomach began to ache for food as I quickly made my way up “Now is not the time,” I mumbled under my breath. After what felt like a living Hell I was able to reach the same floor as my room. Below me I could hear the guards right on my tail, nearly panicked and not knowing where exactly my room was. I darted down the hall and began to open and check every room I came across, thankfully though most rooms I came across were deserted.

Nearly thirteen doors later and the increasing commotion from the guards I eventually found my bedroom door, but for some outlandish reason the damn thing was locked! Angry I began to pound my fist on the door, could I have locked it before I left? No I don’t even have key a to lock it, my head snapped to the left towards the stairwell I could hear the guards drawing in even closer. I shook my head and growled in anger, I turned to face the door. Using the right side of my body I began to throw myself at the door. With a good two hard swings, I heard nasty crack as the hinges gave way and I stumbled through as the door came crashing down with a mighty bang! 

Panting like a hot dog, my head quickly shot left to right. My eyes scanning the room for the necklace, but I couldn’t see it. I swore last night I left it on the table, I went over to the neatly made bed––wait a second! New sheets, tucked in blankets, my head drifted towards the neatly dusted table. The corners of my mouth sank into a deep frown, the fucking maid beat me to my room! Thing is though why would she lock the door? Unless... she saw me coming and hid!

I could hear the guards finally reach my floor, their voices becoming even more coherent if each passing second. I needed to find that necklace quickly, not worrying about the possible pony hiding somewhere in my room. I knew that I only needed to focus on finding that single piece of jewelry, so logically I made my way to the dresser. Grabbing each and every drawer I began to literally rip them out of dresser, which wasn’t really smart due to the amount of clothing and other various knick knacks that were now flung across the room. Sucks to be the housekeeper who has to clean this up, I thought, certainly won’t be me!

Drawer after drawer I continued to search but to my despair, I couldn’t find it! “Goddammit! Where is it?!” I cursed as I flung the final drawer across my room. The drawer clashed with the vanity mirror which then sent a wave of shards across the room, I froze... whoops... did not mean to do that. Bringing myself back to reality I turned to the closet, I was running out of time, if I couldn’t find the necklace the least I could do is find a shitty hiding place.

Hopping over shattered glass and the splintered pieces of wood that were once the drawers, I scrambled my way towards the closet besides my bed, grabbing onto the door handle I flung it open and... gasped at the sight of the dangling medallion before my eyes. How the? Why the? “How the fuck did this get in here?!” I cursed out loud. Hanging by the shirt rack by its chain I quickly snatched it off and swung it around my neck and hid in the closet, quietly closing the door I sat on the floor in utter darkness.

“It went in here, lads!” I heard that same English pony shout.

“How can you tell?” I heard the scruff veteran pony ask.

“Look at it, mate, the bloody door is knocked off its hinges!” I heard him snap. “Blimey! The whole place is trashed!”

“Oh my...” I heard a younger guard whimper. “The princesses aren’t going to be happy about this.” 

“Zip it, Flash,” The guards entered the room. “The Princesses aren’t going to hear anything.” 

“What do you mean, Buccaneer?” Flash asked.

“What I mean is: we’re not going to tell them anything.” He stated his voice stern and growing louder as the guards neared the closet door. I pushed myself back with my legs, my back rubbing up against a mound of clothes to my right along side a few hard objects I couldn’t really make out. 

“We can’t do that–”

“Listen here transfer, I’ve spent countless years on the guard without any mishaps. And I’m looking to retire in three weeks, now if you’d just keep your mouth shut and listen to me. I need you to go down and alert the housekeepers that we have a large mess, can you go do that?”

“Ye-yessir!” I heard the younger guard bolt out of the room. 

“The rest of you, keep searching this floor! Whatever this thing is, it couldn’t have gotten far now move out!” Buccaneer barked.

“Sir yes sir!” Said a few guards before filing out of the room. 

Silence fell upon the room, moments later I heard the soldier beginning to rummage through the items in my room. Realizing that I was disguised now and that it was safe to come out, I quietly (as best I could) clear my throat and slowly creep out of the closet. “Is... is i-it gone?” I stammered in my fake English accent. 

The older guard on the far end of the room, nearly jumped out of his armor at the sound of my voice. Spinning around he quickly drew on a stern yet professional expression. “Excuse me?” 

“Th-the monster,” I pretended to be afraid. “It banged on the door till it broke, it came at me... I hid.” I spoke slowly as if I was in some state of shock, and to my amazement it seemed to work. 

The guard’s expression softened and slowly he approached me, gently raising his hoof he came to comfort me. “It’s alright, lad.” He said in that deep scruff voice of his. “But I need you to cooperate with me,” he began to lead me towards my I nearly destroyed in my frantic search. “Now... I need you to tell me where it went.” He spoke to me softly, which was rather unfitting with that voice by the way,  as if he wasn’t trying to wake a sleeping bear.

With wide eyes and shrunken pupils, I gazed into his right scarred eye. “H-he... destroyed... all my.... h-hard work.” I trembled. Jesus man I’m good at this! “Hours... hours I spent perfecting this room...” I choked. “All for nothing...”

The soldier grasped my shoulders with his hooves, which I still couldn’t grasp the idea on how they did that. “Bring yourself together, stallion. Tell me where did it go!”

“But my work...” I forced my eyes to water.

“There will always be another day, but now we have a crisis on our hooves.” I know this guard needed an answer and fast, if I can ,I need to divert their search. Trick them per say, my eyes began to wander across the ruins that was once my room. And I noticed. The balcony window had a large hole in it, what could I have possibly thrown through that? Could it have been one of the drawers...? I hope nobody got hit. “Work with me boy, where did it go?” Buccaneer shook me.

“The window!” I suddenly blurted out my finger jammed right at the large gaping hole, which now sent a freezing late December breeze throughout the room.. 

“The window?” He glanced over his shoulder. “What do you mean the window?”

“I remember clearly now, when it was trashing my room. There was... there was a loud crash... and then everything fell silent.” I explained my head drifting towards the floor pretending as if I was lost in a distant memory. 

“Are you saying it jumped out?” Buccaneer faced me once again.

“How else could it have escaped?” My eyes once again met with his.

Buccaneer’s face shifted as he began to think. “Well it did have some type of magic device.... maybe it has some type of magic toy for teleportation... or even disguise itself as one of us.” He said.

Now it was my turn to look confused. “What? Do you know how ridiculous that sounds? If that was the case wouldn’t that mean there would be three of us here right now–”

Suddenly a vicious bang erupted from behind the two of us, swinging my head back towards the closet. My mouth fell open, oh shit the maid I can’t believe I forgot! Just standing outside the closet door was Shimmering Grace along with a few wooden boxes that were also in the room. The boxes were scattered across the floor and Grace stood there her expression filled with shock and terror. Her eyes were fixed on mine, her bottom lip occasionally quivering. You gotta be fucking kidding me, my thoughts raged at the amount of shit luck I’ve been treading through all day. 

“I-I-It’s him...” She barely even muttered under her breath.

“What the... this day just keeps getting weirder and weirder.” Buccaneer mumbled he tapped me on the shoulder. “What were you doing in here with this fine mare before the animal tore through here...?” 

I needed to act fast, but what was I going to do? My last explanation was at the verge of getting blown’ to smithereens if I didn’t do something... Obviously Grace knows my true identity now, unless she’s suffering from shock and hopefully will hardly remember anything by the end of this. But for now, I have to keep her silent and the guard distracted. But how! How am I going to do that?

Well... there is one thing. But it’s going to have to require a large amount of talent coming from myself... it’s at moments like these when I wish I would’ve taken theater in school. I focused my attention back to the floor and faked a nervous smile. “Heh...” I chuckled completely breaking my previous act. 

But with that lone chuckled I didn’t need to say another word. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed the stallion’s jaw slowly fall open as a deep blush splashed onto his cheeks. “Oh... oh you sly...”

I waved an arm at him and let out another nervous chuckle. “Yeah, we were kind of in the middle of the––you know?”

He nodded his head. “I completely understand... em...” He leaned past me and looked towards Shimmering Grace who was just now noticing what we’re talking about. She sucked in a quick tight breath of air, her cheeks becoming a bright crimson color as she was at a loss for words. “I’m sorry this happened to you two miss... eh...”

“Her name is, Grace, Shimmering Grace. And don’t mind her she is an extremely shy one,” I added. 

Buccaneer took a glance back at me with a proud smile upon his face. “Oh my you are a lucky one... you know,” He patted me on the back. “I’m proud of you son,” He said. “And to think for a second I thought you were the monster.” He laughed out loud.

I laughed along with and wrapped my arms around his shoulder. “Glad to hear that I’m not the one you’re looking for.” I flashed a smile at Grace who now sat there, still seeming to hold that one breath her rosy cheeks now beginning to fade. 

“Welp, it’s been nice chatting with you two. And I’m sorry for interrupting your cleaning session. But I have to report the creature’s information back to my superiors, hope you two have fun.” Buccaneer stood up and made his way over towards the broken in door, but before he walked out he stopped. “Oh and one more thing... could you two start cleaning this up?”

I shrugged. “Year sure thing,” nope. “See you around, Buccaneer.”

“Heh yeah same to– wait a second... how do you know my name?” His expression turned cold along with his voice.

My blood instantly ran ice cold. “Eh... we over heard you guys in the closet.” I said actually telling the truth for once this day.

Buccaneer chuckled. “Ha, for a second I thought–”

I chuckled, “Yeah... see you around.” I worriedly turned away from him, Lee, you’re an idiot, I scolded myself. With a final wave of goodbye Buccaneer left me alone with Grace, once I thought he was out of earshot. I stood up and approached Grace who was now coming out of her shocked state. “Okay I know what just happened was completely disrespectful and you mig–”

Instantly bright stars flashed before my eyes and a wave of excruciating pain erupted out of my left cheek. My head snapped to right as my body was flung back by the immense amount of force, stumbling back I cracked the back of my head on the frame of the bed and landed onto the floor. Unspeakable atrocities spewed out my aching mouth while I cupped the side of my cheek with my right hand. Small trickles of blood began to seep out of the corner of my busted lip, “Ah... frukin crist ladi...” I think she might have broke my jaw... if not knocked it loose! “Sit, ah shank ya bruk mah jah...”

“Good.” She snapped at me in that English accent these ponies ever so seem to be fond of. “Maybe now you won’t be able to speak your hideous lies to anypony ever again!” She snarled as I watched her leave the room.

I took hold of my busted jaw which was now sore more than it was screaming in pain, with a sickening twist and a burst of pain that nearly made me faint. I was able to snap my jaw back into it’s original position, screaming in pain and tears literally rolling down my cheeks like an open faucet. I rolled onto my sighed and clambered back to my feet, moving my jaw I was testing to see if everything was alright, despite the small pricks of pain with each movement everything seemed to be under control. I faced the doorway, I should really go apologize this time, I thought. Then again... I hesitated, the state she’s in now... might not really be the best idea, unless I want to end up with an actual broken jaw.

I turned to examine the room I destroyed, the bed sheets were now sprawled across the floor, glass from the window and mirror littered the floor. Drawers laid turned and scattered on the floor along with the chips of the wooden frame work that were once part of the wall. “Damn...” I muttered and cringed at the pain. “I really tore the shit out this place...” 

Before I could even fully look over the decimated room, my thoughts were interrupted by the rumbling and the instant sense of nausea coming from the pit of my stomach. “Gah... okay enough procrastination... I need to eat.” I said to myself. You know, I think me talking to myself is now officially a habit now...


:[-]:


Releasing an unnecessarily loud belch that echoed throughout the dining hall, which received a few disturbed glares from the royal ponies that sat at opposite ends of the table from me. “Damn that was delicious,” I slammed my empty glass of wine on the table. “Eh, waiter!” I called to the stallion that was just entering the room from the kitchen doorway, nearly falling out of my seat. 

“Yes, Mr. Rose?” He said stopping at the entrance his brow raised.

“Tell the Chef, I want another one of them... salads... and... eh... a drink! Yeah, yeah... a drink...” I slurred my last few words before resting my head on the table.

I didn’t see or hear the waiter, instead I did hear a few irritated murmurs coming from the rest of the ponies. I’ll admit I can’t blame them, I too found it annoying sometimes at parties or even bars whenever I was sitting around an intoxicated person. Yeah I’ll also admit to that too, during my visit in the dining hall... I had one too many glasses of wine. I never really been the man to hold his drink well, mostly because I never really drank too often to ever grow use to it. My grandparents mostly raised me to stay away from those things. But of course as my Grandpa use to say it... matter of fact probably everybody’s parents “Boys will be boys.” 

So now I found myself sitting nearly drunk, but not completely shit faced. Sitting at the table in the middle of the royal castle dining room, finally with a full stomach of lettuce and wine, not entirely the best kind of mix might I add. But the only actual other type of beverages they had on the menu was either cider or water. Now here I am drowning myself in grape wine while stuffing my face with greens contemplating how long will it be till I see my family. Which of course the very thought of them instantly shot me into a deep dark abyss of depression, I just couldn’t help myself but fear that nothing will ever be the same once I return. Shit, nothing will ever be the same. So many outcomes could come out of this and yet I can only hope that one of them is something that will not end up with Alice thinking I tried to leave them.

Suddenly a thought came to me, a thought that drove my sadness even further. I won’t be home for Christmas... in all my life I have yet to miss a single day of Christmas since the day Alice and I got married. Especially after our first Christmas, the Christmas in which Alice gave me my most favored gift of all. 

Pulling up my sleeve on my right arm I gazed down at the glistening silver watch Alice bought for me on Christmas day. The sight of the gift brought a few happy memories which slightly eased the fear that was beginning to arise. Only three more days till Christmas... please God, let them all be okay...


“Here you go, sir.” The waiter nearly startling the hell out of me, placed my second salad bowl in front of me along with my fifth glass of wine. “Is there anything else I can get for you?”

“Eh... no, no, no there isn’t... jus... no.” I mumbled as I took the glass and chugged it right in front of the waiter. I slammed the glass onto the table and shook my head, burping I whipped my lips. “You know what... gimme another will ya?” I smiled foolishly at the stallion, his eyes wide in shock as he gazed at the already empty glass.

“Eh... sir, don’t you think you’ve had enough?” He looked at me and tilted his head.

“Whaaa.... Nah, jus' gimme another alright?” I chuckled, yeah I take that back I’m pretty shit faced.

“Mr. Rose... what is the meaning of this?” Asked a very intimidating yet also elegant voice.

Sluggishly turning in my seat I noticed the dark radiant princess of the night stroll into the dining hall with bags under her eyes, her brows were knitted and the frown on her face seemed to carve mass crevices in her cheeks. Clearly she didn’t look too happy. “What does it look like...” I gestured towards my wall of glasses. “I’m having a drink!”

“What do you mean you’re having a drink? Why aren’t you doing your–”

“You know, Lulu,” half the ponies in the room gasped when I used her pet name. “You look a little parched yourself, Yo! Waiter boy... Get this girl a–”

Luna’s frown deepened further as a growl escaped her lips. “Mr. Rose, please do not interrupt me while I’m speaking–”

“So, Lulu, what kinda drink do ya want... you got three poor choices of, waaater, ciiider and–”

“Mr. Harrison! Could you please be quiet!” Luna snapped not even knowing she used my real name.

I jumped back in my chair, causing it to tip back before landing back on all four legs. Eyes wide I said: “Jesus, somebody shit the bed this morning!”

“I was rudely woken up early this morning knowing that the entire castle guard was going berserk! Cause some infiltrator was runn–”

“Bitch,” I rudely cut her off again. “Don’t even get me started on how my day went!” The instant change in Luna's expression instantly threw me into being sober. Oh shit, oh shit, why the fuck did I just say that?! My conscience began to panic, Oh that was not smart at all, I’m so gonna get it! Goddammit why did I have to be drunk right now... couldn’t she have just caught me when I was hungover or something? 


Luna’s eyes went wide and her mouth dropped open, she stood there for a few seconds shocked. Her eyes locked on mine as I stood there the last of the alcohol leaving my blood stream, as my body prepared for the worse that was to come. Every single pony in the room instantly got up from their seats and began filing out of the room. “Eh... Princess, I am so deeply sor–”

Luna cut me off with a wave of her hoof, swallowing the lump in her throat she looked at me her eyes narrow and her brow tightly furrowed. “I’ll give you a thirty second head start to run for the door and get out of sight before I blast you off this rock...”

“Are you sure we can’t just negotiate?” I asked, “I’m sure we can come to an agree–” 

“Twenty seconds...” She snarled.

“Wait what?” I began to sweat.

“Fifteen.” She unfolded her wings.

“Oh come on Lulu, you can't be serious." I chuckled nervously, "Remember how much fun we were having last night–”

“Ten seconds.”

I bolted for the door.