“Welcome, welcome, welcome! A fine welcome to you! Welcome, welcome, welcome! I say, how do you do?! Welcome, welcome, welcome! I say, hip hip hurray! Welcome, welcome, welcome to Ponyville todaaaaaaaay!”
Confetti exploded out of the pink mare’s device and knocked the shocked stallion back. He had seemed out of it when Pinkie Pie first found him, but as she sang, he slowly came back to reality, a look of confusion replacing blankness. Brushing the confetti from his face, the stallion got off the ground and returned to looking confusedly at Pinkie.
“Who are you?” he asked.
“I’m Pinkie Pie, party pony extraordinaire!” she replied, earning an accompanying woot from a random passerby pony. “What’s your name?”
The stallion thought about this.
“I don’t… I don’t know.”
Pinkie’s massive smile dropped instantly.
“You don’t KNOW!? That’s horrible! Do you remember anything about yourself?”
More thinking.
“...No. I can’t recall anything before your welcome song.”
“Oh, I hope my confetti didn’t do this. It did hit you really hard. This is awful! Just before Hearth’s Warming too!”
“Hearth’s Warming?”
“YOU DON’T EVEN REMEMBER HEARTH’S WARMING!?”
In the blink of an eye, Pinkie was right beside the nameless stallion, her hooves holding his head, forcing it to look around. The town they stood in was covered in snow. Foals were playing in it, as well as some adults. Themed decorations were dotted all over the place. There was certainly some sort of event coming up.
“Don’t tell me none of this feels familiar!”
“I’ll admit it feels familiar, but I couldn’t tell you why.”
“This is a serious emergency situation we’ve got here! First, you need a name!” The stallion was released and Pinkie spun around him, looking him up and down. “Hmmm… sleek, deep green coat... dark brown mane and tail that look like they’re recovering from being windswept… speedometer cutie mark… I got it! Your name’s Speeding Bullet!”
Before Bullet could thank her for the name, something flashed in his mind’s eye. It was something fast and loud. Then, it was gone, and the stallion smiled at Pinkie Pie.
“Not a bad name at all.”
“Thanks! Next step!”
From nowhere, the mare produced a camera and took a picture of Speeding, the flash briefly blinding him.
“Ack!”
“Step 2, a photo for the ‘Do you know this stallion?’ posters!”
The resulting picture came out of the camera, and Pinkie showed it to the stallion. In reality, it should have been a mangled face of pained surprise, but instead, it showed a beaming, stunning looking stallion.
“How-”
“Step 3, a place to stay while we wait for somepony to collect you!”
“Know any good inns?”
In response, Pinkie took a hold of Speeding Bullet’s hoof and galloped through the town at break-neck speed. The poor stallion just gave up and let it happen. Another something flashed in his head, showing a cold, dreary-looking sky. It left, and Speeding found himself outside a house seemingly made of sweets.
“Welcome to Sugarcube Corner!” stated the overly ecstatic mare. “The go to place in Equestria for cakes and other sweet things of pure deliciousness! I work and live here!” That explained the mare’s hyper state. “And now, you’ll be temporarily living here too!”
“So, it’s an inn too?”
“No, silly! At this time of year, all the inns and hotels are filled up! You’re gonna have to bunk with me! Don’t you know how it goes? When a strange new pony arrives in Ponyville, either one of my five bestest friends or I take them in, and then a romance develops, possibly with a second of us six mares to make a love triangle.”
Speeding blushed. The implication of what Pinkie just said took a little longer to sink in for the mare, though.
Eventually, realisation did dawn on her, as she quickly added, “But it’s not gonna be like that with me! I know I included myself in that explanation, but that only applies to the ‘me’s who aren’t aware of romantic fan fiction clichés.”
“...uhuh…”
The stallion just put on a fake, knowing smile and nodded.
“Let’s go inside!”
Pinkie was kind enough to allow him walk himself into the building. It took a lot of willpower to resist the temptation to lick said building. Perhaps he’d get a chance later on in his stay. He stood a few steps into the café area, looking around. Patrons sat at a couple of tables, eating and chatting away.
At the counter, a stallion was taking another customer’s order. Through the kitchen’s open door, Speeding could just make out Pinkie and another mare’s voice, likely discussing the future living arrangements.
Now that he had a moment to himself, Speeding Bullet could focus on something else that had been bothering him along with those strange flashes. There was this odd feeling that he had. It was like… he didn’t fit, didn’t belong. He should be somewhere else. It wasn’t just the location, either; Pinkie hadn’t seen him stumble when he attempted walking. His body didn’t feel right at all. He was sure there was another problem as well, but currently, he couldn’t put his finger on it.
“Hey, Speeding! Catch!”
All of a sudden, a cupcake was flying at the stallion. Another flash in his head and Bullet’s body was overcome with pain. Managing not to exclaim this sudden hurt, everypony watching simply thought his reaction was just an odd, reflexive wince at the incoming projectile. The cupcake splatted against his forehead.
“Oopsy daisy!”
Everypony laughed, including Speeding. Without stopping the laughter, Pinkie led her newest friend upstairs to the bathroom, where she helped get the icing out of his fur. At some point, the laughter stopped, even with Pinkie. The icing was surprisingly stubborn.
It was at this point that Speeding Bullet discovered what the last issue was: there were voices. Being out of the vicinity of the busy public, the stallion could hear murmurs. He could not tell what was being said, but he could detect the strong, emotional tones in some, and concern in others.
“There! All done!”
Pinkie’s announcement ended Speeding’s internal thought processes. He decided that these voices could be dealt with another time. They certainly didn’t distract him from those actually around him.
“Thank you, Ann- Pinkie.”
That slip of the tongue caused Pinkie Pie to freeze up.
After a moment’s silence, she whispered, “What did you almost call me?”
“Erm… I think it was-” The stallion braced himself for what might happen. “-‘Annie’?”
The gasp Pinkie gasped was immense. The length of time in which she inhaled was too long for any pair of lungs to sustain, yet she continued, slowly lifting off the ground. Finally, she stopped, hooves remaking contact with the bathroom floor.
Then, she released, shouting a single word with the utmost amount of gleeful surprise, “TOBY!?”
The following mental flash Speeding received was the brightest and most vivid yet. A voice, so familiar yet unrecognisable, screaming that name ‘Tobias’. The voice was horrified.
Pinkie Pie bounced up and down, talking away, “I haven’t seen you since… Since the art project presentation! It’s been so long! I thought it really had been a proper dream and not some strange whatever you call what it was! But wait… to get here from there, you’d have to… Oh no!”
“What is it now?”
“You didn’t… die… did you?”
Memories came flooding back. His name. His life… His death. A car, going at extreme speeds. The uncontrollable driving. The contact. The pain. Flying through the air as the car screeched away. His face must have given it away, because Pinkie teared up, taking the stallion into a deep embrace.
“I’m so sorry, Toby.”
“I was run over by a speeding car. Barely any chance of surviving a collision at that speed.”
“I wish there was something I coul- ZECORA!”
Once again, Pinkie had Speeding by the hoof and they zipped to the edge of a forest outside of Ponyville.
“Everfree Forest,” Pinkie explained. “Full of Ghosties just waiting to be giggled at.”
“So, full of scary things that aren’t as scary as they might seem?”
“Yes. And then there’s all the things that would get scarier if you laughed at them. I mean, nopony likes being laughed at, and they don’t realise I laugh with them.”
“Might help if they were laughing at the same time, assuming they weren’t the last time you tried.”
“Maybe you’re right! I should try to make them laugh first, then! Let’s go find so- NO! Got to get you to Zecora! Maybe she can work her voodoo magic to help you!”
“I doubt she can bring somepony back from the dead.”
“But you’re clearly not dead, silly! You’re alive right in front of me!”
To prove a point, Pinkie playfully punched Speeding in the shoulder.
“Ow!”
“See?”
“I guess,” he admitted, rubbing his sore spot.
“Okie Dokie Loki! Let’s go!”
The pair of ponies set off at a hurried trot. For Bullet, there was no way of telling how close they were getting to this Zecora’s place. The path just went on and on. Just to be safe, he kept right up with Pinkie Pie. Safety in numbers, after all.
The hut, when they finally got there, was quite cliché for a home in a deep dark forest. Inside, they met with a rhyming zebra. Pinkie did her best to explain the outlandish situation. Conveniently, Zecora had a remedy for just such an occasion.
“Take this bottle, and drink all that’s in it. Soon after, you will release your spirit. Homewards it will go, and there you will have recovered. But be warned, to Equestria and Ponyville you will be permanently tethered.”
Not long after that, Speeding Bullet and Pinkie Pie sat in Pinkie’s bedroom, examining the bottle’s rainbow coloured contents. They’d placed the bottle between them.
Pinkie observed, “It looks kind of like Zap Apple Juice.”
“What’s that taste like?”
“Really zingy,” she answered. “But, then again, it might be liquid rainbow. That stuff’s super duper hot and spicy!”
“Ugh! I hate spicy stuff.”
“Awww, really?”
“Yeah. It just hurts my tongue.”
The two sat in silence for a little bit. Speeding slowly picked up the bottle.
“Bottoms up… I guess.”
Just before glass touched lips, Pinkie let out a quiet sniffle. This caused Bullet to pause.
“What is it, Annie?”
The mare had to wipe away a couple of tears with a hoof.
“I just… You’re going so soon.”
“But Annie, you were so eager to help me before.”
“I know! I forgot that I’d miss you!”
Speeding placed the bottle back down and hugged Pinkie softly.
“Didn’t Zecora say I would be permanently tethered to this place?”
“Well, yes, but-”
“No buts.”
Speeding returned to the bottle and held it up.
“I’ll see you in my dreams.”
The drink was chugged down within seconds. The fruity flavour came with an electric kick.
“Huh, not ba-”
He was cut off by an overpowering spicy taste, which stung his tongue with no mercy.
“Hothothotho-”
Lightning came in through the room’s open window and struck Speeding Bullet; his body spasmed. And then, it stopped. The body collapsed, sizzling and charred all over. It continued to lay there in front of a speechless Pinkie Pie, lifeless.
Tobias left the hospital just over 24 hours after the accident. The doctors called it a Christmas miracle. If it weren’t for all the witnesses, nobody would believe it. Tobias almost didn’t himself.
He vaguely recalled having a dream of some sort. He still felt the warmth it had left him with, not dissimilar to the feeling he got from that dream with Annie in it. Sadly, the dream had also left him with a numb tongue, as if having eaten an overly spicy meal.
Pinkie nudged Speeding’s body.
“Toby?”
The body gasped loudly, as if it had held its breath.
“Toby!”
“Huh? What? Toby? Who’s Toby?”
“You are, silly!” Pinkie said as she helped the earth pony up.
“My name is Speeding Bullet, not Toby. And where am I? Last thing I recall, I was just entering Ponyville.”
“Oh…”
For a brief, infinitesimally short moment, Pinkie Pie’s hair drooped. She was quick to realise, however, that this explained a few things, and also proved the potion most definitely worked, and the lightning wasn’t just a freak occurrence but in fact part of the process. Toby was likely back in his human body. With all that running through her head, Pinkie’s mane re-poofed itself.
“You’re still in Ponyville! My welcome confetti knocked you silly! I’m not surprised you can’t remember anything since then! But anyway, welcome to Ponyville, Speeding Bullet! Need a place to stay?!”
“Now that you mention it…”