Date: 2033/04/06 2301EST
From: Tiberius Swartz, Director of Franchise, The Ritz Charlton Hotel Company Equestria <t.swartz@ritz_charlton.co.eq>
To: “Group: Corporate Board of Directors”
CC: “Group: Legal Department”
Subject: URGENT – possible show stopper!
We have finally discovered why does the Building Code Inspection Office – Canterlot keep rejecting our blueprints for our Canterlot property. The last two rejections happened over a single note: “insufficient and/or inappropriate service rooms”. Rather than send the architects back to drawing and face another inexplicable rejection about a half-dozen janitor closets, I sent them to have spa days around Canterlot and inquire about ‘service rooms’.
The six men in our group were first asked to continue using the spa services and that they would be notified once ‘the other side’ was available. They report that they waited on average two hours until they were shown into small rooms furnished by nothing but “a weird coffin-shaped bed”, then report waiting awkwardly until female voices from inside the coffins would plead or demand them to get started.
The four women in our team, on the other hand, were shown to “motorcycle-shaped beds that were then inserted backwards into coffin-shaped dark alcoves”. They report that they were then asked to wait a few minutes while the male side was opened, and that they then waited until they heard a small latch open near their bottoms and were immediately molested!
So, ‘service room’ is a euphemism for a glory hole!
And our solicitor does underline that ‘service rooms’ are in fact a central feature for an Equestriani spa: it has to do with the gender skew among ponies, and giving opportunity for left-behind mares to become impregnated.
Now, I know that the Board of Directors has already authorised me to make all decisions concerning the Equestria franchise and specially the Canterlot property, but I believe this decision is one that I cannot make alone:
Will the Ritz Charlton Canterlot be equipped with ‘service rooms’, or will the company sell its Equestriani assets?
PS: The four molested females have already been put on paid leave, and I have hired the best psychiatrist in Canterlot to do group and individual therapy with them. Fortunately, none of them are making the company accountable for the incident. Unfortunately, our local solicitor has already explained to them, and to the company, that the three spas in question cannot be held accountable ‘for customers who request usage of service rooms and then get cold hooves’.
PPS: Turns out that we hadn’t found out due to the subject being a verbal taboo, which apparently everybody knows but nobody discusses. What constitutes an ‘acceptable’ service room is in fact not written anywhere, but a subjective ruling from a panel inside city hall.