//------------------------------//
// Apple Family Reunion 
// Story: Responses To A Disgruntled Friendship Student 
// by keaton-furman-prower 
//------------------------------//

Dear Applejack:

Oh, so you think that just because I want to rut my brother senseless I’m as dirty and perverted as you? Well, at least I know how to perform contraceptive spells and prevent any potential inbreeding! This, of course, is just one of the many reasons why we unicorns are the master race.

By the way, good work with those fruit bats. Just make sure they don’t try to eat all your apples next year.

Your racist-er-than-thou "friend," Twilight Sparkle.

P.S.: While you and I may disagree about many things, it's definitely true that Zecora should be shunned whenever possible.





Dear Twilight Sparkle:

We don't allow snobby Unicorn floozies either. And the last time I checked, there was no such thing as a contraceptive spell.

Besides, even if I was crass enough to rut Big Macintosh, we have pills to prevent that sort of thing.

Your unfriendly neighborhood redneck, Applejack.





Dear Applejack and Twilight:

Please stop arguing. I’m quite certain we can all live together in harmony... as long as everypony remembers who the superior race is. And no, Twilight, it’s not the unicorns.

Your superior-race ruler, Princess Celestia.

P.S.: I like that song, Applejack.

P.P.S.: Don’t listen to her, Twilight. That contraceptive spell I taught you all those years ago is totally legit. Like, 120 percent legit.





My dearest sister:

Superior race, huh? Is that supposed to explain why we are never allowed to speak to other ponies outside of dreams?

Thy disgruntled sister, Princess Luna.