After yesterday night, I felt a bit better, especially talking to my best friends. They were all supportive and didn’t treat me like I was fragile. They knew I was hurt on the inside and didn’t want to talk about it. So they just let me forget about it for a night and I was grateful. Though I knew I would have to spill the beans soon.
Letting out a sigh, I got up from bed and headed towards my bathroom. The door had my cutie mark as decoration. I liked my cutie mark, it was a seven pointed star. As I entered the bathroom, I headed straight for the sink and grabbed a bunch of water to splash against my face. When I looked up, I did not recognize the pony in the mirror. The pony in the mirror is a stranger, she has a bedhead mane, puffy red eyes with dark lines under them and an emotionless expression. That mare is not me.
Feeling lonely and depressed, I leave the bathroom and head to the entrance of the library just as the doorbell rings. I walk up to the door and look back to the pictures on the wall. They seem to draw me nearer and make me look at them, but they only make me cry. I close my eyes and will myself not to spill any tears but still, a lone tear escapes. Furiously I wipe it away and open the door, only to reveal Rainbow Dash.
One look at me and she knows that I’m about to cry. As fast as she can, she traps me in a bear hug that I gladly return. We only stayed that way for a few seconds but it gave me reassurance, something that I have been lacking these couple of days.
“Twilight… Have you been crying again?” Rainbow Dash asks as she lets go of me. There it was, the pang. That clenching feeling when you know somebody is right but you want to deny it completely.
“No…” I whisper but that's a complete lie, I have been crying for hours each day and she knows it too. Rainbow Dash looks at me skeptically before asking again, softening her voice even more.
“Don’t lie, Twilight. Have you been crying?” She asks again. I close my eyes and sigh. I can’t lie to her, I just can’t but I don’t want to sound weak.
“Yes, but only last night, not this morning.” I say quickly. I see her face harden as she takes in a deep breath. If Flash were here, he would get a huge butt hoofing from Rainbow Dash. Flash… I can’t stop thinking about him.
“Let’s go for a fly, Twilight.” Rainbow Dash says while stretching out her wings. I nod and stretch my wings before taking off. Rainbow takes off shortly after me but the only thing I’m thinking of is flying. The feeling of flying is amazing, it’s like an adrenaline rush mixed with your favorite thing to do. Being in the sky makes you feel free and… and makes you feel like you can do anything.
“Twilight,” a voice say successfully bringing me out of my thoughts about flying. I look to the side and see Rainbow Dash reminding me why I am in the sky in the first place.
“What?” I ask. I don’t really know why I am here but I guess she wants to speak with me one on one without any other pony around.
“How have you been?” Rainbow Dash asks. Why would she even ask that? She knows how I have been. Miserable. I have been miserable and she knows that, then why is she asking me something she already knows?
“Why would you ask me that?” I ask incredulously. This was not like her, she was smarter than that. Rainbow Dash groaned as she saw the look on my face.
“I know, I know! That was a stupid question to ask, I didn't even think before I said it and now I regret it. I just don't know what to say, okay well I had a whole speech planned but I forgot it and it’s-" Rainbow was stumbling over her words and talking really fast. I let out a laugh as tears started to form in my eyes. Rainbow Dash gave me incredulous look. I laughed harder and felt the sadness and confusion leave me.
"What is wrong with you?" Rainbow Dash exclaimed speechless. My laughing calms a bit but a giggle escapes then another and I can’t stop. I am in a fit of giggles.
"Have you gone crazy?!? Did you hit rock bottom yet? Oh geez, I think you did. Flash leaving her all alone has pushed her too far." Rainbow Dash mumbled the last bit to herself, but I still heard it. Now that shut me up.
"What did you say?" I ask softly. My voice slowly transitioning into something more murderous.
"Ugh, nothing... Yup nothing!" Exclaimed Rainbow Dash trying to mask the worried look on her face. What is going on with her? Blurting out things, asking stupid questions, it’s like... Oh my Celestia! How could I have not realized? Now it’s so obvious why she wanted to see me!
"Y-you’re in LOVE!" I barely got all the words out. Rainbow Dash wouldn't act this way if something wasn't going on and I know from experience that when you’re in love, you do things and say things you would never expect. The look on Rainbow Dash face is priceless!
"WHAT!?! I didn't say that! Where did you get that idea?" Rainbow Dash said shocked. I give her a confused face, I thought that was the reason why she wanted to talk to me. To get advice on love but I wouldn't be much help with my messed up love life.
"So you’re not here to ask for advice on love or something involving Soarin?" I ask still confused. Realization crosses Rainbow Dash face and she burst out laughing. A pang of hurt crosses over my face as she laughs.
"Twilight, I did this because you are my friend. You needed to get out of the library and get some fresh air. I wanted just to talk and just to let you know, I love Soarin and all but I don't need any advice." She stops and then decides to add, “You know Twilight, I’m here to listen to anything you need to say, okay?" Rainbow Dash finishes with a small smile.
"Okay," I nod and think about her little speech. If she isn't here for that what is she here for? The Rainbow Dash I know would be tough and not show emotion but this one is different. This is so weird...
"Twilight..." Rainbow Dash says warningly. I look to her and cock my head in a confused matter. What is going on now? I mean seriously- BANG! I fly head first into a tree and start falling down.
"OUCH! AHHH!" I scream trying to flap my wings to get flying again. Rainbow Dash then sweeps down and catches me setting me back down on the ground. I am so stupid! I got so in thought that I hit a tree! A tree! Well, at least it isn't a pole, now THAT would have been embarrassing.
"Ugh, sorry Rainbow Dash!" I apologize quickly. She shouldn't have to save me, I have wings!
"I think that we should go get some milkshakes..." Rainbow Dash says dragging me by the hoof, pretty much denying the answer of no.
"RAINBOW DASH! I can walk!" I complain when she doesn't let go of my hoof. She shrugs and continues. I roll my eyes and try and walk anyway.
Shortly after, we arrive at the Cafe and take our seats at one of the many tables set in the small building. I remembered that the plants on the table serve as appetizers and started to munch on them. As I observe the cafe, I notice that it has both outdoor and indoor seating in the form of bales of hay and giant-sized mushroom tables. When we are settled, the waiter, Savoir Fare, dressed in formal attire, comes over and ask for our orders.
"Can I have a milkshake with extra oats and an apple fritter, please?" I say without hesitation. I’ve memorized the menu especially since I have come here so often with... with Flash. Flash, why must you come to my mind now? I think sadly.
"Just a slice of apple pie for me," Rainbow Dash pipes in. Savoir Fare nods and heads to the kitchen to give in our orders. I sigh and look out at the window, watching the beautiful sun shine on the small town of Ponyville.
"Twilight," Rainbow Dash speaks up, "I had fun today, it was nice to see the old you again and I will always be here for you, forever and always." I look up and the see her eyes fill with the promise.
"I had fun too. Thanks for getting me out of the house." I say with full sincerity. She has been a great friend and I am thankful that she is here.
"Here are your orders," Savoir Fare says handing us the meals on his tray.
"Thank you," Rainbow Dash and I say at the same time. We laugh and wave to the waiter goodbye.
We spent the rest of the evening eating and talking. We let the worries of the world go and just had fun, like the night before.
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Hours later, I find myself inside my bed and just thinking about the day. Rainbow Dash has been at my side for so long and she has been a rock solid friend for some many months. I am so thankful for her and my other best friends. Flash may have left me but my friends are still here for me and they care for me. I know now that I will be okay. Maybe not right away but I will eventually.
There are five steps to grief-
1. Denial and Isolation Done
The first reaction to a heartbreak. We block out the words and shy away from the facts. This is a short-lived answer that carries us through the first wave of pain.
2. Anger
As the hiding effects of denial and being completely separate from others begin to wear, realness and its pain come out again. We are not ready. The emotionally intense feelings is pushed aside from our vulnerably able to be harmed or influenced core, redirected and expressed instead as frustration and irritation. We are extremely irritated for the person leaving. Emotionally, however, we may dislike (because of mistreatment) the person for causing us pain or for leaving us. We feel guilty for being angry, and this makes us even more extremely irritated.
3. Bargaining
The ordinary and boring reaction to feelings of helplessness and likelihood of being harmed or influenced is often a wanted or needed thing to take control again-
If only we... We did this...
If only we had tried to be a better person toward them...
4. Rejection
It is our quiet preparation to (cut off/cut into pieces) and to bid our showed love and attention to goodbye. Sometimes all we really honestly need is a hug.
5. Acceptance
This phase is marked by withdrawal and peaceful. This is not a period of extreme happiness and must be told apart from become sad.
Stage one is done. I am grieving and I know that it will take time but I will make myself go through the list. I know that Flash isn't coming back, he has been gone for close to two weeks and I am angry that he would do something so hurtful. I thought he loved me! Even though I hate him right now, I still love him deep inside.
My goal is to forget Flash Sentry, even if it is the last thing I do.
I will FORGET Flash Sentry.