The Jack of All Trades

by Lord Zalgo


The Core of The Problem

It took a few minutes of speaking with Apple Bloom until Phoenix finally understood. He finally understood why Applejack initially hated him and why she was so confused around him now. It was quite simple in the end, which caused Phoenix to figuratively kick himself for not getting it sooner. It was time to sit down and talk it out. Phoenix turned to Apple Bloom.

“I finally get it, Apple Bloom. Could you tell me where Applejack is, please? I need to sort this out as soon as I can.” Phoenix’s tone was practically pleading to the young filly. Despite what she was told by her sister, Apple Bloom had a hard time not believing what Phoenix was saying. He just seemed so sincere.

“She’s over in the south orchard. Ah saw her walk over there about fifteen minutes ago. You’re… you’re not gonna hurt her… right?” Apple Bloom asked fearfully as her eyes began to water slightly. Phoenix put his hoof to her cheek.

“Apple Bloom, I Pinkie promise you. If I’m right, your sister and I could be friends by the end of the day. If not, I’ll never bother her again. I give you my word.” Phoenix made a cross motion over his heart and then placed his hoof over his eye. Apple Bloom went from afraid to confused. Phoenix seemed to pick up on it, though.

“I’ve been hanging around with Pinkie too long. But, I do give you my word.” Apple Bloom seemed to believe him once again. She reached her small hoof to his and shook it with an uneasy smile. Phoenix smiled back, but it changed into a sheepish smile when he had a thought.

“Which way’s the south orchard?” Phoenix asked awkwardly as he chuckled lightly. Apple Bloom giggled lightly and pointed to a dirt path lead to the south orchard. Phoenix nodded his thanks and began to walk down the path and saw how big the orchard was to scale. He was in awe at the size of orchards and the fact there were barely any workers. He hadn’t seen anypony on the farm other than Apple Bloom and she seemed too young for the manual labour required to keep the farm afloat.

Phoenix was walking for a few minutes until he saw somepony. He was a huge stallion with a red coat and ginger mane and tail. His cutie mark was a half-cut green apple. Phoenix thought he saw sparkles on it at first, but he wasn’t sure. Phoenix walked towards the stallion in hopes that he knew Applejack’s location.

“Excuse me, sir?” Phoenix politely got the stallion’s attention. They both looked each other down for a second or two before the silence was broken.

“Who are you?” Phoenix asked.

“Big Macintosh. Folks call me Big Mac.” Big Mac replied.

“It’s good to meet you, Big Mac. Judging how you looked at me a moment ago, I assume you know me.” Phoenix said to him. Mac’s eyes widened ever so slightly before returning to normal.

“Eeyup.” Big Mac replied.

“So, I’m guessing you’re related to Applejack and she took you to the hospital to see me.”

“Eeyup.”

“Thought so. I’m here to make amends with her. Could you please tell me where she is?” Phoenix asked.

“Eeyup. Just keep walkin’ along this path and you’ll catch her.” Big Mac replied. Phoenix smiled and thanked him as he continued walking.

‘If that guy works on the farm, then I can see how they’ve stayed in business. It’s like he had muscles on his muscles.’ Phoenix thought to himself as he reached a section of the orchard that was filled with apple trees that were void of their fruit. Phoenix followed the trail of empty trees until he heard a single thud and rustling from a tree in front of him. The tree’s apples fell from the branches and landed neatly into the containers that were laid at the trunk of the tree. From behind the tree, the mare Phoenix was looking for walked into his view. Her gaze was on the apples, until she looked up and saw Phoenix looking at her.

“Wha… What are you doin’ here?” Applejack asked in complete shock. Phoenix didn’t move to prevent her getting any wrong ideas about his intentions.

“I know why you hate me. I understand. I understand everything about your confusion. I can help you.” Phoenix said. Applejack didn’t react other than stare in shock and amazement.

“You… you know why Ah feel confused?! Why?! Why do Ah feel this way?! Please, tell me!!” Applejack pleaded. She looked like she was ready to get on her knees and beg.

‘It must be really eating at her.’ Phoenix thought.

“Sit with me, I’ll explain.” Phoenix said kindly. Applejack let out a sigh of relief as she sat with Phoenix. When they were both seated on the grass under the recently bucked tree, Phoenix began to speak.

“Well, let me start by asking you something. You were always taught to be honest by your family, yes?” Phoenix asked. Applejack nodded.

“And that there are people who lie to get their way?” Another nod.

“Well, that’s the main problem. Not with how you’ve been raised, but you’ve been taught to generalise liars as bad ponies. Not a completely unfounded generalisation, mind you.” Phoenix said. Applejack seemed to be in thought for a moment or two.

“Yeah, ah guess so. But, what does that have to do with this weird feelin’ in mah gut?” Applejack questioned.

“Well, when you met me, you made a judgement on me based on how you’ve been brought up. However, when I had my lapse in judgement and attempted to protect you from Nightmare Moon, it went against what you been taught since your foalhood. You’ve come to accept that liars are conceited, vain and all-around arseholes. Then, when I put your lives before my own, in that moment you just couldn’t make sense of it. I’m not the same as how you were raised to expect me to be. That fact alone just confuses you. I’d like to help you see that I’m not like that. I’d like us to be friends.” Phoenix finished his explanation. A moment passed and the silence was practically palpable. She was simply looking at him as if he’d grown another head.

She suddenly began chuckling weakly, until she was laughing loudly. Phoenix was unsure of what she was laughing at and nearly jumped out of his skin when she wrapped her forelegs around his neck. She had tears streaming down her face, but she also had a large smile.

“Ah… Ah see it now… Thank you…” Applejack said happily as her voice cracked slightly. Phoenix wrapped his forelegs around her and rubbed his hoof along her back and patted her back every now and again.

“Ah’m so sorry about how Ah’ve acted around-.” Applejack was cut off by Phoenix pulling her closer.

“Shh, shh, shh…” Phoenix gently shushed her in a comforting manner. When they finally let each other go, Phoenix just smiled at her.

“It’s not your fault. I forgive you.” Phoenix said. Applejack smiled and hugged him again, except much more gentle. A voice caught both of them off-guard.

“What’s going on here?” A male voice said in a somewhat offended tone. Phoenix and Applejack let go of each other and looked at the origin of the voice. The owner of the voice was a stallion with a coat that was similar to Apple Bloom’s and a chestnut brown mane and tail. His cutie mark was an image of three horseshoes.

“Oh, howdy, Caramel. This is Phoenix… a friend of mine.” Applejack smiled at Phoenix causing him to smile back.

“Right… Why were you two hugging just now?” Caramel asked suspiciously. Applejack rolled her eyes.

“He’s helped me deal with a problem Ah had with him. It was really getting to me and now Ah’m fine.” Applejack explained with an annoyed expression.

“Okay… Phoenix? Could you leave now? I need to speak to Applejack.” Caramel asked rudely. Applejack was about to say something, but Phoenix beat her to it.

“Certainly. I hope I see you around, Applejack.” Phoenix said kindly. Applejack seemed a little hesitant, but she gave him a quick hug and bade him farewell.

“Sure, I’ll see you ‘round, sugarcube.” Applejack said kindly. But, while her back was turned to him, Caramel glared at Phoenix. If looks could kill, Phoenix would’ve been six feet under. Phoenix waved at her and walked away back the way he came. As he walked away, he could have sworn that he heard shouting and arguing back in the orchard. He decided that he shouldn’t get involved and kept walking. When he finally reached the house, he spotted both Apple Bloom and Big Macintosh. As he walked by, he smiled and nodded at them. They instantly knew that things had gone well with him and Applejack, so they smiled and waved as he walked back to the town. Phoenix waved back until he turned and kept walking away.

When he returned to Ponyville, he discovered that Pinkie had thrown him a ‘Glad-you’re-all-better-and-thanks-for-saving-us-from-certain-death’ party. Phoenix simply chuckled and joined in the fun. After half an hour of Phoenix joining the party, Applejack and Caramel joined in as well. Phoenix could tell that Caramel was very hesitant to join in as he hadn’t taken a liking to Phoenix. Applejack on the other hand, met Phoenix with a kind smile and a strong hoofshake.

“Well, it seems that I’ve gone from waste of space to treasured friend. My explanation didn’t affect you that much, did it?” Phoenix playfully questioned. Applejack simply nodded her head.

“Ah only thought Ah hated you, sugarcube. As soon as you explained the reason for the weird feelin’, Ah knew in mah heart o’ hearts that you were a good man and Ah was wrong about you. Jus’... tryin’ to make a good impression now.” Applejack explain with a nervous chuckle as she rubbed the back of her head with her hoof.

“You don’t need to do that, AJ. My impression of you is already good. I think you may be one of the strongest mares I know. Not just physically either. It takes a lot of strength to admit what we get things wrong or when we’re not enough to solve a problem.” Phoenix said with a reassuring smile. Caramel was seemingly seething next to Applejack, but she either paid him no mind or didn’t know how angry he seemed. Applejack’s cheeks turned a little red.

“Heh. Ah kinda learned that lesson a few days ago. Ah tried to harvest all of the apples at Sweet Apple Acres all by mahself. Nearly passed out a few times and brought chaos to the town, ‘cause Ah had no sleep.” Applejack explained in an embarrassed tone.

“Oh, believe me, I understand. In one of my old jobs, I went three days without sleep to get a job done. Didn’t really work well, because by the end of the third day, I was hallucinating.” Phoenix told the anecdote humorously.

“No way! You’re pullin’ mah leg, aren’t ya?” Applejack said, trying to control her laughter. Caramel’s frown seemed to deepen.

“I swear, I’m not! I was walking by my bed, and I thought I saw a fish. The fish then looked at me and said: ‘are you my mother?’, then it flew away. After that, I immediately jumped on the bed and went to sleep. I was afraid for my health!” Phoenix was laughing by the end of the sentence which in turn, sent Applejack into a fit of giggles. Caramel finally stepped in and rudely jabbed Phoenix to get his attention, but it barely affected Phoenix, he just stumbled for a second.

“Leave, I need to have a chat with Applejack.” Caramel growled. Applejack immediately scowled at him.

“If you didn’t want me to hug him, that's fine. But, now I can’t laugh with him?! Next, you won’t want me talkin’ to him!” Applejack shouted. The sound drew some attention from the nearby ponies.

“You read my mind, Applejack! I don’t want you going near him! He- he could hurt you!” Phoenix noticed a slight falter, signifying him that Caramel was lying about something. Though, he didn’t really need to hear the statement to know he was lying.

“That’s a bunch o’ ponyfeathers and you know it! You just don’t want me havin’ any friends who’re stallions!” Applejack argued. The party had stopped around them and everypony was watching the argument.

“I’m your coltfriend! I can’t let you be around stallions who could take advantage of you!” Caramel shouted. Pinkie looked the most offended out of everypony, even Phoenix.

“Hey! I’ve known Phoenix for years and he’d never do that!” Pinkie shouted angrily. Phoenix was about to talk her down, but she had already stomped towards Caramel.

“Stay outta this!” Caramel shouted loudly at her.

“No! I’m gonna make sure that everypony knows you’re wro-.” Pinkie’s sentence was interrupted by Caramel’s hoof slapping her face. She wasn’t expecting the strike, causing her to fall on her back in surprise. Caramel couldn’t make another move, because Phoenix was already at his throat. Literally. Caramel was being held in the air by his neck, because of Phoenix’s magic. Caramel was panicking about the fact that Phoenix could actually kill him and the furious look on Phoenix’s face and the hatred in his eyes made Caramel think that he might’ve.

“Phoenix, put him down!” Twilight pleaded. Phoenix complied after a few seconds, his look of murderous fury changed to an angry scowl.

“As you wish.” Phoenix said as he dropped Caramel like a ton of bricks. Phoenix then brought Caramel’s attention to him.

“I find your lack of restraint disturbing.” Phoenix growled as he walked away. Applejack seemed to be glaring. Phoenix was about to apologise, but Applejack walked past him, towards Caramel. She pulled him by the hoof, causing him to stand, then slapped him in the face, just like he did Pinkie.

‘Ooh, with how muscle-y she is, I almost feel sorry for him. Almost.’ Phoenix thought as Caramel fell to the ground again. She turned tail and walked away from Caramel.

“Nopony does that to mah friends! Nopony!” Applejack shouted and stormed out of Sugarcube Corner. Caramel quickly picked himself up and ran after her. Everypony in the room remained silent as Phoenix knelt next to Pinkie and nursed the growing bruise on her cheek. The party ended after that and everypony left silently.

Phoenix walked straight to his house, straight to his bed and had mixed feelings about the day. He decided to check in with both Pinkie and Applejack in the morning.

But, that could wait. Phoenix had a date with the Sandpony.