The school day was a swirling blur of activity that day. I really couldn’t tell you what all I did during that time even if I wanted to. The only times that could be defined as ‘clear’ were the moments I spent with Swallow. I remember we talked, but they were fleeting exchanges. Eventually, the school day came to an end, and I found myself walking alongside Swallow, a bright smile on my face. And the fact that she was smiling as well filled me with a sense of happiness I hadn’t felt in a while.
Swallow and I talked about various things. We discussed the recently released weather schedule, the ever-closer winter wrap up and surrounding holidays, and various ideas for stories to write. I vaguely recall jokingly saying maybe I’d write a story about her. Swallow simply giggled, and told me she’d be honored. The whole time, despite the biting cold, I felt surprisingly warm inside. All good things come to an end sooner or later, and Swallow and I had to head to our respective homes.
As I walked home, my mind began to wander again. I paid very little attention to it, just letting the thoughts and images dance through my mind. However, one came up which I came to a full stop at. For a split second, I saw Swallow holding me in an embrace that was very, very different from the others. Her face was inches from mine, and she was drawing closer with every instant. I found myself feeling numb, and my heart was racing. But just as quickly as the image came to mind, I banished it with a rapid shake of my head.
Why did that image come to mind? I resumed my walking, forcing myself to think of something else. My heart was pounding, and I felt really full of energy all of a sudden. With a sigh of exasperation, I picked up the pace to get home. The whole time I was walking my mind kept trying to force that image into the foreground, and I kept forcing it down for reasons I couldn’t fathom. Even though that image brought such a large amount of happiness to my mind, it scared me at the same time. Every time it snaked its way back, I felt my heart beat harder.
I soon made it home, and made my way upstairs without a greeting to my family. Returning to my room, I sat down at the edge of my bed and started thinking. I ran over every moment I had spent with Swallow, analyzing them heavily. It only took a few minutes for a soft knocking to hit my door. “Come in,” I said, looking up. The door popped open, and Mom stepped in, a worried look on her face.
“Nettle, are you ok?” she asked softly, walking towards me. “You didn't say anything when you got home,”
“I'm fine, Mom. I just wanted to be by myself for a bit,” I answered, looking down slightly. A short silence filled the room, and all the while I was under moms searching gaze.
“Nettle, please. You don't need to hide from us,” she said, sitting down on her haunches.
“I'm not hiding from anypony. I just don’t want any distractions, is all,” I said, looking back up.
“It certainly feels like you've been hiding from us,” Mom said, voice taking a more serious edge.
“Been hiding?”
“Yes. Nettle, I'm not stupid. I can see it in your eyes. You're struggling with something, and don't want to share it with us. You've had that look for weeks now,” Mom explained, ears lowering. “You've barely talked to us, and when you have, it's always been short and clipped. It's like you're worried we might disapprove of you if you say something wrong.”
Mom got back to her hooves and came closer. I sat and waited. she was next to me on the bed, resting a foreleg over my back. I looked up at her, giving her a neutral stare. Her expression was a sad smile. I decided to speak up. “Well, that’s normal, isn’t it?”
“No, Nettle. It will never matter to me what you say or think. You are still my child, and I still love you. That's never going to change, no matter what happens.” She paused briefly, letting the words sink in. My eyes lowered, and I sighed.
“I find that hard to believe. There are a lot of things I could do that would make anypony hate me,” I mumbled.
“Not this pony,” Mom said, giving me a little squeeze. “It just wouldn't be right. What mother worth her bits would ever hate her own foal?”
“One that knew what was worth hating,” I replied, closing my eyes.
“That's what I was talking about. You're hiding from us by not letting us in. You're also hiding from us by not speaking your mind.”
“Not speaking my mind? I think I'm speaking my mind quite clearly,” I debated, opening my eyes.
“There’s more to you than you’re telling us. Something is troubling you, and we are all completely in the dark about it,” Mom explained, leaning down slightly so she could look me in the eyes. “Does it have to do with what we talked about yesterday?”
I bit my lip, but nodded. A long silence fell over us. Eventually, Mom smiled softly. “I think I get it,” she said.
“What do you mean?” I inquired, looking at her directly.
“Who is she?” Mom asked softly, giving me a reassuring pat. My heart rate spiked, and my body tensed slightly.
“I, uh... I don't know what-”
“Don't. I was your age once, too, so I know the signs. So go on and tell me, who’s your crush?” Mom asked, pulling me a little closer.
“I... Ugh... Fine, you win. It's Swallow,” I muttered, looking down. I could practically feel Mom beaming at me.
“See? Was that so hard?” Mom asked softly, giving me a gentle nudge. I didn't answer. “Have you told her how you feel?”
“No.” Silence dominated the room for a moment after I said that.
“Well, the sooner you let her know the sooner you can get it off your chest.”
“Get what off my chest?” I asked, looking back up at her.
“Do you know if she feels the same thing about you?” Mom asked, her smile much warmer than before.
“I don't know,” was my answer, my ears drooping. I wished I did, honestly.
“Well, there you go. You're feeling a heavy uncertainty, and that weight will drag you down until you can get it lifted. The only way to do that with this situation is to let her know how you feel, and see if she feels the same way,” she explained, the tone of experience in her voice.
“I... I don't know. I mean, aren't I a bit young to be worrying about this kind of thing?” I asked hesitantly.
“It's never too early to start testing the waters,” Mom said. She leaned down and gave me a kiss on the forehead, smiling at me afterwards. “I can't guarantee it will work out in your favor, but trust me when I say it will be better to get your answer now than later.” Mom stepped down from the bed, and smiled back at me. Without another word, she exited the room, closing the door behind her, and leaving me with my thoughts.
<^><^><^><^>
The rest of that day was pretty quiet. The whole time I was fighting an internal battle. On one hoof, I held such a strong desire to just tell Swallow how I felt. On the other hoof, I felt an unparalleled fear over what her response might be. I was worried about so many things, all of them directly tying in with the same issue. A lot of my fears I was able to dismiss as being completely illogical and bound to not happen, but it didn't keep them from surfacing.
Once we finished eating dinner, I found myself putting on my boots, scarf and coat. “Nettle? Where are you going?” Noctis asked me.
“For a walk,” I answered simply. I knew that there was no snow scheduled for today, so I knew I wasn't at risk of getting caught in a blizzard again. Before anypony could question me, I stepped out into the cold air. Everything was far quieter in the dusk's fading light. I started out at a slow pace. I began thinking over ways in which I could tell Swallow how I felt about her. My thoughts kept getting ejected as either being too sappy, too cheesy, or too unclear.
I soon came to a stop in a small park. I almost instantly recognized it as the same park Swallow and I had met in the day of that blizzard. I smiled to myself. With the light coating of snow, and the occasional tree around, I felt at peace. This night would spawn a new habit for me. A habit which persists even to this day. I started talking to myself. It was no more than a whisper, but the words came so easily.
“Hey, Swallow, I've been thinking recently. About a lot of things. You've been at my side since we met, and I at yours. I don't know about you, but I couldn't be more grateful. I can't think of any way I can even begin to repay you for being such a good friend. I daresay you're by far the best friend I've ever had.” I paused, as though listening to a reply, and chuckled quietly. “I'm aware, but it's true, Swallow.” As I talked to myself, an image began to paint itself into my mind. Swallow and I were in the town square, and she was blushing furiously at my compliment.
“That's sweet, Nettle. Thank you,” she said, smiling at me.
“You're very welcome,” I replied, falling into stride next to her as she started walking.
I knew it was just my imagination, but it all felt fantastically real. The snow was under our hooves, crunching with every step, the sun was shining, and I could hear the chit-chat of various ponies around us. I smiled over at Swallow, who still had a slight pink tint to her cheeks, which was quite adorable. “So, then...” I began, prompting Swallow to glance over at me. “Why are we out here?”
“I don't know. I just felt like walking through the snow, and you tagged along, remember?”
“Oh yeah.” We continued walking for several moments. All the while, I could feel a dancing warmth drifting through my veins. “Swallow?”
“Hm?”
“What are you thinking about right now?”
“Well... I'm thinking about how pleasant this is. I mean, no real worries, and even if there were any, I know you'd be there to help me fix them.”
I nodded. I'd always be there to help her fix her problems. “You got that right. What are friends for, after all? But...”
Swallow hesitated, and I stopped. She turned around to face me, a look of curious concern on her face. “What is it?” she asked, causing my smile to widen.
“Maybe I'd be able to help you more... If we were more than just friends,” I elaborated, taking a step closer to her. Her eyes widened, and her ears snapped to attention upon hearing that. I sat down directly in front of her, and held out a hoof. “Truth be told, I've felt like this for a while now. So, what do you say? More than friends?”
The image my mind painted next was spectacular. Swallow had this look of surprise on her face, which slowly reformed into the warmest smile I'd ever seen. She lunged at me, and gave me a tight hug. I laughed, and smiled to myself as the image faded. Sure, it was just an image painted by my imagination, but the image just seemed too good to pass up. I could feel it. This was going to work in my favor. Despite the cold of the snow, I suddenly felt beyond elated with this magnificent warmth, and my heart fluttered like a butterfly.
I kept picturing Swallow smiling at me in various different scenes. I'd take the first step towards making these images real the next time she and I crossed paths. I don't know for how long I was in that park, just running away with my imagination, and I don't care. This is one of my most treasured memories. Every time I think about it, even today, I still feel that warmth
When I finally fell out of my own little world, it had been almost an hour since I arrived in that park. I began the trip home, a bounce in my step. For the first time since I was attacked by Dusk Raider, I felt legitimately happy. No, this wasn't just happiness. This feeling exceeded any I'd ever felt before. The warmth in my chest, the fluttering of my heart, the way the warmth spread to every part of my body with every beat of my heart. It all added up. Even though I technically already knew this, it hit me so much harder when I really thought about it.
A beautiful Swallow had captured my heart, and I was perfectly fine with that. Even to this day, I can honestly say that my heart is still her’s, no matter what. What I say next has been true and will remain true until the day I die. Should you ever read this, Swallow, I want it to serve as a reminder. My smile widened as I whispered, “Twinkling Swallow... I love you.”
center]<^><^><^><^>[Swallow wasn't at school the next day. According to Cherilee, she had come down with a fever and would be staying at home for a few days to let it die down a bit. Naturally, I was worried, but I was still very distracted by the thoughts I had the previous night. My chirpy behavior that day did not go unnoticed. The end of school sounded by the loud ringing of the bell. I stepped out into the air, a broad smile on my face. I still felt warm and cozy, even with all of the snow.
“Nettle!” I heard a voice call. Glancing over, I saw Heartfelt Waltz waving at me. Teal Buckler was next to her, giving me a friendly smile. I trotted up to them.
“Hello, you two,” I said, smiling.
“You definitely seem to be doing better, Nettle,” Buckler said, lifting a hoof.
I smiled and bumped hooves with him. “Let's just say I found the motivation to cheer up,” Waltz beamed at me.
“That's great! What was your motivation?” she asked, bouncing slightly.
“Not to be rude, but that is my business,” I replied, placing a hoof on my chest as though I were making some kind of solemn vow. They both chuckled at my theatrics.
“Let me guess. You got a crush?” Waltz asked, a playful smirk spreading across her face. I halted, and my eyes snapped open. Waltz got a predatory grin. “Oh, I was right!”
“Uh, I... well, kinda...” I said, suddenly feeling really uncomfortable.
“Who is it?” Waltz asked, nudging my shoulder softly. I was about to tell her that was for me to know with a deadpan glare when Buckler cut in.
“Is it Swallow?” He asked.
“Um...”
“Come on, don't be shy,” Waltz said, chuckling. I sighed a moment later.
“Okay, jeez. You win. Yes, it's Swallow,” I mumbled. Waltz smirked.
“Buckler, you owe me 5 bits,” Walts said, smirking at him. Buckler groaned, and I glared at them.
“How long have you two been on this particular train of thought?” I asked, now a little annoyed.
“A couple of weeks,” Buckler replied, digging into his saddlebags. I slapped my forehead with my hoof. “Oh, relax. Take it from a pony whose had a fillyfriend; it is much easier to admit feelings to the special one if you tell others about it first.”
“Eh, I guess that makes sense,” I grunted. An awkward silence began to fill the air. I looked away from the two as Buckler got out his bits and gave them to Waltz.
“Have you told her yet?” Waltz asked.
“No, but I am planning on it,” I replied, looking back at her.
“Don’t wait too long. You’ll start to doubt yourself.” Buckler said, taking on a somewhat more serious note.
“Don’t worry. I’ve got it all planned out,” I said, that warm sensation spreading through me again.
“Well, good luck,” Buckler said, smiling. I smiled in response, gave him another hoof-bump, and then started on my way home.
<^><^><^><^>
I sent a letter to Swallow later that day.
Swallow,
I hate to be a bother, but when you get better would you like to meet somewhere? There are a few things I’d like to tell you. Don’t feel any need to reply right away. Just go ahead and send me a letter when you’re no longer sick, and we can go from there. Hope you get well soon.
-Stinging Nettle.
A couple of days went by. Each day I checked my mailbox, along with my window sill. Swallow had a habit of sending letters directly to my window, for ease of access, I suppose. On the third day, I got my reply.
Nettle,
Don’t worry, you’re not a bother. I’m glad that you want to see me get better. I’m not completely better, but I should be by tomorrow. I’ll meet you at the town plaza, if that’s a good point. Does just after school sound good?
-Twinkling Swallow.
And so it was decided. The following day, just after school, I began to make my way for the town plaza. I was nervous. Doubt after doubt began to form in my mind. What if she didn’t turn up? What if she said no? What if she was offended? These thoughts played out in countless little scenarios in my mind. I forced each one down, trying to remember that beautiful image my mind had given me that night in the park.
The smile, the hug, the words; Everything. I was almost there. Despite my nervousness, I was pretty giddy. If she let me in, if she felt the same way, I knew it would be the happiest day of my life. I smiled nervously, and looked around as I came into the plaza. It took me a moment, but I saw her. She was maybe thirty paces away, and drawing closer. I shoved down my doubts, and wore a smile. She wore the same smile.
I nodded quietly to myself, and made that first step forwards.