//------------------------------// // Skyfall // Story: Crisis of Infinite Twilights // by defender2222 //------------------------------// "Ok, this is just getting ridiculous!" Scootaloo complained. Below them Skyburst Sparle was stretching her wings, preparing to for her race against Spitfire. Off to the right of them DJ Twibrite had begun to play 'Danger Zone' to amp up the crowd. "And it wasn't before?" Shining asked, gesturing towards Sparkle-San and Twiley. Scootaloo rolled her eyes. "Ok, it was ridiculous before but now it’s just becoming ludicrous! What's next, a Twilight with butterfly wings who floats down and gives me free popcorn and soda?" The others looked at each other and then at Scootaloo, who was looking up expectantly at the sky. "I... don't think that one's going to show up," Spike said. "Oh... good!" Scootaloo said quickly, trying to hide her disappointment. "Good... I guess." "Loo-kun, I understand that this is all very strange and most unsuper-special-awesome, but you must mind your sphincter and remain calm." "My what?" Scootaloo asked. "Sphincter... you know..." Sparkle-San pointed at her mouth. Twiley scrunched her nose up. "That's not a sphincter." "Oh, then what is a sphincter?" Sparkle-san asked innocently. Tydal shrugged. "Well, it's found in ponies'-" ~MC~MC~MC~ "-BUTTS headquarters, Twilight Velvet speaking." Twilight's mom listened for a moment, the phone resting against her ear. "One moment please." "Mrs. Velvet, what are you doing?" Luna asked, entering the lobby. Her horn was glowing and she was dragging the restrained Twilight Twilight behind her while a blushing Dragon Twi hurried after her. "Twilimus, pull around to the garage!" Luna called out to the truck outside. "Roll out!" the robot Twilimus declared. Velvet shrugged. "Every day one of us has to cover the welcome desk while the secretary goes on lunch. Today just happens to be my day." She trotted out from behind the work station and smiled as she spotted Baby Twilight hanging in Luna's saddle bag. "Aw, I remember when my little Twilight was this small. She got so cranky when she couldn't break the laws of nature!" "Ba!" Baby Twilight complained, crossing her forelegs over her chest. "Well, this one can." Luna's magic let go of Twi Twi, sending the vamp-pony to the ground with a thud. "I brought a few new ones with me. Twilimus Prime, who is huge and a robot so brace thy self for that, is going to use the garage entrance. This baby dragon is also a Twilight." "Please don't call me Twizilla," the baby dragon murmured, embarrassed. "Sorry, no can do." Luna nodded her head towards the restrained Twi Twi. "As for the vamp there, she is just a giant-" ~MC~MC~MC~ "-asset to us all," Celestia said, looking down at the smiling group before her. Each was dressed in their finest clothing, beaming with pride as the Princess of Equestria awarded them with medals recognizing their hard work. "Yes, you six custodians have made Equestria a better place to live and for that I thank you." "Do you get the sense that the princess is running out of reasons to hand out the medals of honor?" one noble pony asked. "Do you ever wonder why we say 'hand over' when none of us have hands?" his companion asked. Celestia continued with her speech, pinning a medal upon each pony's shirt. "Now, I know there will be some that belittle your efforts, claiming that you are mere janitors. But I and all of Canterlot know that if it weren't for you fixing that backed-up toilet on the third floor, the entire castle would have smelled just like... well... the stuff that comes out of your-" ~MC~MC~MC~ "-pooper!" Pinkie exclaimed. "That's what you are, a big party pooper!" "Pinkie, ya know I ain't that," Applejack said, trying to be nice. "I just don't think it’s wise ta use a party cannon to fire knives and forks at ponies. I get its faster but seems mighty dangerous ta me." "I've worked out all the bugs this time, Applejack!" Pinkie whined. "The last time you said that you killed Mayor Mare!" "I'm not dead!" Mayor Mare said weakly, her foreleg twitching. Knives, spoon and forks were impaling her body. "Yes ya are," Applejack stated. "Now then, Pinkie, I-" "I'm feeling better." The farmer shook her head, glancing at the mayor. "No ya're not, ya'll be stone dead in a moment!" Pinkie tilted her head. "How will you be able to tell, AJ?" "I'm not dead." "We'll be able to tell because when a pony dies she'll void her-" ~MC~MC~MC~ "-bowels of the ship have several rooms for my crew," Faith told Princess Aurora. The two of them had gone to get more booze for the Truth, Dare, Drink game they were playing with the other Twilights in the BUTTS headquarters. "It sounds like a fine vessel." "Thanks." "So, you are the Element of Magic?" Aurora asked. "Faith, actually. Everypony just calls it magic because in my world Celestia wiped out all memory of the true name... and mine." "Hmm... I will have to investigate in my world to see if I did the same. I would hate to discover that I left a fine stallion like yourself trapped without a form due to my own fears." "Just be careful," Faith said, "I'm nice but more than one abstract's a really-" ~MC~MC~MC~ "-horse's ass!" "What's that Deadpool," defender2222, the writer of this fic, asked in confusion. The assassin, who was busy playing 'Fall of Cybertron', glanced over at the author, tossing the PS3 controller aside. "You are ripping off this joke-" "I rip off most my jokes," the blond stated. "...true, but that doesn't make this right! You are ripping off Austin Powers!" "I am?" defender2222 said in surprise. The merc with a mouth sighed. "Of course you are! It’s the bit where they look at Dr. Evil's rocket; you know, the one that looks like a man's-" ~MC~MC~MC~ "Privates!" Spitfire called out, marching in front of the gathered Wonderbolts. "I want each and every one of you to watch what is about to happen. One day you might be able to match me in skill and ability." "Please," Skyburst said with a grunt. "You are a rank amateur with delusions of grandeur, Spitfire!" The pegasus Twilight stepped forward, pawing at the ground. "Once I beat you for the fiftieth time I am going to drum you down to cleaning the team bathrooms!" "Shouldn't we do something about this?" Rainbow Dash asked nervously. "Of course," Tydal said, standing up. "Attention, everyone!" the crowd and the Wonderbolts all looked up at the capricorn. "Before this goes any further... let us sing the Reinssa national anthem, so we might honor this great land." Cold Snap quickly stood up and nodded. "He is right! Before the battle, we must sing our national anthem, for it is a hymn of battle! Lord Tydal, please begin and the rest shall follow." Tydal nodded and cleared his throat. Tydal (slowly, deeply, his voice rumbling) They Told Him Don't You Ever Come Around Here Don't Wanna See Your Face, You Better Disappear The Fire's In Their Eyes And Their Words Are Really Clear So Beat It, Just Beat It Tydal and Cold Snap You Better Run, You Better Do What You Can Don't Wanna See No Blood, Don't Be A Macho Man You Wanna Be Tough, Better Do What You Can So Beat It, But You Wanna Be Bad Tydal, Cold Snap, and Several More Perytons Just Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It No One Wants To Be Defeated Showin' How Funky Strong Is Your Fight It Doesn't Matter Who's Wrong Or Right Just Beat It, Beat It Just Beat It, Beat It Just Beat It, Beat It Just Beat It, Beat It They're Out To Get You, Better Leave While You Can Don't Wanna Be A Boy, You Wanna Be A Man You Wanna Stay Alive, Better Do What You Can So Beat It, Just Beat It You Have To Show Them That You're Really Not Scared You're Playin' With Your Life, This Ain't No Truth Or Dare They'll Kick You, Then They Beat You, Then They'll Tell You It's Fair So Beat It, But You Wanna Be Bad Tydal, Cold Snap, Shining Armor, and the entire peryton audience (many with tears in their eyes) Just Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It No One Wants To Be Defeated Showin' How Funky Strong Is Your Fight It Doesn't Matter Who's Wrong Or Right Just Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It No One Wants To Be Defeated Showin' How Funky Strong Is Your Fight It Doesn't Matter Who's Wrong Or Right Just Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It No One Wants To Be Defeated Showin' How Funky Strong Is Your Fight It Doesn't Matter Who's Wrong Or Right Just Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It No One Wants To Be Defeated Showin' How Funky Strong Is Your Fight It Doesn't Matter Who's Wrong Or Who's Right Just Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It No One Wants To Be Defeated Showin' How Funky Strong Is Your Fight It Doesn't Matter Who's Wrong Or Right Just Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It No One Wants To Be Defeated Showin' How Funky Strong Is Your Fight It Doesn't Matter Who's Wrong Or Right Just Beat It, Beat It Beat It, Beat It, Beat It "Alright," Soarin' said, stepping forward and joining the two mares that were standing in the middle of the arena. "This will be both a race and a stunt competition. You will be timed for speed while the judges-" he waved towards several grim-locking perytons and, to Scootaloo's group's surprise, Cadence (who'd managed to sneak away and join the panel) "-will score you on your performance while we take in your speed and time into account." "This seems overly complicated," Spike complained. Rainbow shook her head. "Naw, this is how all pegasi race/stunt competitions go. It all makes sense." "And as always, whoever catches the golden snitch will earn 150 points and the competition will end." Tydal stood up, shaking his hoof in frustration as they released the snitch. "Why focus on anything else then if all you have to do is catch the bloody snitch?!?" Shining tugging on his shoulder and Tydal sat down in a huff. "I hate this modern day so much. Back before I was turned to stone all competitions were settled in the most noble way!" "By killing each other?" Sparkle-san asked nervously. The capricorn frowned. "No, by Pictionary. Seriously Shining, what is the matter with you? Why are you always thinking about bloodshed?" “But… you…” "And... go!" Soarin' called out, only to be spun about like a top as Spitfire and Skyburst rocketed up into the air. Spitfire was clearly going for flair, rushing straight up before going into a tight downward corkscrew that saw her nearly striking the edge of the arena before her hooves lashed out and pushed her back upward. The crowd of perytons roared in approval as the orange-maned mare went into another ascent. "Oh yeah!" Rainbow cried out in glee. "Spitfire is using the Divebomb style!" Noting that the non-flyers were staring at her in confusion, the blue mare sighed. "It’s a technique designed to give you speed while showing off your moves. The flyer ascends then dives down, letting gravity give her a rest. She does some spins and moves and then, right when she reached the point of crashing, she- THERE!" Rainbow pointed to Spitfire, who once more managed to kick at the roof of a building she was almost ready to strike and send herself shooting back up. "Takes real talent not to splat yourself doing that!" "What is most boastful winged-me doing?" Sparkle-san asked. Scootaloo frowned. "I... don't know." Skyburst was currently keeping a low flight-path, just skimming the surface of the arena's upper walls as she bobbed and weaved about. "She looks like she's been drinking Berry Punch's special happy drink." Rainbow scoffed. "She's shocked at how good Spitfire is! No way she can match her! I knew she was all talk!" "Just like you?" Spike asked. "Yeah, just like... wait, are you comparing me to Spitfire or Skyburst?" Before Spike could answer Twiley pointed at Skyburst. "She's doing something!" Sure enough, the pegasus Twilight had stuck her legs out, her teeth clenched and body trembling. Rainbow Dash's eyes widened as she saw the tale-tell air barrier form around Skyburst's front hooves. "No... way!" Scootaloo exclaimed. "She's gonna-" At that moment Spitfire, who had been diving down so that she landed right next to Skyburst, was within 3 feet of her opponent when Skyburst shattered the barrier. Spitfire screamed as a blast of pure darkness hit her, sending her spinning. The leader of the Wonderbolts shook her head, looking about and realizing it wasn't darkness that had hit her but the night sky at its most beautiful. There were stars and meteors, and swirling galaxies and brilliant explosions of light. Spitfire dropped down, tears in her eyes as she let the Sonic Skyboom swirl about her. And then, as soon as it appeared, it was gone. Spitfire blinked, only to find Skyburst standing before her, the snitch in her mouth. "I win... again," Skyburst said simply. "You never stood a chance, Private... maybe if you study every day for 20 years you might match me, but-" "YOU THINK THAT WAS IMPRESSIVE?!?" The crowd gasped as, in the middle of the arena, a bolt of magical lightning struck, sending the remaining Wonderbolts flying. "Yes, yes I did!" Cadence said happily, bobbing her head up and down. "I gave it 10 out of 10 genitals!" She held up her scoreboard, only for one of the perytons to quickly push it down. "Awwwww." "ENOUGH!" the intruder bellowed. Her eyes were completely black, green energy leaking out of them as she shouted at the gathered ponies. The Amulet of the Alicorns was around her neck and her cape and hat had turned black with red stars from the magical overload. "YOU WANT TO SEE IMPRESSIVE? THEN LOOK UPON ME, THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TWILIGHT!" "Oh my by mother," Tydal grumbled, standing up. "I have a meeting with my brother, so could we please wrap this foolishness up and-" The Great and Powerful Twilight fired a blast of magic at Tydal, shrinking him down to an inch tall. Shining couldn't help himself and began to laugh at the sight of the tiny war god. “…I’m going to burrow my way into your intestines and gut you from the inside-out!” Shining calmly grabbed a plastic glass and put over Tydal, trapping the god. "ANYPONY ELSE WANT TO CHALLENGE ME?!?" the newest Twilight bellowed. "Lady, I don't know who you are or why you look like a wingless me, but you just interrupted my routine!" Skyburst took to the sky, glaring at the enraged unicorn. "So yeah, I think I'll test myself against you." "Oh, you dare challenge the Great and Powerful Twilight?" "Alright, I vote we all call this one Twixie to avoid confusion," Spike said. "All in favor?" "Ya!" most of the crowd called out. "All opposed?" "Neigh," The Great and Powerful Twilight said, annoyed she was losing the spotlight. "The yas have it. You are known as the-ACK!" Spike ducked down just as Twixie fired a blast of dark magic at him, reducing the bench he had been sitting on to goo. "Would you prefer Twilimoon?" "Enough of your jabs and your jokes!" Twixie snarled, rising up in the air as she used her amplified magic to call forth the power of the tornado and the hurricane. "I will destroy you all and then destroy the Elements of Harmony! Then, and only then, will my revenge be complete!" "What did the Element Bearers ever do to you?" Cadence called out over the raging storm, reaching up to catch Twiley, who’d been caught in the whirlwind. Sparkle-san was holding Scootaloo and Cold Snap Spike while Shining was left with the inch-tall Tydal. "They put me in charge of the library... at first I thought that fair and kind but then... BUT THEN... they committed the ultimate betrayal!" "And that was?" Scootaloo asked. "They all had overdue library books!" "...what?" Scootaloo said. "Overdue... library... books!" With each word a bolt of lightning struck the arena, forcing Twilite and Skyburst, along with Vinyl and the Wonderbolts, to take cover. "Do you realize how horrible that is?!? Why have a system for checking out books if you aren’t going to bring them back on time? And for that... and for that... they will pay! They will suffer under the wrath of-" And that's when the arrow struck Twixie in the flank. "AAAAA!!!" the mare screamed, whipping around to find the shooter. She used her magic to rip the bolt out of her thigh, snapping it in anger. "Who... dares!" "I do," the new arrival said, leaping down into the arena. She was another Twilight, dressed in white robes with purple accents. A hood was pulled over her head, hiding much of her face, and on each foreleg there was a strange bracer. "I do not know where I am or how you came about that Piece of Eden, but I, Twizo Auditore da Firenze will defeat you and reclaim it in the name of the Assassins’ Brotherhood!" "...am I the only one wishing we'd stop meeting a new Twilight every five seconds?" Scootaloo complained.