Rarity and Fluttershy both jumped. Rarity swallowed a heavy lump in her throat, then slowly turned around. “Rainbow Dash?”
Rainbow Dash hovered in front of them, still wearing her skirts and apron, mashed potatoes still clinging to her chin, and still smiling brightly. “What’s up?”
Fluttershy paled. “Um…”
“Rainbow Dash!” Rarity said again, putting on her very best not-at-all-nervous smile. “H-how are you feeling?”
“Amazing!” Rainbow Dash cried, throwing all four of her hooves in the air at once. “I’m getting married!”
A single, cold droplet of sweat trickled down Rarity’s forehead. “Uh, yes, I believe you mentioned something about that.”
“No, but now it’s official. Look!” Rainbow Dash held out a wide, golden unicorn ring.
“Oh…” Rarity swallowed. Up close, Rainbow Dash didn’t seem like a dangerous lunatic. “It is, um, very nice.”
“Yeah, it is!” Dash said, eyes sparkling.
“Um, isn’t that a unicorn ring?” Fluttershy asked.
Rarity glared at her.
“Yeah,” Dash answered, unfazed.
Fluttershy ignored Rarity’s glare. “But how will you wear it, then? You aren’t a unicorn. You know that, right?”
“Duh!” Rainbow Dash plopped the ring on top of her head, right on the spot where a horn would have been, had she been a unicorn. Of course, she wasn’t a unicorn. So the ring sat on her head, stuck in her mashed potato-encrusted mane, looking as out of place and confused as a giraffe in a snowball fight. Rainbow Dash grinned at them.
“Eh heh heh.” Rarity grinned back. “It’s very nice.”
Fluttershy frowned. “I don’t think—”
“Could you excuse us for one moment?” Rarity said abruptly. She grabbed Fluttershy by the shoulder and dragged her a few steps away. “What do you think you’re doing?!” Rarity hissed, pressing her muzzle close to Fluttershy’s ear. “Do you want her to flay our flesh from our bones?!”
“I know what I’m doing,” Fluttershy whispered back. “I’ve seen this happen to some of my animal friends before. We need to try to keep her grounded in reality, or she’ll just keep getting worse. We can’t let her lose herself to her delusions. She could hurt herself, or worse.”
“Fine, just wait until I’m—”
“Hey,” Rainbow Dash said, appearing between them. “What are you guys doing up here, anyway?”
Rarity jumped and laughed and smiled and turned around all at the same time. “Here?” she asked. “What do you mean here? Why shouldn’t I be here? Why are you here? Golly, I sure do just adore still having my flesh joined to my bones, don’t you?”
“Yeah, it’s pretty cool,” Dash answered. “But why are you at my house?”
“Oh, you meant that?” Rarity laughed too loudly. “We came… we came to see… you! We came to see you! But now we have seen you. There you are, right in front of us, and we can see you! Isn’t that right, Fluttershy? I guess we’ll be getting along now. After all, we came to see you, and now we’ve seen you. Whoo golly! Have a nice day.” She grabbed Fluttershy and began trotting quickly away.
“How’d you get up here, anyway?” Dash asked as they passed.
“We flew, of course,” Rarity answered.
Dash rolled her eyes. “I know how Fluttershy got up here. I asked how you got up here.”
“I told you we flew!”
“I carried her,” Fluttershy said quietly as Rarity dragged her away.
Rainbow Dash’s eyes widened, then she grinned. “No way! That’s amazing Fluttershy. Way to go!” She flew up to them and gave Fluttershy a hoof-bump. “I never knew you had it in you. Great job!”
Fluttershy glanced at Rarity, then blushed. “Oh, it was nothing...”
“That so wasn’t nothing!” Dash cried. “That’s seriously amazing!”
“Excuse me,” Rarity interrupted, letting go of Fluttershy and scowling. “Please, pray tell, what is so ‘seriously amazing’ about her carrying me up here?”
“I just never knew she had it in her,” Dash said again, grinning obliviously.
“And why is that?” Rarity asked.
Dash kept smiling. “You know.”
Rarity took a long, tired breath. “No. No in fact I do not know. Please do explain.”
“Oh, you know.” Dash shrugged. “Pinkie said you’ve been hitting the fudge pretty hard lately.”
Rarity’s face burned furiously. Fluttershy quietly crept away from her. Rarity swore, the next time she saw Pinkie Pie, they were going to have a very adult conversation about vendor-client confidentiality that the big, bouncing ball of pink lint wouldn’t soon forget.
“That fudge is for special occasions,” Rarity said through gritted teeth. “And I have not gained one single pound! Not a single pound. Why, I would bet Opal’s collar that I have even lost weight.”
“Cool,” Rainbow Dash replied, smiling. “But if you need me to carry you back down, just ask. Fluttershy’s probably pretty tired out, huh?”
“I can assure you,” Rarity said pleasantly, “we will require nothing of the sort. Fluttershy bore me effortlessly. It was almost as if I wasn’t there at all.”
“Actually…” Fluttershy, standing off to the side, closed her mouth almost as soon as she had opened it.
“Fluttershy!” Rarity cried, and stomped up to her. “Whatever do you mean?”
Fluttershy leaned towards her and whispered. “You go with her, and while she’s gone, I’ll find the rest of the medicine and get rid of it.”
“Why do I have to be the one to go with her?” Rarity protested. “I can find the medicine just as well as you can. And whatever Pinkie Pie says, I have not been eating any more fudge than any other pony with taste would.”
Fluttershy shook her head. “I already know where the medicine is. Please just go with her. Rainbow needs to be out of the house so I can get it.”
“But…” Rarity bit her lip. Time alone with a deranged pony was not high on Rarity’s list of ways to spend an afternoon. Flying with and being carried midair by said deranged pony was significantly less high on that list. But they did need to get that medicine... “Fine, then,” Rarity conceded. “But if she tries to flay my flesh from my bones, the blame will lie solely at your hooves.”
Fluttershy smiled. “She won’t. I promise.”
“How would you know?” Rarity accused, looking sidelong at Rainbow Dash, who was now enthusiastically leaning her head down on the other side of the cloud and enthusiastically rubbing her cheek on the cloud’s surface. “We don’t have any idea what she’s capable of.”
“I’ve known Rainbow Dash for a long time, since I was a filly, and I have never once seen her flay anypony,” Fluttershy said. “I think you’ll be fine.”
“If you’re sure…”
“And remember,” Fluttershy said seriously. “You have to keep her grounded in reality. You should try to explain what’s happened to her with the astragalus on your way home.”
“What?!” Rarity nearly shouted, then quickly lowered her voice before continuing, “Have you gone mad? The very last thing I should do is challenge an unsound pony’s conception of reality while we’re flying together.”
Fluttershy sighed. “It’ll be fine, but she might not be fine if we let live in her fantasies too long. The longer we wait, the harder on her it’ll be to break out of them.”
“Why can’t we do it here, then? Right now?”
“So that I can get rid of the rest of the astragalus before she has a chance to take anymore. The first thing she might do is try to take more, and that’ll make her even worse.”
“But…” Rarity groaned. “If you really think this is what is best for her, I suppose I can try.”
Fluttershy smiled brightly. “I do, and I know you’ll do really well.”
Rarity let out a small, noncommittal grunt, and turned towards Rainbow Dash.
“Remember, it’s very important that you try to explain what’s happened to her,” Fluttershy whispered as Rarity walked away. “And send her right back here as soon as you’re home.”
“Yes,” Rarity muttered as she trotted to Rainbow Dash.
Dash, apparently finding face rubbing to be entirely too mundane an activity for a pony as mentally unbalanced as herself, had started rubbing her rump back and forth on the cloud surface instead in the absolute most devious manner of rump rubbing Rarity had ever witnessed. Dash waved at Rarity. “Ready to go?”
Rarity followed the maniacal sway of Dash’s backside with her eyes. “Uh, yes. Yes I am. It wouldn’t be too much of a bother to ask you to carry me down, would it?”
“Nope!”
Rarity waited, but Rainbow Dash kept smiling up at her and caressing the downy cloud with her bum.
“Rainbow?” Rarity finally asked. “Could we please leave now? I have work I need to do.”
“Yup!” Rainbow Dash hopped onto her hooves, darted forward, swept Rarity off her hooves, dropped the startled unicorn on her back, and then dove over the side of the cloud, all before Rarity had the time to do so much as blink.
They dropped into the air and Rarity screamed. She grasped at the skirts dangling from Dash’s neck, but the rushing air ripped them off Dash’s body. Just as Rarity began to fall backwards, Rainbow Dash leveled off into a gentle glide, and Rarity flung herself around Dash’s neck.
“Never do that again,” Rarity said, panting and shaking.
“Do what?” Dash asked, not a hint of sarcasm in her voice. “Oh, and we should probably hurry. I have to meet Flitter for evening weather duty pretty soon. It’s her shift tonight.”
Rarity didn’t bother to respond. Slowly, she got her breathing and shaking hooves under control. Dash flew easily down in a gentle arc now, beating her wings in a slow, rhythmic cadence. Rarity found flying wasn’t so bad when she wasn’t hurtling down to a sudden, sloppy death. Rarity even began to enjoy herself. Dash’s cacophony of skirts—while looking utterly horrid from an aesthetic sense—were actually quite comfortable to sit on, and the brisk air did feel ever so pleasant passing through her mane. After a time, Rarity even eased her grip on Dash’s neck. Then she noticed the engagement ring tangled in Dash’s mane, and she remembered what Fluttershy had asked her to do.
She sighed. What a perfectly unpleasant way to ruin what had almost become a perfectly pleasant experience.
Rarity cleared her throat. “Rainbow Dash?”
“What’s up?” Dash asked.
Rarity opened and closed her mouth several times. What was the most polite manner in which to explain to a close friend that they had been unintentionally dosed with a dangerous drug, and moreover, said drug was presently causing them to literally lose their mind? After much deliberation, Rarity settled on, “This ring is gorgeous. I never knew you had such an eye for jewelry, Rainbow Dash.”
It was the single, permanent truth of the world that every salespony knew. When in doubt—flattery.
“Yeah,” Rainbow Dash replied, her voice muffled by the wind. “It took forever to find just the right one. I think I went to at least five different jewelers. Totally worth it, though, right? This was most expensive ring I could find.”
“The most expensive?” Rarity winced. “I do hope you purchased a return warranty.”
“Yeah, but I don’t settle for anything but the best,” Dash replied. “But actually, I don’t even care about that. I don’t want the best ring just to have the best ring. I wanted the best ring because this is the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I wanted something that could show that. So ponies could see it every time they look at me. Does that make any sense?”
“I suppose, but, Rainbow, I’m afraid there’s something I need to tell you—”
“And it really is,” Rainbow Dash continued, talking faster and her wings beating faster in time. “This is the best thing that’s ever happened. I know I don’t usually fall for all that sappy sort of stuff. Seriously, sap is gross. Have you ever tried it? But there are some things out there in the world worth getting sappy over.” She laughed. “Right now, I could eat a whole bucket of sap, just drain the thing, and I don’t think I’d mind at all. You know what I mean?”
“Dear, there is something very important I need to tell—”
“I just never knew it was possible to be this happy, to feel this happy. I mean, I love flying. Being in the air, I never feel better than when I’m in the air. Everything feels okay when you’re flying, no matter what’s going on down on the ground, it all sort of feels like it’s gonna work out okay when I’m flying. But this? This is just—” Rainbow Dash abruptly laughed and spiraled backwards through a somersault so quickly Rarity didn’t even have a chance to scream. “This is being in love! This is what it feels like to be in love, and I’d never fly again if it meant I could feel this way forever.”
Rarity began to feel very sick, and it didn’t have anything to do with the somersault. “Oh?”
Rainbow Dash’s flying became more erratic. She rose abruptly and then immediately fell, and her wings beat ever faster. “You were right all along, Rarity. I always thought it was really dumb the way you read all of those novels about mares and hunks and got excited about dating and putting on makeup and practiced making out with that mannequin you dressed up like Fancy Pants every weekend”
“How could you possibly know about that?!”
“Don’t worry about it,” Dash said, without the slightest tone of condescension or mockery. “I wish I spent as much time making out with Fancy Pants mannequins as you do, and I’m gonna tell Pinkie to stop laughing at you about it.”
Rarity’s stomach lurched. “Pinkie Pie knows, too?!”
“Sure,” Dash answered with a shrug. “Lots of ponies do. But really, don’t worry about it. I get it now. This is the greatest feeling in the world. I’d do anything I could to feel this way. I’d do anything I could to be in love. I just—jeez, I sound so stupid.” She laughed. “I just wish I could show you how amazing this feels.”
Rarity didn’t know what to say anymore. She didn’t know if she should be upset that half the town apparently knew one of her most embarrassing secrets, touched by the intimate feelings Rainbow Dash had just shared with her, or guilty for what she would soon have to explain to her friend. She ended up with a confused mixture of the three frothing about in her stomach like some horrible embarrassed, happy, guilt-ridden soup. She wished she had some fudge.
Rainbow Dash laughed again. “I’m there, Rarity. Right now, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I didn’t even know it was possible to be this happy. I hope this happens to you, too, someday, all of you. I really do. I hope everyone gets to feel this someday.” Rainbow Dash sighed contentedly. “Oh, hey, didn’t you say you had something important to tell me?”
Then Rainbow Dash turned around and looked at Rarity with a smile so honest and innocently happy that Rarity’s heart broke.
Rarity tried to smile back. “It… it can wait. Please bring me home.”
Rainbow Dash shrugged. “If you say so.”
Together, with Ponyville spread out beneath them, they drifted slowly down out of the afternoon sky. Rainbow Dash smiled at the whole world, and Rarity stared vacantly at the shape of Carousel Boutique, growing larger every moment.
__________________________________________________
Rainbow Dash dropped down in front of Carousel Boutique’s front door. Rarity looked around. It seemed the boycotters had tired themselves out, or maybe simply lost interest. Either way, they were gone.
“You can get off of me now,” Dash said.
Rarity muttered an apology and slid down off Rainbow Dash’s back. Her legs felt wobbly, not used to standing on solid ground.
“You good?” Dash asked.
“Oh, yes. I’m sure I will be fine.” Rarity stood up straight. “See?”
“Cool. I’ll see ya later.” Dash turned and jumped back up into the air.
“No, wait, Rainbow Dash!” Rarity said. “I still need to tell you something.”
Rainbow Dash dropped back down. “Okay. What’s up?”
“It’s…” Rarity suddenly became very interested in one of the curls in her mane. It had gotten tangled at some point during the flight. She couldn’t have that, now could she? It would be an absolute tragedy to go into a conversation this important with a tangled curl. Rainbow Dash deserved for Rarity to look her best. Rarity set about fixing it.
“Uh, Rarity?” Dash said. “You gonna tell me whatever, or can I go?”
Rarity finished fixing the curl in an alarmingly short time. She had gotten altogether too good at looking good. She cleared her throat and set her attention on Rainbow Dash. “It’s about your engagement.”
Rainbow Dash smiled at her.
“Are…” Rarity cursed that smile. “Are you sure you’re happy?”
Rainbow Dash laughed. “Uh, yeah. I’m pretty sure.”
“No, no, no.” Rarity shook her head. “I mean, are you really happy, or do you only feel happy?”
Dash still smiled. “What’s the difference?”
“Oh, I don’t know…” Rarity desperately wished she had another curl to fix.
“What does this have to do with me getting engaged?” Dash asked, one brow raised.
“What if you’re only imagining it?” Rarity asked.
“Imagining what?”
Rarity swallowed. “Being happy.”
Rainbow Dash shrugged. “What would be the difference?”
Rarity didn’t answer. She really wished she had some fudge. She thought about fudge for a while.
“What did you want to tell me?” Dash finally asked, breaking Rarity out of her fudgy musings.
Rarity hesitated, then steeled herself and stood a little straighter. “Rainbow Dash, I wish that, however short it may be, the time you and your fiance have together will be a happy one.”
“Thanks,” Dash said, smiling again. “See you later.”
Rarity nodded. “And tell Fluttershy… nothing, I suppose.”
“Sure thing,” Rainbow Dash replied, jumping into to the air and flying away.
Rarity watched her go, and noted that her friend was still smiling all the way.
Rarity walked back inside the Boutique. When she stepped inside, she saw that the mess Rainbow Dash had made earlier hadn’t gone anywhere. She would have to organize it all before she opened tomorrow. She ignored it, and trotted straight into the kitchen. She flung open a drawer, pushed aside its other contents, and pulled out her hoard of fudge.
She set it all on the counter, a small mountain of fudge, altogether. Rarity took a deep breath, and then threw herself face first into fudge mountain.
She ran and skipped down its sugary, sprinkled paths. She twirled and sang in its low, honeyed valleys, while the sugary wind swept over her mane. She collapsed in bloated bliss, then rolled down the coffee-colored hills. She grabbed up all the flowers she could as she rolled and tumbled, rolled and tumbled until she couldn’t see straight. She shoved the flowers, sweet as candy, into her mouth. She swallowed them down, eating them by hooffuls, and the whole world spun around her. She vomited up fudge onto herself and then pulled the delicious, wet mucous back into her mouth. She fell over into a syrupy chocolate lake, and plunged down, down, down until she couldn’t breathe or hear or think.
There was Rarity and fudge mountain, and then there was only Rarity.