//------------------------------// // Hold Your Ponies // Story: Scrambled Eggs and Mashed Potatoes // by HoofBitingActionOverload //------------------------------// Rarity’s thoughts were in tatters, like little bits of confetti blasted from Pinkie Pie’s party cannon, ripped apart and stirred together through the air. They fell down all around her. With the last of her sanity, she reached out and desperately grabbed ahold of the first scattered thought she could find. “But—but you can’t propose! He is supposed to be the one who proposes to you.” Rainbow Dash grinned. “Well, he can’t if he’s a she.” “He’s a mare?” “No.” Dash laughed. “But she is a mare.” “Who?” Rainbow Dash grinned. “The hottest mare in Ponyville, that’s who!” “You… you like mares?” Dash rolled her eyes. “Do you think you could try acting, I don’t know, happy for me? Just a little? This is kind of a big deal.” Rarity’s mind very slowly gathered up all her fallen thoughts off the floor, stitching together all Rainbow Dash had said, one by one, into a coherent whole. “And… you are getting engaged? Today? To a mare you have been dating for… forever?” “Thanks for the summary.” Dash squinted at her. “Are you diabetic? I’ve heard that diabetic ponies start acting funny when their insides screw up. You want me to grab you a candy bar?” “You’re getting… married,” Rarity murmured, still in a daze “Yeah, I’m gonna get you some chocolate or something.” Dash trotted to the kitchen. “You’re getting married!” Rarity cried as all of her senses returned at once. She ran forward and threw her forelegs around Rainbow Dash. But Dash stood halfway through the kitchen doorway, so Rarity only got a hold of her backside. She squeezed Dash, anyway, in an awkward rear end hug. Dash looked back and grinned. “Uh, yeah.” Rarity let go, giggled like school filly, then grabbed Dash’s frontside instead. “I am so happy for you! I don’t believe I’ve ever felt this excited,” she said, hugging Dash tight. “Now that’s the sort of reaction I was looking for.” Dash patted her on the back and pulled away. She walked into the kitchen. Rarity followed close at her heels. This was an announcement on par with… with… with nothing! Nothing more exciting could have possibly ever happened in the history of ponykind. Rainbow Dash was getting married! Rarity shook and jumped and tittered so much she felt like she was dancing. “You must tell me everything. Every little detail!” “Sure,” Dash replied, opening and closing drawers and cupboards. “I’m taking her out to eat tonight, and I’m gonna ask her while we’re eating. Oh, here you go—whoah.” Dash’s eyes widened as she looked into a cupboard. “Why do you have so much fudge?” She pointed inside the cupboard at a stack of fudge that had been hidden behind a saucepan. “Oh, never mind that.” Rarity’s face and ears warmed, and she quickly kicked the cupboard shut. “Where are you taking her out to eat?” Dash frowned and started opening the cupboard again. “Won’t you die or something if you don’t eat any chocolate?” “I’m not diabetic,” Rarity replied shortly. She moved between Dash and the fudge cupboard and smiled. “Now, dear, where are you taking her out to eat? Savoir Fare’s?” “Nope.” Dash backed off. “To my house.” This time, Rarity frowned. “That isn’t especially romantic. And I don’t believe taking her to your house really qualifies as ‘taking her out to eat.’” Rainbow Dash shrugged. “I was gonna make dinner for her, and then hide the ring in the food, or something. I thought that’s what you were supposed to do?” “Oh, yes, of course. That’s perfect!” Rarity’s face brightened as she imagined Rainbow Dash donning an apron and serving a home cooked meal to her special somepony upon a formally laid table for two, then offering that special somepony a ring in the veiled glow of candlelight. “I never knew you had such a flair for chivalry, Rainbow. What a wonderfully romantic gesture!” “Yeah, I’m pretty great at most things,” Dash said. She trotted past Rarity and out of the kitchen. Rarity followed her. “Where are you going? You still haven’t told me what meal you’ve planned for her. An appetizer of gratin dauphinois and a main course of pan-glazed tempeh, perhaps?” “Nah.” Rainbow Dash casually plopped back down on the pile of skirts in the front room. Rarity would have questioned her friend’s new affinity for jumbled heaps of loose-fitting, draped garments, if only the next words out of Rainbow Dash’s mouth hadn’t been, “Scrambled eggs and mashed potatoes.” “Scrambled eggs?!” Rarity cried. “And mashed potatoes,” Dash corrected. “I think I’ll hide the ring in the mashed potatoes.” Rarity stared at her. In the excitement of the engagement announcement, Rarity had forgotten just who was getting engaged. Rainbow Dash might have been the most etiquettely backwards pony Rarity had ever met. Rarity only then realized how much work she would have to do to keep Rainbow Dash’s engagement from becoming a romantic disaster of tabloid-worthy proportions. “So when she bites into the mashed potatoes,” Rainbow Dash continued, grinning obliviously, “she’ll be like, ‘Whoa, there’s a rock in my mashed potatoes!’ and I’ll yank the ring out of her mouth and be like, ‘Nope!’” Well, at last Rainbow Dash expressed a more than ample level of enthusiasm, Rarity mused. Rainbow Dash paused, looking thoughtful. “Hey, maybe I should put actual rocks in the mashed potatoes. You know, to throw her off the trail.” “Do not put rocks in your fiance’s engagement dinner,” Rarity said quickly. “And you cannot serve her scrambled eggs, either. To think, a mare serving her fiance-to-be scrambled eggs on the night of their engagement.” Rarity laughed at the absurdity of it. She felt truly sorry for any mare who had before been on the receiving end of Rainbow Dash’s affections. “No, eggs are much too crude and humble a food to be served on such an occasion as this.” “They aren’t when you scramble ‘em!” Rainbow Dash replied. “Besides, I’m making mashed potatoes, too.” “Do you know where eggs come from?” Rainbow Dash shrugged. “The store?” Rarity sighed. “No. And scrambled or not, I say again, you cannot prepare eggs for your engagement dinner. It’s just… paltry.” “Yeah, I can. I know how to make scrambled eggs, Rarity. Jeez.” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “But what about putting the ring in the mashed potatoes? Do you think I should mix it in a big bowl full of them, or—” “No! I am putting my hoof down on this!” Rarity stamped her hoof on the floor. “Rainbow Dash, you will not propose to your fiance-to-be while serving her scrambled eggs. It would be a—a heinous crime against romance itself!” Rainbow Dash leaned back on the skirts and folded her forelegs across her chest. “Yeah, I can and I am.” “No, you are not!” Rarity cried. “It is absolutely, unbelievably, unthinkably absurd that you would think this was acceptable. Why, if any fiance of mine pulled such a stunt, I would not only refuse her outright, but I very well might end our relationship on the spot!” “Wait,” Rainbow Dash said, suddenly sounding very small and quiet. “You think the ring in the mashed potatoes thing is a bad idea?” Rarity fought to hold in a scream. “I think it is all an atrociously, senselessly, horrid idea!” Rainbow Dash looked up at her, eyes watering and upper lip quivering. She sniffled. Rarity took a step back and caught her breath. She hadn’t meant to be so insulting. She inwardly scolded herself for letting her frustration get the better of her. Rainbow Dash simply required patience and a tender guiding hoof. “Rainbow Dash?” she asked cautiously. Rainbow Dash tilted her head up and opened her mouth, but instead of words, she let out a long, howling, infantile wail. Tears fell from her eyes and dripped down her face. Her breath came in choked, sobbing spasms. She blubbered some half-gibberish, half-weeping about rings and mashed potatoes and only wanting to do something nice for her fiance. Rarity’s jaw fell open. She stared at her bawling friend, not wholly believing what she saw. Surely, this must have been some kind of joke. Rainbow Dash did love her practical jokes, after all. And Rainbow Dash never cried.   But Rarity couldn’t deny what she saw with her own eyes. Rainbow Dash was crying. Besides Fluttershy, Rarity had never seen a grown mare cry so openly before. Fluttershy’s crying episodes had always been modest affairs, soft whimpers and muffled sobs. But Rainbow Dash—the pegasus let out another ear-shattering wail—Rainbow Dash was something else altogether. Rainbow wept with a violence and passion that would have made any daytime television actor seethe with envy. She threw herself into grief with the same kind of gusto and showmanship which she usually reserved solely for her only two loves in life—showing off and taking afternoon naps. Rainbow Dash seemed to put her whole being, to infuse her very soul, into the humble act of weeping, and Rarity could only stare at the spectacle of it. Rarity waited for Rainbow Dash to flash her signature smirk and break into a raspy laugh. But the longer Rarity waited, the more Rainbow Dash cried. Rarity slowly realized that those were real tears that streaked her friend’s face. And that Rarity herself had caused them. Rarity quickly climbed the skirt pile, rushed to Rainbow Dash’s side, and wrapped her friend in a hug. Rainbow Dash latched onto her like a foal to her mother, and Rarity held her close. “I’m so sorry, dear,” she cooed, rocking Dash from side to side. “I didn’t mean to upset you. You’ve done nothing wrong at all. I sincerely apologize with all my heart.” She stroked Rainbow Dash’s back, and Dash slowly quieted down. Rainbow Dash’s sobs turned to whimpers, then to sniffles, until the warm tears that trickled down Rarity’s shoulders ceased. “I fear I’ve acted the boor,” Rarity said, still holding her. “You came to me for help, but I lost myself in the excitement. I believe I may have been a tad selfish. This is your day, and she is your fiance, not mine. What I want is not important. You should do what you think is best. I never should have told you different.” Rainbow Dash pulled back. “Wait, so you think the ring in the potatoes is a good idea?” “Well...” Rarity bit her lip. “If you think she would enjoy it, I suppose…” “Ah yeah!” Rainbow Dash laughed and hoof-pumped, knocking Rarity off balance. Rarity tipped, fell backwards, and tumbled over the side of the skirts as Rainbow Dash smiled and watched. Rarity stood back up with a huff. Rainbow Dash seemed to have entirely forgotten that she had been crying her heart out only moments before. She sat upright on top of her pile of skirts, looking as satisfied as a queen of loose-fitting designer fashion sitting upon her skirt-pile throne. Rarity didn’t believe she had ever seen a pony’s mood swing more suddenly. “Ponies will be talking about this proposal for centuries!” Rainbow Dash said, her wings fluttering behind her back in time with her words. “Probably even millennia. I bet everypony is going to start putting the ring in the mashed potatoes after hearing that I did it.” Rarity opened her mouth to say something, and then laughed when she realized, “Rainbow Dash, you still haven’t yet told me who the lucky mare is.” It was incredible the things a pony could forget while caught up in the excitement of an engagement. “Oh, yeah. I guess I haven’t.” “Well,” Rarity said, waving a hoof at her, “go on.” Rainbow Dash smirked. “Guess.” “Oh, come now, Rainbow Dash. I don’t have the faintest idea.” “Nope,” Rainbow Dash replied, crossing her hooves over chest. “I’m not telling until you guess.” “Fine,” Rarity said with a small laugh and a shake of her head. “I do know her, yes?” Rainbow Dash laughed. “Oh yeah, you definitely know her.” Of course she did, Rarity thought. She knew most everyone living in Ponyville. That was assuming... “And I assume she lives here in Ponyville?” “Yup.” “Well…” Rarity had long suspected that, of all the stallions living in Ponyville, Thunderlane would be the one to capture Rainbow Dash’s heart. Thunderlane was attractive, athletic, competitive, somewhat crude—but considering Rainbow Dash’s manners, any crudeness would likely be to his benefit. More importantly, they worked very closely together on the weather team. But Rarity had never seriously considered the possibility that Rainbow Dash might not be attracted to stallions. She hadn’t appraised the mares of Ponyville as she had the stallions. She named the first attractive, athletic, competitive, somewhat crude mare close to Rainbow Dash that came to mind. “Applejack?” “Oh, gross!” Rainbow Dash made a gagging sound. “What’s wrong with you?” “What a terrible thing to say! Why would you say Applejack is gross?” “Because just… ew.” Rainbow Dash shuddered. “Ew. It’s not Applejack. Guess again.” Rarity sighed. She tried to think of other mares she had seen Rainbow Dash spend time with besides the five of them. However, she soon realized she simply hadn’t seen Rainbow Dash with many other mares besides them. Rainbow Dash had never been interested in the more delicate pursuits that other mares enjoyed. “I’m sorry, I really don’t have any idea.” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “You didn’t even try.” “I tried Applejack.” Rainbow Dash gagged. “Stop saying that! Or I’m gonna throw up on these jeans.” “Dear...” Rarity frowned. “Those are skirts. I don’t carry any jeans. This is a boutique, after all. Not a common shopping mall.” Rainbow Dash looked down and poked one of the skirts, then thoughtfully licked her hoof. She took a moment to swish the skirt-tinged spittle in her mouth. “Are you sure? They taste like pants.” Rarity cleared her throat. “Without anymore information,” she said simply, “I will never be able to ascertain who she is.” “Fine, but this is practically giving it away,” Rainbow Dash said, sounding disappointed. “She’s a pegasus.” Well, that certainly did narrow down the possibilities. Being an earth pony town, Ponyville only had a limited number of pegasus ponies. It matched what Rarity had initially suspected, too. Rainbow would never allow anything to ground her, not even love. Even so, there were still too many pegasus ponies to narrow it down enough. “Hmm… Blossomforth?” Rainbow Dash squinted down at her from her skirt pile perch. “Are you even trying?” “Yes, I am. Blossomforth is as good a guess as I can make. Unless I name every pegasus living in Ponyville, I don’t know how I’m ever going to suss her out.” “You don’t have to name all of them. You just have to name the right one.” “Thank you kindly for the advice,” Rarity replied pleasantly. “I will be sure to take it into consideration. However, I will need more information if I am going to continue.” Rainbow Dash sighed. “She’s on the weather team.” Rarity nodded. That, too, matched her expectations. Rainbow Dash might not have been the workplace romance type, but Rarity couldn’t think of a place more likely for Dash to find stallions who shared her love of flying and eating greasy food. What mares were on the weather team, again? Flitter, and her sister, too. What was her name again? “Is it Cloud Chaser?” Rainbow Dash snorted. “You’re, like, the worst guesser ever.” “I’ve done all I can with what little you’ve given me to work with,” Rarity replied. “Perhaps if I was given something more useful, I would be able to guess.” “Yeah, but you’re not even close at all.” Rarity bit her tongue. “Well, both Cloud Chaser and Blossomforth are pegasus ponies living in Ponyville and working on the weather team.” Rarity smiled so cheerfully, she worried her face would split in half. “That is all the information you’ve given me, so I personally feel those were both very reasonable guesses.” “Yeah, yeah, okay, I get it. But this is practically giving it away.” Rainbow Dash grinned. “She’s the best hoofball player in Ponyville.” Rarity considered that for a moment.  “...Applejack?” “Are you kidding me?!” Rainbow Dash jumped off her pile, kicking several skirts off the top. She hovered over it, wings flapping rapidly, frowning down at Rarity like some flustered mammoth, freak hummingbird frowning down at an especially irksome (and very fashionable) bumblebee. Rarity suddenly thought of a new style for her spring line. “You know I don’t follow the sport,” Rarity retorted. “The only hoofball players I know of are Applejack and Flitter. And you.” Rainbow Dash laughed. “Exactly!” She stared at Rarity, rapidly rolling both her hooves in the empty air as if they were playing a game of Pictionary and Rarity was just on the cusp of finding the answer. Because, of course, wildly waving one’s hooves in the air is a foolproof Pictionary strategy, and is sure to help your partner find the answer every time, and is much more sensible than simply continuing to draw. Unfortunately, Rarity had never been very good at Pictionary. “I give up,” she conceded. “I admit defeat. You are victorious. You, Rainbow Dash, are the butter to my glistening croissant. The cured leaves to my boiling green tea. Now, please tell me, who is your fiance?” “Oh, come on.” Rainbow Dash frowned. “It’s obvious if you just think about it for a second.” “No, dear, I can assure you that it is not obvious.” Rainbow Dash’s expression hardened. “Maybe you just don’t know me as well as I thought you did.” “That seems a tad unfair—” “Can I have these jeans?” Dash asked suddenly. “I—what?” Rainbow Dash landed just in front of her, so close their muzzles nearly touched. “I’ve wasted way too much time here already. I need to get going. And have you seen me on these? They should be on me. I just came here to get something to look good, and these jeans seriously make me look good. Admit it.” Rarity took a step back, looking between Rainbow Dash and the pile of je—skirts her friend had become so smitten with. “Well, I suppose—” “Thanks, Rares!” Rainbow Dash jumped into the air and grabbed the entire pile between her hooves. “I’ve got some eggs to scramble and some potatoes to mash. See ya!” She flew off. “Wait!” Rarity shouted, following her. “I didn’t mean you could take them all. And you still haven’t told me who she is. Rainbow Dash!” But Rainbow Dash had already bolted out the door and flown halfway down the street, trailing dropped skirts all the way. Rarity stood in the open doorway and watched her go. Well, Rarity thought as Rainbow Dash turned a corner and flew out of view, at least she had something to keep herself busy now. She would have to stitch and sew an entirely new stock of skirts. It would take days at least. She turned back inside and surveyed the mess Rainbow Dash had left behind. A few overturned display racks, some scattered skirts, and an assortment of dresses, scarves, and ribbons still littered the floor. Rarity set about cleaning. She furrowed her brow as she righted a display rack. Rarity considered herself a more perceptive pony than most, and especially keen in the ways of the heart. She observed closely those around her. She saw the little signals and gestures that so often went unnoticed. The way a mare smiled, the look in a stallion’s eyes—all the little unspoken messages that passed between soon-to-be lovers. Where others saw an ordinary laugh, Rarity saw the beginnings of infatuation. Where others saw a simple compliment, Rarity saw the pursuits of courtship. Where others saw a slight blush, Rarity saw the fires of passion. Rarely did a couple come together in Ponyville that Rarity didn’t first anticipate. It was impossible that she could have failed to see the growing affection in a pony as close to her as Rainbow Dash. Impossible. She watched her friends the most closely of all. She would have seen it. No, it was impossible. Rainbow Dash couldn’t have kept a relationship secret from her. A one-night tryst, perhaps, but nothing longer term. Rainbow Dash was too loud and showy a mare to keep any secret for long. Rarity paused. Then again, no matter how strangely Rainbow Dash had been acting, her affections for this other mare had seemed genuine, as had her intentions of proposing. Rarity had sensed no deceit. But Rainbow Dash certainly had been acting strangely, as well. Not just the sudden engagement announcement, but the crying episode, and when she had hit her head on the floor and hadn’t even noticed. This would require further investigation, Rarity decided. But how? Rarity would have liked to visit Rainbow Dash’s house herself tonight. Then she would have been able to watch from the shadows and see who arrived for herself. But she had no way of getting up to Rainbow’s cloud home. Not without help. And who would help her secretly spy on Rainbow Dash while Rainbow (allegedly) proposed to another mare? A knock at the door interrupted Rarity’s thoughts. “Coming,” she called. She opened the door, and Fluttershy came tumbling inside, hooves full of glasses and bottles. “I’m so sorry I took so long,” Fluttershy said, panting and out of breath. “I didn’t know which ones you wanted, so I grabbed as many as I could carry. I came back as fast as I could, but those ponies outside wouldn’t let me in.” “It’s no bother. To tell the truth, I had forgotten I ever sent you to get them.” Rarity examined the beauty products Fluttershy had brought back. She noted with a frown that she already owned a bottle of nearly every one. Ah well, there was no such thing as owning too many beauty products. “We won’t be needing any of them, after all. Rainbow Dash has already gone.” “Oh, where do you want me to put these, then?” Fluttershy asked. “Just lay them down anywhere. I can get to them myself when I clean the rest of this mess.” “Okay.” Fluttershy frowned as she gently placed the glasses and bottles on the floor. “I wanted to ask Rainbow Dash how she was feeling before she left. I’ve been worried about her. She was so sick before, she could hardly stand up.” She looked to Rarity, eyes wide and worried. “How did she seem to you? Did she look better?” “She seemed…” Rarity considered. ‘Deranged’ would probably seem too harsh a word. “Lively.” Fluttershy smiled. “That’s so good to hear! I was worried about that medicine. Did you know, before yesterday, I’d always heard it was only used as an ingredient in love potions. But Zecora told me it could be used for feather flu, too, but it can have some awful side effects. Zecora said to use only a small dose, but Rainbow Dash was so sick, I think I used at least twice that.” Rarity arched a brow at her. “So, you knew about her date, then?” “Not before today, when she told you.” “And you didn’t have any idea at all before then? Not so much as an inkling?” “Um, no.” Fluttershy frowned. “Why? Who is she going on a date with?” “She refused to tell me, and she said this isn’t even their first date together. They’ve been dating for months,” Rarity explained. “Not only that, but—and you will never believe this—Rainbow Dash plans on proposing to her this very night!” Fluttershy’s eyes widened, and then she jumped in the air and giggled. “Oh, that’s so wonderful!” But she quickly dropped back down to the ground. “Wait, she’s proposing tonight? “Yes. Tonight, in her home.” “But… how is that possible?”  “Your guess is as good as mine.” Rarity shrugged. “I’ve thought it over all I can, but I still don’t know. Rainbow Dash hasn’t acted any differently recently than she ever has. Have you seen her spending more time with somepony than usual? Or perhaps talking about somepony more than usual? Or anything out of the ordinary at all?” Fluttershy’s faced scrunched up and she squinted down at the floor. She looked up. “Is it Applejack?” “No,” Rarity replied with a small laugh. “I believe I can say for certain that it is not Applejack.” Fluttershy squinted down at the floor again, then shook her head. “No, I don’t think I’ve seen her acting any differently recently. I’ve seen her nearly every day for the past week, and I’ve gone to all of her practices. I don’t know how she could possibly have time for a special somepony.”          Rarity nodded. That confirmed it, then. “Neither do I, and I am certain without a doubt I would have noticed something. Anything. At least, somepony would have. This all seems very suspicious to me.” “Are you sure it isn’t Applejack?” “Quite sure,” Rarity said, then hesitated. Or was she sure? Now that Rarity considered it, she realized she really didn’t have any idea. Rainbow Dash denying that it was Applejack might actually have made Applejack the most likely suspect. Rarity felt sick at the thought. There could be only one way to find out for sure. Well, there were many ways to find out. But only one that involved the sort of intrigue a secret love affair such as this called for. It wasn’t as if Rarity had anything else to do today. She needed to find something to busy herself with. What fun! “Fluttershy,” Rarity said delicately. “I believe our friend may be in dire trouble.” “What? Why? What’s wrong?” “I’m not sure.” Rarity lowered her head and narrowed her gaze appropriately. Fluttershy was a polite pony. An admirable quality, to be sure, but it could be an inconvenience at times. Rarity expected Fluttershy would be much too modest to agree to help Rarity spy on one of their friends. But Fluttershy would never dare refuse to help a friend in need. And Rainbow Dash probably did need help, of a certain kind. “I think we should check up on her right away.” “I’ll go right now.” Fluttershy cantered to the door. Rarity quickly stepped in front of her. “I think you should take me with you.” “Why?” “Just in case.” Fluttershy frowned. “Just in case of what?” “In case of anything. You can never be too careful,” Rarity said importantly, her tone implying all manner of terrible things that might befall Fluttershy if she went alone. “Oh, okay. Do you want to go get Twilight’s balloon?” “No, there’s no time for that. You’ll have to carry me.” “Oh…” Fluttershy shrunk back a little. “Are you sure you don’t want to get Twilight’s balloon?” “Yes, I am sure. I—we need to see Rainbow Dash right away.” Fluttershy frowned and looked down at the floor. “Okay,” she said, but made no move towards the door. “What’s wrong?” Rarity discreetly sniffed her mane. “I promise you that I’ve bathed today.” “It’s not that…” “Well, what is it then? We should not be wasting so much time.” “I’m not sure I can carry you,” Fluttershy said quietly, shrinking back further. “I think you might be too, um, too heavy for me.” Rarity gasped. “Fluttershy! I—you—why I never—I am not too heavy for anypony!” “But I’m a weak flyer,” Fluttershy said, lowering herself all the way down to the floor and drawing her wings and mane about her. “And it’s just…” “Just what?” Then Fluttershy said, so quietly Rarity had to lean in close to hear, “Pinkie Pie told me you’ve been buying a lot of fudge at Sugarcube Corner...”          Rarity narrowed her eyes. She was going to have to have a talk with Pinkie Pie. Those purchases had been made in confidence. “I’ll have you know, that fudge I purchased is for special occasions only. Special occasions!” she repeated, drawing herself up. “It isn’t so that I may gorge myself on chocolate every night.” Admittedly, Rarity had a loose definition of ‘special occasion.’ She had eaten fudge every day for the past week. Boredom had a curious effect on one’s appetite. All the more reason to go see what Rainbow Dash was up to. “Oh, I’m so sorry,” Fluttershy said quickly. “I didn’t mean anything by it, I promise!” Rarity nodded deliberately. “Now, I can assure you I am as graceful and slender as any proper lady ever has been. More so, even. I could model my own dresses in Manehatten, if I were a vain mare. I promise you won’t have any trouble lifting me at all. In fact, I expect the experience will be much like carrying that little bunny you are always trotting about with. ” Fluttershy nodded meekly. “Good,” Rarity said with a smile. “Now with that out of the way, Rainbow Dash needs our help. We should leave at once.” Rarity trotted to the door. “Wait, don’t open that!” Fluttershy said. Rarity opened the door anyway. “We don’t have any time to w—” “There she is!” a voice cried outside. Rarity turned. Just beyond Carousel Boutique’s lawn, three ponies marched together in a small circle. Three accompanying picket signs waved over their heads. As they marched, stepping in unison, they smiled and laughed just as cheerfully as any group of protesters ever could. “Workers of the world, unite!” the first yelled. “Better dead than red!” the second cheered.          “Fifty-four forty or fight!” the third shouted. Behind them, standing on a small stool and holding a megaphone, stood Flitter. She grinned right at Rarity, looking as smugly triumphant as Pinkie Pie had that time she taught Gummy how to slow dance in time for the Canterlot Masquerade Ball. Then Flitter turned to her protesters. “Good work, girls!” she encouraged them. “Keep it up!” Rarity ran outside, past the picketers, and up to the stool. “Flitter! Why on earth are you staging a political protest in front of my boutique?” “Make love, not war!” the first protester cried. “Pacifists are parasites on freedom!” the second roared. “A dollar a day, roasted carrots, and the gryphons must go!” the third screamed. All the while, the three of them marched in a circle together, blissfully smiling and chanting away. Rarity frowned. “What political movement are you even supporting?” “It’s not a political protest!” Flitter yelled at her through the megaphone. Rarity staggered back, ears nearly bursting. Flitter cringed and dropped megaphone. “Whoops, sorry. Wait!” Her cringe turned to a scowl. “I mean not sorry, because this is a boycott! And we’re not going to stop until you apologize to me.” “But you’ve never bought anything.” Rarity looked at the other picketers. She didn’t recognize any of them. “And I’m fairly certain these three have never stepped so much as one hoof in my boutique.” “So?” Flitter asked. “That’s the whole point of a boycott.” Rarity chuckled. “Flitter, dear, do you know what the word ‘boycott’ means?” “Yeah,” she answered quickly. “Maybe. Why?” Rarity laughed again. “Oh, no reason at all. You have fun now. And try not to hurt yourself, okay?” She patted Flitter on the shoulder, then turned around and walked back to the front door, leaving Flitter looking frustrated and confused on the stool. As Rarity walked past the oblivious trio, the first bellowed, “Where’s the beef?!” The second cheered, “We love to make you smile!” The third hurrahed, “Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don’t!” Finally, as Rarity stepped inside and closed the door behind her, Flitter called after her, “I’m gonna tell Rainbow Dash about this tonight! You just wait!” Fluttershy rushed to Rarity’s side. “Are you okay?” “Of course I am,” Rarity replied. “I do worry about that poor girl, though. She doesn’t know her head from her rear-end. And why does she think Rainbow Dash would care? We’ll leave through the back.” Fluttershy nodded, and they went to the back door. Outside, they stepped out onto the back lawn. Rarity waited for Fluttershy to go on, still hearing the muffled contradictory chants of the boycotters. But Fluttershy seemed content to stand quietly by the doorway. After a time, Rarity tapped her hoof on the ground, and Fluttershy didn’t move. Rarity sighed dramatically, and Fluttershy didn’t move. Rarity looked pointedly at her, and Fluttershy still didn’t move. Her repertoire of subtle displays of annoyance exhausted, Rarity finally asked, “Are you waiting for something?” “Oh, sorry,” Fluttershy said, refusing to meet her gaze. She stepped forward, but hesitated a moment, covertly glancing over at Rarity while pretending to preen her wings. Rarity sighed. “Fluttershy, I assure you, while I may have been eating slightly more fudge recently than usual, I am no heavier than I have ever been.” “Um, of course you aren’t,” Fluttershy said with a frown. She slowly crouched low to the ground. “Thank you,” Rarity said with a satisfied smile. She stepped over Fluttershy’s back. Fluttershy shuddered beneath her, but Rarity settled herself down comfortably. “All right, dear. I am ready.” Fluttershy took a deep breath, and then pumped her wings. Fluttershy strained much more than Rarity had expected. They rose shakily and slowly into the air and over Carousel Boutique. Rarity turned and looked back at her flanks. She noted with some worry that perhaps her curves appeared just a smidge more ample than usual. But Fluttershy finally finished her climb, and they began a steady glide towards Rainbow Dash’s cloud home. “Good work,” Rarity said. “I told you I wouldn’t be any trouble.”          “Th-thank you,” Fluttershy managed between pants. Rarity took a moment to enjoy the feeling of being in the open air. A cool breeze swept through her mane, and the chants of the inane boycotters drifted up below. Rarity closed her eyes and breathed deep of— Fluttershy dropped suddenly, and Rarity cried out and held on tight. Luckily, Fluttershy rapidly flapped her wings, and they steadied again. Rarity held close to Fluttershy’s back and neck from then on. She decided then and there that she would throw out the fudge as soon as she returned to the Boutique. But Rarity giggled excitedly when she saw Rainbow Dash’s home in the distance. Soon she would know just who Rainbow Dash’s fiance was, if Rainbow Dash had one at all. All of Rainbow Dash’s odd behavior would be explained. And who knew what other yet-unknown secrets waited to be revealed? And she had thought this would be a slow day.