//------------------------------// // Chapter 8 - A Thousand Miles part 1 // Story: The Foals of Harmony: Equestrian Rhapsody // by Rainy Meadows //------------------------------// Nothing really matters Anyone can see Nothing really matters Nothing really matters to me... “Hex?” Twilight ventured. “Are you sure this is a good idea?” The brown unicorn crouched on the ground, his muzzle mere inches away from the bolt he was telekinetically tightening in the newly constructed teleport gate which rested on the outside of the library. “What’re you talkin’ about?” he asked. “You’re the one who suggested that we have one at the library in the first place. What, have you forgotten that already? I don’t like the idea of my friends having to trek up a whole mountain if they just want a chat, and I certainly don’t want to have to hike down whenever I want to visit you. Do you?” “I know,” said Twilight, “but what if it malfunctions?” “Relax,” said Hex. “It’s bound to work. It’s me, isn’t it?” If one of her other friends had said something like that, Twilight would have instantly given them a harsh berating for being so full of himself/herself, as it was more than likely completely unnecessary. But somehow, for a reason she couldn’t explain, Hex was an exception. All those little gizmos and gadgets he made almost always worked flawlessly, so he had every reason to expect this one to work as well. He was, as Rainbow Dash had stated, always right. Not to mention good looking, with his crazily scruffy mane and tail and eyes that sparkled like brilliant emeralds... Twilight was positive now that she had a crush on him. It wasn’t the kind of thing you could learn from looking in a book, even though naturally she had ransacked the entire library trying to find information about the development and sustainment of pony relationships. It felt like... like if anything ever happened to him, anything bad, like if he got sick or really badly hurt, she wouldn’t be able to live with herself if she didn’t do something for him. She watched him as he worked, humming a jaunty, happy sounding tune as he connected each wire and tightened every screw and bolt, his nose less than a foot away from the metalwork as he squinted in concentration with his eyes riveted solidly on the expanding teleport gate. It was almost as if he did this every day. Which of course, most likely, he did. Celestia knows what he got up to in that shop of his. He had been spending more and more time up there, working on that GLaDOS of his. Recently, he had told her exactly what it was: a sentient supercomputer capable of independent thought and decision making, based around one of the same design and name in one of ninety nine parallel dimensions. It had been driven nuts by a woman’s personality being forcibly uploaded into it, and had killed almost everyone in the facility it inhabited with a horrible neurotoxin. Not to mention being uploaded in a potato and replaced by the biggest moron ever to have existed... and defeated twice by the same mute. Hopefully, he had added, this one... wouldn’t do that. She had to mentally force herself, as he carefully constructed this most recent technological creation, not to stare at his flank. ‘He’s so clever,’ Twilight found herself thinking. ‘I used to think I knew more than anypony, but he’s done and seen things I’ve never even dreamed of! And yet, he doesn’t act like it. He’s so... humble, and he’s definitely the last guy I could see Rainbow Dash making friends with.’ “Done!” he said, and took a step back. “Now to test it out.” He activated his ear bud and said “You ready for us, Rainbow?” “Ready and waiting,” said the waiting Rainbow Dash from her position in Hex’s shop. Without looking around she said “Don’t touch that,” and Soarin’ quickly withdrew a curious hoof from a dog kennel – which had two glowing eyes protruding from within its darkness. “Right,” said Hex, and he handed his ear bud to Twilight. “If it works, Rainbow will let you know. Here goes nothing!” He pressed several keys on a pad by the side of the gate, which flickered into life, first with a miniscule bead of blue light at its centre, followed by an explosive rush of light which engulfed the entire gate in an aura of blueness. The terracotta scientist took a deep breath, smiled to himself, and confidently stepped through the teleporter. Twilight waited for Rainbow Dash to confirm he had arrived. After five full minutes, she started to get worried. “Are you two having a make-out session or something?” Dash asked eventually. “You mean he hasn’t come through?” said Twilight, the familiar poison of panic seeping into her mind. “No, he hasn’t!” said Dash. “What’s going on down there?” “I told him something might go wrong!” cried Twilight. “It’s been five minutes and he hasn’t come out yet! I’m going in there and getting him out!” All rational thought was dismissed as she tore off the ear bud, ignoring Dash’s desperate reasoning, and dived headfirst into the teleporter. It was dark. Very dark. And dusty, and messy. As his senses one by one returned to him, Hex sat up and rubbed his head, examining his surroundings. He wasn’t in Equestria anymore. That much was obvious. Equestria was a place of bright pastel colours, cool green grass and clean, tidy buildings. In this place, the colours seemed a lot darker, earthier and more realistic. While everything in that place had a generally happy and harmonious tone, this place seemed more edgy, threatening and frightening. ‘Wait a sec,’ Hex thought, ‘I know this place.’ He stood up, and was immediately aware that he was considerably taller than he had previously been, plus he was apparently physically incapable of manoeuvring properly on all fours. It was a lot easier– a smeg of a lot easier – to stand on his hind legs. This place was familiar... but how? He looked around. It appeared to be the remnants of some sort of lab. Up above, right ahead of him, was a balcony-type area with an arrangement of computers on it. On the wall was some other sort of computer type thing – he didn’t want to go into detail, for the patience of the readers – and the other wall was a blank sheet of solid steel and a small control panel with a switch on it. He did know this place. If he looked behind him, he would see a raised platform, with blue lights and stuff and guard rails surrounding it and if he looked up he would see a big, bulky lump of machinery with some broken cables and an arm thingy pointing at where the platform would be if it were raised about ten feet into the air. But he looked back all the same, and was stunned by what he saw. Lying on the platform, leaning unconsciously against the guard rails, was a girl in her late teens. Her hair was long, reaching down past her shoulders, and shone blue in the dim light, with stripes of pink and purple. Her form was slim and slender – she wore a lavender shirt with a mini skirt of a slightly darker shade and dark tights, with neat-looking black ballet flats. Around her waist was a belt with a large decorative buckle, and an image on it of a magenta 6-pointed star surrounded by five smaller sparkles. She was... beautiful. “Twilight?” asked Hex carefully. “Is that you?” As she groaned and her eyes started to open, he walked over to her and knelt down until he was at eye level. “Are you alright?” he asked. In truth, Twilight felt as if she had just tap danced her way through a sonic rainboom before sprinting to Canterlot and back. She opened her eyes and found herself face to face with Hex, who had somehow reverted to his human form. “I think so,” she said, “although I notice you’re human again.” She looked around. “And we aren’t in Ponyville anymore,” she stated. “You got that right,” said Hex, as he glanced at their surroundings once more. “Okay, Mister Techno,” said Twilight, “where in Equestria are we?” Hex gulped and said “If I tell you, do you promise not to freak out?” “I promise.” “Twilight...” He gulped again, obviously terrified of what he was about to say, “something tells me we aren’t in Equestria anymore.” “How do you know?” “Don’t believe me? Look at your hands!” “Hands? I don’t have...” Twilight trailed off. She had been raising her front hooves to show him that they still were, and always had been, front hooves, but-but they weren’t hooves anymore. Instead she had these big fleshy claw-like things on the edge of her drastically shortened forelegs. “What the-” How would YOU put it into words? “Hex, what the hell has happened to me? I look like- I look like you!” She looked down at her chest. “And what’re these for?” she asked, grabbing her- Hex had to look away, face redder than an angry raspberry. “Well, they’re not for that, I assure you,” he said, and Twilight lowered her hands. Hex straightened up, standing on his hind- his only legs and held out a hand, which Twilight gratefully took, and he helped her onto her feet. She wavered for a moment, having spent her whole life on four legs, and found it easier to lean on her friend’s shoulder. “Thanks,” she said. “What’re friends for?” asked Hex with a smile. Twilight also took note that he was wearing exactly the same clothes as he had been the last time she saw him as a human. “So what is this place?” she asked. “I’ll tell you,” said Hex, “but you have to promise not to freak out. Do you promise?” “Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye,” said Twilight mimicking the motions of the infamous Pinkie Promise. Hex stared at her blankly for a moment, and then he explained where they were. “I told you that there were a hundred parallel dimensions,” he said, “and that Equestria was the thirty-sixth. We’re in the thirty-third now. And... I hate to tell you this, but this is where the Combine come from.” Twilight only just held true to her Pinkie Promise. “We’re in a different DIMENSION?!” “Yes,” said Hex. “Dimension 33. Get it? Two threes. Double the three. Three and then another three. I hope this drives a point home, Valve, you dicks.” “Who were you talking to?” “No-one,” said Hex quickly, but he made a mental note to send an angry email to a certain gaming company as soon as he returned to his beloved technology. He practically dropped Twilight, and she had to lean on the wall, when he hurried over to the balcony area... thingy, clambered up onto it, and kicked a window. Twice. Three times. On the third its reinforcements gave in and it shattered, landing in a mass of fragments on the steel walkway outside. He took off his leather jacket, wrapped it around his hand and brushed away the shards which remained in the window frame before looking outside. “Smegging hell,” he said. He turned around, pulled his jacket back on, and helped Twilight up onto the balcony. She looked outside and gasped in horror. The building they were in was in the centre of what could have been a city, but it had been demolished almost beyond recognition. Where there had once been buildings there were now massive piles of dust, bricks and rubble, and at the centre of it all was the biggest building she had ever seen. It was a gargantuan steel structure which loomed over everything, with the appearance of an explosion having taken place on top, and it was at the centre of a circle of swirling clouds which crackled with thunder and glowed blood red. “Do I want to know?” asked Twilight. “No,” said Hex, “you don’t.” He climbed out of the window onto a fire escape. “Where’re you going?” “Come with me and I’ll show you,” said the boy simply. He helped Twilight out onto the fire escape, and the two of them started to navigate their way through the city. “On the outskirts of the city is a resistance base,” he explained as they climbed over rubble, through heaps of concrete dust and under collapsed Striders – Twilight really wasn’t dressed for the occasion. “If you see a little black thing with glowing blue lines and a red button on it, pick it up, because that’s a battery, and we’re gonna need as many of them as possible.” As he spoke, a small glow caught Twilight’s eye, and she picked up a small black box-like thing. “Like this?” she asked. “Good job,” said Hex, and he pocketed the battery. “The teleporter in the lab back there is broken, but the place we’re heading to has one of its own which, with luck, should still be in working order. If we get enough batteries, and use the energy from a portal storm (and there’s bound to be one pretty soon) to power it, it should generate enough energy to get us home.” “Wait a minute,” said Twilight, and she stopped in her tracks in the middle of what could have once been a square. “You mean you want us to go all the way across the city, to a place which may or may not still be standing, on the off-chance that a portal storm of all things could send us back home?” “I know,” said Hex, “it’s a crazy idea, but it’s the only one we have. It’s either that or-” He was cut off when a formerly dormant heap of rubble exploded, and something terrifyingly tall and gangly climbed out. “-or get shot to smithereens by a Strider! RUN!!!” he screamed. Twilight was amazed by how quickly she had adapted to walking on two legs. It felt as if she had been doing it all her life, like it had come naturally to her, like deep down inside her there had always been this tiny speck, an infinitesimal speck, of humanity. ‘Maybe Lyra isn’t crazy after all,’ she thought. That was when Hex grabbed her by the wrist and yanked her behind a massive hunk of black metal, and the two of them stayed there until the strider had long since passed by. “Those things are everywhere,” said Hex as he got up. “I remember because it was in the game. We’re gonna have to be quick.” “The what?” “In the dimension I come from, this is a world situated entirely within a game,” said Hex as they continued through the rubble. “Amber had this thing she called the Pratchett theory, which states that all stories are true, and just because they aren’t true right here doesn’t mean they aren’t true anywhere.” Twilight thought about it, and considered that it actually made a lot of sense. “Also, may I congratulate you on a startlingly quick adaption to the human body? It took me ages to get used to having four legs instead of two.” “That’s what I was thinking,” said Twilight. “It’s like I’ve been doing it all my life.” “Oh smeg. FIREFIGHT!” Hex grabbed Twilight and pulled her under cover once more. Deafening explosions and spatters of cracking noises filled the air, as well as some strange chirruping noises which were quickly and flawlessly silenced. Slowly, so as not to attract attention, the two teenagers peeked over the top of their makeshift shelter. In the street below was a waging war. There was a the remains of a building, what could have once been a hospital, and outside it was a platoon of men in black armour, with creepy glowing eyes, shooting at two other people who were too far away for their physical features to be made out, but it appeared to be a man and a young woman. They soon disappeared from view. “Oh man,” said Hex. “I almost forgot what gunfire was like. I remember I thought this would be cool in real life, but instead it’s just... loud.” “What do we do now?” asked Twilight. “We can’t let ourselves be seen,” said Hex. “If we’re spotted, we’ll either be killed or shipped out of here on the next train and lose all hope of ever getting back to Equestria. We’re gonna have to move quickly and quietly. Follow my lead.” Without another word, the former purple unicorn followed her brainiac friend through the ruined streets and destroyed buildings of the city, hiding from view whenever they saw anyone else. Twilight soon lost all track of time – it could have taken them minutes, hours, or maybe even years to navigate a route through this hellhole and she wouldn’t have noticed. It was a strange mix of emotions that swirled around in her head at the moment. The most prominent and obvious one was, of course, fear – fear for herself and her life, and for Hex, who was apparently the expert on this place. She knew that if anything happened to him she would be done for; there was no way she could find a way through this crazy place alone, what with Striders everywhere and the stuff he called “gunfire” which judging by the volume and the way the people in the street had reacted to it, was definitely a force to be reckoned with. “Make sure you stay close,” said Hex. “I don’t like the way this place is going.” After a pause, he added “You know what? Let’s be on the safe side. Take my hand.” He offered it to her as if expecting her to shake it. “I beg your pardon?” “Take my hand, go on! Or do you want to get lost and zombified by a headcrab?” ‘I have no idea what either of those words mean,’ Twilight said to herself, but even so she placed her hand in his and locked her fingers around those belonging to him. He didn’t say anything: he simply gave her a small yet thoroughly cute smile and started once more to lead her through the ruins. Twilight had to turn away so that he didn’t see her smile, or her face flush brilliant red. ‘Does he know?’ she thought. ‘Does he know how I feel about him? I know I have a crush on him – it’s the only explanation for how he always make me feel safe and warm inside, like the world could be destroyed around us and I wouldn’t mind if he was still with me – at least, I think that’s a crush... The moment I get back to the library I’m turning it upside down until I find the information I need-‘ ‘Wait a sec. The world has been destroyed around us!’ “Hex?” “Yeah?” he said, without looking around. “Can I... can I tell you something?” “I already told you that you can tell me anything,” said Hex, “but I’m afraid we really don’t have time. That place,” he pointed at the massive tower with the swirling clouds overhead, “could blow at any moment, and we really have to get moving if we ever want to get home.” As they continued on, Twilight gathered the courage to ask something else. “I know I might have asked this before, but do you miss your home?” she said. “You mean the shop?” asked Hex. “Of course! Even if we’ve only been here... smeg it, how long have we been here? Anyway, I’d like to get back and continue working on my GLaDOS-” “No,” said Twilight, “I mean your old home. Your universe.” Hex paused in the middle of climbing over a burnt out car which had been shoved roughly into a hole in the ground, blocking it completely. “Not really,” he said, resuming his leading. “Well, maybe a bit. Well, not so much. Well... yeah, kinda. I miss Amber and my friends, even if one of my mates – well, his sister friendzoned me.” “Friendzoned? I don’t think I’ve ever seen that word in a dictionary.” “It’s slang. It means... let’s see, how can I put this? Say, hypothetically, there was a guy you really, really liked. Like, as a crush. Now let’s say, and bear in mind that this is purely hypothetical, that you asked him out with the intention of it being a date, but he didn’t seem to understand it and thought it was just a hangout between two friends. And then you told him that you meant it as a date, and he laughed and said that you were funny in an instance of what we call ‘comically missing the point’. But you decide to humour him, because you’re friends, and so you laugh and he laughs and you die a little inside.” For a moment or two, neither of them spoke. Twilight took in every word – in particular the word ‘crush’ – and not long after he finished talking, she started sniggering. “Yeah,” said Hex with a chuckle, “I guess it is kinda funny!” It wasn’t long before both of them were roaring with laughter the likes of which neither of them had experienced before. “Seriously?!” Twilight managed to choke eventually. “Dying inside? That’s hilarious and all, but actually rather illogical.” “Well,” said Hex, “how would you know? Have you ever been in love?” Oh. HORSEAPPLES. What was she going to say here? She could lie, and say that no, she had never had those kind of feelings for another pony, or she could tell an even bigger lie and say that she fancied some other stallion in Ponyville – or in Canterlot, maybe? Which would be easier? Then again, a guy as smart as him would most likely see through a lie like that as if it were wet rice paper. Should she continue hiding it? Or should she just... tell him? Like she had tried to when they had both been thrust into nowhere? “It’s alright,” he said, “I guess that was the wrong kind of question, eh?” “Uh,” said Twilight, “yeah. Sure.” Phew... “But enough about me,” said Hex. “I want to hear more about the incredible young mare who plucked up the guts to face down both a god of eternal night AND a god of eternal chaos!” “You want to hear about that?” asked Twilight. Darn it; that sounded more nervous than she’d hoped for. “Well, if they’re tender subjects...” “No, no, it’s quite alright.” “Then what’re you waiting for? Spill ‘em!” “...and after that Princess Celestia had a new stained-glass window installed in Canterlot Tower, and that one showed me and my friends defeating Discord.” “Smegging hell,” said Hex. “I mean, I knew the guy was obnoxious, but I didn’t think he’d be that cruel! Seriously? There’s a word for that sort of thing where I come from, and that word is ‘mind rape’.” “I wouldn’t call it that, exactly.” “Why not? It’s accurate enough.” By now, the two teenagers had lost all concept of time. Hex had successfully led them both out of the worst of the city, and now they were travelling along the banks of a horribly dirty river. ‘Dirty’ was the understatement of the century. That stuff was bubbling. Twilight wondered whether she should ask exactly what was in there – so far she had recognised at least four different chemicals – but every time she thought about it, her courage failed her. It might be safer to leave it, but still... Her friend followed her disgusted gaze to the oozing sludge, and shook his head in distaste. “Not even the River Ankh was that gross,” he said. “What was that?” “The River Ankh. Runs through the twin city of Ankh-Morpork in dimension 41. It’s the only river in the multiverse where you can draw a chalk outline on it. Seriously, the only thing that classifies it as a river is the fact that it moves ever so slightly faster than the land. It even catches fire if it’s a particularly hot summer.” Twilight eyed the slow moving... ick. “Yep, that’s one word for it,” said Hex, “ick.” She stopped and stared. “Did you just read my mind?” she asked. “No,” said Hex. “That’s a relief.” “But I did hear your thoughts. You know I said when we first met that in my time away from Equestria that I got some powers and came back as a unicorn? Those powers were telepathy. I think I actually drove Discord insane because of it!” “Really? How did that happen?” “Well, see, he was poking around inside my head...” Twenty seconds later... Twilight didn’t think she’d ever laughed so much in her life, not even earlier when he had explained the concept of friendzoning. The idea that there was a book/movie series with her name had seemed uncanny – creepy, even – but after finding out how Hex had utilised it- She would never look at vampires the same way again. That much was for sure. “Hey,” she said, drawing to a halt, “is that it?” The two of them had reached a massive dam, similar to the one which held back the reservoir over Ponyville, although the one at Ponyville hadn’t been lowered by the Combine apparently drawing water out of the Earth’s oceans and rivers. There was still water down below, but Twilight doubted it would be deep enough to break their fall should they have to jump. Down below, just around a small bend in the river, was an abandoned power station, or at least the remains of one. “Yeah,” said Hex. “That’s where we’re headed. Jeez, how long have we been here?” Twilight looked up at the sky. By now they had moved far enough away from the city for the swirling red clouds to no longer be visible, and she could only just make out the sun behind the yellow smog which was apparently the clouds. She raised a hand to shield her eyes, but... “I have no idea,” she said. “Normally I’d be able to tell how much time has passed by how much the sun’s moved during that time, but while we were in the city I couldn’t see the sun. We must have been here for hours, though, because it’s starting to get dark.” Indeed, the sky was beginning to grow dim as the sun lowered itself towards the horizon. “I’m guessing the sun and moon aren’t controlled by alicorns in this place?” Twilight asked. Hex just raised a quizzical eyebrow at her and smiled again. “I’m surprised you didn’t have a complete mental breakdown,” he said as they started to make their way down the bank. “You should have seen Amber’s expression when we first went to Equestria. If I had known she was going to pull a face like that I would have sold tickets!” “Well, if it’s you, then I’ve rather come to expect weird things to happen,” said Twilight, “what with the Combine trying to invade Equestria, Discord trying to use your past to make a comeback-” “And me driving him crazy.” “-and I don’t think you had anything to do with it, but last week Applejack’s sister got this weird disease called cutie pox. Random cutie marks appeared all over her body and she was forced to act out what they represented.” “I guess we should be glad she didn’t get a murdering cutie mark,” Hex pointed out. He was in mid laugh when all of a sudden he lost his footing. He slipped on a particularly wet patch of earth and started to slide uncontrollably down the bank, before regaining his footing halfway down. “Whoa,” he said, “didn’t see that coming.” “Are you alright?” asked Twilight. “I think so,” said Hex, “and right now I’m trying to work out if I could climb back- WAH!” He slipped again, and only just managed to catch himself. Twilight quickly examined the bank; it was very loose, and looked as if it could crumble at any moment. “Hang on!” she said. “I’m gonna try and pull you back up!” “Are you crazy?” demanded Hex. “This thing could collapse at any second!” Twilight knew that – her rational thought was somewhere in the background, screaming at her to see sense – but Hex was her friend (even though she was beginning to wish he was something more) and there had to be some way to help him. There had to be! And so it was that one of the most intelligent young women in the history of Equestria forgot all common sense and started to slide down the tall bank towards her friend. “Yep,” said Hex, “you’re crazy.” “Okay,” Twilight said when she was about a quarter of the way down the bank. “Take my hand and I’ll try to pull you back up.” “I already said I’m surprised at your fast adaption,” said Hex, “but are you really sure about this?” “I don’t really see any difference between these and my forelegs- WHOA!” As she reached down towards her friend, Twilight’s other hand slipped on a particularly sharp rock she had been hanging onto. Thankfully Hex was able to catch her, but that didn’t stop the white-hot pain which shot up her arm like a lightning bolt. “Are you okay?” asked Hex. “I think I told you that it was a bad idea.” “I’m alright,” said Twilight, “but... don’t panic, but I’ve kinda cut my hand open.” Hex’s face contorted uncontrollably as his mind raced at a thousand miles per hour. “Okay,” he said, “here’s what we’re gonna do. I’m going to let you go, and you’re going to have to slide down to the bottom of the bank. Got that?” “Are you crazy?!” “No I’m not! There won’t be any Combine troops down there, and hopefully no hostile aliens. I’ll be down in a snap, I promise.” “Pinkie Promise?” “Yes! Whatever! Just trust me, alright?” Twilight searched for insincerity in his brilliant green eyes, and failed to find a single trace. ‘It’s okay,’ she thought, more to reassure herself than anything else. ‘Everything’s gonna work out.’ She let go. NEXT TIME: A Thousand Miles part 2 “Oh smeg. These guys are bad news.” “Then could you breathe a little quieter please?” “Did it hit you? Twilight, were you hit?” “That music... it was enchanting.” “How long were we gone? I’m guessing it was more than a few hours...” Author's Note: Yet again, I was worried that this chapter was a little rushed. I had to hide the fact that I was writing it, because I was supposed to be working on a journalism assignment (I got it finished though!) and a majority of this was improvised because I forgot how I planned it. Again, if any Valve employees are reading this, I hope you take the bloody hint and get to work before all of use lose interest! Plus, I managed to make an author's note without Pinkie Pie coming through the fourth wall! Not that it would be a bad thing of course...