Dear Twilight,
I got your letter.
I wish it was under better circumstances, and came earlier than it did.
Everything’s gone wrong, Twilight. They jumped us in the night… Cannoli didn’t make it…
Sorry, this is the third time I’ve tried to pen this letter, but I can’t get the words to show.
I know this will be in my report to you later, but I need to get this out of my system now. Even if it’s through letters, talking out your problems helps, right? Okay, here goes…
I had just finished penning my last letter to you when the alarm sounded. By that point, most of the soldiers had either retired to bed or were just climbing in, and we weren’t prepared. The griffons… they attacked us in the middle of the night.
When I left my tent, sword in hand, some of the others were already engaged. They tried, Twilight. They really did. I saw a few ponies holding their own, but others were still too groggy. It was a massacre, Twilight. I’m no stranger to blood, not after the training I went through, but…
I was frozen. It wasn’t until another pony bumped into me on the way out of our shared tent that I managed to stir into action. I killed…
I. Killed.
My hands are shaking, Twilight. There were dozens of them, and I slew a few. With these two hands. I can still see the blood on them.
Cannoli was by my side that night. If it wasn’t for him, I probably would have shared the same fate as the others. We had each other’s backs, and if I wasn’t distracted…
He died protecting me. A griffon fell from above, a pole-arm aimed right for my neck. By the time I heard the scream, it was too late. He pushed me and…
I’m ashamed of what I did, Twilight. Twilight, please forgive me. I…. Something changed inside me.
By the time the battle was over, there was more blood on me than any other soldier. The remaining griffons had fled, and there were only ten of us left, including the sergeant. He looked at me with such fear.
I was confused. When I looked myself over, I finally noticed my size. I don’t know how, and I don’t think I want to know at this point, but I grew that night.
You remember Garble and the other teenage dragons during the dragon migration? I’m roughly their size now. I feel stronger than ever. Though, I’m not entirely used to this body, yet. I managed to knock over an end table just an hour ago, as I paced and paced my room.
After the battle, the injured were moved to Baltimare for medical treatment. The dead were sent there as well. I’m sure they’ll be taken well care of. The sergeant, however, stayed behind with me and a token few. Something about making sure the griffons didn’t think we abandoned the post. By evening, a new battalion arrived.
I wasn’t to stay. He sent me north. I don’t know why, but I think it has something to do with me growing and fighting like I did. I’m under orders to watch the Crystal Empire for any enemy movement.
The good news to come out of this is I have time to pen that report I promised you. There hasn’t been any change in these northern borders yet, though it’s only been a few days. I’ve been using them to adjust to… everything.
I miss Cannoli. He kept me calm enough. Now I only have my thoughts to keep me company. Sure, I have the crystal guards of this realm, who have been very kind I might add, but it’s not the same.
The battle keeps raging on repeat in my head, Twilight. Every time I close my eyes, I see… things. I thought I was ready. I thought I was prepared. Those books I read never told me it would be this bad, not mentally.
Heh. I took a moment to look at my arm. The fight didn’t leave me unscathed, but the field medic that survived patched me up easily. There’s a long scar running the length of my forearm now. The scales are just starting to grow in, and I can already tell they won’t align with the rest. It will be a weak spot forever.
Twilight, I’ve only been away for a six weeks, yet it seems like a year. I look so different from what I did. Every time I look in the mirror, I see this haunted face. It’s only been one battle and I look like this. Something tells me it will get a lot worse.
I have no illusions anymore, Twi. This war will be bloody. It will be brutal. It will completely redefine what it means to exist. At least I’ve grown strong enough to endure it, though I’m afraid for my sanity.
At least I know you’ll write back, now. I have your letter here next to me. Something about it calms me, at least so far as the daily grind. If I ever start thinking about that night…
Forgive me. Nearly fell again. At least, that’s what I’m going to call it.
I’m no fool, Twilight. I know what PTSD is. I know I have it, or the makings of it. I know… but I can’t do anything about it right now. Being here at the empire is helping. I don’t have to worry about fighting tomorrow, at least. We’ll have plenty of warning.
Cadence is here, along with Shining Armor. He’s rallying the troops here while his “replacement” takes care of Canterlot. They welcomed me, and for the most part, left me to my own devices. I join the troops at the refurbished arena here for training and the like. Still no new orders, of course.
Either they’re getting rid of me, or they’re letting me settle down. They must know how much of an advantage a dragon would be on the front lines. I’ll be ready when they ask.
Oh. Your letter. I forgive you, too, Twilight. Please don’t worry yourself needlessly over that. I forgave you long ago, though I guess my letters didn’t really tell you that. Or, maybe I just recently forgave you, and I just think it was long ago. Time is difficult, sometimes.
Don’t work yourself so hard. From what I gathered in your letter, you’ve scoured every book and scroll in both Ponyville and Canterlot. Give yourself some time to understand what you’ve read. If the answer is there, you’ll see it eventually. If not, I’m sure Cadence would be happy to send you a few research materials from the old library here.
That is NOT an invitation to come up here. Under no circumstances do I want you anywhere near the battle lines. You are too important, and so are your friends. If you need something, remember that I’m still your number one assistant. I’ll help Cadence collect the right books. But again, get some rest. Even your intellect can’t handle that much information at once. I should know; I saw what happened last time you tried something like this.
The sun is starting to go down. I hope Celestia is doing well. Luna, too. And you. And… Rarity…
I don’t know anymore, Twilight. Her name doesn’t strike me like it used to. Is it from what I’ve experienced, or is it to due with growing up? I still haven’t sent her a letter.
Ah! I was just about to write something in farewell when it reminded me of that part of your letter. Are you really that surprised that I remembered? I will admit, at the time, it seemed boring. I don’t know, actually, but it felt like the right thing to do. In fact, I’m starting to enjoy the language. I’m not an expert, but I’m sure I’ll figure out all the nuances eventually.
It’s good to know the others are doing as well as can be expected. I’m not surprised Rainbow Dash is running scouting missions, but tell her not to leave the borders too far behind her. Ponyville is safe at the moment.
I am surprised at Fluttershy, though. To think she’d actually talk to so many ponies. I guess we misjudged her a little. It makes me feel like I should be doing more myself, actually. In fact, come tomorrow, I think I will do just that. The citizens here are just as worried as the rest of Equestria, after all.
Pinkie Pie…. Well, try to cheer her up. I’m sure Mr. Cake is doing well. I only saw him for a moment back at Canterlot and he seemed to have the aura about him. It’s like he knew what he was fighting for, and he wasn’t about to die in this war. If anyone can make it through, I’d place a few bets on that stallion.
Tell Rarity I’m doing fine. Try to leave out the part about the battle, though. I don’t want her to worry herself into premature old age!
I know we need the supplies, and I know she’s worrying herself over Big Mac, but please try to pull Applejack away from the farm. She’s stubborn, and she’ll fight with everything she has to keep working and support the troops, but she needs to relax just as much as you do.
Shining Armor shares the reports he receives with me, so I know where the lines are on the map. We’re holding our own, but just barely. The second set of consigned will be joining battle shortly, so that will keep us strong, but we need more. The unicorns, as much as they try, can do more.
I’ve seen what you can do, Twilight. With an extra week of training, those recruits could be ready to face battle and keep up their concentration, I’m sure. Once they do, they’ll be able to push back the aggressors.
The pegasi need to learn more about aerial maneuvers. If the Wonderbolts trained instead of fought, we’d have a much stronger force in the air.
The earth ponies, along with the zebras, could hold their own on the ground better if they planted their feet more strongly against the dirt. I’ve heard the diamond dogs have joined the griffons, so the stronger our ground forces become, the better.
I’ve shared these thoughts with Shining Armor, and he agrees with me, though he’s told me there’s not much we can do. We need every advantage we have fighting, not training recruits, just to hold where we are. Maybe….
No, it’s too dangerous. The capital is the largest target in this war. Ignore that.
Well, the last rays of the sun are fading, and it’s time for this dragon to get some rest. I just hope I don’t have nightmares this time. Maybe Luna will deign to visit me this night and see me safe passage.
Et venit mane, veritas manifestetur.
Sincerely,
Spike