The Random…something, I don’t care I got a headache after writing this.
It was the next day that Barix was getting ready to set off. Barix was putting on his Dragonscale armor in the armory while talking to Twilight.
“So how long are you going to be gone this time?”
“It should only be a few days, depending on what Tullius has to tell me.”
“Then you’ll take me to the college right?” She put a lot of emphasis on the sentence.
“Yes Twilight, I planned to anyway. It’s the only place that would have any knowledge on what you’re looking for.”
Barix gathers his weapons and heads out, of which he grabs a sword, shield, dagger, bow, and some arrows. All of them being dragonbone weapons. He steps outside and looks around.
“Where is she?”
“You’re supposed to find me. They don’t call it hide and seek for nothing.” Pinkie’s voice seemed to come from nowhere and everywhere.
“Pinkie we don’t have time for this.”
“Ok, but I expect to finish the game later.” Barix and Twilight turn to the left and see the pink mare in her pink Dwarven armor. Everyone, including Rarity and Barix, had no idea how she managed to make her armor pink.
“Then let’s go.”
Barix walks off and Pinkie bounces right behind. Twilight caught her attention for a second.
“Pinkie, could you take the craziness easy on Barix, he’s not used to…well you as much as us.”
“Ok Twilight, I Pinkie Promise.”
So that’s where that came from. Their trip to Solitude was pretty uneventful. Although all the talk from Pinkie Pie was starting to get pretty annoying, especially when she was going on about some weird thing about cherries. It wasn’t much of a problem though, as he has mastered walking and meditating at the same time. Barix and Pinkie go inside the city but stop outside the fortress doors.
“If you don’t mind I’m going to go in alone, it may be too important to share openly.”
“Okie Dokie Lokie, I’ll be playing with the kids I saw in town. La la la la la.”
As Barix was inside with General Tullius he couldn’t help but think of how much skooma and moonsugar that pony must be on. Once he was done with the meeting he saw the pony carrying three kids one her and pretending they were fighting some big monster as knights with a trusty steed.
“Sorry to end the fun but it’s time to go Pinkie.”
“Awww, sorry kids gotta go.”
After a minute of complaining the kids finally got off. As they were about to leave-
“Wait I almost forgot to tell you, there’s this guy hat says he’s needs help with his master.”
Barix takes a look in the sky.
“Ok we can help him but let’s make it quick.” He follows Pinkie to the residential district of the city when someone runs up to him seemingly from out of nowhere.
“You can help me can’t you? That’s what you do right?” The stranger asks.
“What is it?” Barix notices a somewhat crazed look in his eyes.
“It’s my master, he has abandoned me and his people. No matter what I say nothing will change his mind. He says it interrupts his vacation but it’s already been so many years. Please…can you help?”
“Ok I’ll see what I can do.” Well this is going to be a head ache.
“Last I knew he went into the forbidden wing of the Blue Palace. Here take this key you’ll need it to gain entry. Thanks again for the help.”
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Barix unlocks the door when Pinkie was distracting everyone. Pinkie met Barix on the other side of the door, still to the surprise his surprise.
“Wow this place could use a good dusting. Aaa…Aaa…Choo.” Pinkie sneezes out streamers and confetti while Barix looks at her in horror. “What, you never got a party sneeze before? Let’s go, that master isn’t going to find himself. Unless-”
“Stop! …Just keep looking.”
Not long after Barix could feel a strange energy. Before he could say anything he blacked out. Waking up he saw a table with two people talking in the middle of a field.
“It’s about time you woke up.” Barix turns to see Pinkie without her armor.
“How long have I been out?”
“A few minutes now, still don’t know how you changed your cloths though.”
Barix checks to see his armor was indeed gone and replaced by fancy garbs.
“Great. Do you know who those two are?”
“No, haven’t been able to get a read on them. Whatcha thinkin?”
“They might know where we are.”
As they walk up to the table, one of the patrons teleport away.
“How rude. I can’t even be bothered to host a party for an old friend for a decade or two.”
Barix decides to ignore it for now.
“Um, I have come here to deliver a message.”
“Rrreeeaaalllyyy, what kind of message? A song? A summons? Wait, I know! A death threat written on the skin of a high elf with an argonian spine! Those are my favorite.”
“……no.”
“Well? Spit it out mortal. I haven’t got an eternity! Well I do. A little joke. But seriously, what’s the message?”
“I was asked to bring you back from your vacation.” What in oblivion is wrong with this guy?
“Were ya now? By whom? WAIT! Don’t tell me. I want to guess. Was it Maggy? No, no…Tiny Tim, the shoe maker’s daughter? The ghost of King Arthur? Or was it…YES! Stanley the talking watermelon from Singapore. Wrong on all accounts, am I right? No matter. I don’t want to ruin the surprise.”
“…”
“But more to the point. Do you – little, weak, disposable mortal – actually think you can convince me to leave? Because that’s just…crazy. You do realize who you’re dealing with here?”
“I don’t think I want to know.”
“Ha! Actually, you do. Sort of. I am a shadow of your subconscious, a blemish on your fragile little psyche. You may know me as Sheogorath, Daedric Prince of Madness. At your service.”
“So…does that mean you’ll leave?” At least it makes sense now.
“Now that’s the real question, isn’t it? Because, honestly, how much time off could a demented Daedra really need? So this is what I’m going to do. Leave. That’s right. Holiday…complete. On one condition. You have to find the way out first.”
“Fine,” Barix takes a look around, “What’s the catch.”
“Ha ha. Oh I do love it when the mortals know there’re being manipulated, it makes this infinitely more interesting. Take a look around. This is not the Solitude botanical gardens. Have you any idea where you are? Where you truly are? Welcome to the mind of the Emperor, Pelagius III.”
“By the nine.”
“That’s right you’re in the mind of a dead, homicidally insane monarch! Now I know what you’re thinkin. Can I still use my swords and spells and whatnot. Sure, sure. Or you can use…wait for it…THE WABBAJACK. Huh? Didn’t see that one coming did you? Off with you then.”
Barix walks away, hopes almost gone, Pinkie bouncing right behind.
“Barix why are you so sad?”
“I hope you’re kidding? How can you be so happy? We are trapped in the mind of an insane emperor, all of our weapons are gone, and we have to find a way out using a staff I’ve never heard of before. How did you get that anyway?”
“He gave it to me. Looks pretty funny huh?”
“If you say so. Now our first priority should be to find a way out.”
“We can’t yet, first we have to fix the three problems in this emperor’s mind. It says so in the script.” Before Pinkie can hand…or hoof some paper over to Barix, Sheogorath starts his dialogue, seemingly from everywhere.
“This is a sad path. Pelagius hated and feared many things. Assassins, vampires, horses, bread. But his deepest hatred was for himself. The attacks he makes on himself can be seen up ahead.”
“See, we have to restore the mind before we can go.”
“ ‘sigh’ This makes no sense, but fine. Let’s go.”
A few more yards ahead they see two emperors, one being half of his normal size and one twice his normal size. The larger one was trying to stomp the smaller one who was just barley avoiding the crashes to the ground.
“What are you waiting for? Hit them.”
Barix took the staff, aims it at the large one, charges it and blasts him. He disappears for a second and comes back as a normal sized person.
“Quick hit him again!”
Barix was fully aware Pinkie knew something but wasn’t in the mood to argue. He shot the staff again at the evil one. It did the same thing again and shrank to the size of the original small emperor, who proceeds to run from the evil emperor.
“Suffered from fears.” Barix whispers to himself. “I think I know how to do fix the rest.”
Barix then does the same thing to the ‘good’ emperor who was then twice the size of a normal person.
“Wonderfully done. Pelagius is finally ready to love himself…and hate everyone else.”
“Ok Barix lets go. We still have more to go.” Pinkie says as she bounces away.
With a headache to come Barix presses forward, following the pink mare. He is lead down another path as soon as they exit the last. The mad daedra starts to narrate again.
“You’ve headed down a path of dreams. Too bad for you Pelagius suffered from night terrors from a young age. All you need to do is find a way to wake him up. You may find his terrors easy to repel…but persistant.”
“Ooo, that sounds fun!”
“Seriously?”
Passing the next stone structure a bed with a sleeping Pelagius is seen.
“We have to wake him.”
“Guess we use this again huh?”
Fires a magic shot at the sleeping form. A few seconds later a wolf spawns and runs at Barix. He takes the staff and swings it at the wolf’s head sending it to the ground in yelping in pain.
“Hey! You don’t want to break it.”
“It’s a daedra artifact, there’s no way it will break that easily.”
Barix fires at the wolf and it turns into a goat. Again firing at Pelagius a tough looking bandit spawns nearby.
“I can tell this is going to take a while.”
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“Two down one to go.” Barix says as he and Pinkie enter the last path.
Pinkie was completely fine while Barix had some cut and burn marks on his cloths. Pelagius begins his narration as they walk forward.
“You see, Pelagius’ mother was…well…let us say ‘unique’. That woman wielded fear like a cleaver. Or did she wield a cleaver to make people afraid of her? I never could get that part right…. But she did teach her son well. Pelagius learned at young age that danger could come from anywhere and anyone.”
They climb a set of stone stairs to a small seating area overlooking an arena with two atronachs already fighting. Another Pelagius was across from them with others behind him watching.
“The objective is simple, you simpleton! Use your Wabbajack to defeat the enemy, while they do the same.”
“This is going to be easy.”
A few hours later Barix is sitting on one of the stone seats while Pinkie was using the staff to attack the atronachs below.
“Have you figured anything out yet?” Pinkie asks.
“Nothing. What about you? You seem to know things.”
“Nah, I got nothin.”
Barix was about to collapse in defeat when he takes a good look at Pelagius. He notices the ones behind him acting suspicious.
“Hey Pinkie, try and hit those people behind Pelagius.”
The pink mare shot at the people, when it hit they all turn into wolves.
“Oho! I thought you’d never figure it out. With the threat gone Pelagius is under the illusion that he is safe, which means you’ve helped him…but not really. Now it’s time to go home.”
“YES!”
Barix wastes no time jumping up and running to the center. Pinkie Pie following close. He gets close to Sheogorath.
“Do you mind? I’m doing the fishstick. It’s a very delicate state of mind.” Sheogorath explains.
“But Pelagius is fixed now.” Barix replies.
“ ‘Fixed’ is such a subjective term. ‘Treated’ is far more appropriate, don’t you think? Just like one would do to the flue or an arrow in the testicles. But no matter. You succeeded in your task and I am forced to honor my end of the bargain. Congratulations, you’re free to go. Oh, and keep the Wabbajack as a souvenir.”
Barix blacks out again. He wakes up in the wing with Pinkie staring at him. He stares back.
“Oh did you want me to say something? Well you just looked so peaceful I didn’t want to wake you. Here you go it’s got everything in it, I checked.”
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Barix found that a day had passed when they were in that mad man’s mind. He proceeded to head straight to the bar as soon as he was wearing his normal cloths and burned the fancy ones. It was mid-evening and Barix was only starting to get his drunk on. Pinkie was doing the same.
“This stuff is weak. Where’s AJ when you need her?”
“Maybe but its strong enough for what I need from it, a memory wipe…hopefully.”
“Hello friend.” Barix turns to see a man in some robes. “You seem like the type to party hard. Care to take part in a drinking contest.”
“You bet I will. What are we drinkin?”
“It will be this fine brand, from my personal collection. We’ll each take a turn who ever last the longest is the winner. I’ll go first.” It wasn’t long before Barix was on the verge of passing out again. “Are you ok? You don’t look so good.”
“Arrrrr yo kiddinf? I’m graesh.”
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Barix woke up again, but this time noticed Pinkie was snuggling up against him. Both he and the pink mare had their armor back on. A severe hangover quickly caught up to him as did the sound of someone yell, most likely at him.
“Get up lazy drunk. You have some explaining to do.” She was a clearly a temple worker. And by the looks of it he was in a temple of Dibella.
"I'm sorry miss. Please understand I had no control over my actions."
“Well…no real harm was done. Just pick up your trash. It’s over there.”
Barix looks at the parchment she was talking about. It was instructions from Sam, the guy he challenged to a drinking gaming to. But what stuck out the most were the three ingredients listed.
*Hagraven Feathers
*Giants Toe
*
“Did I happen to say anything interesting when I was drunk?”
“It was hard to make out but you did say something about a goat in Rorikstead.”
“Pinkie?” Barix notices the pink mare was gone but hears hopping. She was already half way to the door.
“What are you waiting for silly billy. That goat’s not going to find catch itself.”
From the temple in Markarth it was only an hour carriage ride to the small village.
“So what are we looking for now?” Pinkie Pie asks.
“I’m sure it will find us as long as we are here…and if I was that much of a fool last night.”
“You!” Barix and Pinkie turn to see a farmer just on the other side of a small wooden fence. “You’ve got a lot of nerve showing yourself around here after what you did. What do you have to say for yourself?”
“Uh…sorry?” Barix replies with great uncertainty.
“That’s not good enough. Not when my goat is still out there with that giant you sold her to. I’ll never breed another prize winning goat like her again.”
“Alright I’ll go get her back.”
“You’d better.”
They were off out of the town.
“What’s a giant?” Pinkie asks.
“It’s a tall and strong humanoid being. They usually keep to themselves unless something gets to close to their camps. It’s going to be really hard to take one of them down…if you’re not me that is.”
“Oooo, I sense confidence!” Pinkie replied in a sing-song manner.
“A little bit, but still, you should never let your guard down around them.”
Just over a small hill they spot the giant. The brute had its club in hand with the goat standing next to it. Barix began to formulate a plan.
“Pinkie how fast can you run?”
“About as fast as Dashie can fly.”
“Ok, how fast is that?”
“Really super-duper ultra-fast!”
“…So you’re fast…good. I’ll get the giant’s attention and you get the goat away from the giant. Once its safe come back, I might need your help depending on how it goes. Clear?”
“Crystal! I’ll wait here for the word.”
The fire ball hits the giant on the back. It spins around to see Barix charging it. The giant swings its down.
“WULD!” Barix rushes forward right under its legs. “Now Pinkie!”
Pinkie steps out from behind the goat. She picks it up and stuffs him in her tail. The giant sees this and stomps her in the ground.
“PINKIE!”
“Over here silly!” Both giant and Barix turn to see the mare making faces at the giant, to the great relief of Barix. The giant tried swinging at her but Barix wasn’t going to have that again.
“FUS! RO! DAH!”
The force pushes the giant off its feet and high into the shy…considering its size. The ground shook the point both Barix and Pinkie fell to the ground. Once he recovered, Barix gets up and finishes the giant.
Heading back to the village they give back the goat and the farmer tells them to go to Whiterun. Upon arriving they meet another person. Over the course of the next day Pinkie and Barix fought off a hagraven and a cult of mages. Barix went out of his way to return the items that were lost. Near the end of the ruined fort with the mages Barix blacks out again. He wakes up in a misty grove area.
Pinkie was just as normal, oddly enough both still had there armor and equipment. They start walking down the path that is laid out. Soon they come to a part scene and Pinkie Pie’s eyes light up like Hearths Warming Eve. The party pony entertains herself as a single person walks up to Barix.
“There you are. I was beginning to think you might not make it.” Sam tells Barix.
“It was a…rough trip. Where are we?”
“I didn’t think you would remember your first trip here. You had a bad night. I’d say you earned this staff.”
“I’ve got the things to repair the staff, the ones on the note.”
“Oh the feathers and so on. You can throw those out. You see…,” Sam changes into a daedric form, “I really just wanted something to encourage you to go out into the world and spread merriment around. That said I haven’t been so entertained in at least a hundred years.”
“Who are you?”
“I am Sanguine, Daedric Prince of Debauchery. How could I lie to you is probably what you’re thinking. Well how could I trust you until we share a drink together? Before long, I realized you’d make a more interesting bearer of my staff than this waist of flesh.”
“Thank…I guess.”
“My pleasure friend. But I think you should go, it’s not so fun keeping you locked up here with the staff.”
Before his eyes Barix was transported back to Solitude, outside the main gates. Pinkie stops in midair as she realized she was no long at the party.
“Aw, bummer.”
“That’s it we are going home!”
“Why didn’t we say so in the first place? Take my hoof.”
Barix was hesitant on this but decided to just get it over with. He took her hoof. She pulled him down to the ground.
“Pinkie, what did you do that…for?”
Barix was in front of his house. He gets up very slowly and starts walking inside.
“Forget this I have a headache.”
“Where have were you,? It’s been days now!” Twilight was yelling at Barix.
“Lay off I had a hard time.”
“Pinkie what did you do?” The lavender mare asks.
“It’s a secret.”
Twilight, knowing she won’t get anything from her, talks to Barix again. Pinkie jumps in front of the camera grabs it and…wait what are you doing?
“Ok look I like my friends and all, but you will vote for me. Do you understand?”
That’s it. I’m done. Chapter over.