“Well here we are, home sweet library,” Twilight announced with a forced sense of cheerfulness.
“Thanks for letting me stay with you Twilight, I know that you’re really busy but umm well I’m glad I can spend the next few days here,” Fluttershy said quietly.
“It’s no problem, really.” Twilight tried to smile at her friend. An uncomfortable silence hung in the air. It had already been decided that Spike should stay at Rarity’s for a few days while Fluttershy would be visiting. Normally he would have been happy to have an excuse to spend a few days at the Carousel Boutique with the mare of his dreams but these were not the circumstances in which he envisioned such an opportunity presenting itself.
It was late in the evening when Twilight and Fluttershy finally returned to the Golden Oaks library that doubled as Twilight's apartment. The two ponies walked inside the familiar space, the books sat on their shelves; sorted by subject, then year, then alphabetically. The familiar purple futon was in its bed form with fresh sheets and pillows neatly folded on top waiting to facilitate a pony’s descent into slumber. A small nightstand was next to the bed with a solitary vase containing three yellow tulips.
“So the kitchen's over there if you want some water and the bathroom is through that hallway and well I guess you know where everything is. I mean you’ve been here before,” Twilight chuckled nervously.
Fluttershy sat down on the couch bed. She sighed and decided to break the uncomfortable silence, “I suppose you want to know why I did it. It’s not like I woke up that morning deciding that I was going to try and kill myself." Twilight let out a small squeak as Fluttershy said those last two words. She knew why Fluttershy had been in the hospital; as the closest thing Fluttershy had to a guardian she had talked to the doctors about Fluttershy’s treatment. She’ll open up to you in time the best thing you can do for her is just be there. The only reason Fluttershy was being released was the stipulation that she stay with Twilight for a few days so somepony could keep an eye on her, but this was the first time Twilight heard the gentle pegasus admit that she had actively tried to end her life. Twilight flashed back to five days ago when she walked into Fluttershy’s cottage hoping to get some mice for Owliscioius and found her friend lying in a pool of blood. So much blood. She shivered and bit her lip as Fluttershy continued.
“I had just gotten back from the market and I was cutting up some vegetables to feed the animals later and I nicked my hoof, and as I looked down it just felt… right; and then I-I shattered, it’s not like I was really all that sad, I was just so tired of being scared and weak and helpless all the time. I… just… wanted to not feel that way anymore." Fluttershy stared intently at the ground tugging at the bandages around her wrist; she knew how silly it sounded when said out loud. “It didn’t hurt you know; it was all so easy, and before I knew it I was lying on the floor thinking that at least I never had to be scared again. And then…I woke up in the hospital." The yellow pegasus looked up at Twilight, bracing herself for a look of disapproval, or maybe a lecture about how she should have been more considerate of what effect this would have on her friends but instead the purple alicorn was choking back tears. Suddenly Twilight leaped across the couch/bed and hugged Fluttershy fiercely, burying her face in the soft pink mane of her friend.
“You’re not-you’re not weak,” Twilight managed to choke out between sobs. Fluttershy hugged her friend back, squeezing gently. After what seemed like a solid five minutes but in reality was only about one, Twilight pulled away. “You’re not weak” she said again, this time with an air of assurance in her voice; “and you may be scared sometimes but you’re not helpless, you’re the bravest pony I know and I… I don’t know what I would do if you weren't here” the alicorn finished quietly.
Fluttershy smiled faintly at her friend’s words. “That’s sweet of you to say Twilight, but you don’t have to lie to me, I know I’m not brave. Rainbow Dash is brave; Rarity is brave with her putting her work out there for everypony to see it. Me? I get scared all the time.”
Twilight looked at her friend sympathetically. “Rainbow Dash is fearless, which is a pretty neat thing to be I guess, and Rarity is confident which is also a good thing, but being brave means that you’re scared and you keep going anyway. I’ll tell you a secret, when I get scared I think what would Fluttershy do? Because I know that she gets scared but she always manages to come through for her friends and I think that’s pretty brave,” Twilight said, her eyes still watering.
“I never thought about it that way, thank you Twilight.” The two friends hugged again, more tenderly this time. “You should get some sleep, I promise I’ll be here when you wake up,” Fluttershy said making sure to look Twilight in the eyes when she said it. Twilight stared back into her eyes and nodded, confident that Fluttershy meant what she had said, but heartbroken that it needed to be said in the first place.
“Ok, good night Fluttershy.”
“Good night Twilight.”
Twilight woke up late the next morning and hesitated before going down the stairs. I can’t do it again; I can’t handle seeing Fluttershy lying in a pool of blood. She thought back to how she had clamped onto Fluttershy’s wrist desperate to stop the bleeding, how helpless she had felt when her magic proved inadequate to revive her friend and that terrible empty feeling she had in the hospital waiting room as she and her friends waited for a doctor to come out and tell them if Fluttershy was even alive. The five ponies had all sat there wordless awaiting the news, even Pinkie sat completely still, as though moving might shatter the delicate lattice of hope the five friends were clinging to. Twilight took a deep breath and braced herself as she headed down the stairs. She let out a sigh of relief when she saw Fluttershy sitting on the couch reading a book.
“Hi Fluttershy umm how are you feeling today?” the Twilight asked tentatively.
“I’m fine Twilight. Well no I guess we both know I’m not fine, but you don’t have to tiptoe around me, I’m not made of glass.”
“I’m sorry.I don’t know what I’m supposed to do here, I mean the doctor said that we should try to get back into your old routine but he also said that you needed to take it easy for a few days and I’m just trying to make sure that my friend isn’t going to ….hurt herself again.”
“How about we make a deal, you promise to try and treat me like it’s just another day and I promise that I’m not going to hurt myself as long as I’m here,” Fluttershy offered.
“I’d like it better if you could promise never to try and hurt yourself ever,” Twilight responded.
“I’d like that too; but I can’t really promise that, all I can say is that today I won’t hurt myself,” Fluttershy said repeating the mantra that she had said every day since she woke up in a hospital bed.
Twilight looked at her friend and nodded a solitary nod; unsure of how to help her friend she had attacked the problem in the only way she knew how, by reading several books on psychology, taking it “one day at a time” was a re-curing motif. “Well okay then, what do you want to do today?”
“Oh well I really need to go check on the animals, it’s been days since I fed them all and I’ll bet they’re wondering where I am and the chickens need their pen cleaned-” Flutteshy gasped as she thought of all the work she was going to have to catch up on.
“Calm down Fluttershy, we’ve all been taking turns taking care of the animals while you were away, Rainbow Dash has been flying up to refill the bird feeders, Angel's been staying with Pinkie Pie, Applejacks been taking care of the chickens, and Rarity’s been making sure the rest of the animals are doing fine.”
“Rarity’s been doing manual labor?” Fluttershy giggled at the thought of their pristine friend mussing her carefully styled mane.
“I believe her exact words were “Crocs will be in style before I let my friend come home to such a dreadful mess,” Twilight said imitating the affected speech patterns of Ponyville’s resident fashionista
“You do a good Rarity.” Fluttershy said softly.
“Oh well thank you, that’s very kind of you to say,” Twilight said mimicking Fluttershy's demure tone.
Fluttershy giggled at Twilight’s impression of her. “I guess the animals will be okay for one more day. Maybe we should just stay here and watch movies and eat ice cream all day.”
“That sounds like just what the doctor ordered.”
And so the two friends grabbed a tub of icecream with two spoons and settled in for a movie marathon that included the surprisingly good Power Ponies movie, Sleepless in Seasaddle, and Love Essentially”
I’m just a colt standing in front of a filly asking her to love him.
After their fifth movie Twilight shut off the TV and yawned, the ice cream tub, sticky with the remnants of its former life sat lifelessly on the nightstand. “Gosh I haven’t had that much fun doing nothing since…ever.”
Twilight glanced over at her friend; she was surprised to find the yellow pegasus on the verge of tears.
“I-I’m sorry Twilight, gosh I’m-so sor-sorry, I don’t know what I-I was thinking. Can you ev-ever forgive me?”
Twilight sat down next to the crying Pegasus and guided the pegasus’s head onto her shoulder. She sat stroking her friends mane as Fluttershy quietly sobbed. Twilight rested her head against Fluttershy’s “I forgave you the instant you woke up at the hospital” she whispered in her friends ear. Fluttershy turned and buried herself in the comforting embrace of the purple alicorn and the two ponies held each other. Niether of them said much for the next hour. Fluttershy sat curled up, alternately crying and shivering as Twlight tried to comfort her. Unable to come up with any words she felt had value Twilight settled on stroking Fluttershy's mane and repeating “it’s going to be okay” over and over again until Fluttershy fell asleep from exhaustion. Twilight started to get up and begin the process of ending up in her own bed but when she moved she felt Fluttershy clasp onto her and so Twilight resigned herself to sleeping on the couch.
Twilight awoke the next morning to the sharp whistle of a tea kettle; the piercing screech jolted her out of her early morning stupor. She looked around as the events of last night came flooding back to her. We were having great time and then Fluttershy just broke down, was it something I said? Did I miss a warning sign?
“Oh gosh I’m sorry Twilight, did I wake you up? I didn’t mean to, I just wanted some tea and…” Fluttershy voice quietly trailed off as she looked down at the ground.
“It’s okay, really. Are you feeling better?”
Fluttershy nodded. “The doctors warned me that it would get worse at night.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Fluttershy nodded again and sat down cupping a mug of tea between her hooves. “We we’re having such a great day and then it occurred to me that if I…if I..had been successful that I wouldn't ever get to watch movies with you or go to the spa with Rarity or go to a Pinkie party and then I thought of how sad that would make me and then I thought of how worried you all must have been and I’m sorry Twilight, I don’t know if I can ever make it up to you all but I’m really sorry” the yellow pegasus stared into her tea, watching the steam rise and dissipate.
Twlight rested a hoof on her friend's shoulder,“You don’t ever need to apologize to us. We just want to see you get better okay?”
“Okay,” Fluttershy replied meekly. “Umm how are the others? It occurs to me that I haven’t seen them since I left the hospital. I’m sure they must be worried and I don’t know what I’m going to say to them.”
Twilight considered her next words carefully. She probably doesn't need to know that Applejack spent half a day bucking trees so hard that she damaged the west orchard. And I’ll let Rainbow Dash explain why we’re going to have some extra rain for the next few days. “I think Pinkie took it the hardest,” she finally said. “But nopony ever wanted anything other than for you to be happy.”
“I guess I’ll have to talk to them individually later.”
“Well we should get ready. I think we should swing by your cottage today.”
“That sounds wonderful, but I thought I had to stay with you for at least three days before I was allowed to live by myself again.”
“You’ll still be staying with me, but I don’t think we need to be together for the entire day. This way you can start to get back into your routine and I can run some errands without boring you all day”
“I wouldn't be bored, I like spending time with you”’
“Oh really?” Twilight tilted her head and smirked at her friend. “I have to go to the Ponyville post office and review all of the library’s book orders for the past 3 months because one of our books is missing and I need to know if we misplaced it or if it was never delivered; and then I need to go to Quills and Sofas because I’m thinking of switching the library’s quills from 10pt to 8pt and I want to test the new 8pt quills before I order a box of them."
“Umm okay maybe I will spend the day with the animals if you don’t mind.”
Twilight allowed herself a moment of satisfaction as the mundane details of her day triumphed over Fluttershy’s good nature. The two ponies finished their tea and grabbed a toaster pastry as they headed out the door.
The walk through town was surprisingly uneventful for Fluttershy. A few ponies waved hello as she and Twilight cantered on past them. Fluttershy had chosen to put on a long sleeve sweater even though it wasn’t that cold out. She also wore her usual large brimmed hat and sunglasses that allowed her to hide in plain sight.
When they reached Fluttershy's cottage Fluttershy put her hand on the door and paused. “I don’t think I can do this Twilight, I mean I haven’t been back inside since…”
“It’ll be okay. I’m right here with you, you need to go back in there sometime” Twilight gently suggested.
“Okay then, here goes nothing.” As Fluttershy opened the door she saw four familiar looking ponies standing under a banner that said welcome home in glittering letters.
A faint red patch still stained the kitchen tiles but other than that Fluttershy’s cottage had been returned to its usual immaculate state with the exception of a blank spot on the kitchen counter that usually held Fluttershy’s knife block.
Pinkie Pie walked up to Fluttershy first “I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do so I made cupcakes because cupcakes make everything better I think, unless they don’t in which case I can make muffins or pie or-"
Pinkie Pie went silent as Fluttershy wrapped a pair of yellow forelegs around her neck. “Thank you Pinkie that was very thoughtful of you." The yellow pegasus nuzzled Pinkie’s neck. Pinkie smiled and returned Fluttershy’s gesture of affection.
Applejack spoke next, “Now you listen here sugarcube, I’m right down the road if ya need anything, so ah don’t want to hear none of this “Ah didn't want to bother you” crap, ya need anything, ya come git me ya hear. And when you’re feeling up to it ah expect ya to come over for dinner. Oh and Fluttershy? Ah swear bah mah lucky hat if you ever scare us like that again ah will tan your flank so raw ya won’t be able to sit down for a week.”
“I think what Applejack means to say is that we’re awfully glad you’re back darling. So don’t you go worrying about Applejack 'tanning your flank.'" Rarity took Fluttershy’s right hoof and held it between her own squeezing it securely. “Because if you do ever scare us like that again she won’t be the pony you need to worry about." Rarity winked and kissed Fluttershy lightly on the cheek.
“Ok that’s enough of that, nopony threatens Fluttershy when I’m around, even if they mean it in a nice way; and that includes the two of you.” Rainbow Dash slid next to Fluttershy and draped a protective wing around her childhood friend. “But umm yeah maybe don’t go scaring us like that again,” she said turning to Fluttershy.
Fluttershy wanted badly reassure her friends that this was all some sort of tragic accident, but deep down she knew that she couldn't lie to them like that; instead all she could manage was “Thank you everypony, I forgot how lucky I am to have such great friends," which may not have been what she wanted to be able to say but it had the benefit of being true.