//------------------------------//
// KrazyTheFox 
// Story: At The Drop of A Hat 
// by Tchernobog 
//------------------------------//

"After all, Applejack," said Mr. DeMule with a tip of ‘his’ hat, “I am your father.”

“Whoa, A.J.” Rainbow Dash broke out into a goofy grin. “You never told me you had a dad.”

"But he's not—" Applejack started in protest.

"That makes you like... a normal pony now!" Rainbow Dash blinked at Mr. DeMule. “He’s kind of an ass, isn’t he?”

Applejack nudged Rainbow Dash back upright. "Rainbow, he ain't my dad. I told ya, my pa died years ago," said Applejack through grit teeth.

“It would seem some ponies lack a sense of humor.” Mr. DeMule adjusted Applejack's hat again and cleared his throat. "Allow me to introduce myself. I am Mr. DeMule, collector of fine art and rare artifacts from around the world."

"Pleasure to meet ya," said Applejack, extending a hoof.

Mr. DeMule pushed Applejack's hoof away, disapproving of its unwashed state. "Perhaps we should spare the pleasantries."

"Alrighty." Applejack raised an eyebrow and set her hoof back down. "So, uh, can I have my hat back? As I said, I've kinda been chasin' it all day." 

"Yeah! It was soooo awesome the way we beat up that whole train full of bandits!" Rainbow Dash stumbled a few feet away from Applejack's side and began swinging her hooves around in the air, almost taking out one of the other guests.

"No," said Mr. DeMule, "I'm afraid not, Applejack."

"An' why not?"

Glancing around at the party, Mr. DeMule motioned towards the exit. "Perhaps we ought to discuss this in a more private setting, away from prying ears."

"Fine." Applejack grunted. Turning to Rainbow Dash, she whistled. "Rainbow, come on, we're leavin'."

"Aww, already?" Rainbow Dash tripped on a patch of grass and landed on her face, earning herself a mouthful of dirt.

Applejack shook her head and trotted over to Rainbow, yanking her to her hooves. "Yes, Rainbow, already."

Spitting out the dirt in her mouth, Rainbow leaned against Applejack. "B—But I've only had, uh, one... one... one cider of glass!"

"One cider too many if ya ask me."

As the three left the party behind, Applejack noticed a few of the guests leaving with them. After a few streets and glances behind her, she was certain they were being followed. "Uh, Mr. DeMule, I think we're bein' followed."

"Mmm, don't mind them. They're my bodyguards and won't get in the way. After all, one can never be too careful."

Eyeing the guards behind them once more, Applejack pressed herself into Rainbow a bit more, for her reassurance and Rainbow's steadiness.

Eventually they all stepping into an innocuous looking downtown shop, up the stairs in the back, and into a richly decorated room overlooking the street. Applejack was certain the curtains alone would sell for enough to buy the farm.

The group made their way to the back of the room and gathered around a tattered rug next to a well-stocked bar.

"Now then, as I said earlier, I'm a collector, and this hat here just so happens to be one of only five ever made—the start of the great Stetson company which now provides headwear to most of the world's new settlements."

Applejack leveled a glare at Mr. DeMule. "So..."

"So, I think I'll hold onto this hat a while." Mr. DeMule smiled brightly. He held the smile for a few seconds, then frowned when Applejack only glared harder. "Now Applejack, you're not even going to ask why I brought you here?"

"You'd best be gettin' to the point, and be gettin' to it fast."

"Ah, a mare of business, I see. I like that." Mr. DeMule trotted over to the bar and poured himself a drink, silently offering one to Applejack, who shook her head. He downed a shot and poured another. "As  it so happens, there is one thing I'd be willing to trade your hat for."

Rainbow Dash stumbled again and fell over next to Applejack, rolling onto her back, grinning up at Applejack.

Applejack sighed and placed a hoof on Rainbow to keep her from knocking something over before returning her attention to Mr. DeMule. "And what would that be?"

"Are you, by chance, familiar with the Equestrian Preservation Society's museum down on Horseback Avenue?"

"'Fraid not."

"Well, there's a new exhibit that went up just yesterday about the Equestrian-Zebrican border and is showcasing many artifacts from the area." Mr. DeMule poured himself another glass and tossed it back. "The main attraction of the exhibit is an idol, about 5 hooves tall, estimated to be older than Equestria itself, and teeming with magical energy that was recently unearthed in that area."

Applejack grimaced. "I'm not likin' where this is goin'."

Mr. DeMule continued as if uninterrupted. "The museum's private collector refuses to sell this idol to me, nor will they be running any magical tests on it. An idol of such immense power must have some secrets hidden away, but they may never be discovered as long as it remains in the possession of the museum."

"Let me guess." Applejack's ears flattened and she bit her lip. "Ya want me to steal it for you."

"I prefer the term 'acquire', but to each her own.” Mr. DeMule shrugged. “It's simple, really. The idol for your hat. Or you leave, forget you were ever here, and I keep the hat. Your choice."

Applejack sat and weighed her options, biting her lip and glancing furtively around the room. After a moment of contemplation, she hung her head and lifted her hoof off of Rainbow, turning toward the door. "Let's go, Rainbow. I ain't about to go stealin' from somepony else just for a silly ol' hat."

"But hat.... it's your A.J.!” Rainbow scrunched her nose. “Err..."

"Not anymore, it ain't," said Applejack, reaching up to pull her hat over her—right. She started walking, keeping her face hidden from the rest of the room's occupants, her eyes glistening over.

"Th-that's not right!" exclaimed Rainbow from the floor, rolling over a few times before managing to get all four hooves on the same floor. As soon as she stood up enough to flex her wings, she took off and lunged at Mr. DeMule, snatching the hat right off his head.

Rather, that was her intention, and as well-intentioned as it had been, the alcohol had really done a number on her flying. Instead of lunging, her flight as more akin to that of a chicken's, and instead of the pinpoint accuracy to complement the element of surprise, she ran straight into a wall of bulked-up pony, who needed to take only a single step forward to protect his employer.

"Big mistake," growled Mr. DeMule.

Applejack watched the scene unfold in horror, having turned back around at the sound of Rainbow taking off. Having her wits still about her, she galloped over to Rainbow Dash, picking her up and flinging her onto her back, knocking over what sounded like a priceless vase in the process.

"Get them!" The furious voice of Mr. DeMule echoed behind them as Applejack made her escape from the room and onto the street with a dazed Rainbow Dash on her back.

Applejack ran as fast as she could, dodging ponies left and right on the streets, turning down alleyways and around city blocks, unable to shake the ponies chasing after her.

Her eyes alighted on a bridge and she put on an extra burst of speed as she rounded the next corner. "Hold on, Rainbow Dash!"

Rainbow Dash had no opportunity to protest before Applejack leapt over the railing and into the air above the gently flowing river below.

Applejack clenched her jaw and spun around, grabbing Rainbow in mid-air, watching the water below rush up to meet them.

With a loud splash, Applejack and Rainbow Dash plunged deep into the frigid, late-autumn water. Pressure assaulted Applejack's ears and the water stung her eyes, and cold stabbed at her from every direction. She forced her eyes open and looked around through the murky depths and cascades of bubbles for the surface.

As soon as the bubbles cleared from around her enough to allow her to see, Applejack followed the smaller bubbles gravitating towards the surface with a few powerful kicks. Rainbow Dash flailed next to her, but Applejack's grasp was steadfast and they shortly broke through the surface of the water, gasping for air.

Applejack wiped her mane out of her eyes and regained her bearings. Spotting the pier of the bridge anchored in solid ground, she swam towards the shore. She heaved Rainbow out of the water and quickly followed.

"Phew." Applejack shook herself somewhat dry and collapsed against the pier, shivering, listening to the bodyguards run all the way across the bridge above them. "I..." She stopped a moment to catch her breath. "I think we lost 'em, sugarcube."

After wringing the water from her mane, Applejack forced herself to her hooves and dragged Rainbow over to her spot against the pier. She sat back down against it and wrapped her hooves tightly around Rainbow.

"I'm c–cold, A.J.," said Rainbow through chattering teeth.

"I know, sugarcube." Applejack curled her tail around Rainbow Dash and rubbed her hooves deep into Rainbow's back. "I know."