//------------------------------// // Chapter 2, in which Twilight learns what BSOD means // Story: Rules of the (Slumber) Party // by matcha cheesecake //------------------------------// Rules of the Party #12: Anything you say can and will be used against you. * I didn’t want this. All I wanted was a glass of water. It happened a few days after the last sleepover. We’d just finished up one of Pinkie’s patented no-holds-barred-party-’til-we-drop parties, and plastered ponies were sprawled all over the Carousel Boutique for the night. Too much moonshine, I guessed. I woke up from a throbbing headache, my pelt and mane drenched in sweat. I figured some water and willow bark was in order, so I carefully slipped out from between Applejack and Fluttershy to try and find the kitchen. Three wrong turns and a locked bathroom later, I thought I heard somepony making strange guttural sounds down the hall. I chalked it up to Rainbow Dash’s ridiculous snoring, went on my way, then found myself back where I started. I mentally kicked myself. How could I have missed the dining area adjacent to the room we’d crashed in for the night? It was through a door next to where the now-missing Fluttershy had been sleeping. A vaguely familiar musk invaded my nostrils as I pushed the door open. What I saw inside made my jaw clatter on the floor. Two ponies were enjoying themselves on the dining table. They had their eyes closed, and were too busy to notice me anyway. One had her back against the table, her head lolling off the edge to my direction. Her pink hooves smoothed over her partner, mussing up some purple mane, then drifting over to the cutie mark. Throaty moans escaped her lips as the mare on top grinded against her barrel while planting playful nips and licks from chin to neck. A white hoof braced against the wood as she went further down the pink mare. Another pleasured groan, then a pair of eyes fluttered open. The blue in them seemed hazy as they focused on me. “Oh. Hiya, Twilight!” chirped the owner of those eyes, with Pinkie’s voice. “TWILIGHT?!” yelped a voice that sounded just like Rarity’s, though a bit huskier. The mare on top pulled away from her partner with so much force, she toppled off the table with a squeak and a thud. I blinked. Pinkie Pie had her head tilted at an angle, still in her upside down pose on the table. She eventually rolled right side up, propped her head on her forehooves, and eagerly watched me like I was her favorite show. I even expected her to take out a tub of popcorn out of nowhere. No, I hoped she would, because that would mean this was nothing more than an elaborate setup. But she didn’t. When I glanced to the side, Rarity was scowling at me while she struggled to sort out her mane. Her puffed up cheeks glowed like a Hearth’s Warming fire, though her furrowed brows spelled confusion more than anger. I squeezed my eyes shut and lit up my horn. The magic pinched much harder than I meant to; I bet I left a mark on my cheek. But when I opened my eyes again, the scene didn’t change one bit. “Twilight, darling,” Rarity’s voice was a notch higher than usual as she slowly drew out each syllable. Good, she knows how to handle hungover ponies experiencing shock. “This is... It’s not what it looks like.” “But Rarity, it’s exactly what it looks like!” White hoof met hornbase. Rarity shook her head and then they started to go back and forth about... something. I was too shot to process what it was. I didn’t want any of this. I just wanted to get rid of this headache and go back to sleep. All I needed for that was a glass of water and some willow bark. In fact, I’d need it more than before now that my brain was threatening to explode. Too much information. Cannot parse. Error! Error! I tried to explain this to my friends as eloquently as I could, but somewhere along the way, I must have forgotten how my muzzle worked. All that came out of me was a strangled, “Bwuh?” “Now, Twilight, please do not freak out on us before I could expl--” “She looks fine to me!” “Pinkie Pie, another word and I might just hit you.” “Sure thing! You know I like it~♫” Clearly, the amusement subject Pinkius Piecus found in this situation was inversely proportional to that of subject Raritysius Rex. This was made obvious in that an increase of Pinkius’ giggles was answered with an increase in Raritysius’ scathing comments and tendency to facehoof. Whether Raritysius meant the threats or not was yet to be observed by this researcher. However, the lack of bodily harm on Pinkius Piecus and the furtive smiles and glances the subjects often exchanged may be evidence, if insufficient, of some mutually shared sentiment. As such, the results were yet to be conclusive. I exhaled heavily. I should’ve taken more notes on this before. But then, neither was I the type to let slip a chance to make up for lost research opportunities. I felt a sudden need for a quill and where did Spike put the parchment again? I needed to make some checklists and where was that musky scent coming from? It’s been distracting me with inappropriate thoughts ever since I entered the... the... I stared at my two friends still engrossed in their argument. Sweet Celestia on a pogo stick! Why didn’t I see this before?! “Hwaitaminutyoutwoo,” I spluttered, still not quite sure how to work my tongue ever since the gears in my head overheated. They watched me expectantly, but it took a few more false starts before I finally got the words out. “What were you... Just now, the table... You two were dating and you never told me?!” I simultaneously heard a vehement “No!” and a chipper “Yes!” followed by what I assumed were explanations. I caught a few words about princes and oatmeal. A prince called Oatmeal, perhaps? Either way, none of it made sense because my friends kept talking over each other. “One at a time!” “--blood, of course!” What? Blood? What? I gaped at Rarity, who replied with an awkward smile and an even more awkward cough. “Ahem. Yes. Anyway, “ she cleared her throat again, growing increasingly uncomfortable with her words, “There’s nothing to tell, darling. We’re not--” “Rarity loves me!” Pinkie Pie cut in and I preemptively winced at the fresh round of bickering sure to follow. It didn’t come, however. I peered at my unicorn friend, expecting to at least see a hint of barely restrained belligerence bubbling under the surface. Instead, Rarity wore the same expression she’d have when a particular dress was turning out unexpectedly better than her initial designs. This caught Pinkie’s attention and the pair of them locked eyes for a minute or two to exchange furrowed eyebrows, quirked lips, and other small facial movements. I suddenly felt left out and briefly wondered if Rarity knew a spell that enabled telepathic communication. No, Pinkie Pie’s Pinkie-ness would be a more likely reason. “It’s all okay now! Okay?” Pinkie concluded with a clap of her forehooves. They turned to face me, wearing identical solemn expressions that fit well on Rarity but looked odd on Pinkie Pie. “Twilight, my dear, we have a confession...” * The following day, Rarity sat us down before our so-late-it-can’t-even-be-called-brunch meal to tell the truth of her relationship with Pinkie Pie while the said earth pony silently bobbed up and down the seat beside... her marefriend. When all was over, Pinkie seemed even more bouncy, Applejack looked out of it, and Fluttershy was smiling at everypony. I was still trying to wrap my head around everything since last night, so I must have looked out of it as well. Beside me, Rainbow Dash was trembling. “You all right, Dashie?” Pinkie lightly poked Rainbow’s side, but the pegasus shrugged her off. If looks could shoot lightning bolts, there would be a scorching hole where Rarity was seated from the way Rainbow was glaring. That didn’t last too long, though. She lunged over the table and would have kicked Rarity’s head to next Tuesday if Fluttershy hadn’t acted fast enough to hold back the seething pegasus. “What. Is. Your. Problem?” said Rarity through gritted teeth. She stood her full height, hooves planted on the floor as if she were facing that manticore all over again. I positioned myself by her side, ready to intervene in case she, too, decided to get physical. “You’re ashamed of her, that’s what!” Rainbow Dash spat out between yellow hooves, her wings fully splayed. “You don’t deserve to be with her!” “Pardon me, but our keeping it secret had nothing to do with shame!” “That’s why you always go on about how much you like stallions? ‘Cause that’s like, the best way to be proud of your marefriend!” “I am proud of her!” Rarity stomped a hoof, her nostrils flaring with each word. “How dare you even--” “Years, Rarity!” Rainbow struggled much harder than before that Fluttershy had to resort to mounting her in a complicated wing-and-head lock. “We’re supposed to be your best friends! How long have you known me and Fluttershy? Twilight? Hay, how long have you known Applejack? You never even bothered to tell us!” “We told everypony just now, did we not?” “Yeah, sure. Like that doesn’t m--hrmph!” Whatever Rainbow was trying to say then, we would never know. Somepony had pulled her away from her retainer and the next thing anypony knew, Pinkie Pie was muzzle-to-muzzle with the blue pegasus. I involuntarily took a step back, my flank bumping the table. I heard something fall to the floor. It must’ve been a teaspoon, or maybe my jaw again. “Enough, okay?” Pinkie licked her lips before glancing over at her marefriend. Rarity was on the floor, struggling to get back on her hooves. Her knees must have given out when all her tension evaporated in light of the kiss. She shook her head and tutted, “Pinkie, my love, you shouldn’t mess with other ponies’ heads like that.” Sure enough, Rainbow Dash was too shocked to do anything more than drop on her haunches, eyes wide and mouth open. She came around a few moments later, or at least I thought she did when she spoke up. “You kissed me.” “Uh, yeah?” Pinkie rubbed a hoof behind her head and shot me a questioning look. I shrugged, No, Pinkie Pie, I don’t know what kind of damage you did to her either. “Why does everypony have to steal kisses from the Dash? Is it too much to at least ask me out first?” Rainbow grumbled, sounding much like how the Crusaders would after another failed attempt for a cutie mark. Creases slowly formed between her eyes and I could practically hear the gears in her head whirring and churning. When things finally sunk in, she was torn between confused, ticked off, and completely horrified. “Pinkie Pie, you kissed me! Why did you... Everypony’s here and... No no no, I won’t be killed so easily!” I opened my mouth to comment about murdering ponies, but Pinkie beat me to it. “Silly, Dashie!” she snickered. “Why would anypony want to kill you?” “You kissed me!” repeated Rainbow, as if that explained everything. When the snickers evolved into giggles, she helplessly glanced at Fluttershy then Applejack. But Fluttershy was hiding behind her mane and Applejack was still too deep in thought to be of any use. I opened my mouth to help clear things up, but, again, somepony had to interrupt. “If it bothers you so much, no, I don’t actually mind.” Rarity was on her haunches now, a teacup hovering in front of her. She took a sip, made a face, then levitated the cup back to the table. Meanwhile, everpony gaped at her. Except her own marefriend, who devolved into a laughing mess on the floor. I found this very concerning. I opened my mouth to voice that concern, but Fluttershy... Was everypony doing this on purpose? “So you don’t mind seeing Pinkie kiss, um, other ponies?” “I’m too used to her antics,” Rarity sighed and watched her marefriend giggle and roll all over the room, “so I let her do whatever she likes.” “So no more fighting, Dashie! Rarity luuurves me!” Pinkie Pie sprang up and put a foreleg around Rainbow Dash to give her a noogie. For some reason, everypony got flustered at this. Except me. It wasn’t like the kiss, so I didn’t get what the fuss was about. “And you love her too, right?” I didn’t mean to sound skeptical. I didn’t even realize I said it outloud until I thought I saw Pinkie Pie shoot me an offended look, but that could’ve just easily been my imagination. Pinkie put on a grin so wide, her cheeks tensed to keep it from bursting her face. Even her voice sounded overly bubbly when she chirped, “Of course I do, silly filly!” She pounced at Rarity from behind, pink legs wrapped snug around white neck. Her lips puckered out for an over-the-top smoochy face and proceeded to pepper Rarity’s cheek with wet kisses. Rarity struggled to maintain her composure, but her efforts eventually faltered. Soon, she was leaning her head ever so slightly to meet each kiss. “That’s rather sweet, darling, but we ha-YAHN!” Rarity suddenly shoved Pinkie Pie away, much of her white coat glowing in a full body blush. Pinkie had her tongue out between lips shaped into a devious smirk I’ve never seen her wear before, and the audacity to giggle-snort at her crime. This incensed her marefriend even more and a rolled up magazine flew in from who-knew-where to bop the party pony on the head. “Pinkie Pie! We have company!” “And that’s okay!” said Pinkie between giggles that soon turned into guffaws. I didn’t understand what she meant by that at all. A glimpse of Rarity’s raised eyebrows told me that she probably didn’t get it either. When the laughter subsided, Pinkie Pie trotted up to Rarity’s side again and pulled her in an embrace much gentler than the one earlier. She nuzzled a spot under Rarity’s chin, occasionally moving up to offer a peck on the cheek. Rarity was still scowling, though she didn‘t do anything to protest. Soon, even her scowl melted into an expression that brought only one word to my mind: bliss. “You’re incorrigible.” “And I love you, too!” At that, I cleared my throat and brought out all the sincerity I could muster. “In any case, I’m happy for the both of you.” “Oh, you two make such a cute couple!” chimed in Fluttershy, beaming at everypony. She seemed to be waiting for something, but after a few moments of dead air, she nudged Rainbow Dash with a wing. “I guess it’s a’ight.” Rainbow Dash didn’t seem completely out of her stupor yet. But before Fluttershy could do so much as look concerned, Pinkie Pie had pulled everypony into a group hug. “Aww, shucks. Thanks, girls!” piped in Pinkie’s voice within our five-pony pile. Wait, somepony’s missing... “Applejack, why in Equestria are you not joining us?” I traced Rarity’s gaze to the said farm pony sitting at the table, seemingly content to watch us from that distance. That was, until she shook her head hard enough to make her hat fall off. “Huh? Sorry, y’all.” Applejack let out an exaggerated yawn, made a scrunchy face, then briefly looked at the ceiling. “I musta fell asleep with my eyes open.” “Well, do wake up and come over here, darling. You’re missing out on a group hug!” Applejack picked up her hat and joined in between me and Rainbow Dash. After a few minutes of hugging and cuddling each other, we all settled around the table for our meal. Pinkie Pie was daring Rainbow Dash to pour extra-hot-rainbow-level-spicy sauce on her pancakes. Fluttershy and Rarity seemed to be engrossed on some juicy gossip, both their faces flushed. Beside me, Applejack was poking her alfalfa in disinterest. “Not hungry?” She didn’t seem to hear me, though she shrugged and stopped poking her food. “Shoulda seen it sooner,” mumbled Applejack, mostly to herself. I followed her withering gaze to Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash poking and teasing each other. I couldn’t help smiling at the sight of my friends enjoying themselves, but something in Applejack’s statement worried me. Especially when I noticed Rarity watching the same scene, before heaving out a sigh then looking away.