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// Too Many Pinkie Pies 
// Story: Responses To A Disgruntled Friendship Student 
// by keaton-furman-prower 
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Dear Pinkie Pie:

Of course you have no time management skills. Your brain is so completely contaminated by illicit chemicals that you can no longer properly form rational thoughts.

But I digress. This mirror pool sounds like an artifact of great interest. The potential applications are unlimited; we could create a whole army, produce dozens of new slaves, and create a large number of duplicates to fool the changelings, then take down their hives once and for all.

But of course, it just had to be found by a junkie first. And what happens? The junkie wastes all that potential on creating a bunch of clones of herself. Unfortunately, it seems that each one is higher than the last one, rending them all so brain-dead they don’t even remember how to get high.

Still, I’m impressed that you managed to figure out how to get your friends to distinguish the real you from your clones. Of course, I’m not sure how they could have hideously mutilated themselves during your test. Maybe you were just high enough to see crazy things?

What I must question, however, is Twilight’s spell to send the clones back to the pool. I mean, wouldn’t that basically just kill them? You might as well just have a team of pegasi drag a giant cupcake overhead, fly off a cliff, and then watch as the pink abominations fell to their deaths. Of course, you’d have to find out who the real Pinkie was, otherwise she’d be the first one off.

Finally, I’m glad you’ve learned to deal with having competition. I can’t wait to hear about how the Crystal Meth Empire takes over your supplies and eventually crushes you.

Your faithful(?) customer, Princess Celestia. 





Dear Rainbow Dash:

Why the hell was I not invited to your Pinkie Pie Orgy?!!

Your sexually-frustrated friend, Twilight Sparkle.

P.S.: Please buy drugs from Crystal ponies instead of that pink bitch. I want her to suffer as much as possible.





Dear Twilight Sparkle:

Friend? Seriously? What are you smoking?!

Your satisfied not-friend, Rainbow Dash.

P.S.: I'll buy whatever I want from whoever I want, bitch.