Sleeping is quite refreshing, it revitalizes the body and mind. I tend to find myself quickly tempered and act before rationally thinking most of the time. That would be a viable reason why I eat food with a dash of my secret sauce every day. Its potent contents put me in a better mood. However, I realized this morning when everything became FUBAR that I completely forgot to take some. Thankfully, having an or two of undisturbed sleep alternatively helps throw the cares away. Rarely it does, though. But hey, not everything works the way you intend it.
After some time, around an hour or more-ish, a chilling breeze swept by and shivered me awake. I started the awakening routine as the per norm; a wide and simple stretch, followed by a vigorous yawn. I idly scratched the itchiness off my back as I sat upright, eyes still closed, and arched my neck for a crackling pop or two. I stretched my legs lazily outward to purge the stiffness, until all of a sudden my right leg's muscles tightened, thus snapping me to a full-awake state.
"Crap!" I immediately yelped, my eyes shooting wide open from pain. I instinctively grasped the part of the leg where the cramp was, massaging it to soothe the pain a little bit. Through gritted teeth, I cried out, "Charley horse! Charley horse," and kept gently stroking the calf muscles for a solid minute or two. Soon the cramping torture finally had come to an end. "Damn these cramps..." I bitterly grumbled.
While waking up with a bad cramp wasn't what I expected, sleeping did manage to help ease my anger a little bit. Pondering, I felt that I had been somewhat harsh with the whole speculation of Discord going back to his evil ways. I mean, Discord once admitted that being reformed wasn't as bad as he turned it out to be. And I could tell he was pretty sincere on that statement, so maybe my anger got the better of me.
For the second time, though, a cold wind gusted by, catching me off guard.
I wrapped my arms around my stomach. "Jeez, when did it get a bit windy all of a sudden? Not to mention freezing."
An unknown sense told me to look up, so I did. To my little surprise, there was the sky -- crystal clear and blue as it ever is -- and not a sign of a particular canopy of a willow tree that was supposed to be shading me from the sun's rays could be seen anywhere. Then, an annoying honking noise of a duck's quacking was heard not too far, and I turned to the wailer's whereabouts. There the obnoxious foul was, blissfully flying through the air solo, soaring along until the feathered fellow flew beyond my field of vision. Never to be seen again.
I swiveled my view back to front and arched a confused brow. 'What on Earth would a duck be flying so low to the grou-' my train of thought was then halted when realization dawned on me. 'The lake, it's gone!'
Mouth agape, I stared directly at the scene where the lake should have been, trying to figure out what in blue blazes was happening here. My hand reached for the ground, and for a very bizarre reason, I felt something cold, yet incredibly soft. Like fluffy soft. If I'd known better, I'd known that mud isn't supposed to feel this kind of soft. Mud is all yucky and thick and not all pleasant to touch. To me, anyway. This was neither of those things but instead very smooth and delicate to the slightest touch.
I grabbed hold of whatever it was and lifted it. The stuff on the surface of my palm was snowy white and puffy-looking, similar to that of a cotton ball, with lumpy outlines. Scrutinizing it furtherly, I noticed that it was...
'A piece of... cloud?'
Peculiar indeed. It would be as if I'm implying that I'm sitting on a cloud. A human, on a cloud made out of nothing but mist which that is water? Why that's about as absurd as a child believing there's a pot of gold at an end of a rainbow. How utterly ridiculous does that sound? Not to mention impossible.
But in a magical world where there's talking pastel-colored ponies, griffons, dragons and every other fairy-tale creature anyone could think of, I'd be afraid to say that the impossibilities may become possibilities. And sure enough, I leaned over to see that the lake was below me. Way, way, way below me...
Acting nonchalantly, I added up the list, "So I'm sitting helplessly on a cloud, which is miles high off the ground, with no idea as to how I got up in the first place, and there's absolutely nobody around who can help get me down. Aha-ha... ha. Yeah..."
At times like this, even I amaze myself of how I could act so casual in these situations. There are some times when one would have thought he'd know himself too-
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I screamed out loud in sheer terror. "Someone! Anyone! Help!"
And then poof popped a certain draconequus out of the blue, guffawing hysterically childishly.
"Oh-ho-ho-ho!" Discord laughed uproariously, holding his gut tight to prevent it from bursting out confetti as he did before when he turned me into a... pony. (which shall be the last time I'll mention it).
"D-D-Discord?!" I stuttered. I couldn't look at the chortling trickster as I was too frightened by the distance between me and the ground. "What's go-going on here?! Next, I was sleeping under the willow tree, and then I wake up sitting on a cloud!"
I continued peeking down, imagining the horror of what it'd be like to fall from this level of height. The mere thought only made me feel a lot worse.
Discord still was laughing himself to death (frankly it wouldn't surprise me). "Now that's one for the papers. Ahahaha!" he crowed. "This may be my best prank yet!"
"Your best prank?" I asked quizzically. At that moment there was a long silence, filled only by the whistling winds and the connecting of dots. I stood up and sought the spirit's red pupils. "So this was all your doing?!"
The cloud shook slightly from the movement, and I cowered back down to my knees staring down at the ground again.
"I don't know," said Discord innocently, although him looking away to conceal his laughter made it quite obvious he was guilty. He turned back around with a perky smile plastered on his face. "Maybe."
"What on Earth possessed you to do this?!"
"Well," Discord began, stroking his unruly goatee, "promise you won't be mad, but I have been spectating you for some time. I must say after all that's happened today that you looked like you were about to explode. When I later followed you to the lake and saw that you fell asleep against the willow tree I pondered: 'Hmm, judging the trouble he's been through, perhaps as a good friend I'll give him something nice to sleep on'. Now here you are. Did you have a swell nap?"
Discord's explanation briefly left me kneeling in disbelief. "So let me get this straight: all this time you've been following me? Why couldn't you have just saved me the trouble looking for you?! And while I do appreciate the kind gesture... You don't place your friends a million feet in the air that can potentially kill them as a prank! You know full bloody-well that I'm scared of heights!" I exclaimed.
"Really?" Discord questioned, pretending to act surprised. "Huh, it must have slipped my mind," he shrugged dismissively, "oopsie."
The corners of my lips anchored to a deep, scowling frown. "Oopsie? Man, when I get my hands on you I'll-" I spat malicious incoherent threats at the spirit of chaos, arms quivering in rising rage. "Forget it! Can you just get me down!?
"Very well," Discord submitted. "But first things first: How's the weather up here?"
Of all jokes, Discord, of all jokes...
I deadpanned with an unamused expression. "Me. Off this cloud. Now."
"Are you sure?" he queried.
"Yes!" I bellowed, voice a little hoarse from hyperventilating in fear. "I just want off of this thing!"
Discord lips stretched to a devious smile. "As you wish," he obliged as he brought forth his lion paw, snapping his fingers.
There was the moment of silence again afterward. Nothing seemed to have happened; I was still lofted on a cloud, wondering why I hadn't been teleported to the ground yet.
Discord snapped his fingers again and materialized a nail file before him. He then began grinding away at his claws with the said object. "You'll have to give it a moment. The spell doesn't take an immediate effect once cast," he said.
I shot him a quick glare, bemused by that comment. "What do you mean by-" all of a sudden I inexplicably fell through the cloud and began plummeting down toward the lake, "thaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!"
Isn't it Deja Vu that a few days ago I had a dream of falling from the sky? Well, I was now. Though this time instead of a lucid dream this was pure reality, which didn't comfort the fact that I'm falling to my inevitable demise. If I ever become a ghost after this, I pledge a solemn swear on my own cobblestone grave that I'd haunt Discord until the end of time.
Losing altitude at a very alarming rate, I clasped both palms together in a pleading pose and silently prayed for a random miracle to happen. But I guess the universe decided, 'No, sirree. You've had this coming for a while.' Couldn't say I didn't. I knew that someday I'd get just payback for the sinful things I've done on Earth.
I closed my eyes in hopelessness, ready to answer the grim reaper who stood outside my life's door knocking at it. The bag of bones probably would ask what the cause of my death was.
The answer? All because a dick of a draconequus pulled a (deadly) prank on me.
The last thing I could remember for the life of me was when I fell from many stories high due to a mischievous prankster. After that, I went and fainted.
What does being unconscious feel like? Well, it's a distant memory, but I'll do my best to recall.
One could describe it much like how one is asleep. It's peaceful, to put it bluntly. The whole world around me was nothing more than a blank subspace. My mind was empty of worries but filled with waters of clarity. The encircling darkness welcomed me to its serenity, and I embraced the welcoming. For the very first time, I felt very calm and, perhaps, happy; I had never been this relaxed since forever. Beyond the vast, infinite blackness there was a white, divine light shimmering brightly across the groundless yonder.
This illumination had a holy aura attached to it, an aura so strangely compelling I dragged myself towards it with relative ease.
In this plane of unconsciousness, there was no law of physics or gravity; there wasn't any sound of footsteps as my body was light as a feather. Soon half of the surrounding darkness was engulfed by the light, and for some inexplicable reason, gravity began taking its claim the closer I approached. After a few more steps the light entirely devoured the darkness, enveloping me to a brand new world of antique white.
Then the colorless expanse gradually dissipated, and this was the moment I realized I was coming to.
Starting off, I remembered everything was blissfully quiet, save for the sounds of mother nature's balmy breaths and the lenient rustling of leaves. Thank God I wasn't sapped of the ability to hear or feel. My brain attempted to give my limbs, and my eyelids, the command to budge. Only to no avail, sadly. However, the minute my mouth emitted a groan, my head registered the pleasing conclusion that I may have survived the fall. Moreover, the luxuriantly-distinctive smell of grass invading my nostrils encouraged the assumption that I could have been very much alive.
But there was an unsettling question left unanswered: why was it that I didn't feel any pain when I landed? Going out on a limb here, I pondered on the possibility I could have had fallen into the lake. Though that wouldn't make sense... because if I did, I and my clothes would've been soaked.
A viable thought instilled with anxiousness reverberated in the depths of my mind, 'please don't tell me where I think I am...'
With as much willpower as I could muster, I urged the nerves of my toes to wiggle. Miraculously, the little toe was the first to twitch. The other toe beside it followed. Then the next, and then the next, until every one of my toes was in sync. Over time, my other foot's toes wiggled as well. The lower part of my body, and eventually the upper section, were corresponding with positive movements; every appendage was wholly intact and accounted for. The last thing I had to do was lift my eyelids so that I could investigate my whereabouts.
The effort to do so was struggling, but with sheer success, I managed to lift my eyelids at a sluggish pace.
I winced when I was first introduced by the harsh rays of the sunlight. I immediately shielded my eyes and rolled to the side, allowing them to recover in the safe shelter of my hands. They regained their focus shortly afterward. Lowering my hands, I got a clear close-up view of a teeny ladybug standing remotely still on an unblemished blade of grass. It looked to be just your average ladybug: a dainty minuscule beetle with a smooth red body and black spots. It's incredible how insects in Equestria were parallel to the ones on Earth. Yet I never liked insects. I always thought they were plain gross and revolting like spiders (my number one phobia, next to escalating heights).
Who wouldn't agree? Spiders have eight hairy crawlers, wrap their prey in webbing and the ghastliest of it all is their eyes. Six, eight, twelve. No matter how many eyes they have, whether the spider be large or small, they're downright creepy. God, it makes me shudder thinking about it.
Butterflies, though, were my favorite among all the other bugs. I don't know why, but how I see them is they're majestic, harmless, and quite beautiful above all else. Of course, their beauty can never top my adoring daughter; my dear Shy will always and forever be my little butterfly.
I was snapped out of my reminiscing when I examined the ladybug closer. For whatever reason, the thing had a familiar unruly goatee with crazy red pupils that were staring right back at me.
I was assured that wherever I was it wasn't heaven nor paradise, but instead... hell.
"Just what were you thinking, Discord?!"
"Calm down, Rick," replied the draconequus nonchalantly, who was perched onto one of the willow tree's thick branches on his back, both of his mismatched legs and serpentine-like tail dangling limply off aside. "You act as if I had done something exceptionally horrid."
I stared at him in disbelief. "You cannot be serious..."
"I never am serious. Unlike somepony I know," Discord made no effort masking the sneer in his voice at that last sentence. He quickly shifted about and was now lying on his stomach but his neck stayed as it were.
I brought a hand and facepalmed, groaning in exasperation. "I'm being serious here, Discord! I mean, have you seen what's been goin' on lately aka the erratic behavior of the clouds?" I pointed a finger at the direction of Ponyville where the checkered-pattern clouds were ominously looming over.
"Indeed I have," he answered, a touch too casual.
There was a short exchange of silence between the two of us; he was humming a tune within his contentment while I stared at him incredulously.
"...and do you plan on doing something about it?" I asked.
Discord ceased his humming, his gaze never wavering. "What was that? Sorry but I think I have something in my ear." The spirit knocked his noggin with a lion paw and out came a pink... fly-thingy? Okay, I didn't know what the heck it was but it had wings of a fly. The pink bug buzzed away as Discord materialized an ear trumpet and raised it to his left ear. "You were saying?"
"I said: and do you plan on doing something about it?"
"Why are you asking me that for?" Discord inquired curiously.
"I don't know. Maybe because those clouds have your name written all over them!"
My accusation snagged his attention. He sat up with his back against me since his neck was still twisted at a hundred 'n' eighty-degree angle. "Why, Rick, I'm so flattered you would accuse me of such a thing." The spirit's body rotated until his chest aimed at the same direction his face was. "But I'm afraid to tell you that I had no part of it. My hands are clean."
He showed the palms of his eagle talon and lion paw. They were so clean they practically reflected the sunlight.
He lounged back onto the branch. "And besides," Discord continued, "it's nothing the pegasi can't handle."
I lifted a finger and opened my mouth to retort, but the god of chaos did have a point. I lowered my finger, only then to raise it back up. "Well, what about my dear Shy and the others?"
"What about them?"
"So you don't know?" I cocked a quizzed brow. "Their cutie marks got switched; Rainbow Dash has my daughter's cutie mark, while my daughter has Pinkie Pie's cutie mark. Everything has gone haywire! From what I've been told nobody, even alicorns like Celestia herself, can't tamper a pony's cutie mark. Twilight theorized something more powerful than an alicorn could be capable of such. So, care to explain?"
I caught Discord's attention once more. However, he seemed to be more intrigued. "Is that so?" The spirit snapped his finger, vanishing and reappearing right beside me. "We-he-he-ll. In all the years of my immortal life, this surprises me. I've been surprised before but this would be the first time I'm legitimately shocked. The elements must be quite distraught. Their cutie marks switched, having no idea what to do outside their element? Why didn't I think of that earlier before? I digress. I must applaud the fellow for a job well done. Jolly good show!"
"Wha?" I blinked, twice. I rubbed my temples in aggravating confusion. "Okay, I'm kind of confused here. Are you telling me that you're not responsible for the unstable clouds and the cutie mark switch?"
Suddenly there were party blowers as I was showered with a cascade of yellow confetti.
"Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner here, Johnny!" Discord chimed uproariously aloud.
Unfazed, I crossed my arms and glowered. "Regardless," I began, "if you're not the one who started this whole mess, you still have the power to fix it."
"I do, don't I," Discord boastfully admitted.
"So why don't you do it?"
Discord rolled his eyes. "Sorry if I rain on your parade, Rick," he said as he conjured a small rain cloud above me, yet not a sign of a single raindrop descended, "but I am forbidden to do anything because Princess Celestia," he mockingly recited the name in a regal accent, "wishes me to lay low for today."
My glowering demeanor was wiped away and to be replaced with an inquisitive one. "For what apparent reason?" I asked.
The spirit extended a lion's finger in front of my face, waving it back and forth like a metronome. "Ah, ah, ah," he clicked his tongue, "that reason is only for me and her to know and for you to find out."
I curtly raised my arms in the air dismissively. "Okay. Fine. But I'm still mad at you for what you did earlier. I mean, did you have any idea how bad my heart rate was going? Did you consider the fact my phobia of escalating heights could've wrought a heart attack? Seriously. My heart hammered against my chest so hard it felt like it was going to burst right out of it!"
Discord blatantly shrugged as a reciprocation. "Oh, I don't know about that. I mean, it was out of fun, right?"
The minute Discord said that asinine comment, I shot him a glare as if my eyes were sharpened daggers. A stare that nearly rivaled my daughter's. Yes, my daughter once pulled out 'The Stare' (as she profoundly calls it) on me. It was way back when I tried giving her animal crackers. Admittedly saying if looks could kill, by George Fluttershy's could have easily done so. I mean, damn. Rainbow Dash's glare earlier had nothing on Fluttershy's. Even as her father, I dreaded whenever she'd use that authoritative stare of hers again.
"Fun? Fun?!" I repeated with an angry stomp. "A prank is only funny when the prankster and the pranked laugh! Do I look like I'm laughing?!"
"Well," Discord took a talon and groomed his goatee thoughtfully, "I guess I might have gone a little overboard."
"Overboard?! More like you took it to the extreme!" I snapped. "And what was with that stunt? Making me fall from a bajillion feet high! Teleporting would've sufficed enough without undergoing such a horrific experience!"
"Relax, Rick," Discord replied calmly. "It wasn't as if I would voluntarily let you hit the ground. What sort of monster do you take me for?"
"A mutant freak with a lion paw, an eagle talon for arms, a mane of a donkey, I think. An antler of a deer and that one..." I briefly paused trying to decipher his other horn. "I don't know what that other horn is."
"A blue goat horn," Discord said flatly.
"Whatever. What I know is you have a head of a horse and a body of different animals. Where I originally come from, we would call that a monstrosity; an abomination."
Discord poofed up a plain-white handkerchief, padding it against his watery eyes which I presumed I hurt his feelings. "Why..." he sniffed. "Why that's some of the nicest things anyone has ever called me."
"For Pete's sake!" I grumbled heatedly. "That wasn't a compliment- you- you know what, forget it," I huffed, and twirled around, my back now facing Discord. I stuck my nose in the air pointedly. "How did I even become friends with you in the first place?"
Discord teleported in front of me, his face inches from mine. "Is it because of my good looks?" he snarkily queried, wiggling his eyebrows.
I rolled my eyes. "I highly doubt that'd be the reason," I scoffed as I again swiveled away from his goofy face. "Plus, nobody in Ponyville would ever ask somebody such as you out," I added.
"Now you're just deliberately twying to hurt my widdle feewings," Discord spoke in a baby's voice. Stubborn as he was, he reappeared before me in a bright flash. He stood straightly upright how a British guard would stand outside his queen's castle. He placed his lion arm behind his back and offered his eagle claw for a handshake. This was highly unusual for Discord to behave so... normal. It's kind of disturbing. "But I suppose I should indulge myself to say I sincerely apologize for performing such an act. Why not we forget it ever happened and let bygones be bygones."
I stared at his claw, then his face, then back to the claw. I stretched my lips to a forgiving smirk and grabbed his hand firmly in acceptance. "Tch. Sure, why not," I said, shaking my hand up and down twice.
I pulled my hand away, only to realize that I actually yanked his arm off of his body.
Both of Discord's cheeks started inflating like a puffed up pufferfish, holding back from laughing.
I cracked a wry smile and said, "Well that's disarming."