//------------------------------// // Finally At Peace // Story: All That Remains // by Draconian Soul //------------------------------// We sat at the table in the boutique quietly with the lit candle illuminating the house. I’m such an idiot, now that I think about it. She had this all planned out. Nice music, a warm, inviting candlelit dinner between friends, with only the finest cuisine set out for us. This normally would be a happy, ceremonious occasion. But of course, I had to ruin it. When she found that jar, I already knew what the rest of the day would turn out like. Just questions, and long, awkward silences. She was giving me the latter really well. We had already ordered our meals at the time, and all we had to accompany us were the records playing. Soft tunes to fit the soft atmosphere, even if it was as cold as ice. I tried to open my mouth to say something, but words failed me. What could I say. She found what I feared others finding the most. My exit from this lonely life. To this day, I wonder what she did with it. She told me to wait downstairs while she “handled the problem”, and ever since, we haven’t spoken of it. But I knew it would come up that night. Something like that doesn’t go untouched for too long. I was just sitting there, waiting for the inevitable to happen. Rarity obviously knew I was nervous. She kept a structured expression, but her looks said everything. I couldn’t look at her, not if it meant gazing into her saddened, and disappointed eyes. The chef wheeled in our two dishes on a cart. He took off his chef’s hat and levitated the silver domed plates in front of us. “Ma’am. Sir. Your meals are ready.” He started with Rarity, lifting the top from the dish, showing a nice salad with broccoli, chick peas, blue cheese crumbles, and large wedges of tomatoes, dressed with thin slices of celery. “I present to you, your salade keuken, made with the finest fresh vegetables in Equestria. I hope you enjoy, Ma’am.” Rarity placed a napkin on her lap, nodding to the chef. “Thank you, sir. I’m sure I will.” “And for you, my good dragon, I would like to present something a little different. Hopefully you enjoy it.” He pulled the lid off of my dish, revealing two desert-like pastries filled with spinach, cilantro, rubies, and emeralds, topped with amethyst and smothered with melted cheese. “I like to call this one, désir de diamant crepe. It took some time to get the recipe down pat.” “I bet you did an excellent job,” I said, trying to keep my eyes distant from Rarity. He bowed a little and wheeled the cart away. The dinner itself was looking fantastic. I wouldn’t have expected any less from Rarity. I prayed that this was what I needed to prevent the awkwardness from growing. “You sure do know how to pick them,” I said, forcing a smile. “I’ve never seen a… cripe?... as good as this before. Though I’m sure your salad will taste even better, huh Rarity?” “We’ll see.” Her answer was short and blunt, but just as venomous as her silence. She went back to eating her meal in silence, leaving me with a bitter taste in my mouth. It was official. I screwed up. I hurt her more than I was ever hurt before, all because I didn’t hide the jar. I always keep it by my side, just in case I wanted to end it. When the loneliness became too much, I could have my sanctuary. I never let Zecora know what I needed the herbs for. The only thing that she said to me about it was to be careful with it. The plant itself is lethal. All the more reason to take it. All I needed was a bowl, a crusher, and some water to make it settle. After gulping the content down, it would take effect almost immediately, putting me to sleep and working its magic so I wouldn’t wake up. I still don’t know if her finding it was a blessing or a curse yet, but in the moment, I couldn’t feel scummier. I attempted to eat the meal to not offend her or the chef, though that was a task on its own right, given the mood I was in. Even with the emptiness in my stomach, the flavor of my dinner, the one I still can’t pronounce, was flawless. My mouth danced with joy. The taste was exquisite, and unlike anything I’ve ever tasted before. It would have tasted better if Rarity was enjoying herself more. In fact, every time I looked up, I saw her slowly eating away at her salad, looking up at me occasionally. She sure did know how to make a guy feel nervous. I wanted to head tail and run, but with no leeway to do so, there was no chance in hell it was going to happen. Besides, I couldn’t leave her there, without any closure of the situation. The silence continued until we finished our meals, where she rang the table bell to signal the chef. In mere moments, he walked into the dining room, bowing to us once again. “I take it you two are finished with your meal,” he said, grabbing both of our plates. “Your glasses are also empty. Do you want me to refill them?” I looked at Rarity, then back at the chef, shaking my head. “I don’t need anymore, thanks,” I said. “I, however, wouldn’t mind another glass of wine.” I can’t say I was too surprised. I would imagine the situation at hand would give her more reason to drink. Still, normally she wouldn’t request more than one glassful. She was really drilling how much I hurt her in my skull. I would never live this one down. “Yes Ma’am,” the chef said, pouring the blood red liquid into her cup. She didn’t take any time to drink it down. Nearly half of her glass was already gone, and even more began to travel down her throat. I was the cause of this. The perfect dinner was ruined once again by my lack of foresight. “I hate to inform you two that your deserts will be delayed a little,” the chef explained. “I seemed to have miscalculated the amount of vanilla needed to make your crème brulee. If you two don’t mind the wait, this will take a little over forty minutes to get sorted out. “That’s fine,” Rarity said, scooting her chair out. “We can wait. I had something planned during this time anyway.” She pushed her seat back up and looked directly towards me, flaring her nose a little. “I shouldn’t offer this after the last incident, but I don’t like things going against a schedule. So, would you care to dance with me for a while?” After all that emotional stress I put her through, she still wanted to dance with me? I couldn’t believe it, and I didn’t deserve it. But she also didn’t deserve to be left empty hooved like that. I got out of my seat and walked towards her. I was still wary of her gaze, but I had to embrace it. “Anything for you, Rarity,” I said, bowing politely to her. I doubted this would do much to alleviate her agitation at me, and from what I saw, I was correct. She still had that stern look on her face. Fortunately, it seemed to have softened over time, so there was that. She walked towards her collection of records, skimming through them for the right tunes. She amassed a great collection of them, thanks to her sisters business. There was enough music to keep going for hours on end. Though I had a sinking feeling this wouldn’t last longer than several minutes with both of our moods. When Rarity found what she wanted, she set it on the phonograph and set the needle over it. Soon enough, the music began playing. It was soft, wistful, and carefree, something to listen to be at peace with something. As the music played, I extended my claw towards her. “Shall we dance?” She reached out with her front hoof, prompting me to grab hold. Still, not a word was spoken. Even with the music, the silence was painful. I carefully put my free hand around her sides, and began to move with the rhythm of the song. Step by step. A torturous dance to a slow tune. Our dance was almost devoid of soul and energy, the tension overriding the possible fun we could be happy. It was miserable. I couldn’t bear doing this all night with her. I needed to cut this silence. “I’m so sorry,” was the first thing that I could think to say. “I didn’t mean to hurt you like that. I know you’re mad at me, and you have every right to be, but please.” Rarity sighed, practically leading the dance. I was surprised I was able to keep up with her. It was bad enough that I wasn’t the most skilled dancer out of the bunch, but to also be emotionally drained during. The odds weren’t in my favor. Yet I still kept up with her rhythm, holding onto her. “Spike, I’m not mad. I’m just disappointed in you.” she began, causing my throat to dry out in shame. “And I’m mainly upset about you wanting to hurt yourself like that. Why haven’t you ever talked to me about it?” I shifted my eyes from her. “I didn’t want you to worry about it. You weren’t supposed to know.” “But why, Spike? You have so much life ahead of you. What would make you want to something like that to yourself?” I didn’t answer. It was taking so much energy to prevent breaking down then and there. She couldn’t know my true intentions. She didn’t deserve to carry those burdens with her. These were my problems, and mine alone. So why was I beginning to quiver? Why were my eyes threatening to tear up, and my claws clenching against her dress? Why did I need closure, comfort? “Answer me, Spike.” It was because she wanted to listen. There was no way of hiding this anymore. Everything about me was out in the open with her. Still, I wanted to be strong. I needed to do this calmly and maturely. There was no more room for screwing up. I had to be a dragon. I had to be tough. I looked up at her, and I could see her pain painted on her face. Tears were flowing down my face, and I was biting down on my lips. I’ve never cried so hard in my life before, nor did I let anyone see me during these episodes. But there I was, a broken dragon burying his face into the only mare left in his life. “I don’t want to be alone!” I cried out, nearly drowning out the music. “I can’t… I can’t live thousands of years by myself. It’s been eating away at me for years! I’ve lost my friends, one by one, and I’m going to lose you, too. I don’t want to be miserable for the rest of my life. I want…” I froze, nearly hyperventilating through my words. “I want to die with you. So I don’t have to feel alone. So I can rest alongside the rest of you. I can’t deal with this forever, Rarity. I can’t.” I buried my face deeper into her, somehow managing to keep the dance going. I was a wreck. A sobbing, miserable existence that couldn’t live with himself if my friends. That was apparent now, and she finally saw all my fears spill out. I expected nothing but ridicule for these thoughts. I would have deserved them. I felt a hoof stroke the top of my spines. My crying began to silence as her soft hoof rubbed my scalp repeatedly. “Oh, Spike, you really shouldn’t hold all of these emotions in. It’s unhealthy for you.” She didn’t respond to me the way I had expected her to. Her voice was calm and soothing. “You’ve been sad for a long time, haven’t you?” I looked up and nodded. “I can tell. I hate seeing such a close friend so depressed. I only wish you didn’t hide this from me for so long. You know you don’t have to go through this alone.” “But, I will one day.” I said. “But one day hasn’t come yet. I’m not going anywhere, Spike. I’m still alive and kicking, you know?” If only I could bring myself to believe that. I knew she was going to leave me. It was just a matter of time before her age starts to wear her down. “And even when I’m gone, you still have so much to look forward to.” “Like what?” “Well, you can learn so much during your long life. You could help so many ponies during your long life, and offer more than we could in our short lives. There is so much potential left in you. Too much for you to throw it away with that nasty herb you were going to use.” “But, I’ll be alone.” Rarity shook her head, stepping from side to side. The music still played, on and on, without a visible end. Then again, the moment seemed still, as if Luna had stopped time just for this moment. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised. The princesses always did tease me when it came down to Rarity. “No you won’t,” she refuted. “What about Lemon and Velvet Cake? They seem to take a liking to you, especially Lemon.” I never really thought about that until that point. My frown began to melt slightly, showing a face of clarity. “Yeah, Lemon sure is the eccentric one. Don’t know what the kid actually sees in me.” “I know what he sees in you,” Rarity said, smiling at me. I swear those things are contagious, because I couldn't help but smile a little myself, even if it was followed by reddened cheeks. “He sees what I see: a kind hearted dragon who is willing to put others needs before his own, who would sacrifice his own time to assist those who need it. You’re also a very loyal young dragon. Why else would you have made sure both the library and Fluttershy’s cottage stayed in tip top shape?” “Well, I suppose you’re right.” “Also, don’t you think that Luna and Celestia would be a little saddened if you decided to end your life prematurely? You still do talk to them, don’t you?” I didn’t even consider my adoptive mother. At that moment, I felt like scum for ever considering such an atrocious act. But she was right. Mom would be upset if I decided to quit instead of continuing onward. It was the one thing she always told me when I lost Twilight. You have to keep moving forward. You will lose some of the ones you love due to your lifespan, but you have to live on. If not for yourself, for them. Be happy for your friends. Man, if Mom found those herbs, it would possibly be worse than what I experienced with Rarity. “Yes, I do,” I answered. “I never did consider them though.” “Well you should. They’re just as much family as any of us were. You shouldn’t forget that.” I looked up at her, releasing a hand from her side to wipe the tears from my face. “Yeah, you’re right. I don’t know what I was thinking.” “You were scared, Spikey Wikey. That’s understandable. Being the only species to live that long must do a number on your mental health. But bottling it up like that isn’t smart.” “I know.” We continued dancing, under the pale moonlight. Would the song ever end? In the moment, I hoped it wouldn’t. “From now on, I want you to be completely honest with me. I can’t bear to see you hurt like that. You mean too much to me.” I felt my heart pound. I wouldn’t be surprised if she felt it, too. I always knew that I was a good friend to her. That was clear to anyone who saw us. However, there was something about her words, the urgency and importance of them. They meant more than mere compliments. “Rarity…” The music finally stopped. It was all too soon. Rarity released me from her grasp and walked towards her phonograph. “Hmm. I guess I didn’t get the right one,” Rarity said. “I forgot I had a sample disk thanks to Sweetie Belle.” Then, she stood still, silent. I was worried that she was going to start reminiscing about her sister, being brought into tears. “Oh, I got it!” she exclaimed, magic glowing ever so bright while she lifted up another record. “There’s a song on here that me and my husband used to dance to all the time. It is one of my favorite songs.” I smiled, nodding in agreement. “She was a very talented mare.” “She truly was.” She placed the record onto the phonograph, turning the needle on it. Rarity then turned towards me, beckoning me to come closer. “Now, shall we do this proper?” What a mare, that Rarity was. Even in my darkest hours, she knew exactly what to do to make me tick. I gave a warm smile, and walked closer to her. “Why of course. Let’s make this dance one to remember.” I had every intent on doing so. The song that we were dancing to now was upbeat yet slow at the same time. The humming in the background was soothing, but oddly lively. If Rarity wasn’t leading, I’d honestly be lost to how I was supposed to move around. And then, there was Sweetie Belle’s voice, and the lyrics she sang. I do not care about tomorrow. I only care about this moment with you here. I will always hold you dear. These lyrics, they seemed like the perfect song for a couple. So why was she playing it around me? And why was I so at peace with it? I care little about the future. I just want to spend my time with you tonight. Under the moonlight. As we danced together, I stared into her eyes. They were softer, and more radiant than I remembered. Something about her lavender pools sent my heart skipping. Maybe it was the glow of the moon that brought out her lovely figure. Maybe it was the music. It’s really easy for music to bring out emotions and feelings. But one thing was clear. My feelings were starting to come full circle. My eyes were wide, and my cheeks tinted with red. I finally realized it. I didn’t just adore her. I loved her. Just hold me close, and hold on tight. We’ll dance together throughout the night. The time means nothing when I am here with you. We’ll make the night eternal on our own. So do not worry about the end. We’ll make the best of every second that we spend. Our time together is eternal as the stars. So stay with me and my eternal glow. We continued dancing throughout the song, and then more as each one ended. She was my eternal glow, and I would dance the night away with her. That’s how I viewed it. There was no point in worrying about tomorrow. What was done today is all the more important. We held each other, dancing with each other in a loving embrace, at least I was. I was just careful to not do anything that I would regret. I already did that enough today. “Ahem!” The chef’s cough caught our attention. I had nearly forgotten that he was even in the boutique. “Ma’am. Sir. It might have taken awhile, but I have finally finished your desert.” Rarity let go of me and smiled, trotting towards the table. “Well, we might as well finish what we started, darling,” she said to me. “I’m kind of exhausted to be honest.” I followed her towards the table, noticing that there was only one of the deserts available. I scratched my head, curious to why there was only one. “Um, did you run out of ingredients?” I asked. “There’s only one, and I can’t just eat her desert.” Rarity giggled, covering her mouth with her front hoof. “Oh Spike. You know, there is a thing called sharing, silly.” “S-sharing?” I gulped loudly, which amused the chef as well as Rarity. “So, you want me to eat this with you?” “Oh come now, Spike. You’re way too young to be suffering from bad hearing.” I flustered as she winked at me. I had to look away briefly to avoid embarrassing myself completely. What a mess I was. It’s no wonder she didn’t fall for a fool like me. “Well, if you two are ready, I will light the crème brulee.” He reached into his shirt pocket, digging around. His face contorted into that of annoyance rather quickly. He pulled his hoof out and sighed. “I’m sorry you two, but I cannot light the crème brulee. I can always make something else to compensate for my foolish mistake.” I held out my claw, grinning smugly. “Or, I can take care of it.” He raised his eyebrow as I leaned over the table. Rarity smiled with giddy delight, already knowing what I was going to do. “Now, stand back. I don’t want you to get burned.” He did as he was instructed, and I stretched out, warming up for the display. Taking a deep breath, I stood focused and released flames from my mouth. They were much wider and brighter than before. I like to believe that I mastered the art. Once my flames hovered over the dish, flames began covering the top layer. I wasn’t sure if I did what I overdid it at that point, but from the look of both Rarity and the chef, I did my job perfectly. I even received a clap from Rarity, in which I humbly bowed. “Well, then that is settled,” the chef said, chuckling aloud. “I appreciate it, sir. Today is not my best day.” I waved it off. “We all have those days. It’s not a big deal at all.” We waited for the flames to die down before sharing our desert with each other. Finally, the dinner I wanted to share with her was finally happening. It was a shame it had to wait all the way to desert, but at least things started shifting in a pleasant manner. We shared jokes, I got tapped on the nose for doing impolite things with my portion of the desert, and above all else, we were having fun. I was happy. Genuine, pure happiness. Thirty minutes passed, and the chef took up the remains. He cleaned the silverware and then returned with a black book in his hoof. “Thank you for your service,” he said, opening the book and pulling out the receipt. “The collective total for tonight’s meal will be 140 bits.” I saw Rarity reach into her purse, ready to pay for the meal again. I held my claw out, refusing to let that happen yet again. “Rarity, I will take care of this one,” I said, reaching into my pockets. “You’ve already taken care of enough meals today.” “Spike, I—” “Ah ah ah! It’s impolite to refuse a gentleman offer for a big meal such as this.” Rarity stood still, shaking her head with a smile. Finally, I could pull that card on her, and it worked effectively. I wanted to do something nice for her today. She deserved it after all the crap I gave her. I pulled out a small sack. I never left the library without at least 100 bits on hand. Fortunately, I took the time to add more just in case something like this would come up. I guess it was just hopeful wishes turned into luck. I counted the bits out, then handed him the correct amount in the sack. “There you go. 150 bits. Keep the ten extra.” The chef bowed. “Thank you for your kind service, and may Celestia bless you.” I waited for him to leave before closing the door, turning towards Rarity with a smile. Now that the guest was gone, she let go of her mannerly attitude and began to yawn. Her eyes seemed to be fighting her, and I chuckled. “Well, looks like somepony is a little tired,” I taunted. Rarity rubbed her eyes and stuck a tongue out at me. “So? It’s late and I have been up all day. I deserve to be ti—” She couldn’t complete her sentence before her yawns interrupted her. I walked by her side, making sure she didn’t fall down. “You don’t have to explain anything to me, Rarity. If you’re ready to go to sleep, I’ll make sure you’re all warm and tucked.” “Oh, aren’t you sweet.” I walked by her side, leading her up the stairs and towards her room. I waited outside for her to change into her night gown, using the time to rethink the day over. What an interesting one it was. I expected the same, redundant thing to happen today, but instead, I was sent on a ride, a ride I’m glad I took. Thanks to her, I was able to appreciate things a little more. My own life especially. “Spike, it’s safe to come in now.” I opened the door, walking into her room. She had her white gown on, already lying in bed, waiting for me to finish the job. It wasn’t a required job, but I felt that a little friendly comfort wouldn’t be bad for her. I walked alongside the bed, taking the sheets and covering her body. She rustled under the sheets, smiling widely at me. “So, did you have fun today?” she asked in a drowsy fashion. I sat on the edge of the bed, smiling back at her. “You know what? I actually did,” I answered. “I truly did.” She smiled. “Good. Can’t have you being upset like you’ve been lately.” She sighed, half closing her eyes. I watched as I saw her drift, loving every moment of it. “Sorry if I can’t stay up as long as I used to.” “It’s fine. You need your rest,” I said softly. “I don’t mind. Fall asleep as soon as you need to.” I didn’t have to tell her twice. For the second time, she fell asleep on me. Her soft snores filled the room with her pleasant breath of life. I can’t explain why I love watching her sleep, but I couldn’t help it. I reached out to her, attempting to stroke her mane, but before contact I resisted, pulling back. I pressed my claws together and turned towards Rarity. She was asleep. That was good. It would be more comfortable to say what I needed to say to her this way. “Rarity, I don’t know how to say this to you any better than I’m about to,” I began, lifting myself off the bed. “All I know is that if I didn’t have you, I wouldn’t even have a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Now, thanks to you, I feel like I can actually afford to live without you. But that’s something in the future, and I should live in the now. Right now, I have a beautiful mare who supports and encourages me. I’m lucky to have somepony like you in my life. I love you Rarity, more than anything.” I got up, ready to leave the house silently. This is how it always ended. Only difference is, I confessed my true feelings to her, even though she couldn’t hear me. “I love you too, Spikey Poo.” Or so I thought. I froze in my steps, turning back at her. She was feigning her sleep the entire time. I poured my true feelings out in hopes she wouldn’t hear, and there she was. She’s a clever mare, that Rarity. Guess that’s one of the many reasons why I fell for her. I smiled and walked out of the room, leaving with a merrier expression than before. I walked home, my mind full of thoughts of the day that had gone by, and pondering what tomorrow might bring. There was still that fear lingering inside. Maybe she might not wake up in the morning. I might lose her any day now. Those were the things that still haunted me. But now, I feel like I can handle these a lot better than before. If I lose her, then I lose her. I’ll still have the memories, the fun times we shared. I’ll still have my burning love for her, and that will never change. After today, I’ll finally be able to leave these demons that have haunted me in the past. It’s all thanks to you, my Rarity. I’ll see you tomorrow.