The rain fell on me in cascades, soaking my coat in the cold liquid. Even though my raincoat had been sealed tight, it didn’t grant me any protection from the relentless torrents of water. My mane and tail had both doubled in weight, the absorbed water taking their toll as my hooves thudded against the pavement.
But I didn’t care, not even for a second. I had a goal clear in mind, a clear objective that had to be reached. So I continued walking forward, despite the endless attacks from the elements.
At one point I briefly considered casting a spell to erect a small forcefield around me to protect me from the rain, but I quickly realized that it would cost more energy than it would save me. Nevertheless, I continued moving forward, my goal fresh in mind.
I remembered just how uncomfortable the coat had been at first, seeing as how it was three sizes too small. But I can’t say that I was in any position to complain, I had just stolen it on the way out of prison after all.
Even so, it was far better than anything I had ever gotten inside the prison. Not that they gave us any clothes that is.
The only things they’d ever give us was the name tags etched onto our chests. On the first day we arrived, they came up to us, and placed a collar around our necks. After they had done that, they’d attach a number and a name to the collar, effectively showing the world who we were.
After the name tag was in place, they had one of the unicorns at the prison come up, and cast the spell the inmates called “tatoozer.” Not the best name, I know, but what can you expect from inmates?
The point of this spell was to meld the collar and the name tags into our skin, turning the text on the nametag into a tattoo, while making the collar unremovable. With this in place everypony could see that we were inmates, and they had a collar on our necks that they could attach a chain too.
It’s almost as if we’d been branded, but unlike branding, this tattoo could be removed. That is, it could be removed if you got pardoned from your crimes and released from prison.
But I was sentenced to life in prison, and I had just broken out, so there’s no way I’d ever get rid of this tattoo. Everypony would be able to see what I was, so I needed something to cover myself up with.
So, on the way out I grabbed the closest coat I could find. Too bad it was the janitor’s rain-coat, that guy is bucking small. Furthermore, I’m allergic to wool, and guess what this thing’s made of?
Wool. Buck my life.
It’s funny isn’t it? How I complain about a small, itchy coat, but not the fact that I’ve been sentenced to life in prison, and branded as a criminal for the whole world to see.
Still, it’s not all that bad, as I plan on returning to the prison once my quest is completed. I’ve made some friends in there, and honestly, I miss them.
Well, they’re not exactly friends, they’re just too small to fight back when I mount them, but that’s irrelevant.
My point is that my life is within those walls. The outside world has evolved into something different and strange since the last time I was out here. I can’t live out here.
Hell, now we have four princesses and an empire just to the north! There’s no way I’m capable of living in this world, but I should know enough to complete my task.
“Mom, did you see that?” A voice called out to my left.
I had been so caught up in my thoughts that I hadn’t noticed that I might’ve been seen in the thunderstorm. It hadn’t been a problem out on the road leading up to Ponyville, but inside the town I had to be careful.
With this in mind, I quickly leaped into the nearest bush, trying to hide from the prying eyes of foals and mothers.
“It’s probably nothing, just ignore it.” A feminine voice answered.
“But I saw somepony out in the rain, mom!” The first voice replied.
“Don’t worry about it,” the second voice began, “there’s nothing out here. Look! Can you see anypony out here?” From my improvised hiding spot I couldn’t see much of what happened, and the rain didn’t help much either, but I could see that the mare held out her hoof at the last part of the sentence.
The foal then looked in my direction, and glared at my bush for several seconds before turning around. “Yeah, you’re probably right, mom.”
With that sentence, they both continued their trot, heading towards whatever they had to go too. Knowing them, it was probably a warm home, with a nice bed, and a good cup of tea.
My cell was actually very similar. It was also warm, but that’s because everyone constantly broke into fights. I didn’t have a nice bed though, but that didn’t matter, seeing as how I always fell asleep on top of my cellmate.
“Oh god, I miss him already. I have to finish up quick, and return to Pink Sugar! The school is not far off!”
Filled with motivation, I jumped out of the bush, and galloped in the direction I thought lead to Ponyville Elementary School.
I galloped like this for several minutes, but I didn’t arrive at the school. Stomping in place, I came to the conclusion that the school had moved since the last time I was out of prison. It made sense, I hadn’t been outside for twenty years.
Realizing that my quest had been in vain, I decided to trot back to the prison. As I turned around, a newspaper came flying on the wind and hit my face.
Pulling off the newspaper, I couldn’t help myself from reading the headlines.
PARASPRITES RAMPAGING MANEHATTEN! CARROT FARMER LOST HARVEST, THEN PROCEEDED TO BEAT UP A HOMELESS PEGASUS WITH THE LAST CARROT!
Deeming it worthless, I threw the newspaper off to the side. I never took my eyes off of it however, so when it flew up in the air, I got a full view of its destruction as it got hit by lightning.
Normally, I wouldn’t bother telling this, but as it got hit, the light from the thunderstrike illuminated the nearby area. During this split second, I noticed a single house, built alone on a meadow.
From what little I had seen of it in that one second of thunder, I realized that it was the one thing I had been looking for all along.
The school.
With renewed energy, I galloped towards the school whilst preparing my bowels for what was to come.
When I arrived before the school, I realized just how lucky I had been when I saw it for that split second. If I had been standing at any other place, or watched it from any other angle, I would’ve missed it.
But yet here I was, standing before the school with my bowels screaming for release. I couldn’t have been more lucky. Not only had I noticed the school, but I had also eaten my cellmate Pink Sugar’s food rations. The stage was set, and everything was prepared.
Looking for a way in, I noticed the there was rows of windows at the side of the building. With a little bit of magic, I used a rock to clear out one of these windows, effectively clearing an opening for myself.
When I entered the school, I couldn’t help but notice how warm it was inside. The teachers really cared about their pupils, seeing as how they would keep the school warm during a thunderstorm.
Clearing my head, I looked around; searching for the blackboard. “I need to find it, it has to be here. If it’s not here, then the entire journey will have been in vain!”
That’s when I saw it. It nailed to the backwall, taking up all of the room, ensuring that everypony could see it at all times. It was perfect.
Walking up to the blackboard, I prepared my bowels for what was to come. “This is great, I can finally have my revenge on my exwife! That pesky schoolteacher made my life a living hell! Now I’m finally here, in her daughters school! Everything’s set and ready, and my bowels are prepared and waiting. They say revenge is a dish best served cold, but I disagree. I say revenge is a turd best left hot and smoking!”
And with that I bent over on the teacher’s desk, aiming my flank towards the blackboard. After ensuring my aim was perfect, I unleashed the kraken.
It was a glorious sight. Because it flew out in groups I could move my flank around, allowing me to hit all of the blackboard with my fabulous excrement.
Once I had emptied my bowels, I jumped up on the desk and turned around as to get a better view of the newly painted piece of art. But I couldn’t see it clearly, it was too dark.
“Silly me, why don’t I just use my magic to illuminate the room?”
And with that, I charged up my horn, allowing light to enter the dark room.
But it still felt like something was missing. I had turned the blackboard into a brownboard, but it wasn’t enough. It didn’t feel like a school, so my revenge wasn’t completed.
I quickly realized that the only thing I had to do was to write something on the brownboard, so I charged up my horn once more, and carved out some letters in the loose crust.
I still remember how good it felt to have written those words on it, the satisfaction that flowed throughout the entirety of my being.
But who can blame me? After all, what words could better express my feelings than those?
BUCK SKOOL!