“Well, well, well...what have we here?” Discord said malevolently.
“Nothing that concerns you, Discord!” Luna spat out.
“Oh, but my little Dashie here has the most chaotic minds I’ve seen in generations...and chaos is such a terrible thing to waste!” Discord then snapped his fingers, causing Rainbow Dash to disappear.
Luna looked shocked. “What have you done with her!?”
“Oh, nothing untoward, if that’s what you’re thinking…” Discord said as he wrapped around Luna like a boa constrictor. Luna teleported away.
“Return her before her mind is completely destroyed!”
Discord raised an eyebrow at that. “Why ask me when that is up to you?”
Luna said, “What do you mean, Discord?”
Discord laughed. “Well, you see, Rainbow Dash’s mind appeared to have snapped already. What you saw was but a shade of her fractured psyche.”
Luna’s eyes widened in horror.
Discord then giggled. “However, it’s snapped among the multiverse…It’s amazing she was able to stave off ego death for that long. She truly is the most arrogant mare in all of Equestria.”
“The multiverse? How is that even possible?”
Discord chuckled as he crossed his arms. “Every story is but a dream in the mind of its wordsmith, is it not?” he said while affecting a mischievous grin. Luna nodded uneasily at that, vaguely aware of the implications of what Discord was suggesting. “Now with your permission...I’d like to play a game…”
Luna steeled her gaze at the draconequus. “State your terms, Discord.”
Discord chortled while doing a loop-de-loop. “Guess which universe she’s from, and you can get your Dashie back!”
Luna nodded. “That shouldn’t be any trouble.”
Discord guffawed. “Oh, you have no idea how varied the multiverse is, my dear Loonie…” and Discord began to sing.
Was she as a young foal found
In a box sat upon the ground
By a hairless ape that sounds
So dreadfully masochistic?
“That doesn’t sound right…”
Or perhaps there was a situation
Among the various Equus nations
That led to a magic detonation
Whose scope was apocalyptic?
“Not that, either…”
Or maybe she cried out with much zeal
To her troops with much appeal
“Thunder and Lightning, Wings and Steel!”
And helped slay the puppet Titan?
Or maybe she’s known as Supermare
And stops crime in magic underwear
Where her gaze has such a burning stare
Which she uses while she’s fightin’?
Or maybe she’s tried to build
A giant robot, though unskilled
Where she’s almost gotten herself killed
By a rampaging Angel Bunny?
Or maybe under Daymare Sun
She’s a bandit on the run
Where she isn’t having any fun
And she’s got so little money?
“None of those sound familiar..”
Perhaps I should speak with clarity
When I present my next tip
For what I’m about to tell you, dear
has everything to do with ships
“Ships?
“Relationships, my dear Luna.” Discord said as he kissed Luna, her retching at the unwanted intrusion.
“Now for my Shipping reprieve!”
Rainbow shipped with Cheerilie
And then she turns out Harshwinny
Takes a stab at Fluttertree
And then she goes for Big Mac
Dashie lusts after sweet Pinkie
Then takes a turn with her Twily
And after that bangs out Shiny
And goes with Applejack
And then she goes for Flash Sentry
And then she turns out Rarity
And then Fleur de Lise and DJ-PON3
And then hits some of that Derpy
And then the Great and Powerful Trixie
And then Tavi, and even me!,
And CelestDash, Cadash, Lundash, SinkDASH!
“And just because I oughta…”
I must not forget the lovely lark
When Pinkie removes her wings and Cutie Mark
And then flows through her quite a spark
And she then proceeds to bake
An assortment of lovely cupcakes
Made from her internal organs!
“Definitely NOT any of those…” Luna said, retching at that last one.
Discord smirked. “Fine, then. Tell me the most important diverging point, and I’ll see if I can narrow it down.”
Luna shook her head. “Well, Twilight discovered the recipe for Lysergsäure-diethylamid in Starswirl the Bearded’s journal and Twilight and Rainbow Dash ingest some.”
Discord tapped his chin, musing for a second. “I think I’ve zeroed in on the dreamer...was it accidental?”
Luna nodded. “Yes, on both counts.”
“Is there an ancient evil named Sephiroth?”
Luna shook her head. “No.”
“Does the name Syko ring a bell?”
Luna looked uncertain. “I don’t recall anypony by that name.”
Discord looked up. “Does Shining Armor engage in carnal relations with Flash Sentry behind Cadance’s back?”
Luna looked shocked. “Most certainly not!”
“Does Angel Bunny try to steal cider with the help of the animals?”
“I’m not sure, but that rabbit’s a bastard in any universe.”
Discord nodded, then snapped his fingers. Rainbow Dash appeared, apparently unharmed. Luna nodded. “Thank you for keeping to your word, Discord.”
Discord smirked. “I wouldn’t be very reformed if I didn’t, now would I?”
Luna nodded, then took Dash under her wing. “See you on the outside, Discord.”
Discord waved as Luna blinked.
----
Celestia was worried. Luna usually didn’t have to dive in this long to pull a pony out. She had set the sun already, glad that tonight was a new moon.
Twilight looked up at Celestia. “Are they ok?”
Celestia shook her head. “I...don’t know, Twilight. Starswirl wasn’t down for this long before his mind was completely gone. We’ll just have to wait and see.”
As soon as she finished, Rainbow Dash opened her eyes, followed by Luna. Rainbow Dash sat up and scratched the back of her neck. “Hey, girls.”
“DASHIE!” Everypony except Applejack screamed as they rushed their now awake friend, wrapping her up in a big group hug.
“Ok...guys...can’t...breathe…” Dash choked out. They quickly pulled away. Applejack then approached Rainbow Dash. She looked her in the eyes, then slapped her across the face.
“OW! What the hay was that for!?”
Applejack started tearing up. “That was fer making me worried sick ‘bout you. DON’T you EVER do anything like that again!” Rainbow Dash blushed as Applejack suddenly hugged her. “I was so worried, Dashie…”
Rainbow Dash patted Applejack on the back. “Yeah, but we always get out of things like this ok in the end, so I wasn’t really worried. Plus, I had Luna to help me. Isn’t that right?”
Luna sat up and nodded. “Yes, she did. Although I couldn’t have saved her if it weren’t for Discord,” she muttered under her breath.
Celestia raised an eyebrow. “Discord?” she whispered.
“I’ll tell you later.” Celestia nodded.
Twilight then walked up to Applejack and prodded her on the shoulder. “Applejack?”
Applejack disengaged Rainbow Dash and turned to Twilight. “Yessum?”
Twilight looked down. “Well, Applejack, I’m...sorry for what I put you through.”
Applejack smirked. “No need fer that. Like Dashie said, this is just another day fer us.”
Twilight shook her head. “It wasn’t for you. That scream you belted out...I could taste the sorrow and smell the utter despair.”
Applejack raised an eyebrow. “Scuse me?”
Twilight shook her head again. “I didn’t expect you to understand...what I’m trying to say is...that you almost broke because of events I unwittingly set in motion, although a certain mare whose name I need not mention really shouldn’t drink out of unlabeled containers in my lab.”
Applejack chuckled. “Ya sure ya don’t mean yer larval form’s lab.” Twilight blushed.
“Look, I was really messed up when I said that stuff…”
“You seemed quite serious to me, with all that talk about your return being prophesied by the creepy-crawlies beneath the earth…” Celestia joined in with a chortle. Twilight turned a delightful shade of russet at that.
“Can I still be your head chef?” Pinkie asked.
Twilight shook her head. “If I recall correctly, you’re Queen Twiworm’s head chef...and seeing as how that pony isn’t here anymore, I guess you’re out of luck.”
Pinkie looked sad. “Awwww…”
Rarity said, “Well, now that this tomfoolery is done with, I suggest we never speak of it again.”
“What do you mean...Nightmare Rarity?” Fluttershy of all ponies joked, which shocked everypony, “The real nightmare was that paisley mauve dress you made for Twilight!”
Everypony laughed at that.
Rarity looked flustered. “I made that to the customer’s exact specifications! I feel no shame in a job well done!” She said before looking at what Twilight was wearing, shuddering at the sight of it. “Ok, maybe a little shame.”
Celestia giggled at that. “Well, as invigorating as this all was, I’m glad it’s all over. Come on, Luna, let’s return home.”
Luna nodded and stood next to her sister. “Let’s.” With that, they teleported out of the library.
Rainbow Dash then said, “Remember a while back when we found all of our pets in Pinkie’s basement?”
Everypony stared at Rainbow Dash liked she had grown an extra head.
“No, can’t say I do…” Applejack said.
Pinkie tapped her chin with her hoof. “I’d say I’d remember something like that.”
Rainbow stared at Pinkie and Applejack. “I swear that happened recently…”
“Maybe the LSD is still affecting your brain…” Fluttershy said.
Rainbow Dash looked flustered. “If you say so. But I remember it clear as day…”
“There’s just one thing I don’t understand about all of this…” Twilight said, “is how I was under the effects when the synthesis wasn’t even done.”
Applejack cut in with, “Well, another problem, another day!” and rushed out, everypony following.
“Hmmph.” Twilight mused as she headed towards her room.
“Hehehe…”
Twilight snapped her head around, sure that she had heard laughing. “Spike?” She saw nopony or nodragon behind her, though. She then sighed and walked up to her room.
Sensing the coast was clear, Discord snapped into view in the library.
“Well, that was a most entertaining story, if I do say so myself!” Discord said gleefully. “I wonder what’s in store for our little ponies next!” and snapped out.